All the Wild Horses
by elusivetwilight
Summary: In her suffocating small hometown, Bella Swan meets widowed Edward Cullen. Can she pull him from the depths of his grief? Is there enough of him left to soothe her clawing loneliness? AUAH E&B.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Mrs Meyer owns all the Twilight stuff.**

**Thanks as always to lambcullen and snshyne for beta and pre-reading. They keep me from scrapping the lot and crying in the corner.**

**And thanks to you, gentle reader.**

**This story was inspired the song _All the Wild Horses_, by Ray LaMontagne.**

* * *

BPOV

I never really got why they called it a small town.

Sure, the actual town part was small. But we did have a Wal-Mart. And a McDonald's. There's a honky tonk or two, a motel, a few local businesses, and the place where I work.

McCarty's Ranch Supply Store, proudly serving the community since Old Man McCarty set himself up in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere, USA.

His son ran the store now, Mister McCarty, or Emmett, as he insisted on being called, adding, _Mister McCarty is my dad_. He's a great boss.

We sold everything from tools and basic hardware, until a couple years back the store was expanded to a small repair garage for farming equipment. We also sell feed and seed.

I worked behind the parts counter mostly, and knew all the ranchers in the county, as I'd seen them in the store from time to time. When I had started, they'd seemed surprised to see a girl behind the counter, as if plaid and cowboy boots were exclusive to the Boy's Club that is the ranching world. I won them over, usually, to the point where my nametag didn't matter anymore, as Bella had transitioned to sweetheart, honey, and sugar.

The door tinkled, it was our first customer since we'd reopened after New Year's. I'd taken down the Christmas tinsel, and the store seemed oddly bare now without all of the cheerful decorations.

I straightened behind the counter, and squiggled the mouse over the pad to make sure the computer was alive and awake.

I pursed my lips as I saw who it was that'd walked through the door.

It was Edward Cullen, who owned a horse ranch out by Route 101. He was quiet, and didn't engage in chit chat. His wife had died a few years ago, in a horrible accident. In the back office, there are pictures of him, from before the accident. They were group photos taken at the annual Rancher's Ball; and I remember him standing beside his pretty wife, smiling.

I watched him amble towards me, glancing at the shelves on either side of him. It was like looking at a different man.

Gone were the fancy duds and polished shiny belt buckle. They were replaced with old jeans and a padded plaid jacket. His expensive boots that shined, even in the photo, were replaced with worn looking work boots. The once clean shaven jaw was hidden under a growth of beard, and his hair was shaggy, hanging over his ears from where it peeked out of his old Stetson.

Most of all, were his eyes. That had to be the biggest contrast. They seemed incredibly haunted, but somehow empty. They were piercing when he settled them on anyone, as if it was painful for him to look them in the eye.

He made his way back to the parts counter, where I was currently set up. I attempted a smile, but knew that it wouldn't be returned. It wasn't out of nastiness, and I wondered if he was just lonely.

"What can I do for you, Mr Cullen?"

He looked up, and there were those spring green eyes looking into mine, and I tried not to react. My entire body jolted, and I concentrated on breathing. Eyes that pretty shouldn't be on a man.

"I ordered a crankshaft a week ago. Has it come in?"

His voice was quiet, but the deep timbre sank into me.

I struggled to recover, "Um, I'll just check for you. Do you have your order number handy?"

He handed me a small slip of paper, his tan work roughened hand catching my eye, his long fingers nearly brushing mine.

_Oh my God, _work_, girl! _

I jotted the number down before punching it into the computer. The order came up with a green box next to it, which meant it was somewhere in the back.

"We sure do, gimme a sec, while I jump back and get it."

I got up, and my boots made an ominous clicking sound in the quiet store. I stepped into the back area where we kept the smaller deliveries. The ceiling was high, and lit by motion detected sensors. I stood a moment while the fluorescent lights buzzed on. It was a forest of freestanding rows of metal shelves, painted in an aqua blue. The shelves were labeled and organized by number, and they held odds and ends.

I found the shelf I was looking for, and reached for the part. Making sure it matched the order number, I walked out of the room quickly. It always gave me the creeps when I was in the store by myself.

He stood waiting, his eyes caught on the board where we let locals place their flyers and adds. His eyes had gone that glazed way, I could see he was totally lost in thought. I startled him slightly with my return, and watched him visibly regroup.

Sitting back down in front of the computer, I printed off a receipt for him.

"It says here you've already paid. Do you want this in a bag?"

He shook his head absently, avoiding my gaze. I handed the part to him, so he was forced to look at me. His face was still handsome, even hidden underneath all that fuzz, and I briefly wondered what he would look like up close, clean shaven.

This time, our fingers brushed against each other as I handed him his purchase, my soft skin against his rough palm. His green eyes pierced into mine, I saw something flicker, before he tucked it back down again.

"Thanks," he mumbled, and then turned to walk away. I couldn't tear my eyes from his retreating back, and wondered vaguely if he knew just how sexy his walk was. It was lazy and loose, and the swing of his backside in those jeans made me want to hook my thumbs through his belt loops.

I sighed, and went back to the stock order I should be entering. Mentally muttering to myself that I didn't need anymore projects in my life.

An hour later, I looked up again as the front door tinkled. I smiled, recognizing the footsteps of sneakered feet.

A face peeked around the corner, and she waved at me, tying her shop apron on.

Leah was my best friend, and partner in crime. I got up from my perch behind the parts counter, it was quiet enough in the shop that I could give her a hand. The door always tinkled when customers came in anyways.

I walked over to where she was bringing out a stock delivery in a wire cage, and had stopped in front of the shelves. Pulling out her box knife, she opened the boxes for motor oil.

Leah was the daughter Harry Clearwater, and her father's handsome Native American features transferred prettily into her petite face. Her eyes were dark and almond shaped, her straight nose gave her face a proud look, and her full lips were glossy this morning.

I picked up a box and went to the other end of the shelf.

She smiled at me, "How was your New Year's?"

"It was pretty good. Daddy had to work, so it was just Momma and me. We baked cookies, watched the ball drop in Times Square, and drank a bottle of pink sparkling wine. What about you?"

"Sam had his brothers over and they ended up wrestling all over the house. I could have killed them, but they ended up killing each other."

Leah's fiancé, Sam, taught at the local High School, and coached the football team. He led us all the way to State Champs this season, and was pretty much the local hero at the moment. They had a pack of boys, and along with Leah and Sam's large extended family made for a warm atmosphere whenever I had ever been over to Leah's. Which was frequently, to watch their brood to give Leah and Sam the night off.

The boys called me Aunt Bella, and hung all over me until I eventually collapsed on the couch.

"How is your dad feeling?" I asked, worried about Harry's heart scare at Thanksgiving.

Leah's face grimaced, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink low fat."

I reached for a bottle of oil from my box, "Have they changed his medication at all?"

She nodded as she placed the plastic bottles of oil on the shelf in front of her, "Yeah, but he has to put in the effort as well, know what I mean?"

I sighed, "Yeah. I keep yelling at Daddy about his health, but he just grumbles back at me."

Leah rolled her eyes, "Men."

The door jingled as it was pushed open, and an icy blast of January air whistled in behind whoever had entered the store.

"Hello? Bells? Leah?"

We looked at each other as Emmett's large frame came around the corner and found us in the aisle, "Guess what? Rose had twins!"

His handsome face was nearly split in two by his wide boyish grin, and his dark hair curled around his face. His eyes sparkled a cobalt blue as he held up pictures. A red faced little boy in a blue cap, and a matching girl in a pink cap. The boy was named Emmett (the fourth) and the little girl Mary Jo.

They were perfect, and Emmett couldn't be any prouder.

He shoved cigars at us, not even caring that we would probably never smoke them, and I turned mine in my hands, to see that the babies names were printed on the cellophane.

Emmett didn't stay long, he wanted to get back to the hospital, but he wanted to check on us to make sure we were OK.

The rest of the day went without interruption, I finished inputting the last of the orders, and Leah and I chatted on and on while we stocked what was there. I locked up, set the alarm, and jingled the keys as I walked out to my car. The parking lot was deserted, and the flat landscape seemed to glow in the moonless night, the white blanket of snow everywhere making the air thin and the landscape bleak and lifeless.

I noticed my truck had chains on the tires, that had to be Daddy's doing while I was in the shop. They were going to help getting in tonight, the roads looked really bad.

Snow began to fall again as I got into the car and warmed the engine of my pickup. Daddy and Momma had saved for it to give to me as a graduation present. It was an old Ford Ranger, 1996, and a deep purple color that sparkled when the truck was clean and polished.

The drive home was slow, as the roads which had been salted were still really icy, and I struggled to see through the snow. Luckily living in this town, I could drive home blindfolded, which is what it seemed like tonight. The eerie silence got to me, and I turned on the radio, and caught the middle of _Suds In the Bucket. _

The song finished, and the woman DJ came on, her smoky voice soothing.

_Them Suds In the Bucket are gonna be frozen tonight. It is well below freezing, and if you're out on the roads, you be careful, cuz that snow is refreezing as real nasty ice. County officials state they've salted the main roads, but we all know those back roads are a son of a gun in this weather. Quick break, and then I'll be playing more of your country favorites…_

The radio droned on with commercials, and I turned it down to concentrate on the roads.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and it was visible steam in the cold air, as I pulled into my apartment complex, and parked. Grabbing my purse off the seat, I trudged up the stairs, trying to get rid of the majority of the snow from the bottom of my boots.

I arrived at my door, and jingled the keys. Pulling my glove off with my teeth, I unlocked the door and flicked on the hall light. Heat hit me, and I silently thanked Jesus and my Dad for thinking to put a timer on my heating.

A light meow echoed from the end of the hall, and my black cat Shadow sat in the middle of the floor. Her yellow eyes sparkled like coins in the light, and her tail twitched in annoyance that I was slightly late.

"Sorry your majesty, but someone has to earn the moola around here to keep you in that expensive stuff you like."

I shut the door with my boot, and reached behind me to lock it as I pulled my other glove off with my teeth. I stuffed them in my coat pocket, before shrugging out of my coat, and hung it up on the coat peg. My matching hat and scarf following it.

The phone rang as I stepped into the kitchen, and I picked it up on the third ring, "Hello?"

"Bella, did you have any trouble on the roads?"

"I was fine, Momma. Daddy put chains on my tires while I was in the shop. Tell him I said thanks."

I filled the teakettle with water, and placed it on the stove as momma chatted on in my ear for a little bit.

She started to fade so I interrupted her, "Oh! The McCarty's had twins. Did you hear?"

That launched Ma into more small town chat, and I'd heard about every illness, birth, and major birthday of all my neighbors in a five mile radius, while I pulled out a teabag from the canister and dangled the little string over the side of the mug.

The kettle started to whistle, and I pulled it off the heat.

"That sounds like your tea, Baby. I won't keep you. Love you!"

"Love you too, Momma."

I poured hot water into my mug and absently watched the teabag dive into the depths of the mug. I decided to leave it for a bit, as I preferred this brand strong.

My feet were frozen in my boots, and I went into the bedroom to pull them off. I dug in my sock drawer, looking for my comfy house socks. They were a huge thick pair of stretchy cotton, and way better than any slippers. I ended up digging at the very bottom, and as I pulled them out, something flat fluttered to the floor.

I picked it up and turned it over, and my stomach lurched at the sight. It was a picture. The kind of picture that you remember posing for, remember smiling, remember thinking this moment is going to last forever.

And it really lasts for the moment that flash pops, and you're slightly blinded for the briefest of moments. Even after, when your eyes are still recovering, your mind is full of the belief that people will always love you, and you'll always love them.

I crumbled the old photo in my hand and shoved it back under the socks, so I wouldn't have to look at the smiling faces of a couple with stars in their eyes.

I shut the drawer with my hip and opened another drawer to pull out a warm set of pj's. I undressed and pulled them on, and sat down on my bed to shove my socks on.

I moved back through my small apartment to the tiny kitchen area, and pulled out a can of food for Shadow.

"And tonight, Ma'amselle, for your dining pleasure it's Lamb avec gravy." I picked up Shadow's dish, and mixed the contents into the bowl. She meowed loudly behind me, and wove her lithe little body between my legs, her tail swooshing towards my knees.

I looked down at her, and she moved, so I could step back and place her dish on the floor.

I set it down, she sniffed at it, and turned her face away, stalking back towards the living room in a pout.

"Oh for goodness sake, Shad, we both know you're going to come back here and eat it once it's lights out."

I picked up my tea, and pulled out a cookie from the jar. Stalking towards the living room, I crumpled onto the couch that was slightly too big for this apartment. I had picked it out for my apartment when I had lived in Spokane.

I thought I had left small town life behind, even though my co-worker Ben had called me Smalls. I had worked at a small accountancy firm, and they had taken me on and trained me after I left college life with my degree. After two years, the company went belly up, and I suddenly couldn't afford my apartment, or anything else. I couldn't find anywhere else that was taking on graduates, and so I had to pack up what I could and head home.

This couch, and that lamp on the table were the only things that had come with me. And Shadow, who was adjusting to small town and my smaller apartment.

Luckily Emmett had needed a book keeper for his store, and I had the qualifications. It was nowhere near my big city salary, but it was better than living with my parents.

My mind wandered back to the crumpled picture at the bottom of my sock drawer. I tried to forget it, tried not to remember the happy youthful faces in the old prom photo.

It was Under the Sea themed, the whole prom, and it really had looked underwater, with papier-mâché kelp and the disco ball set up in the school gym, which made the walls sparkle like tiny schools of fish.

That night, when I went to bed, I dreamt that I was drowning, my dress wet and heavy, pulling me under. The sea was a weird color green. A spring green, that seemed filled with indefinable shadows.

* * *

**A/N**

**This should update regularly on Friday. That's the plan.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N

Thank you for the amazing response last chapter! It's always daunting posting that first chapter.

Thanks as always to my betas and pre-reader Lambcullen and Snshyne. Their help keeps me going and make everything you read possible.

* * *

It's Feburary 12th, a few days before Valentine's, and Emmett allowed me to put up little red hearts in the back office. I sat in front of the computer, going through receipts and invoices, before filing them away. The lighting is fluorescent and the fixture needed dusting. I catalogued that in the back of my mind for later on. The office was on old wood paneled room at the back of the building. It was perpetually cold, and I kept a sweater in here for colder mornings, like this morning. Emmett and I shared this office, shared the desk, and I generally had to come in and clean the desk off after he'd been in. It looked like a grizzly had been in here, sometimes.

Emmett also tended to doodle, and the desk mat was littered with small rough sketches of 3D objects, stick figures, and cars. They made me smile, and I was loathe to throw it out and replace it with a fresh one.

I nibbled on my lower lip as I stared at the computer screen in front of me. I was almost finished reconciling this month's accounts, when Emmett stepped into the office. I held up a finger, asking him to wait while I finished entering in data.

He settled himself in the chair in front of the desk, and closed his eyes. His usually handsome face looked exhausted.

I looked up from the computer screen, "Tired, bossman?"

His hand rubbed over his face, and he opened his eyes, "Yeah. The twins are on alternating sleep patterns. It's a twenty four hour job. I'm trying to help Rose as best I can."

"Maybe you should sneak a nap back here. I'm almost done anyways." I saved where I was and closed down the accounting program.

Emmett straightened at that prospect, "But what if you-"

I stood up from the chair and took off my sweater, straightening my pink and black patterned flannel shirt.

"Shut up and nap back here. I'll even let you put your feet on my desk," I smiled at him, and he blinked his bleary blue eyes at me. There was something boyishly handsome about his face, even though he looked so tired.

His hand scratched his stubbled jaw, and he stood up to take my place in the chair behind the desk. Yawning he said, "Thanks, Bells. I owe you one."

I smiled, "Yeah yeah…just don't snore too loudly."

I watched as he sat down, and propped his boots on my desk. The chair groaned under his weight when he leaned back, and the first snore could be heard as I closed the door behind me. I shook my head, hearing the horrible sawing sound echo behind me, as I walked down the hallway towards the shop floor.

When I reached the parts counter, the door tinkled, and I quickly opened the partition to stand behind it, folding the piece of counter on hinges back into place.

Looking up to see who had walked in, I felt my heart plummet.

All six foot five of handsome bronze muscle, jeans, and leather jacket walked through the store, boots clomping over the floor tile. The ceiling seemed too bright, and the local radio station played country music over the loud speaker and I wanted to turn it off.

I plastered a fake smile on my face while he came forward. I wasn't sure if he felt obligated to say hi to me or what, but there he was, standing there in front of me.

"Hi Jake," I said, probably too brightly.

A funny look crossed his face as he answered, "Hey Bells."

Then my _favorite_ part of the conversation started; we always had the same one whenever we met.

There was the long pause of awkward silence where neither of us really had much to say. We verbally danced around the fact that he knows how my boob feels in his large palm, and I try not to remember exactly what he tastes like.

He cleared his throat, "How you doin?"

I shrug my shoulders, "Same old. How's your wife?"

_I should probably ask how he is, but I'm trying not to care about him._

He shuffled uncomfortably on his feet, "Still really pregnant."

_Stab me in the gut, why don't you? _

I take a deep breath, and look him right in the eye, trying not to let him and all our history together bother me.

"You must be really happy, Jake." I try to keep that smile on my face, but it falters, and he sees it before I pick it back up again. He knows it's torturing me, he still feels bad for what happened, but I can't fault him for being so happy.

He stuffs his hands into his black winter coat, and looks anywhere but my face as he mumbles a quick good bye and makes a quick getaway towards the aisle for plumbing and pipe supplies.

I sit down at the parts desk, and try not to lose it. My chest aches, as if it happened all over again, that day when I came home from college to find out my high school sweetheart was someone else's.

It had hurt, badly. The worse part was, he was so genuinely happy. Like really crazy in love happy. He'd never smiled like that with me.

Momma had always told me not put all my eggs in the one basket, but what did she know?

My life was going to be perfect:

I would graduate high school, go to college, get married to Jake, and we would have loads of kids.

I had placed so much of my time on that plan, working hard in college, coming home at the weekends. Jake was younger than me, but he had seemed older. We had always been together, our father's were best friends.

They were, at least.

Jake's Dad was head of the Council for the local Native American Heritage Association. Daddy has been the county sheriff for a number of years, and the two of them sometimes moved in the same circles. When they weren't moving in those circles, they could usually be found out on the local lake, fishing together.

That had changed, of course, as soon as Jake had found Emily. Daddy and Billy Black's friendship dwindled to passing acquaintance, and in a county this large, there wasn't much passing going on.

The same year I graduated from the State University, Jake made Emily his wife. That same year, he opened up his mechanic shop in town, and his business took off. Two years later, he and Emily were expecting their first child.

And I have a college degree, a small cramped apartment, and a cat.

And as for Emily, I wanted to hate her, but she was so nice. She helped in the community, did volunteer work, and ran a small drama club at the local high school.

I was so lost in thought, I didn't realize Jake had left, and Leah was waving her hand in front of my face.

"Earth to Bella, can you read me? Hellooooo?"

I blinked, and straightened behind the counter, "Sorry, hun. I didn't even realize you were standing there."

Leah raised a dark eyebrow at me, "Yeah, I got that. I saw Jake in here, and thought I'd come back to see if you were OK."

Leah, along with everyone else in our town, knew the circumstances I'd found myself in, and it had been a great source of interest in the quiet town about the Sheriff's Daddy's Girl and the scandalous way Jacob Black broke her heart.

Yeah, even the cattle I pass in the morning on my way to work still have that pitying look in their eyes.

I sighed, "Yeah, I'm fine. Sometimes, I just feel really claustrophobic being back here."

"Sweetie, why don't you come over for dinner tonight? We can-"

I shook my head, interrupting her, "I can't. I'm sorry, I just need some space."

Leah nodded in understanding, and even in her eyes, I saw _that _look.

I wanted to scream.

Leah said something about the front register, and I sat back down behind the counter, processing orders that had been placed during the day.

When it hit five, I went back to the office, knocking lightly on the door.

"Emmett?"

He was still softly sleeping in the chair. I went over and gently shook him, but jumped a mile high when he woke with a start.

"What? Where am I? Where's the twins?"

I chuckled at him, "Emmett, I'm leaving for the day. I thought you should know. All the orders are done, and Lauren is here covering the front."

Emmett stretched while I filled him in, and stood up, his lower hand at his back.

"God, I'm so stiff. What time is it?" He looked at his watch, "Bella, go on and git, before those roads ice over out there."

I pulled on my coat from where it hung on the coat rack, and shoved my gloves on too. Grabbing my purse, I made a quick getaway. Leah finished the same time as me, and I waved at her as she pulled out of the parking lot.

Walking over to my truck, the door chimed as I opened it and stepped up into the interior. I keyed the ignition and slowly back out of my spot, fastening my seat belt as I palmed the wheel.

I needed to stop at the grocery store first, for various odds and ends. I drove slowly, as the late afternoon sun painted pinks and oranges and indigos across the sky.

It was still so cold out, and the ground was still covered in snow. The bleak death of winter still had a firm grasp of the landscape and tiny town.

I pulled into the grocery parking lot, and found a spot near the front.

Grabbing a cart, I shuffled through the aisles, not in any hurry. I walked through the produce, and the Granny Smith apples looked too nice to pass by. I bought enough to bake two pies, thinking Momma and Daddy would appreciate one. I would need more cinnamon than I had at home, and I was nearly out of coffee as well. I mentally made a list, my brain waking up from the haze it had been in since this afternoon.

I eventually made it up to register, and chatted with the check out girl, who I had gone to high school with.

"Hey Bella, that's a lot of apples you got there. Making something?"

I attempted a smile at Angela, even though I really didn't feel like it.

"Yeah, they looked nice, and I thought I would bake a pie."

Angela had been the local 'it' girl in high school. She was the varsity cheerleader who seemed to have everything going for her, until she graduated. Then she married Ben, a local refrigerator repairman. They'd been trying for a baby, and usually Angela let me know when she was ovulating.

Not that I wanted to know that, but Angela was all about the over-share.

"Oh, pie sounds nice. Speaking of pie, guess what?"

I couldn't force out the what, so I went with raising my eyebrows, and mentally bracing myself for inevitable.

"I'm ovulating again. This time it's gonna work, I can feel it!"

I just didn't have the enthusiasm to think up an appropriate reply, so I tried for a smile, and mumbled something that sounded like good luck.

When everything was bagged and paid for, I wheeled everything out towards the truck. I went slowly, taking care not to slip on the parking lot that was already starting to freeze over in the fading light.

What was I doing with myself? Was this really what I was going to be for the next thirty years, forty years, _fifty years _of my life?

I could see myself in a rocking chair in that old apartment: boring and alone, with Shadow the tenth?

I was just to the truck when I slipped on a black patch of ice, and caught my chin on the cart. My hands seized on the bar, and I somehow ended up pulling the cart on top of me. My forehead made a loud _thunk_ as I hit the asphalt, and I lay there stunned, while my chin started to throb and my legs registered that my jeans were starting to get wet. One of the Granny Smith apples had landed on the ground and rolled so it was right in my eye line, its pretty dark green skin reminding me of something…

I closed my eyes, and prayed no one had seen me. I hadn't had a good fall like that in a while. I guess I was due.

Suddenly, I heard what sounded like the crunch of boot heels on salt and ice, and my eyes snapped open as I felt the shopping cart being lifted off of me. I hissed as blood rushed to the areas where the shopping cart had landed on my legs. Embarrassed beyond belief, I tried to stand, but strong hands held me down.

"Try not to get up, that was a nasty slip you had."

That voice, it was like warm rich caramel, and I felt my face go red.

Edward Cullen.

My eyes found his bearded face looking over me, and for once, his eyes weren't that dead way, they were staring at me, green as the apple in front of my face.

He was kneeling in front of me, and his hand came towards my face, brushing against a sore spot on my chin. My skin tingled where he touched.

"You're bleeding, and you're gonna have one helluva bruise tomorrow."

I struggled to move, and he helped me up. His eyes narrowed at my forehead and his fingers moved over a tender spot.

"Looks like you hit your head pretty hard as well," He pressed his lips together as he brushed hair away from my face. He smelled like leather, and the outdoors. There was something else there, something earthy and clean smelling.

This close, I could see that his eyelashes were the same golden bronze of his hair and beard. The skin on his cheeks that wasn't covered made me want to touch it with my fingers.

He caught me staring at him and backed away from me, dropping his hand. He looked around the almost empty parking lot. It was darker now, I must have been in the grocery store a lot longer than I thought. Snow was starting to fall, and I noticed some of my groceries were lying on the street, I bent to pick them up. I nearly fell on my face again as blood rushed to my head, stumbling and struggling for balance, Edward caught me, strong arms encased in sheep skin jacket holding me up.

"Whoa, there. Easy, I think you've had more than the wind knocked out of you."

I looked up into his eyes again, those enticing apple green eyes, and my heart paused. He really was incredibly handsome, and those eyes, they were fierce, and shot all the way to my center.

He set me on my feet again, and furrowed his brows together as he bent to pick up the apples that had escaped. They seemed oddly small in his large work roughened hands.

"I don't think you should drive home. That's all you need is to pass out in front of the wheel. And on nights like this," he indicated the snow falling from the sky, "You need your wits about you."

He dug in his pockets, and pulled out a jingling key ring, "C'mon, I'll take you home."

"What about my truck?"

"You sure as hell ain't gonna drive, honey. And you need to get in and ice your head and chin. Me and the boys will come back for your truck later and drop it off at your house."

I wasn't sure, I felt like a little kid again, thinking maybe I shouldn't take rides from strangers. But this was a small town, and everyone knew everybody else.

Nobody was really a stranger.

I started to walk forward but nearly slipped again, "Jesus honey, you're more unsteady than a new born colt." He stepped forward and wound his arm around my waist, pulling me up against his side.

Something passed between us then, I knew he felt it this time, his eyes sharply locked with mine for an instant, and then looked away. He grabbed the cart with my groceries, and led me over to a battered red Ford pick up truck. It was twice the size of mine, but the white letters could still be seen etched on the tailgate.

Edward opened the door and put my groceries in the cab of the truck, stowing them behind the front seat. Then, before I knew what he was doing, his big hands were wrapped around my waist, lifting me up into the truck. I squeaked, and a smile that never touched his lips, lit his eyes for a split second before he tucked it back down.

I put my seat belt on and assessed my injuries while he walked around to the driver's side.

I was going to be sportin' some mean bruises in the morning. Thank goodness I was off for the next couple of days. Hopefully the bruising would fade before I had to go back to work again.

Edward leaped up into the truck, and started the old engine. The windshield wipers flung the delicately falling snow from the windshield.

He asked me where I stayed, and I gave him directions over the roar of the engine and the heating. It was quiet in the cab, and I felt slightly awkward in his presence. I was also trying not to stare at him.

He was just so…handsome.

"So how old is your truck?"

"She's a 1985."

"Oh."

And that was the extent of our conversation.

He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment, and helped me up the stairs. I'd tried to get some of the groceries, but he had flat out refused to give them to me, confirming he would carry them up, after I was inside.

I hoped to God none of my neighbors saw us. Again, his arm was around my waist, and he nearly lifted me up each step.

I pulled my keys out of my pocket, but my hands were shaking too hard to put the key in the lock. He ended up taking them from me and opening the door. I flicked the light on, and he went back down to get my groceries. Shadow was waiting in the hall at her usual post and shot me a look as she saw Edward come in with my groceries.

Before she hid under the coffee table in the living room, her eyes narrowed to say, _Who is this usurper in my home? How very dare you let strange people in. _

I bit my lip as Edward passed by me in the cramped hallway, and I realized I was standing there in my wet jeans a little stunned.

"Gimme your keys, and we'll get your truck for you."

I fumbled with the keys again, and attempted to remove the truck's key from the ring. He ended up having to do it for me, and quietly handed the keys back to me.

"Put some ice on that head, and change out of those wet jeans, Bella. I'll be back with your truck in about an hour."

He shut the door behind him, and I stood frozen to the spot, my hand scrunched in front of me in a pathetic wave.

_He knew my name. _

* * *

A/N

Happy Friday and thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N

Thank you for the amazing response to this story, and shout out to the lovely Sunfeathers for including AtWH in her weekly recs!

Special thanks to my bestie and beta lambcullen, and much love to my awesome pre-reader snshyne. They make these words worth writing and reading.

* * *

I opened my eyes to bright white light streaming in from the bedroom curtain window. I could tell already by the throbbing places on my body that I was pretty bruised from my fall last night.

Shadow was curled up at my side, her little black furry body softly contracting with little breaths.

I was on my side, and the blankets were wrapped around me. I stared up at the ceiling, and just for a moment, in the quiet morning light, I allowed the façade I kept close around me to slip a little.

I told myself it was ok, because I am alone.

And as soon as I pushed that shield aside, a tense clawing sensation rippled through my stomach, and slowly worked its way upwards.

Pictures flashed through my mind, like passing billboards on a long road. The progression of my teenage years, and through each picture, the constant faces were mine and Jake's. First kiss, first dance, first base, Prom, second kisses, third, and fourth and then losing count.

I closed my eyes as the pictures began to change. A tear slipped from the corner of my eye, traveling over my temple, and into my hairline. Saying goodbye, packing my things for college, driving away with his face in the mirror.

My chest felt heavy as the clawing feeling moved closer to my throat.

Moments of time, now passing faster and faster, like the separate clanks of a rollercoaster climbing a hill. My heart pounded in my throat, as I remembered visiting on weekends, and even though I'd come home, there was a distance between us.

My fault, it was my fault.

Then there was that weekend I came home, to what I thought was a place that would always be comfortable, like a pair of old broken in jeans.

I hadn't even bothered to see my parents, I just wanted to see Jake. I'd missed him. I drove directly to his house, and in the early spring, the snow had only just melted, and daffodils were blooming in the small garden his mother had planted.

There was an odd car parked in the driveway; a shiny new looking pink Beetle. One of those annoying ones that has taken over the shape of the originally cool Beetles. Making the old ones 'Vintage'.

I had just stepped out of my truck when the front door opened. Jake walked out, his white teeth flashing in a huge smile, and he held the door for a girl with copper skin and shiny black hair. A breeze picked up, and moved her hair into her face. Jake chuckled softly, and his large hand moved up to gently tuck the rebellious strands back from her face. Her dark eyes look up into his, and there was real love in them.

The same look was in his eyes.

I probably should have been angry, maybe went up and pull her hair, knee him in the groin. Something. But I chose to calmly get into my car. Jake had looked up when he heard the noise, and his face had fallen, horror in his eyes when he saw my truck back out of the driveway, the tires squealing as I pulled out onto the street and drove away.

I eventually had to stop, the urge to double over was something I couldn't resist any longer. I had pulled over, unfastened my seatbelt, and banged my head on the steering wheel.

Eventually I'd had to go to my parents, which had been excruciating. They knew that I knew, and they had tried to console me. I wasn't ready for it, and I promptly drove back to Campus that evening. I don't remember much of the drive, or the days or weeks after.

I had been so bitter, and eventually had to bottle up how I felt about the whole thing. Then, after losing my job, and having to move back home, the full scope of what had happened hit me.

I was a puzzle piece that no longer fit. All of my friends were either engaged, married, or pregnant. None of them could relate to being single, being alone in a small town where everyone knew your business. I should go out more, and my girlfriends tried to understand. But going out with them usually resulted in a game of 'Let's see who we can set Bella up with tonight.'

The majority of the men in this town that were eligible were slim pickings; the good ones married or paired off or moved away. I'd been on a few dates, but found I just didn't know how to open up to guys. And everywhere I looked, there was Jake and me.

I adopted Shadow after I moved into my apartment. She was a kitten at the time, and it had helped to have a distraction, and let myself be vulnerable with something, someone.

Sometimes, it felt like I was walking this tight rope, and most of the time I kept my balance because somehow the rope was continually taut. Any slack resulted in moments like this, where I lost my balance, and I was falling with no net.

Daily, I told myself I was happy, it was a mantra, and it was something I had to constantly remind myself.

I wanted the life I was supposed to have, not the empty shell of the one I was living now. Work, home, sleep, and Momma and Daddy's for dinner on the weekend. I loved my parents dearly, but it got to the point where I changed from Sunday to Saturday, just so I wouldn't be alone on a Saturday night.

The sob that had been working its way up my throat, finally choked out, and I tried to hold it in. It strangled its way out of my throat, and Shadow lifted her head, her eyes blinking and half open.

She opened her eyes wider, seeming to register that I was upset. She rose on all fours, stretched, arching her back, and came over to investigate. She touched her nose to mine, and in that animal way, where they just know when someone is upset, she pressed her soft whiskered cheek to mine. She sat down, her little black paws crawling closer to my neck, and she purred. The little sound was soothing, and she continued to press her face against mine, her fur tickling my nose.

The phone rang, disturbing her, and she jumped from the bed. I wiped my eyes as I leaned over to answer the cordless on the bedside table. My muscles were stiff, and a bruise on my hip protested when I moved.

"Hello?"

My father's voice was gruff on the other end, "Bella, was someone driving your truck last night?"

I blinked and oofed into the phone as Shadow chose that moment to pounce on my stomach, "Good Morning to you, too, Dad. Um, yeah. I had a bad fall at the grocery store last night and Edward Cullen drove me home. He was there when it happened."

"Edward Cullen? From the Cullen Creek spread?"

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"Nothin'…He didn't try any funny business-"

"Dad! No he did not. I probably had a really bad concussion. You'll get to see me in all my glory when I come over for dinner tonight."

I touched my chin, which felt really tender as I ran my fingers over it. I must have a nasty bruise.

"Maybe I should come and get you if it's really bad."

"I'll be fine, Daddy."

"You might feel differently later on, honey. You call me if you feel even the least bit froggy."

"Yes, sir."

I could feel his moustache twitch into a grin at the 'sir'.

"Well alright then," he grumbled, "See you tonight, then."

"See you later, Daddy."

His gruff "Bye, baby," filled my ear before he set the phone down. I stroked Shadow's soft back, and she nuzzled my chin, purring loudly.

"Ow, Shad. That's a little sore at the moment," I started to get up again, air hissing between my teeth as I had more tender spots than not.

It was going to be _that_ kind of day.

Maybe a hot shower would make it feel better. When I stood up, though, it seemed worse. I limped like an old man out to the kitchen. Shadow somehow knew that weaving in and out of my legs was not the best idea, so she sat next to me, her tail wrapping protectively around my leg, trying to soothe me.

Her eyes didn't have their usual sarcasm, and she wasn't as pushy about getting her breakfast either. I opened the little can and dumped the food into her dish, mixing it with a fork. Tossing the fork into the sink, it made a metal thunk as I bent down with Shadow's little pink dish.

She meowed at me and followed, as I hobbled back down the hallway towards the bathroom. I flicked the light on as I entered, and the overhead fan started to rattle above my head as golden light filled the room. I avoided the mirror at all costs, worried about what I would find there.

Pulling the plain white shower curtain back, I looked at the bathtub in front of me. Somehow, a bath seemed more inviting. So I plugged the bathtub, and turned on the hot water. I jumped when I turned around; I hadn't realized Shadow had followed me into the bathroom. She was staring up at me with her golden eyes, her front paws and hindquarters planted on the tiling.

"I'm gonna take a bath, Shad. Give me a moment, and I'll come out and sit with you after that."

She seemed to understand as I moved towards the door, darting off down the hallway.

As the bathtub filled, I gingerly removed my clothes and assessed the damage. I had a nasty black bruise on my hip leading to my butt where I'd fallen on it, as well as bruises from the wire grating of the shopping cart all over me. I finally looked in the mirror at my face.

Well spit.

There was a lump on my forehead, and a large angry bruise had swollen around a small cut. There was also the same on my chin, where I had clipped the shopping cart.

Momma and Daddy were gonna freak. They were already super protective since I came back, and this was only gonna justify wrapping me in cotton wool.

I inhaled deeply, and pulled out a few towels before checking on my bath.

Adding in a fizzing bath ball, I pulled my hair up into a messy knot on top of my head. The fizz ball dissolved slowly in the water, filling the room with a lovely smell.

Steam rose slowly from the water, and I slowly got in, groaning, as I settled myself in the most comfortable position possible on my sore hip and backside.

I swirled my fingers in the water, and thought about the better part of the evening, of Edward Cullen.

He had been so nice to me, and I think that was the most words I'd ever heard him speak in one spell. He had come back after I'd changed into my PJ's, and I had been slightly embarrassed at the overly zealous pictures of Spongebob leaping across my boobs. But he hadn't seemed to notice as he handed me the keys, asking me to put some ice on my head.

Our fingers had brushed, and that same scary jolt raced up my arm, while his green eyes held mine. Then he somehow pulled away from it, and turned away form me, closing the door behind him.

Shadow came out from her hiding spot under the coffee table to inspect the place where Edward had stood. When I shoved my keys into my purse on the floor, she stuck her nose in to inspect.

"Shadow!"

She looked up at me, and if she'd had a badge and kitty police tape, she would have cordoned off the area until the crime scene had been properly processed.

Cats.

But my mind flipped back to those apple green eyes of his. They looked right into me, and I knew I shouldn't, but I wanted to know as much as I could about him.

The warm water soothed me, and I daydream about Edward Cullen, to the point where I must have fallen asleep.

I woke up to meows and lukewarm water. My skin was all wrinkly from the water, and I sat up, pulling the plug.

I didn't feel as stiff as I had when I first got up, the bath must have helped a little. Water trickled down my body as I grabbed for a towel, and I nearly lost my balance again. My heart thumped loudly in my chest, but I was able to right myself before I lost my footing.

I dried myself off, but the adrenaline rush had made me light headed. Wrapping the towel around me, I opened the door, and Shadow raced back down the hallway, her dark tail in the air.

Dressing in an old pair of dark lounge pants and an old college long sleeved t-shirt, I slipped on a pair of slippers and headed out to the kitchen.

Shadow appeared, and I turned the oven on and pulled out the ingredients for pie. I mixed and rolled out the ingredients for pate brisee.

When it was rolled out, I shaped it over the pie plate, and set it aside. Pulling out my bags of apples, I brought them to the small kitchen table nook that bled on to the living room area.

Humming to myself, I peeled apples, then cored and sliced them for pie.

Out of nowhere, a tear rolled down my cheek , landing on my hand while I was peeling an apple. Maybe it was the fall, or just feeling plain miserable today, but I just felt so unraveled today.

Setting the apple and small peeling knife down, I swiped at my eyes, which were now swimming with tears.

I heaved in a breath before I got myself worked up, "Get a hold of yourself, Bella."

Looking down at the apples, I realized they would be brown soon if I didn't finish peeling.

When the last apple was de-skinned and sliced, I carried them into the kitchen, and got out the sugar and cinnamon. Measuring both into the bowl, I tossed the apples through the mixture and put them into the pastry lined dish.

Daddy loved my caramel apple pie, and I drizzled caramel sauce over the apples before adding the pastry on top of the pie, fluting the edges, and cutting slits into the top to allow steam to escape.

Placing the finished pie in the oven, I set the timer and cleaned up the counter and shoved the bowl and utensils into the sink.

I usually enjoyed this task, from start to finish I always found it soothing. But it just felt empty to me. And that scared me, it was frightening that even the small things I enjoy were being taken from me.

xox

Momma opened the door, and the grin on her pretty face faltered.

"Isabella Marie, what happened to your face," she demanded.

I stepped over threshold, "It's nice to see you too, Momma."

"No sass! What happened?" She had her hands on my face to get a better examination.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I fell in the grocery parking lot."

She pursed her lips, "Oh baby, did you ice these?" Her gentle fingers brushed against my tender chin, and I couldn't hold back the wince.

"Yes, Momma, I did. Is your meatloaf burning?"

"Land sakes!" She rushed towards the kitchen to check, and I followed behind her carrying my pie. She was pulling something out of the oven as I automatically reached for dinner plates from the cupboard.

I watched as she worked, her dark blonde hair floated gently around her face. In her late forties, Momma had me when she was fresh out of high school, and she and Daddy had married as soon as they found out I was on the way.

Daddy came into the kitchen, "Ooo! Something smells good!" His dark brown hair the same color as mine, and I had been given his cinnamon colored eyes as well.

They both seemed so young still, and it always made me smile, watching them together.

I had spent hours upon hours in this kitchen when I was younger. It was a comforting place, it was large, with the white countertops and oven on one side, and a large enough space for a kitchen table and chairs on the other. The butter painted walls made the room sunny, even on rainy days. Momma had shown me how to cook and bake the things my Daddy liked, in the hopes that I would someday take the skills and apply them to my marriage.

"A happy man is a well fed man, Bella. Remember that."

Momma still had my homemade potholders on display that I had made for her in Girl Scouts. An old drawing from art class was still taped to the fridge, as well as my high school graduation photo, held up by a magnet that said _Home is where the heart is._

There were ruffled cushions tied to the kitchen chairs in a duck egg blue. The placemats were matching, and I straightened them as I set the table while Momma dished up dinner.

Daddy helped to carry plates to the table, kissing my Momma on the lips when he thought I wasn't looking.

Momma had met my father in elementary school. He had pulled her braids on the playground, and she had told the teacher, and he had been promptly placed in time out. She felt bad, seeing him sit there all alone, and had ended up sitting all of recess with him to keep him company. They were five, but had been together ever since.

Sadly, I was their only child, my Momma miscarried when I was three, and couldn't have anymore children after that. But she had always been there for me, she was my best friend, and had helped to pick me up after Jake's desertion.

Daddy was a typical small town sheriff, complete with large gun belt and bigger moustache. He was very protective of me, and I sometimes wondered if this kept a lot of the men in town from approaching me. I was Daddy's Girl, but sometimes I wondered if he knew that being so protective of me was gonna lead to me being alone for the rest of my adult life.

We sat down to dinner, Daddy led grace, and we tucked in. They asked how my job was going, if there was anything new at the store. I told them about Emmett's exhaustion, and my insistence he nap in the back. Momma smiled and said she'd seen Rose out with the twins and they were adorable.

Daddy told us about an arrest he'd made concerning one of the Newton boys, who had been caught trying to upset some cattle, and had been cornered by a bull.

"He was so scared, he was near frozen and couldn't move. It took an hour for the vet to come out and sedate the bull so we could get in there and handcuff him. I've never seen anyone so petrified, jail seemed like a haven."

Once dinner was finished, Momma brought out ice cream to go with my pie, and Daddy rolled his eyes toward heaven during his first forkful.

I giggled, and he winked at me.

When dinner was over, I asked Daddy to take me home, complaining my head was sore. He grabbed his jacket and keys, and we were out the door and in the car.

As we drove along in the county four by four, the car was silent except for the hum of the engine, and the heater on full blast.

Daddy sighed and broke the silence, "Bella, baby I'm worried about you-"

I started to interrupt him, but he stopped me, "Let me finish. Now I didn't want to say in front of your mother, because we both know she would overreact. But I'm worried. It can't be good for you to be alone all the time. Look what happened to you last night. I don't like you having to take rides from strangers."

"But I didn't take a ride from a stranger. It was Edward Cullen. He didn't mean any harm, and if it weren't for him, I would have probably lain there for a lot longer."

My father's face grimaced, and I realized I wasn't helping my case.

"Please don't worry. Please?"

His voice was gruff when he answered, "I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't worry about you, Bells." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and his hand came up to stroke over his moustache in an action I knew too well. We were about to broach topics he hated discussing with me.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should…y'know…aw hell. I think you should start dating, meet someone nice. I don't want to worry about you all the time."

I tried to make this funny, "Are you giving me permission to date?"

He turned to look at me as we stopped at a red light, "I'm trying to be serious, here."

I pulled at my gloves, "OK. Noted. I will try and go on a date. Is that Newton boy out of jail yet? He sounds like a good time."

"Very funny, Bella-Marie."

"You know, men aren't always the answer to a happy life," I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes.

"Has your Momma been talkin nonsense again?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. Eventually we arrived at my little apartment complex, and as I waved him off and started up the stairs, I had visions of the evening before. Edward Cullen's strong arm wrapped around my waist. His hand wasn't anywhere special, but I could feel a blush on my cheeks just thinking about his fingers squeezing my hip. His smell, and the feel of his beard when it brushed my cheek at one point.

In the door now, Shadow was at her post in the middle of the hall, she meowed and greeted me warmly. She purred loudly, rubbing herself against my legs, her tail swishing slowly back and forth in affection.

I noticed there was a message waiting for me, the tiny red light on the machine flashing like a beacon in the dark living room. I shrugged out of my jacket and turned on the light switch, illuminating the room.

There were two messages.

The first one was a hang up, and the number came up private.

The second number sent a shock through my system.

_Um. Hi. This is Edward um Cullen. I found you in the phone book. I just wanted to see if you were OK._

He abruptly hung up the phone.

And I listened to the message at least ten times.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading, and happy Friday!**


	4. Chapter 4

Sooooooo. Just wanna say it's been an interesting week. I love you fandom.

Thanks and motorboats to my lovely bestie and beta Lambie and my sister from another mister Snshyne.

Thank Rob for them. I would have abandoned ship by now if it weren't for them.

And you, gentle reader. Of course, you.

* * *

I sneezed, and reached into my pocket for a tissue. Blowing my nose delicately, I threw the tissue away and glanced at the calendar on the wall in the office.

March 3rd.

The change in the seasons had given me a head cold, and my runny nose was driving me crazy. I turned back to the computer screen, and my head seemed to reject the numbers and figures there. I tried to not think too much, and just input the invoices in front of me, but I caught myself making a mistake, and decided to stop.

The time at the bottom of the screen read just after noon, which was close enough to lunch time for me.

Grabbing my coat and purse, I closed the office door behind me and walked out towards the shop floor.

Emmett was behind the parts counter, laughing with a customer, and he waved at me as I passed.

"Going for lunch?"

I nodded, "Yeah. You want something while I'm out?"

He thought for a moment, while the customer he had been talking to turned around to look at me.

He was a little older than me, his blond hair reached just past his ears, but he had it tucked behind them. He wore an expensive looking pair of boots, and the usual uniform of most of the men in a fifty mile radius: jeans, plaid shirt, shiny belt buckle, Stetson.

I knew his face, I remembered when he smiled, there were dimples. And sure enough, when he dipped his hat and greeted me with a, "Ma'am," those dimples came out to play.

I smiled back, and my mind remembered his name, "Hi, Jasper."

My voice was all nasal and muddled from my cold, and I fiddled with my gloves as I felt his eyes move over me. He had gone to the same high school as me, but had graduated a couple years before me.

Emmett finally decided he wanted a burger and fries, and a newspaper brought in. I escaped towards the door, and when I pushed it open, the little bell tinkled as it clanged against the glass.

There was still a bit of winter chill in the air, but all the snow had melted, and the ground seemed soggy from recent rain.

I wasn't all that hungry, I just needed to get out of that office. I decided to put gas in the truck, and when I went inside to pay for my gas and get Emmett's paper, I realized they were out of the National Post he usually read. Not sure what he would want, I sniffled and fished my cell phone out of my pocket. I realized I had forgotten to charge it last night, the screen was totally dark, and it flat out refused to blink on. Replacing it in my pocket, I picked up the local newspaper instead. I also grabbed some cold medicine from the next aisle, and headed over to the counter to pay.

Once I was back outside, I decided I was just too miserable for driving all over, and decided to just go through the drive-thru and drive back to the store.

Once I was back in the store parking lot, I rubbed my hands over my face. I hate that groggy sick feeling, it was like being partly numb. I would rather either on or the other.

Eventually I got out, and brought Emmett's stuff to him.

"Do you mind if I borrow your paper?" I held up the newspaper and he nodded me on as the phone rang.

I walked back to the office, put my coffee down on the desk and opened the local news. Wrestling with the cold pills I bought, I downed them while scanning the paper. Other than the front page, I preferred the police briefs and announcements. Giggling over finding a guy I went to high school with, he'd been pulled over for erratic driving, but was arrested as he wasn't wearing any pants.

Turning the page, I read through the engagements and wedding announcements, the names vaguely familiar, but no one I knew directly. Then my eyes traveled to the births, and I felt all the air leave my lungs.

My eyes skimmed the article, each line a knife in my gut.

_**William Wolf Black II**_

_Jacob and Emily Black announce the birth of their son, William, at 8:17 p.m. February 20th, at Grace Hospital. _

_He weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces and was 21 inches long._

_Grandparents are Billy and Beatrice Black of Hope County, and Mary and Joey Clearwater of Sarasota, Fla._

My eyes filled with tears, and my insides seemed to collapse as I fought the images in my head.

Jake holding his son, a smile dazzling his handsome face. Jake sharing an intimate moment with his wife, the two of them kissing the head of their newly born baby.

Only in her place, it was my face. Because it should have been me, it should have been my baby, it should have been my son.

Anger washed through me, rage at Jake for throwing me away, for throwing us away. I didn't want to feel this way anymore, but the feelings were overwhelming, nearly overpowering. Tears fell onto the newspaper, and I smudged them away, remembering this was Emmett's paper.

I was angry at my friends and family, for keeping this information from me. They knew it would upset me, but they should have told me. This was a small town, for goodness sake, everyone was supposed to know everyone's business.

I am so bitter, and everyday that goes by, it crushes me inside a little more. Unable to stare at the words anymore in the paper, I folded it back neatly and placed it on the desk in front of me. Taking a deep breath, the air shuddered in, and trembled out. I tried to think about something else, and my mind drifted to Shadow's soft fur, and the way the top of her head smells, a sweet comforting smell, and how velvety the bridge of her little nose is.

I finished the rest of my shift in a daze, clearing out for an hour to let Emmett eat his lunch in the office, watching the parts counter. A delivery came in, and I absently signed off the slip and robotically accounted for them in the computer, and stored them in the back.

When five hit, I was out the door, waving goodbye, a smile forced on my face. It felt unnatural, as if my face had broken, and a piece too large was forced into a place too small.

I stepped up into my truck, and shut the door loudly behind me. My purse was flung on the seat beside me, and I stared blankly out of the dirty windshield at the empty flat landscape in front of me. It was a field, the grass yellow and heavy from melted snow and rainfall. It seem wasted and totally barren in life.

I knew that in a month or two, it would be green, and the tree far off in the center of the field would show signs of new spring leaves, bleary and new, unfurling towards the promise of summer sun.

Turning the key in the ignition, I robotically made my way out of the parking lot and drove onto the main road that cut through town. I kept driving, blindly going in a straight line, until the buildings of the main town area faded.

Driving on, I hoped the familiar country roads would soothe me. I needed a distraction, anything that would wash out the pictures of what was supposed to be my happily ever after scraping through my mind. I didn't want to go home and be alone, even with Shadow there.

On either side of the narrow road were rolling plains, fenced in with either metal wiring or wooden fencing. The wind picked up, and I turned the wipers on as rain started to gently fall from gray clouds. I inhaled, but couldn't get enough air into my lungs. They felt heavy, as if expanding was a huge effort.

A horse grazed peacefully in the field to my left. Its coat was gray and mottled with what looked like white freckles. The mare's ears flicked at the rain as her velvety nose was plunked down in the grass, her jaw working as she fed on new spring grass.

Just as I was passing her, I heard a loud pop, like a gunshot. It spooked the gray, and she galloped off in the other direction. My truck swerved, and I wrestled with the steering to keep it from fishtailing all over the rain slick road. Finally, the truck slowed, and I could tell from the way I was sitting that one of the back tires was completely flat.

Putting my hood up, I shut off the truck, unbuckled my seat belt, and stepped down. Walking around to the rear of the flatbed, my stomach curled at the sight of the flattened rubber, sagging on the road. Rain smacked against the hood of my jacket, as I stared at it, and I ran my tongue along my teeth in frustration.

Finally, I moved to door of the trailer, and opened it, before climbing in to get to the spare tire. Opening up the metal compartment, I pulled out the heavy metal tire iron, and worked at getting the spare out. As I squeezed the tire, another needle of dread twisted inside my stomach.

The spare was flat.

I bit the inside of my lip, and sat back on my knees for a moment, before shoving the tire back in, and replacing the tire iron.

Jumping down from the bed of the truck, I pulled out my cell phone, forgetting that it was dead.

Great. Just great. Now I had to hope that someone would decide to take a jaunt down this total back road.

I slammed back into the cab of the truck, and pulled a tissue out of my pocket, blowing my nose loudly. The rain quieted and stopped, and I stared out of the windshield, wondering how I was going to get home. All that was around me was unpopulated fields, and I'd even scared off the only sign of life in the field, the gray horse.

I looked over at the field, and to my surprise, I could see movement in the distance. It was a horse and rider, the horse a lovely deep chestnut.

The rider sat tall in the saddle, and his hat made him seem taller again. I got out of the truck, hoping to flag him down. They moved at a clip, getting closer and closer, until finally I could see the face of the stranger in the gloomy light.

It was the beard I could make out first, then his nose, and finally those eyes. He was wearing his sheepskin coat, and I watched him slow the horse to a trot before finally stopping altogether. He swung down from the horse in one graceful fluid motion.

I walked up to the fence, and he met me there. His eyes had something wild about them today, something fierce, like a hawk or an eagle closed in on its prey.

"Um, I blew a tire and my spare is flat-"

"Is that what that noise was? I thought someone had fired a gun out here. Blizzard just came running into the paddock like her ass was on fire."

I blinked for a second at him, and then made the connection that Blizzard was the gray horse I had frightened earlier.

"I'm really sorry about that. It just totally blew on me." His green eyes glanced at the truck and then drifted back over to mine. He gripped the fence rail, and volleyed himself over it, his boots landing on the other side with a loud thump. The ease of the movement startled me, and I stepped back as his tall frame moved too close to me, making me nervous.

Edward strode towards my truck, that slow gait of his making my stomach ripple. He angled his hat as he examined my flat tire, his hand moving over his chin, making an abrasive sound against his beard.

Sighing, he patted the front of his jacket, and muttered something under his breath, "Looks like you and your truck are up the creek here. My cell phone is back at the main building. I can give you a ride back to the house if you want to make a phone call."

I looked dubiously over at the chestnut colored horse in the field, "I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

I jumped when he spoke right next to me, "Chance doesn't bite. He's real fond of ladies."

As if the horse had heard his name, his head perked up, and he trotted over. I'd grown up in this county, I knew horses well, but only from a distance. Being the daughter of a cop hadn't exactly afforded me lots of close contact with horses anyways. But there was always the county fair, complete with a rodeo.

"Do you want a boost?" Edward's voice startled me out of my thoughts.

I swallowed, and my eyes met his, "A boost?"

His head motioned towards the fence, "Over the fence."

"Oh. Um no, I think I'll be ok."

He looked from the fence to me, and then shrugged, before vaulting over the side again. I took considerably longer, and my climb wasn't as graceful as his, but I made it to the other side without falling on my backside.

I edged closer to Chance, who flickered his ears at me, his eyes inquisitive. His nose snuffled, and we stared at each other for a moment.

"He's trying to say hello to you, honey."

I waved back at the horse, and when my hand raised, he moved his long head, his nose brushing against my palm. I felt the corner of my mouth lift as I stroked his soft face, and his eyes seemed gentle.

Edward moved to the side of the horse and turned to face me, "Best be on our way. Do you want a leg up?"

He cupped his palms together, and I tentatively placed the toe of my boot in them, "Hold onto his mane, he's not going anywhere, and you won't fall off."

I did as he instructed and he lifted me when I gave him more of my weight. Chance was steady as I scrambled over his back, I felt slightly awkward, but Edward swiftly mounted the horse behind me.

My bottom was pressed against his groin, and I straightened, trying to give him some space. His arms came around me to hold the reins of the horse, and I felt him use his thighs to motion the horse further, squeezing me in the process. My stomach turned over, and I bit my lip to keep from making any noise. The close proximity between us was driving me crazy. I had been closer than this with guys in college after Jake and I…but I hadn't been this close to a man since I moved back home.

Chance trotted forward, and I grabbed for purchase in the horse's dark mane. Edward put an arm around me, to steady me, his voice warm in my ear, "Relax, the horse knows when you're uneasy."

I relaxed, at least tried to, and in doing so, found my back leaning against Edward's chest. My nose had cleared since the cold meds had kicked in, and I inhaled, trying to calm down. His scent filled my nose, and he smelled like something smoky and masculine, outdoorsy and fresh. I exhaled, but couldn't quite let go of my trepidation at being so close to Edward.

I could feel a blush flagging on my cheeks, and I was glad he couldn't see my face. As the horse moved, our bodies fell in the same rhythm as the horse's walk. I was more than aware of my hips and where they rested between Edward's thighs.

We rode through the field, and the green grass rolled along. Chance's hooves clumped through them, and every now and again, Edward spoke lowly to him, or clicked as he steered Chance towards a house in the distance.

We arrived in the main dirt yard, to the left was a large enclosure which emptied out onto a small fenced off paddock. To the right was a large ranch style house. There was slate colored stone work on the lower level, and a large front porch area that matched the dark wood siding on the second level.

There were no lights on inside, but a soft light glowed from the enclosure, and the sweet smell of hay and horses permeated the air.

Edward dismounted first, and before I knew what he was doing, his hands were at my waist and he was helping me down from the horse. I grabbed for his shoulders, and my body continued to zing with every touch, even though his skin was under so many layers.

He set me down on the ground, and Chance snuffled as Edward took his reins and led him into the stable to the left.

A wiry old cowboy poked his head out, and then tap shuffled with a small limp out towards the door.

"Did you find out what the trouble was-" He stopped dead when he saw me. His eyes traveled up my frame, and I studied him, from his scuffed boots, his broken in Wranglers, and his sun-worn leathery face. He was clean shaven, and his eyes were stern.

"Where'd you pluck this pretty little gal from?" he asked, his eyes meeting Edward's, who was in front of me. I followed behind Edward as all three of us went into the stable.

"That shot was her back tire blowing. Can you take care of Chance while I get Miss Swan to the house to make a phone call?"

The old man's eyes twinkled with mischief, and I looked from him to Edward's profile, but Edward's eyes didn't have any expression in them.

"Sure can. It was a pleasure, Miss Swan. I'm Eleazar, but most just call me Eli. To my face at least."

I returned his smile, as Edward walked past me, and I said good bye as I followed Edward's retreating back.

I caught up with him, and again, he said not a word to me as I followed him towards the house. Once inside he turned on the hall light, which illuminated a large entrance area. Directly in front was a carpeted staircase, the carpet a rich cream that stood out against the dark wood of the stairs. There was a living room to one side, and another receiving room on the other. The floor was all dark wood, and he led the way through to a large kitchen, and pointed to the phone on the wall.

"Phone's there. If you need anything just holler. I'm gonna go back outside and speak with Eli. There's a phone book on the shelf there," he indicated a shelf near the sink.

Turning in the direction he had pointed, I located the phone book, as his boots made a quick tattoo on the wood floor. I jumped as the front door shut, and eyed the binding of the Yellow Pages.

I really didn't need them. Daddy would probably want to know first, and he would get someone to come by and help.

Lifting the white cordless phone from its wall mounted cradle, I dialed the number at the station, hoping to catch my father before he'd left for the day.

* * *

Thanks for reading.

Wonder who's POV we might just get next Friday…


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to lambcullen and snshyne for their time, their words of encouragement, but most of all, their friendship.**

**And thank you for stopping by to spend some time with Edward.**

* * *

EPOV

I slammed out of the house, and down the stairs, scuffling into the front yard, sending small wet pieces of gravel flying. Heading in the direction of the barn, I went to check on Buttercup, who was ready to drop her foal.

Eli was just shutting the wooden door to Chance's stall when I came in. His old eyes looked up to meet mine, and I could tell something was niggling at his mind.

"Say whatever you gotta say, old man," I put up my hand as I passed him and he followed behind me, the tap shuffle of his limp gaining on me.

"I don't reckon I said a word," he rumbled behind me.

"Don't reckon you need to," I shot back.

"But you know I'm gonna."

I stopped and turned around, planting my hands on my hips, "Well then, spit it out."

A knowing grin washed over his face, "Pretty little gal, ain't she?"

I sighed, and refused to answer his bait.

He continued, "Been awhile since you brought yourself a stray home. Ain't that Sheriff Swan's daughter?"

"Yes, that's Bella Swan. What of it?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You enjoy playin' with fire, boy?" Both of his silver eyebrows raised, wrinkling his forehead.

"I ain't been a boy in long time. Get to the point."

Eli scratched his head absently, "You don't get to be my age, and work with both people and animals without getting an intuition about'em. That skinny little filly you just led into your house has something in her eyes that don't sit right with me. She's a bit on the nervous side, like she had something knocked out of her."

I shifted on my feet, "Eli, for Christ's sake, she had a flat tire."

"Son, I've known you since you were knee high to a grasshopper. You was always bringin' things home with you, cupped in your hands, tryin to save'em. You ain't done that since-"

I made a noise to interrupt him, but he held up his hand, "I'm just gonna say her name, and you ain't gonna do shit about it. Maria and the little man have been dead for nearly four years. You spend way too much time alone here. The hands and I don't count much for company, son. It just ain't good to be alone all the time-"

I huffed at him, and pinched the bridge of my nose, "Eli, if I need your advice on this shit, I'll ask for it."

Some of the starch went out of his spine, "Alright, I know when to shut up. But think about what I said."

I nodded, and started to move off towards Chance's stall when I heard the front door open and close, followed by the slamming of the screen door. The wood made a loud slapping sound, the spring was too tightly wound and always shut the door too harshly.

I turned in the direction of the noise at the same moment Eli did, and a pair of footsteps stepped lightly into the yard, and onto the gravel. Bella appeared in the doorway, unsure, and biting her lower lip.

"Um. My dad should be here in about twenty minutes. Is it ok if I wait here?"

Before I could speak, Eli was at her side, "Sure, you can, Missy. There's a stool you can perch yourself on." I watched as he led Bella over to a stool, and pulled it out from underneath the small work table on one side of the stable. As she started forward, Bella caught the toe of her boot on something and nearly landed on her face. Instinctively, I started to rush forward to help her, but she righted herself and sat gingerly on the stool. Her cheeks flushed pink, and she still hadn't looked at me while Eli chatted away to her.

I turned away from her, not wanting to make her feel any more awkward than her posture was already screaming. I found Chance in his stall, and he snuffled a welcome before sticking his nose over the wooden door, looking for treats.

Speaking softly to him, I stroked his nose and tried not to think about what Eli had said to me. I was fighting against a current, though. For the last few years, I'd allowed myself to sink under the surface. I ran this ranch, raising quarter horses, the only time I could really commit to anything was when I was working with the horses that I loved.

It was my father's ranch before me, and Dad had left it to me when he passed. Mom was buried next to him, out in the family plot that was at the far end of the property in a small peaceful spot. There was a double headstone between them, and next to them, farther forward was a slab of granite I refused to acknowledge. I hadn't been out there in nearly four years, but paid a man to keep the grass cut.

In the last few years, since that night, I had never felt so alone.

Looking up as the sound of a car coming up the drive cut its engine and a door opened and shut.

"Bella?" It was a masculine voice, and she jumped up from the stool.

Bella turned back to Eli, "Thank you," and in a louder voice, to reach me, "And thanks again, Mr. Cullen."

For some reason, her calling me Mr. Cullen rankled. I looked up from Chance's muzzle, "It's Edward. And no thanks is required, Miss Swan."

She licked her lips when our eyes met, and I patted Chance and moved off farther down, but not before I heard her say, "It's Bella."

I turned back and tipped my hat to her, "Duly noted, ma'am."

She disappeared around the doorway, and Eli quietly turned to me, "I guess she told you, youngin'."

I stepped past Eli to see who was outside for Bella, and was greeted with the site of a county squad car on my driveway. Bella was talking to Chief Swan and he looked up as he spied me in the doorway. His eyes narrowed in only the way a father's eyes can when his daughter is involved.

It'd been awhile since I'd had that look from any girl's father. It brought back a flood of memories, that punched me in the gut.

_Arriving at Maria's house, dressed in my tux for the prom. I held a small white box that contained her corsage. Her mother letting me in, grinning widely at me, and led me into the living room, where her father sat, smoking a pipe and reading the paper in front of a blaring TV. _

_The grilling he gave me that night, even though Maria and I had been going steady for a year…_

I blinked, trying to tuck those memories back, as I watched Charlie open the passenger side door for Bella. Her eyes found mine, briefly, before she sat down.

Chief Swan hailed me, and I struck off across the driveway to meet him.

"Tow truck is taking her truck to the Black's," Bella made a sound behind him, "Thanks for taking care of my girl."

There was a way he said _my girl _that intimated he didn't trust me anywhere near _his girl _as far as he could toss me. I swear his hands settled on his hips just to show he was wearing his gun.

I acknowledged his thanks with a nod, "No problem, Chief."

He raised an eyebrow at me, before getting into the squad car and turned the engine. I watched as the car moved down the drive, the red tail lights fading.

The sun was setting, oranges and pinks fading to purples and blues of twilight. The temperature dropped, and I swore I could smell snow in the air, a last gasp of winter before springtime.

Most of the hands were finished for the day, and had headed off down the other side of the property, to the bunkhouse.

Eli's wife, Carmen, came to the stable, holding a Tupperware container. The bunkhouse had a large kitchen where she did most of the cooking, and usually brought me dinner before heading off with Eli for the day.

Carmen and Maria used to do the cooking in the main house, but after…Carmen had shifted to the bunkhouse.

I was ready to shut down for the evening, needing the quiet, but not wanting to spend it alone. Eli had volunteered to spend the night with Buttercup, but I told him I would stay instead. Eli sighed, and threw me a meaningful look, before tap shuffling his way out of the stable. His voice mingled with Carmen's, as the two of them greeted each other at the end of their working day.

An engine growled outside, and the sound of tires moving over the drive could be heard as I checked the horses. Dimming the lights in the stable, the soft sounds of shuffling, and jaws munching filled the easy silence. I left the container with my dinner on the tack table, not really hungry. Running a hand over my face, feeling the rough edges of the beard, I thought of the day and just for a moment I thought of Bella.

I felt like I had to hide these thoughts, that somehow thinking about her made me feel like I was cheating on Maria, and I hated myself for it.

I made the walk down to the birthing stall, at the back of the stable, and leaned over the edge of the wooden door, that came up to my chest. Buttercup was standing, her belly distended from pregnancy. Her food remained untouched, and she shuffled over to me, her eyes gentle. She nuzzled my shoulder with her nose, and I smiled at her as I stroked her. Buttercup had been one of Maria's favorites.

She was gentle, affectionate, and great with kids.

I opened the stall door, unhooking the latch with a click, as Buttercup stepped back. I stepped into the larger space as she retreated back to a corner.

I sat down on a pile of straw, and Buttercup took the corner opposite me. She snuffled softly, and I knew she was getting close.

My thoughts drifted, and I couldn't keep them from _her_.

I was a few years older than her, but I'd seen her around town before. Everyone knew her dad, of course. The last couple of years she'd been working in McCarty's, she always seemed kinda forlorn. Eli called it right, it was like something had been knocked out of her.

There was something in her eyes that I couldn't get past, something there that wouldn't just let me shut down and see her as I saw everyone else. I was almost drawn to it, to her, and the more I felt it, the more I hated it and myself.

I didn't want to be drawn to anything, not while Maria was cold in the grave, with our son. It killed me when they lowered that coffin into the ground, my little boy, in the dark. I thought I had died when they died, but the day at the graves, everything inside of me lay down into that hole with them.

The tight feeling worked its way through my gut, squeezing me until I could barely contain it. I wanted to scream, to shout until I was hoarse and my lungs ached.

_When would it be over?_

They say time is supposed to heal things, but I still had a huge gaping hole in my chest.

Buttercup flickered her ears at me, raising her head and making a small nickering sound.

"I'm fine, girl. Just mentally stomping the shit out of myself."

The hours meandered on, and Buttercup's water broke just after midnight. And by the time the sun rose, she was nursing her new foal, a handsome colt.

Eli came by early to spell me, and I quietly filled him in on the goings on. The hands were in the stable already, and I waved to Eli as I exited, making my way to the house.

My boots seemed full of cement after the grinding all-nighter. Once inside, I bypassed the downstairs and headed straight for the stairs. Each step was an effort, and I could feel myself wavering as I reached the bed. Barely able to fling my hat onto a bed post, I crumbled onto the bed. In a daze, I pulled off my boots, they hit the wood flooring with a thud, and my clothes followed them. Lying back on the bed, I groaned as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

I was bone tired, tired of carrying all this shit around with me, tired of feeling so weighted all the time. The only time I ever left the ranch it was for a specific purpose: supplies or some emergency trip to town.

Otherwise I was holed up here, and I think I was slowly going crazy.

Maybe Eli was right, maybe I had my head up my ass. I just had no idea where to start, how to move on, and it seemed overwhelming.

My eyes slowly drifted closed, and for a moment I thought I could smell Maria in the room, on the sheets, on the pillowcase. I groaned and rolled onto my side, burying my face into the pillow.

…

I was dreaming I was standing out by the lake, Maria was talking to me, but I couldn't hear her. She was motioning with her hands, and every time I tried to run around to her side, she was always on the opposite bank.

She was just as beautiful as I remembered: olive skin, dark glossy hair that she always wore down for me, because she knew I liked it. And her soulful eyes, they always saw right through me.

This time I got closer, she wasn't moving, but she was fading away, slowly. Small pieces of her melting like wisps of smoke in the wind, until just a small outline remained. I finally reached her, but she slipped through my hands.

I opened my eyes, and that horrible feeling was there in my gut, and I lay there for a moment, catching my breath.

Eventually I pulled myself out of bed, and made it into the shower. I turned the water on full blast, and stepped naked into the harsh spray. Rotating the dial to near boiling, I felt my skin turning red. I washed quickly, going through the motions while my mind lingered over the dream. I shut my eyes tightly, as I replayed the way Maria disappeared through my fingers.

To rinse the shampoo from my hair, I braced both of my arms against the tiles, and let the spray hit my head. Suds flowed down my body, before sinking to the rushing water at my feet. My hair hung in my eyes, but I didn't wipe it away.

Something bubbled up my throat, and even though I tried to stop it, it slipped out, and echoed around the room, shuddering in my ear.

"_Maria." _

But before it could go any further, I reached down and turned the water off.

Grabbing a towel as I stepped out of the shower, I quickly toweled off, and wrapped the towel around my waist. It fell a little as I stepped towards the mirror, and the dark ink of the phoenix tattoo on my hip flashed before I tucked the towel back in place.

I closed my eyes against the reminder of better times. My only other tattoo was on the inside of my right bicep. I got it when I finished college, and it was a black outline of a horse and rider. It had hurt like hell, but I still loved it. It reminded me of everything I worked for, and everything I loved.

Today was far beyond the normal routine. Usually I was up just before the sun, and going about the morning chores on the ranch. It felt odd to not be outside before the sun rose, and to be inside the house with half the morning gone. I knew it was exceptional circumstances, that I was dead on my feet by the time Eli arrived earlier on. Two nights in a row I had stayed up with Buttercup, which is why Eli had volunteered last night. I knew the small amount of sleep I'd had this morning was not enough, and eventually it would catch up with me, but I flat out didn't care. I was no stranger to punishing myself.

I finished getting dressed and headed downstairs. In the kitchen, Carmen had been in, and there was a plate covered in foil. My stomach growled, and I hadn't realized I was so hungry until I smelled the biscuits and gravy that I knew were underneath that foil. I was reaching for a knife and fork from the cutlery drawer when something caught my eye.

It was a little round stretchy band, the kind women use in their hair. My brows furrowed together, as I stared at it in confusion. Carmen's hair was short, she never wore it up. There weren't any other women on the place.

Then it hit me.

_Bella. _

She must have left it when she was in the kitchen yesterday. I stretched it slightly with my fingers as I thought about it, and tried not to think about her.

Those eyes of hers, a warm brown. They had a wary look in them, and she when she looked at me, they were wide with curiosity and slight trepidation. Out of habit, I ran my hand over my beard, and pocketed the little piece of elastic. I don't know why I couldn't just leave it on the counter, or better yet, throw it away.

For some reason, having it there in my pocket, seemed like the right thing to do.

* * *

**Sorry for the delay.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks and unauthorized motorboats to lambcullen and snshyne who beta and pre read. Their time equals my devotion.**

**And thank you for reading, gentle reader.**

**Special shout out to KatHat for the cool rec on her live journal. One of these days, I'll get you that banner.**

* * *

BPOV

"Dad! You had my truck towed to Jacob's?"

I stared at him incredulously, as his moustache twitched and he stared straight ahead out of the windshield.

"I wasn't thinkin', Baby."

"What am I supposed to do? I'm going to have to go in there, now. Do you know how awkward that is for me? And when were you and Mama gonna tell me Emily had the baby?"

I felt a surge of irrational ire rise in me, and maybe it was the cold, or the fact that my truck was currently being taken to Jake's. Or maybe it was the fact that Edward Cullen had to rescue me.

Again.

He must now think I'm totally incapable of looking after myself.

I could feel a really sore lump form at the back of my throat, and my eyes stung. I gritted my teeth to keep my chin from trembling. I felt weak and heavy, and I tried to stamp on the self pity. My nose began to run really bad, and I reached a hand in my coat pocket for a tissue.

I saw Daddy glance at me out of the corner of his eyes, and I knew he could tell I was more than angry and upset. We drove in silence the rest of the way back to my apartment. As I opened the door to get out, he promised to get me in the morning to pick up my truck.

That night, after dinner, I sat on the couch, wrapped in a crochet blanket that Grandma Swan had made me. She had used a really pretty bright pinky red yarn, and it was so soft. I had a habit of running one of the corners under my chin, most of the time when I was upset. Shadow curled up next to me on the couch, the warmth from her little body soothing.

I had gotten the blanket for Christmas, that Christmas after Jake and I had broken up.

Christmas morning, I had woken up at home, and opened my presents. Usually, Christmas was my favorite time of the year. But that year, I just couldn't work up the enthusiasm. I drove back to campus the next day.

And if it wasn't for Mary Alice Brandon, I would have wallowed. Just thinking about her made me smile.

She had crashed into our dorm room, wearing a pair of Happy New Years glasses, an electric blue party hat, and a handful of confetti in her fist. Wrapped in my blanket, I was just turning over when she stumbled over to me, a bottle of champagne in her hand, and a cigarette in the other. Her long blue black hair hung in waves around her. Her fishnet tights were ripped, and her black dress had confetti stuck to it. Her eyeliner was slightly runny, and she had raccoon eyes that somehow looked really good on her pale elfin face.

She threw confetti in my face and stepped back. Taking a swig of the champagne, then took a drag from her cigarette.

"Alice! What the heck are you doing?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Bella. It's a New Year! Live a little."

"You smell like vodka."

"You need vodka."

"I'm not twenty-one."

She snorted, "And? Look, I know Jack hurt you-"

"Jake."

"Whatever the fuck. I know he fucked you over royally. But there is plenty more penis in the sea."

I stared at her wide eyed, "Did you just say there's plenty more penis in the sea?"

She stuck her face into mine, until we were nose to nose. She smelled like liquor and cigarettes. "Yes. Now get the fuck up, wear something that shows off your tits and let's go."

"Go where?"

"There's a party across the hall that's going to be moving on soon. Snooze ya lose, ma soeur."

Reluctantly, I had gotten out of bed, dressed myself in outside clothes, I think it was jeans and some sort of top. I wore the only heels that I owned, and teetered across the hall with a very drunk Alice.

That night and into the morning, I had never laughed so hard in my life.

And when I had woken up the following afternoon, it was not in my own bed. It was in the bed of this guy named Max who lived in another dormitory building on campus. He played on the lacrosse team, and had the most amazing tongue.

On his belly, he snored softly, one of his arms was flung over me, his fingers close to the underside of my breast. I sighed, and refused to feel even slightly guilty for sleeping with a random guy. I looked up at the cracked ceiling, slightly yellowing with age, and thought it was one of the most amazing sights I had ever seen.

And I didn't give a crap, and even though that little voice inside was trying to chastise me, the other angry one was really freaking happy.

Because it had felt good.

It had felt good to just throw caution to the wind, and do something crazy. I had always been a good girl, and lived up to the ideals I thought I had wanted.

I stared down at the afghan, and wondered what Alice was up to. After we graduated, Alice had gone on to do her thing, and I had settled into my accountancy job. The last time I saw her was when I had lost my job, and had to give up my apartment. She had helped me pack my things, and we had gone for coffee before I drove off. I remember her petite form disappearing in my rear view.

I reached for the phone. I wondered if she still had the same number. My fingers dialed the number, remembering the pattern more than the actual numbers themselves. I held the phone to my ear, and could actually feel my heart pumping in nervousness. It rang, which was a good sign.

"Hello?"

"Alice? It's Bella."

There was a cough from the other end and then, "Holy shit, Bella. How the hell are you?"

I sniffled, "Hi Alice. I'm ok, how are you?"

"You don't sound too good, are you ok?"

"Just a cold."

"No way, that's not just a cold. What's going on?"

I sighed, "Just small town life."

"Let me get my cigarettes." I could hear the rattle of plastic wrapping, and the flick of a lighter. Those sounds reminded me of Alice so much, and I smiled at the thought of her sitting in her eclectically decorated apartment.

"Right. Out with it."

I smiled at her all business tone, "Out with what?"

She blew into the phone, "You know what. Whatever the fuck is bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering m-"

"Save the bullshit, Bells. Is it a man? Is it that Jack-"

"Jake."

"Yeah, that asshole?"

I sighed. She would badger me until I told her.

So I did. I told her about feeling sorry for myself, for living in a shitty little apartment and how everyone else was happy except me. And how everyone knew how unhappy I was. And how my truck had broken down and Edward had helped me and Daddy had the truck-

"Wait a minute," she interrupted, "Go back. Did you say some guy had helped you?"

"Edward."

"Who's Edward?"

I licked my lips. Who was Edward? It was a simple question, one I should answer with something generic like, He's a neighbor. Or, just some guy.

But there was something about the way his touch made me feel, as if his fingers had burned me where they touched, leaving more than just fingerprints. His eyes were just plain hypnotizing, and I kinda lose my train of thought when he looks at me…

"Hello? Earth to Bella."

I blinked, "Oh sorry, Alice. I drifted away for a moment."

"Oh really? So, now I definitely need to know who Edward is."

I could feel myself flushing and I was glad she wasn't sitting across from me, "He's just some guy."

"Just some guy. Uh huh. And I'm the fucking queen of England. You were daydreaming-"

"I was not-"

"You so were, Bella Swan." She was able to drag out how Edward had found me in the parking lot at the grocery store, and when my flat tire had been outside near his ranch.

"Sounds like fate is trying to push you two together. _Resistance is futile_."

"Oh my God, Alice, are you on another Star Trek kick?"

She coughed, "What's it to you?"

We talked for a little more, and it felt good to catch up. She promised to visit sometime over the summer, and I made her promise not to corrupt the townsfolk when she came.

I had forgotten how good it was to just talk to Alice. She was this total free spirit. One of those people that just _live_. I smiled at the memories I had of us and our little college dorm room.

Life had just been easier then. I wondered if it was because of Alice, or if it was because of the me I was.

+AtWH+

The next morning, Daddy picked me up in the police cruiser. It was stony silence the entire way, as I still hadn't forgiven him for sending my truck to Jake's.

Getting out of the car, he looked up at me, and dipped his county sheriff's hat at me, and I smiled, knowing that was a peace sign. He only did it to make me smile, because there was something oddly funny about my own father making such an old fashioned gesture.

I don't know why, there was just something sweet about those old school manners.

I watched as he drove away, and looked around the parking lot, picking out my purple truck in the morning light. It reminded me of picking Shadow up from the vet, how her eyes just begged me to take her home as soon as possible.

Walking over to the brick building that was Jake's shop, I noticed the garage doors were open, and I could see cars in various shapes and colors inside. There was a small office to the side, with the office hours painted on the glass door.

I pushed the door open, and was nearly smacked in the face by papier-mâché goose. I looked around the front office, the smell of engine oil and gasoline tingeing the air. The smells seemed at odds with all of the pastel blue bunting and the odd sign which seemed to screech IT'S A BOY!.

I could feel my stomach tightening.

Kim looked up from the desk as I walked in, a big smile on her face, "Hi, Bella."

I stammered out a hello, and cleared my throat, "I'm here for my truck." There was a window that looked out onto the shop from the office. I could see a car on a platform, and a radio blared rock music into the garage.

"Oh! I'll go get your keys."

Just as she stood up, the door that led into the garage opened, and Jacob walked in. My heart lurched, I couldn't help it. He was wiping his hands on a blue towel and then shoved the towel into his slate gray jumpsuit.

His eyes caught mine, and that familiar pause strangled the air in the room. This time, I just couldn't work up the pluck to act like nothing was wrong. I tried to imagine lighting the bunting on fire to make myself feel better. This office never seemed smaller, and the walls were closing in on me.

"Hey, Bells."

I looked up and nervously sucked my lower lip between my teeth, "Hey. Just came by to get my truck." My voice was slightly false, and I wondered if he could hear it. I was trying not to be upset at him. Just because I had given him a piece of myself I'd never have back didn't mean I therefore had a reservation on his sperm, right?

_Right?_

"Congrats, Jake." I nearly choked on the words.

But Jake knew I was forcing myself to be civil. Jacob Black was one of the only man in the world who knew me cover to cover, and what I looked like without my book jacket.

"Here's your keys, Bella."

Kim reappeared, and it seemed to break the awkward silence in the office. Jacob seemed frozen, just watching me, and it was actually making me feel uncomfortable.

I paid for the tires and fitting of the new one, and scrunched the keys in my hand until it was sore. I turned and stiffly walked toward the door, pushing against it.

I wanted to scream at him, rage, tear down the bunting and shove it in his mouth. But I didn't, I couldn't, because I really didn't think I needed anymore look off of the locals.

I slammed into my truck, and started the engine. I floored it out of the parking lot, the afternoon sun dulled as it went behind some clouds. The town passed by me on either side, and I turned off on to the road that led to my apartment.

I was able to calm down by the time I got home, and found it totally satisfying slamming the door.

I only had so much time to myself, though. Leah had asked earlier in the week if I wouldn't mind watching the boys tonight, while she and Sam went out to dinner. I blew air out of my mouth upwards, and my bangs fluttered. Walking forward towards the bedroom, I pulled out my tote bag from the closet and filled it with my knitting utensils, and other supplies I generally brought along whenever I went over to Leah's.

That evening when I arrived, Leah was just fastening an earring, and I heard a loud crash from behind her as she opened the door. She looked lovely, the aqua colored blouse sleeveless and satiny, held at her throat by a high collar that buttoned at the back of her neck. She wore loose slacks, and her heels clicked on the foyer tiles as she rushed back into the house.

"Jared, that better not have been your brother's head into that cabinet."

I laughed as Jared answered, "It was his knee."

"Jared!"

"Sorry, Mom!"

She looked at me following behind her, "Bella, I swear my sanity is directly linked to your masochistic agreement to babysit these little monsters."

I smiled back at her, "It's my pleasure."

"Auntie Bella!"

Little Quil was holding a picture up for me to inspect, as I stepped into the large living room area. Jared and Embry abruptly stopped wrestling as soon as they noticed Leah and I had entered.

"You boys be good for Bella. No rough housing. And if you're going to kill each other, don't make a mess!" She picked up random toys and action figures and tossed them into a plastic toy bucket that was kept in one corner of the room.

"Got it?" She eyed them, until they nodded in agreement.

Sam appeared, dressed in a crisp white shirt and matching tie to Leah's silk top.

"Hi Bella," he waved before turning to Leah, "You ready to go?"

Leah walked forward, "Don't you look handsome! Let me grab my coat and purse, and we can blow this popsicle stand."

I watched Sam help Leah put her coat on, and his hand settled at the small of her back as he led her towards the garage.

"See you in a few hours, Bells. Don't let them drive you crazy!"

I waved them off, "I won't!"

As the door closed, and the headlights bounced over the house from the car, I turned back to the boys.

"Pizza ok, guys?"

Quil jumped up and down, dressed in a Cookie Monster t-shirt and his underwear. Somehow, in the last few minutes, he had lost his pants.

He was squealing _pizza _over and over as the older boys argued over toppings.

"Bacon!"

"Pepperoni!"

"Half'n'half, but I want extra cheese."

I settled the arguments before it erupted into blows, and asked them to find something on TV they all could watch while I phoned our order.

When the pizza arrived, they launched into it, and I sat next to Quil while he ate at the table. Quil chattered on and on, and made a mess of himself.

The rest of the evening passed by in a blur. I bathed Quil, put him in his pajamas, and when it was his bedtime, I ended up having to carry him into bed. He was such a cute little guy, and he instantly cuddled his teddy bear as soon as I laid him down on his bed. Kissing his sweet smelling forehead, I whispered good night and quietly shut the door.

Back out in the living room, the boys had put some violent movie on, which they informed me that Leah let them watch. I was instantly suspicious when I saw some guy get his arm blown off.

"What the heck is this?"

"Face Punch," they answered simultaneously.

I screwed up my face, "This is supposed to be incredibly awful."

They looked at each other, then back at me. Embry spoke this time, "No way, Aunt Bella. It's cool!"

Why do men of any age love gratuitous violence?

I sighed, "Fine. But if I hear the f-word, it's going off. If it gets too violent, it's going off. And if I find out that Mom said a major no to this movie, next time, we're watching something made by Disney."

We settled in, and I pulled out my knitting. My mind wandered as the TV flashed, and I thought about yesterday.

I wondered what Edward Cullen was doing right now. I wondered if had dated anyone since his wife had passed.

_Dangerous thoughts, Bella, _that little voice inside me whispered.

I sighed, knowing it was stupid to even consider dating anyone here, not when the whole town would be watching. And if it ended badly, could I bear having every eye upon me?

The boys eventually started to fall asleep as the credits rolled, and I urged them to bed. Leah and Sam came home a few hours later, and I drove home along the silent streets.

The entire time thinking about a pair of apple green eyes, and strong hands. I thought about my call with Alice, and her promise to visit. I had been a different person in the city, even after college. I had been empowered to be myself, and I had been happy.

An idea was forming in my head, and by the time it was morning, it had evolved into a plan.

I got ready for church, the whole time distracted. My heart was thudding in my chest at the thoughts whirling in my head.

I was going to drive out to Edward Cullen's ranch, and thank him for helping me.

It was time to get busy living. And even if I was chased off, at least I would have my answer.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks so much to lambcullen for betaing, and snshyne for pre-reading. These words are possible because of them.**

**Spesh thanks to moxiejava who started a thread at twilighted for this story.**

**And also thanks to Salix Caprea for the lovely banner she made for this story. It's lovely doll, thanks!**

* * *

EPOV

"Looks like you got yourself a visitor."

My eyes met Eli's as I shut the door to Buttercup's stall. It had begun to snow this morning, and some of the appointments we'd had for today had been cancelled. I felt my brows knit together in confusion, as I walked towards the entrance, hearing a vehicle engine.

I stepped out of the stable, and saw a familiar purple Ford making its way up the drive. Behind the wheel sat Bella Swan. She cut the engine, and stepped out, a look of nervous determination on her face. She was all petite and feminine in her pink snow jacket, scarf and mittens. Snow caught in her hair, which she'd left down. I steeled myself against the urge to move closer to her, and brush the tiny crystals away. So instead, I put my hands on my hips, and then I ended up shoving them into my pockets.

I stepped forwards as a gust of wind caught us both, nearly taking off my hat and blowing her hair into her face. She fidgeted for a moment, brushing hair out of her eyes with her gloved fingers. I could feel several pairs of eyes on us as we eventually met up.

She stared at me for a moment, that nervous skittish look in her eyes. I shifted my weight, trying to look relaxed.

Finally, she licked her lips and spoke, "Um, hi. Is there somewhere we can talk?"

I looked down at her hands, which she was nervously wringing. Nodding once, I turned towards the house, and heard her follow after me. Reaching the door first, I held it open, and watched as she brushed past me into the house. I eyed the yard, and the boys who had stopped to watch us in the paddock, went back to walking horses. Eli ducked back into the stable.

The door closed behind me, and Bella had removed her gloves. Her hands were back to nervously wringing themselves, and before I could stop myself, I reached out and took hold of them. My cold hand touched hers, and there was a jolt from her warm skin that made all the hairs on the back of my arm tingle and stand up.

I snatched my hand back as if burned, and she looked away, embarrassed.

She started talking then, and it came out in a nervous stream.

"Look, I know this is probably not a good idea, and I get it that you will probably laugh me out of here, but I have to get this said or it's just gonna bother me. Do you wanna go out sometime for coffee, or lunch, or something? It doesn't have to be a date or anything. You seem like you could use a friend, and you're about the only person who doesn't seem to look at me funny in this whole town, so I was wondering if you would maybe wanna meet up sometime."

What did she mean, the whole town looked at her funny? She looked fine to me. My eyes studied her, and saw her eyes. They were full of hope, and waiting for some sort of reciprocation. Something icy slithered through my gut, and it lurched up my throat. I just wasn't ready for something like this, for anyone to reach out like this, and my gut reaction came out of my mouth."I don't think that would be a good idea, Bella." The words came out raspy as they scraped against the back of my throat.

Her face flushed, and she looked down, her shoulders slightly hunching in defeat. "Oh," she looked up again, those eyes of hers seeing right into me, "Well, if you change your mind, I guess you know how to reach me." That said, she all but ran from the house. I took a step towards her, but not knowing what I would do if I did reach her before she left. I caught the door before it shut behind her, and watched her walk down the steps. Bella didn't look right or left, her back was stiff, and her hair moved every time she did.

The headlights of her car lit up, catching fluffy snowflakes as they gently fell towards the ground. Her wipers were next, clearing the windshield as she backed up, turning the truck to head off. The boys had paused what they were doing, but went back to work when I appeared on the porch.

As I entered the stable, Eli wisely kept his thoughts to himself. I walked towards Chance's stall, and bridled and saddled him. Mounting up, I mumbled to Eli I was going to check the north fence.

I followed the path out of the yard, and into one of the pastures. I let Chance have his head, and he galloped through the snow, as the icy flakes cut into my cheeks and got into my eyes.

I thought about Bella, and her offer, and about what Eli had said the other day.

It had been awhile since I had actually attempted to go out. The boys all went out on a Friday night, and there was always an open invitation to go with them and drink my ass off. I usually didn't, not since Maria and Ben.

I just couldn't bring myself to go out and pretend to have a good time. I would rather sit in the silence of the house, or be with the horses instead.

Turning Bella down was a gut reaction, but maybe it was wrong. If it had been me, if I had died, I wouldn't want Maria to be alone for the rest of her life. I took a mental step back, and put her in my place.

I couldn't imagine Maria alone, and tired, and relying so heavily on the horses and the ranch for company.

I couldn't picture her so incredibly soul wrenchingly lonely. It killed to think of her that way. I swallowed past a lump in my throat, as Chance turned an ear toward me.

So why was it ok for me to live this way?

I rode Chance until the snow started to fall heavy. I didn't want him stepping into a deep drift and breaking a leg. I turned him back towards the ranch, and in a short while we were back in the yard. I walked him in the paddock, cooling him down, before removing his saddle.

Chance had always been my favorite, he had been bred as a champion racer, and after several wins, I had kept him to stud. He was great with people, more intelligent than some men, and incredibly perceptive.

When I led him to his stall and gave him a little water, he nudged my shoulder with his nose when I turned to go.

His eyes knew me too well, and his ears pricked forward.

"I'll be ok, buddy. I know I gotta make some decisions," I patted his nose and he snuffled at me.

"Yeah, yeah. Sooner rather than later. I hear ya."

+AtWH+

BPOV

Well that did not go well.

And that was the thought still floating in my brain two days later, as I leaned over the parts counter, and eyed the snow outside of the glass door.

I exhaled harshly, blowing upwards, and it ruffled my bangs.

The only good thing that had happened to me lately was my cold was clearing up. That was about it.

Leah walked past the counter, and stopped when she saw me. Leaning an arm over the counter, she pursed her lips at me.

"I can't believe it's still snowing outside."

"I know, right? At least they salted the main roads early enough this time."

We faded into silence until Leah straightened, "I forgot to tell you. We're all going out this Friday, if you want to come. Sam and I are going."

I looked at her, "Who is we?"

She shrugged, "Just a few of us from the shop. I think there will be about a dozen of us, all in. We're going to Whiskey Tango."

Whiskey Tango was one of the larger bars in town, it had a huge dance floor, as well as pool tables for the guys. On a Friday night, it was a real honky tonk, complete with live local bands.

"Please say yes, Bella," she pleaded.

I looked at her, square in the eye, "Ok. On one condition: that you do not try to set me up with random cowboys. It always ends badly for me. Promise me."

She smiled, and held up her hands, "I promise. Cross my heart, I will not set you up with random cowboys."

I thought about it for a moment. "Ok, I'll go,"

Leah explained that Sam was the designated driver for the evening, and they already had a babysitter lined up for the boys. Apparently Emmett had sprung it as an idea over the weekend, as a way to take Rose out. He said she was going stir crazy and needed to be with adults, so he wanted her to come out for a night with the gang.

I listened to this half heartedly, knowing it would always be different when I went out here rather than with my friends in the city. I just felt like I had to be more reserved here, that everyone was watching, and everyone knew me.

I think it tended to give off that _don't touch _vibe, but there was nothing I could do about it. I sighed again, as Leah moved off down towards the front registers to help a customer.

I hope I didn't sorely regret agreeing to go out, I just wasn't in the mood to watch happy couples.

+AtWH+

EPOV

It was Friday, and I sat in the smoky bar, watching the game of pool from a corner, a mug of beer in front of me.

"It's your turn, boss!"

I looked up at Eric, and he handed me a pool cue. I sauntered to the table, and set up my shot, ready to knock the solid red into the left corner pocket. A gust of cold air swept the bar as the front door opened and shut briefly. Some giggling women walked in, and headed for a table close to the dance floor.

I took my shot, and missed.

"Ooowee, bossman. You are shit outta luck tonight."

I smiled up at Eric who took the pool cue from my hand , "Watch your mouth, small fry or you'll be mucking those stables out all next week. Next round is on me boys."

They laughed at Eric while I headed for the bar. Ordering a fresh round of beer, the waitress promised to bring it over.

The pool game was eventually abandoned for drinking games, and as much as I could probably hold my weight in liquor, waking up with a rolling hangover tomorrow morning was not something I was ready to sign myself up for. A few of the guys broke off, leaving the younger ones to the drinking game. The dance floor was full of country jivers, and the live band was actually pretty good. I moseyed up to the bar, and while ordering a drink, was bumped into by one of the women who had walked in earlier. As she made contact with me, a feeling like a hook behind my navel shot through me.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sor-" but she stopped as her eyes met mine, and even in the poor lighting I could see the blush stain her cheeks. Bella Swan, with her hair softly curling, her jeans somehow tighter, and I could see the swell of her breasts in her low top.

"Hi, Bella." I tried for a smile, as she steadied herself.

"Um, hi. I was just getting drinks for the girls." Her eyes darted every where rather than meeting mine.

Another blast of cold air wafted in through the bar, as the door opened and closed, and a group of men entered, and made a beeline for the women who had come in with Bella.

"I can see that. You want a hand?" I gestured towards the drinks she had lined up on the counter.

She bit her lip, "Well, if you don't mind…"

I nodded, "I don't mind." Gathering up some of the drinks, I watched as Bella grabbed the rest and gestured in the direction of her table, "Lead the way."

I followed behind her, and tried not to stare at her ass, which her jeans were glued to. It swayed back and forth as she walked, and my eyes traveled up the curve of her spine to the back of her graceful neck. Her skin looked soft, and I wondered what she tasted like there, what she smelled like.

I gave myself a mental shake. _Don't even think about it._

Problem was, I was thinking about it. A little too much. Maybe it was the alcohol, who knew, but for once, I didn't feel so damn weighted down.

We arrived at her table, and I helped her sit the drinks down. Conversation came to a halt as the women looked up to find me helping Bella. One of them gave me a knowing glance, and I wondered what that was all about. I knew them vaguely from being around town, but I recognized Sam Uley from the sport section of the newspaper. Nodding to them, I excused myself and retreated back to the bar.

I ain't never ran from anything in my life, but I sure as hell was running now.

I just shouldn't be around her, she deserves better, and dipping my toe in the water felt more like shoving my boot in a vat of boiling oil.

I heard a loud bark of laughter, and smiled at the hands getting drunker and drunker, as the night wore on. The band played on, and people scooted across the floor, laughing and smiling with each other. My beer sat forgotten on the bar, as I struggled with myself.

The lights dimmed a little low, so all that was left was the small flicker of the mirror ball lights. A slower song came on, and I my eyes caught the movement of people rising, and taking their partners to the dance floor. My gaze moved towards the large table where the group Bella was with sat.

Those still at the table stood, and collected their respective partners. Some held hands, some walked arm in arm, smiling, as they moved out onto the floor.

Bella sat by herself, watching the couples with a look of longing on her face. The chairs surrounding her were empty except for jackets at the back of them. There were glasses sat half empty on the tables, scattered between them were paper coasters, and a basket of peanuts or two. Nevertheless, it all just seemed empty around her.

I looked around the bar, waiting for some young handsome buck to make his way over to her, but no one approached her.

What the hell was wrong with these people? Especially the people she was with? Why would they just leave her to sit by herself?

I could feel myself getting kinda angry. And before I knew it, I was purposefully striding over to her, straightening my hat.

But before I could reach her, before I was close enough, she abruptly got up from the table, and nearly ran in the direction of the bathrooms. I stopped where I was, and watched her. I lifted my hand, and unconsciously rubbed my palm over my bearded chin.

The slow song ended, and one of the couples returned to Bella's table. It was Sam Uley and his wife. She noticed Bella's absence, her eyes darted around the room and she exchanged some words with Sam before making her way towards the ladies.

Leah came back a little while later, alone. Where was Bella? Was she ok?

It was like watching a show on TV: A drama unfolding in front of me, but I was in no way a part of it.

I found my place back at the bar, and was dragged into settling a drunken dispute between Eric and Tyler. It was a quarter of an hour later, I caught a movement of dark long hair, and jeans making its way to the table. I looked over, and saw that quick goodbyes were being said. Bella was putting her coat on and grabbing her purse.

I tensed, and I watched her walk out the door. The bar faded, the boys faded, and the music quieted as I watched her walk towards the door. Muttering something to Eric, I excused myself from the conversation. I felt my legs start to move, my boots hitting the wooden floor, but not making any sound. I walked towards the door, and felt the cold air hit me when she reached it first. I wasn't too far behind her, my longer legs eating up the distance. Finally, I reached the door, and pushed outside.

Snow was starting to fall again, it was highlighted in the parking lot lights of the bar. Bella stood under the overhang of the roof. Her arms were crossed, her hands tucked in, and her shoulders were hunched to the cold. I could see her breaths in the thin air, and I slowly moved towards her. My own breaths puffed out in front of me, and I shoved my hands in my pocket.

Bella glanced over as she heard my boot scuffle on a wooden board. She sucked her lower lip in, and her eyes seemed vulnerable. I slowed down, knowing a skittish female when I saw one.

I had worked with horses nearly all my life, knew their behaviors, their reactions, their body language. A lot of that knowledge echoed itself in human behavior. I noted Bella's nervous shifting of her weight, her wide eyes, and the way she held herself.

I spoke first, "Hey." My voice caught, and I cleared my throat, trying again, "Hey."

That lower lip was released as she turned slightly toward me, "Hey."

It was a whisper, almost as quiet as the snow falling just beyond in the parking lot.

"You ok?" I asked, unwilling to pussyfoot around.

She nodded her head, and looked away from me, "Yeah." she half whispered this time, her voice slightly scratchy.

I took another step forward, until I was almost next to her. I settled myself against a porch post, my hands still in my pockets.

She licked her lips, and I watched her pink tongue moisten her swollen lower lip.

The wind picked up for a moment, and just lightly blew snow in our direction. Some of it caught in her hair, and this time I gave in.

Before I knew what I was doing, and without really making sure it was ok, I reached over and smoothed that lock of hair. It was soft, and I wanted to run my fingers through the rest of her hair, the warm silky strands calling to me.

I looked into those big brown eyes of hers, and paused. Something hit me full force, starting in my stomach, running to the toes of my boots and back up again. She blinked, her long lashes gracefully moving from her cheek and back up.

The picture of her flashed through my mind, of her sitting alone at that table while the rest of the world dancing around her.

"There's something about you I can't turn away from, Bella."

She licked her lips again, and I wanted to trace my finger over her bottom lip this time.

"Then don't," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N**

**Orly?**

**Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Lambcullen and Snshyne's beta and prereading skills brings all the boys to the yard. And they're like, it's better yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. They could teach you, but they'd have to charge.**

**Thank you for all the pimping, rec'ing, favoriting, alerting, tweeting, reviewing, and most of all, reading.**

* * *

EPOV

_Then don't._

Her words echoed around my brain, over and over, as I closed my eyes against the sound. A car pulled into the parking lot, and she startled. I opened my eyes, seeing hers were sorry.

"That's my taxi."

I nodded, and took a step back from her, dropping my hand. It found its way back into my pocket, as space opened up between us again. Her eyes darted from the taxi to me, and she seemed to be trying to make a decision.

"Do you…do you wanna share my taxi?" she asked, that hopeful look in her eyes again.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat while rubbing my hand over my beard, "I need to get my coat. Wait for me?"

Her mouth lifted at one corner in a smile, "Yeah. Of course I will."

I rushed back into the bar, the music and warmth hitting me in the face. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I found my coat on the back of a chair. I shoved my arms into it, and straightened my hat. As I started to walk away, Eric's voice stopped me.

"Hey boss, where you goin'?"

Turning to face him and the rest of the guys, I held my hands up, as I stepped backwards, "I'm done for the night."

"It's your round next time."

"That's a deal. You boys take care now."

I turned to walk away as they went back to their drunken game of pool. The taxi waited outside, its headlights highlighting little flurries of snowflakes in the darkness. I got in on the other side, and Bella gave directions to her apartment.

The taxi pulled out into the darkness, and the red glow of the meter illuminated the car in between passing streetlights. There was an electric glow from the woman beside me, and it made me ache in so many different ways.

Ache to put my arm around her.

Ache to take her cold hand in mine.

Ache to do something other than sit in quiet silence in the backseat of this car.

I could see my chest rise and fall with each breath, and my heart pumped in my ears, as I saw her hand on the seat between us. Just when I moved my hand, she moved hers away. Her fingers lifted to her eyes, her body turning away from me to look out the window.

She sniffled, and my gut tightened.

She was crying.

The noise of the taxi's blinker light ticked through the silence, as the driver turned into Bella's apartment complex.

"Number seven, ma'am?"

Bella cleared her throat, "Yes please."

She turned to me, her face clear, but the moving shadows of the light outside cast strange shadows across her face. She reached into her purse and pulled out some money but I shook my head.

"No way, I ain't takin your money." I put my hand up, and she nibbled that bottom lip as she contemplated arguing with me. The taxi parked itself outside of her block.

We blinked when the driver turned on the lights inside the cab. My eyes adjusted to her red rimmed ones and slightly red nose.

Her eyes were stormy as she spoke, "Well. Um. Thanks…for sharing my taxi, I guess."

Before I could respond, she let herself out, and shut the door quickly behind her.

I sat for a moment and watched her head towards the stairs. I sighed at the back of my throat, and felt gumption find its way into my spine.

"Can you hang on for a minute, man? I'm gonna make sure she gets in ok."

"Sure thing, Mac."

I opened the car door, and nearly fell on my ass getting out of the cab, the pavement was slippery from the fresh snow. Righting my self, I slogged towards the stairs, her backside just disappearing out of reach.

I ran up the steps, and rounded the corner just as she opened the door.

"Bella! Bella, wait!"

She tensed as I hurried towards her. She looked at me, and something in her eyes unraveled a knot inside me. I felt it release just as I reached her.

I caught my breath quickly, and lifted a lock of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, my fingertips lingering at her cheek bone. Her skin flushed, her cheeks rosy, and I wasn't sure if that was me, or the cold.

I swallowed, suddenly wondering if this was ok. It had been a long time since I had been close to a woman, like this.

My finger moved to her chin, and I pulled her face up. She had perfect soft skin, with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose.

I moved my head closer to hers, and her lashes fluttered to her cheeks as she closed her eyes. Her lower lip called to me, and I bent to run my lips across it. There was the soft sound of her breath, quickly pulled in at the contact of my lips on hers.

I gave her more, applying more pressure. Her hand holding the keys, dropped them so they thumped dully against her door mat. Her hand rested on my chest, as our mouths touched, and my fingers moved from her chin to her cheek, my thumb caressing her.

Softly I ended the kiss, and her eyes opened. My thumb moved over her cheekbone once again, and I swear she leaned into the touch.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night."

My mind was stunned, reeling from what had just happened. I reluctantly moved away from her, and back down the hall. I could still taste her on my lips as I got back in the cab.

BPOV

Saturday morning, the sun was bright outside and the brilliant glow of morning shown through my bedroom curtains. I rolled over in bed and stretched, and Shadow hopped up on the bed to investigate.

"Hmm, morning, Shad," I sighed as my arms stretched over my head. Shadow stepped onto my stomach, and sat down, her golden eyes intently communicating the universal feline death-stare. My cheeks started to hurt, and I realized it was because I was grinning like a big dork.

It was the same grin I wore after I heard the taxi drive away. I happy twirled myself around my apartment, nearly knocking over a lamp, and sending Shadow under the table.

It was also the same grin I wore as I put my pajamas on and eventually went to bed.

It was nice to grin. I sighed again.

He kissed me. He really did kiss me, and I had felt it from my curling toes all the way up my legs to my hips, my breasts, and tingling in the roots of my hair. His beard had tickled slightly, and the way his work roughened hand had felt against my cheek still gave me tingles.

Perfect. It had been perfect, and I wanted to do it again.

I sat up, and lifted Shadow against me. She normally wasn't much for being picked up, but she didn't seem to mind, and as I hugged her close to me, she purred loudly, seeming to enjoy my happy mood.

I tried not to over think it. It had only been a kiss, after all. It wasn't a promise, but it was much better than total rejection. Something told me I had to tread lightly with Edward. That haunted look seemed to just stay with him, but it didn't repel me the way it did some people. I wanted to reach out and pull him through.

It was like watching someone get their truck stuck in the mud. They make a huge mess, when all they need to do is rock themselves out of it. And sometimes, they just needed a good push to get started.

I wanted to give Edward that push.

It was just how to do it. It obviously had to be on his terms. Confronting him, making the first move was not going to work. Could I wait for him to make the first move?

That was the thought I turned over and over in my mind during the day, until it was time to leave for dinner. I filled Shadow's little food bowl, and balanced a chocolate cake in my arms as I walked down the stairs to my truck. Most of the snow that had fallen last night had melted away, leaving the roads wet and the land damp.

I pulled into my parents driveway, and still thinking about Edward, still thinking about his lips on mine, I walked into the house. Momma and Daddy made no mention of my silence throughout the meal while I finished in silence.

"Isabella Marie, where is your mind?"

I looked up, my forkful of mashed potatoes paused in front of my mouth. They were both looking at me, my father's dark brows drawn together in concern, and my mother's lips drawn up at one side in question.

Maybe I hadn't been as stealthy as I thought.

"It's nothing' Ma. I'm just away in another world." I brought the fork to my mouth, and my father continued with his dinner. My mother gave me a lingering look that confirmed I was in for a mother-daughter talk while we did the dishes.

Sure enough, after dinner when my father sauntered into the living room to watch college basketball, I brought the dishes to the counter. Momma side eyed me, handed me a towel and turned on the water.

"Right, little girl. Out with it."

I tried dumb, "What?"

She shot me another look.

I tried innocent, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She handed me a plate to dry, "Baby you know that ain't gonna wash with me. Spill. I can see you whittling away at something in your mind."

Exhaling, I stacked the dish on the drying rack and she handed me another.

"Just between you and me, I had a good night kiss last night."

Her gaze shot from the dish she was washing to me, "What?"

"Shhhh! Keep your voice down, I don't exactly need the sheriff on the case, ok?" I glanced towards the living room, the open plan of the house affording me a view of the back of my father's head, which was intently fixed on the blaring TV.

She smiled at me, "My lips are sealed. So…who? Anyone we know?"

I stacked the next dish, and started drying another, "Well, it was Edward Cullen."

Momma was taken aback again, "Wait. Edward Cullen who owns the ranch out on 101? Widowed Edward Cullen?"

I nodded. Her eyebrows raised as a thought went through her head that I couldn't decipher. So I continued, "It's just…I dunno. He seems like a really nice guy, I'm sure. He's just…he's not like other guys."

"Baby, you listen to me. I'm not gonna tell you who to see, but you be careful with that man."

"Why?" I placed a bowl over the rack and reached for a glass.

"Between you and me, men are funny creatures. They don't do well with change, and because of that, they're even worse with loss. Edward Cullen is no different. He used to be a member of this circle and that association, his horses were known across three states. That was three years ago. Now, he works very hard at trying to keep other people at a distance."

I placed the glass down and turned to her, "How do you know all this?"

She gave me a look, "How does anyone know anything in a small town, sugar?"

I huffed, "Point taken. He won't let me make any of the first moves, but I'm afraid he's gonna scurry back up his tree like a frightened squirrel."

"You just gotta tread carefully, Baby. He's been hurtin' a long time over Maria. They were high school sweethearts."

"What happened to Maria. I mean, I know it was some sort of accident, but what actually happened?" I dried the cutlery she handed me, and put it in the drawer.

"It was a real shame. Dark winter night, right before Christmas. You know how those roads can get out there. She was hit by a drunk driver going way too fast. Her and her son."

I looked up sharply, "They had a son?"

Momma nodded, "Sad day. He was just a little boy, very young. Handsome like his daddy but had those pretty eyes like his mother."

That gave me a lot more to consider. I hadn't known he'd had a son, I only knew his wife had passed away.

How awful for him. It was cliché, and I didn't believe it actually happened in real life, but my heart really did swell for him. I knew his mother and father had passed away years ago. But to not have the support of your family after losing your own family…

No wonder he acted the way he did. I understood him more now, but the one thing I reminded myself was, that I can't pity him. I just couldn't do that to him, the way folk did it to me.

Maybe that was why he was the way he was. People in this town, they seem to follow the pack and assume one person's behaviors and actions are correct, rather than make up their own minds.

It's what drives me absolutely out of my mind sometimes. I inhaled deeply, and exhaled, feeling my resolve to be…something to Edward Cullen.

With his taste still fresh in my mind, and his smell lingering on my coat…

That night as I drove home, the cogs turned in my mind, but I still couldn't think of a solution on how to bring Edward closer.

EPOV

"That's the fifth time you slammed something around today, youngin'. Care to share what hair crawled up your ass?"

I locked my jaw, and straightened my hat. I knew what I was doing, knew that I wasn't exactly going quietly about things. I also knew the horses could sense it as well. Buttercup gave me a look from her stall that was too knowing.

"No, I don't reckon I'll be sharing," I answered as I turned back to the rope I had started to wind up.

Eli took a step towards me, "Boys said you went out with them last night."

I nodded, "I did. What of it?"

"Said you left early." There was grit in his voice, and I tensed, waiting for the question he was hesitating to ask.

"Just say it, old man."

He licked his teeth, making a sucking sound with his tongue, "When you're my age, you ain't got time to waste messin' around. A man looks back at his life and wonders over time he wasted. Men who waste a lot of time have a lot more to regret."

A weighted silence followed, and I finished coiling the rope, "And? What is that supposed to mean?"

He made that sucking noise with his tongue again, "Nothin. Just the mumbles of an old man. Pay no mind to me youngin'. I best be on my way while my dinner is hot. I can see Carmen crossing the yard."

The crunch of his boots across dirt and gravel filled the air, and was followed by the soft murmurs of Carmen's voice. It was answered by the garble drawl of Eli and faded with the sunset away from the yard. It left me with the quiet noises of the stable, horses munching grain, the odd snuffle setting a broken tempo to the drawing in of the day.

Blizzard moved his head over his stall door and I walked over to him, his white forelock falling in his big expressive eyes. I stopped to pat his nose before heading into the house. A chill was settling in the air and I shut the door quickly behind me as I stepped into the darkened house.

I sighed, and the noise seemed to bounce off the walls around me. The hum of the fridge broke the heavy silence when I entered into the kitchen and found the plate Carmen had left me. It was covered in foil, and I took it off and shoved the plate into the microwave. I poured myself a glass of milk, and replaced the carton.

And finally as I sat down and ate my dinner in the silence, I let the last night's events hit me. I'd been avoiding them all day, and closed my eyes as my fork hit the ceramic plate with a loud clank.

Her smell.

Her taste.

The way her hair felt between my fingers.

Her eyes, and the way they devour me, the way they hope for me.

The shuttered look in them, as if she's waiting for me to do something to her. And how I wanted to make that look disappear.

I didn't even know, that was the worst part. I didn't know how to go about her, it, or me. It felt like the whole world was watching with baited breath, and I was waiting for them to judge me.

As if I were betraying Maria by even looking sideways at anyone else.

Because that's how it had felt last night.

At first.

But kissing Bella was different. And my mind had tortured me for the better part of the night after I got home. I had stuck the dagger in deep as I compared them in my mind.

Maria's lips, her voice, her smell. The way she would say certain phrases, the soft cadence of Spanish, which she had spoken when she was with her family, accenting her words.

But the worst part was, it was Bella's face I pictured more than Maria's. I had been with Maria for nigh on fifteen years before she was taken away from me. I had watched her go from girl to woman, and she watched me from lanky teenager to a man.

It felt like those memories, of when we laughed together, they were like my mother's old quilt that I kept folded in a trunk upstairs. I knew it was there, what it felt like, the patchwork patterns memorized. How the cotton felt against my fingertips, how it smelled.

But it stayed in that trunk, waiting for the next time I decided to pull it out and examine it.

Was Maria becoming like that old quilt? Would she be a tucked away memory?

My first instinct was to deny it, deny the non-existence of that train of thought. But that train wound around a bend, and I had to admit that maybe, it was right.

I had to try and move on from this. I was tired of how quiet this house was. Dog tired.

I picked up my fork, and finished my dinner. I washed the plate and set it to dry, while I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Checking the time, I noticed it was only seven-thirty. I turned to the junk drawer, and dug around for the notepad. Finding it, I pulled it out and flipped to the page where I knew I had scribbled down a note.

Finding it, I absently reached for the phone and dialed.

She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella?"

"This is she, who's this?"

"It's Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Oh. OH! Hi."

I smiled, picturing her surprised face.

"Is that offer for coffee still good?"

"Um yeah! Yeah, of course it is. When?"

"Are you doing anything right now?"

"Right now?" her voice squeaked.

"Shit, I mean shoot. You're probably busy I'll-"

"NO! I'm not busy. I mean-well I am busy but not too busy."

"Do you want to come out to the ranch? I've got coffee out here."

"Um, yeah ok. I can be there in half an hour?"

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me, "Yeah, sure. I'll see you then."

"See you," and she hung up.

If anyone could see me grinning like a fool in my kitchen all by myself, they would think I was plumb loco.

Maybe they'd be right.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**Sorry for the update fail. I have no excuses.**

**Spesh thanks to my bestie, Lambie, who pink penned this chapter, even though she's incredibly busy at the moment with her BOOK. Yeah, she's written an original story, which is due for launch Jan 27th. How cool is that?**

**And fun fondles to snshyne, who somehow succeeded in making me laugh incredibly early in the morning with her comments and love for Rancherward. Thanks doll face.**

* * *

EPOV

I hung up the phone, and paced for a moment, moving first back towards the kitchen and then stopping, before heading back into the hall. I looked down at myself, and realized I should clean up. I wasn't exactly clean from a hard day's work, and as I slapped my hands against my jeans, dust rose. I flew up the stairs, and washed before throwing on a fresh shirt and jeans. My fingers fumbled over the buttons, and I was surprised to see them shaking.

Grabbing my hat, I went back downstairs and started the coffee machine.

The sound of her truck in my driveway almost drew me to the front windows, and I checked myself against looking outside. My heart was racing again, as if it hadn't beat in a long time.

There was a knock just as the coffee machine finished. I walked over and into the foyer to open the door. Opening it wide, there she stood, dark hair and pink parka. She seemed nervous, and her hands wrung in front of her.

"Hi," I said, and stepped aside, holding the door open.

"Hi." She looked down as she stepped inside, and I closed the door behind her, the chill of the outside sealed off from the warmth.

We stood awkwardly for a moment, and I finally remembered my manners, "Can I take your coat?"

"Um, yeah." Bella unzipped the light pink parka, and her scent filled the air briefly around us as she handed the coat to me. I hung it off of the stair banister and showed her into the kitchen.

"Feel free to have a seat, or make yourself at home," I murmured as I pulled out two mugs from the kitchen cabinet.

"How do you like your coffee? Cream? Sugar?"

"Just enough cream to color it, please," she answered, and I smiled as I stood over her mug.

I sat the mug in front of her, and joined her at the table with my own. It was quiet for a moment, and she broke the silence.

"I would have brought something over, but I didn't have anything ready," she turned the mug in front of her and it made a dull scraping noise over the wood on the table.

"I already ate anyways."

"Oh. Well I meant like, dessert or whatever."

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Dessert?"

She blushed, "Yeah. I like to bake. I find it kind of therapeutic."

_Don't think of Maria. Don't think of Maria. Don't think of Maria._

But there it was.

_Blueberry muffins on cold winter mornings, Christmas cookies that she and Ben had decorated, a chocolate birthday cake. _

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, trying to push those memories back. "So what else do you like to do?"

She huffed a small laugh, "You mean beside sitting by myself at tables in Honky Tonks-"

I sat back in my chair, "If you had given me three more seconds, I was on my way over."

Her eyes widened, "You were?"

I nodded, "Well yeah. Pretty thing sittin' all alone, it was my cowboy duty to make sure you took a turn once around that dance floor."

She laughed, "Cowboy duty?"

I sipped my coffee, "Mmhmm. It's in the Codebook. Page thirty seven: No pretty gals are to be left on the sidelines during slow numbers."

She nodded, "Uh huh, I'd like to see this codebook sometime."

"Not possible, ma'am," I sat back and straightened my hat, "It's a secret codebook. I risk losing my hat and boots just sharing that small part with you."

She giggled this time, and the sound vibrated inside of me, making me want to touch that smile, hold her close, and feel that laugh against my chest.

She lifted her mug to her mouth, before sitting it back down again, "I've heard you cowboys are nothing' but trouble."

"They can't be real cowboys then."

Bella smiled, and I sipped my coffee again. When I set my mug down, something flickered in her eyes.

"What?"

She cleared her throat, "You have um…you have some-" she gave up, and reached for a paper napkin from the holder on the table. Before I knew what she was doing, she was dabbing at my lip.

She blushed when she sat down, the blue tissue disappearing into her fist, "Sorry, you had coffee in your moustache."

It was my turn, and for the first time in a long time, I felt my own cheeks warm. Thank Christ, I had a beard.

"Thanks."

We sat awkwardly again, for a moment, and something hung in the air between us. I watched her nervously lift her coffee to her mouth.

I licked my lips, and I saw her eyes follow the movement, "Do you want to see some of the ranch?"

"I would love to. I'm night blind though, so whatever parts you can light up, I'll gladly see them."

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Night blind, huh?" Bella nodded her head, her eyes locking with mine, and words choked in my throat. My mind floundered as I looked into her eyes, and how they seemed to see right through me sometimes.

I stood up, and she echoed the movement, our chairs scraping back in unison across the kitchen floor.

"C'mon, let's get your coat." I led the way back out into the foyer, and helped her on with it. She stuck her arms through the sleeves, and I maneuvered the jacket around for her. Doing this was instinctive, something I knew to do like tying my shoes or riding a bike. I had watched my father do it for my mother when I was a boy.

Bella fluffed her hair out over the collar of the coat, and I resisted the urge to lean my face down to smell it.

Grabbing my own coat from a peg in the hall closet, I opened the front door and gestured for her to go before me. Following her out, I shut the door softly behind me.

The early spring sky was awash with tiny stars, catching the light of a crescent moon as it sat nestled in a small passing cloud.

Bella zipped up her jacket and pulled out something from her pocket. "Do you want a piece of butterscotch?" she asked, as she popped a piece in her mouth. I shook my head, and she replaced the candy in her pocket.

"S'pose I'll show you the stable first." I started walking, and realized I would have to shorten my stride for her to keep up.

"Are you gonna show me the horses?" Her voice was stirring with excitement.

I chuckled, "Yes, I'm gonna show you the horses. You've not been around them much, have you?"

"No. Daughter of a county sheriff whose mode of transportation is a four by four with wheels."

I shook my head, I couldn't imagine a life without horses, "I was raised on this ranch. My father was a retired vet that took in retired animals and trained them for other work. When I graduated college, I applied for a grant and expanded the ranch to incorporate quarter horses."

She walked into the barn as I held the door open. Her eyes tried to take in as much as they could, and as we entered, Blizzard came over to the front of his stall. His head poked over the door, and he made a greeting sound, his eyes settling on Bella, his ears curious.

"This handsome boy is Blizzard." I stepped over and patted his nose, "You can touch him."

Bella tentatively put her hand out and stroked Blizzard's gray nose.

"Oh, he's like velvet," her voice was soft with wonder, as she moved her palm.

"There are some apples over on the bench there if you want to give him a treat."

"Can I?" she asked, and her eyes were almost sparkling.

I laughed, and nodded my head, "I'll get it."

I walked over and picked up one of the apples. Pulling out a knife, I sliced the apple and gathered the pieces. Moving back to stand next to her, I held out my hands, full of red apple.

"Pick up one of the slices and just let it sit in your palm under his nose. He knows what you've got."

Blizzard obligingly snuffled over Bella's land, taking the slice from her. She giggled that giggle again that made my insides clench.

"Oh my God it tickles. And you get to do this all the time?"

"Sure do, ma'am. Maybe not the apples all the time." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chance come over to investigate. "C'mon, we're gonna make someone jealous if we don't pay him any attention."

Chance was looking at us, his big puppy dog eyes looking into mine, and then Bella as she approached with an apple slice offering. He gladly took the treat, and she pet him, stroking him as she had Blizzard.

I watched her face, and the soft glow of discovery lit her features. Most of all, the shadows that always seemed there, at the back of her eyes were gone. We moved down the stalls, until the apples were gone, and the horses affectionately satisfied.

When we got to Buttercup's stall, Bella let out a small sound as she spied Buttercup's colt.

"Ohmygosh is that a baby?"

I felt myself laugh again, "Yeah, that's a colt, honey. His name is Deuce."

Buttercup lifted her head, and Deuce, still all knobby knees and legs, walked over. Where Buttercup was a light palomino, she had been covered by a stud with sooty genes, and Deuce had been born with a much darker coat but with lighting around his face.

"He's so perfect."

I smiled slightly, proud of Buttercup and her colt, knowing Deuce was going to be a handsome stud someday.

We finished with the horses, and Bella reluctantly left the barn.

"That's about it for the nighttime, unless you wanna see the lake. But that requires driving out towards it."

Bella shrugged, "I'll go where you lead me."

I looked at her for a moment, but before I could check myself I muttered, "Alright," and dug in my pockets for the keys to my truck.

We drove in silence, and I pulled a flashlight from the glove box to help Bella. I ended up having to take her arm when she nearly tripped over something on the ground.

"You weren't lying about that night blindness, were you sweetheart?"

Her nervous voice answered me in the darkness, "Um…no."

We reached the shore of the lake, and a light chilly breeze met us over the water. Bella shivered, and then yawned.

"Are you tired? Do you want me to take you back?"

She shook her head, and wiped moisture from her eyes, "No, its just that breeze, I swear."

We stood in silence for a moment, both of us looking out over the water.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

I shifted my weight not really sure how to field that question.

I swallowed thickly, "I don't really know."

Her boot toed the ground, "You sure hightailed it up those stairs quick. I didn't even hear you behind me until you shouted."

The breeze rolled through again, and she shivered and yawned. The silence enveloped us, and not even the soft lapping of the waves could drown it out. I stuck my hands in my pockets, and my fingers came across the small elastic band I'd been carrying around with me.

She sighed, "It was nice."

I blinked, "What was?"

"The kiss."

My head snapped towards her, and she was looking at me, her eyes soft and searching in the moonlight reflecting from the lake.

"Do you think…do you think it might happen again sometime?"

_Why couldn't females just ask a specific question?_

"Do I think what might happen again?"

She made a soft sound in her throat, "The kiss."

I ran my tongue over my back teeth while I pondered this. Did I want it to happen again?

The answer came to me quicker than I expected.

"I reckon so."

Bella was quiet again for a moment. And then, "Do you know when-"

I turned to her before she could finish, and pulled her to me. There was a surprised sound that escaped her lips just before mine covered hers. I gripped her arms, squeezing them gently over her coat as her hands traveled up my chest over my own coat. Her lips were soft under mine, and she tasted of the butterscotch candy she had been sucking on.

My eyes were closed, and I was solely focused on the girl in front of me. My tongue touched her lips, and she angled her head, opening her mouth. Her taste mingled with mine, her tongue caressing mine, and it was almost too much too fast.

I pulled back from her with a muffled groan. We stood there, both of us panting.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"What?"

"I'm sorry if I-"

I shook my head, and my hand cupped her chin. My thumb moved slowly over her plump lower lip, "You got nothin' to be sorry for, honey. That was all me."

She closed her eyes as my fingers moved into her hair, and her tongue moved over where my thumb had been.

_What the hell am I doing? _

Dropping my hand, I stepped back, and my hands found their way into my pockets again.

"C'mon, I'll take you back to the ranch. It's gettin' late." I nervously ran a hand over my beard as I avoided her eyes.

She swallowed, "OK."

We drove back in silence, the light of the dash casting gaunt shadows across her face. My hands tightened on the wheel, and I tried not to pay any mind to the things buzzing inside of me.

I felt like a criminal. At any moment, I was waiting for someone to come out and point a finger at me. The worst part was, it wasn't because I felt like I was cheating on Maria. It was more that I was enjoying being a part of Bella's company.

It's what she did to me that scared the ever lovin' hell out of me. She evoked things in me I hadn't felt before with Maria. And that's why I was waiting for it, I needed someone to slap the tar out of me, to tell me to back away now, surely it had to be wrong.

Maria was my wife for Chrissake.

I'm an asshole, and I felt it from the top of my head and down to my boots. I was lower than low. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, and if I'm not careful, I could hurt us both.

The house came into sight, and I drove onto the main driveway. Just as I parked the truck, she turned to me. I cut the engine, and she opened the door on her side and got out, shutting the door behind her.

I was at her back, and she suddenly turned around, and I nearly ran into her. I put my hands instinctively on her shoulders, and a small warmth found its way inside my chest at the contact. Her eyes looked up into mine, and I could see those shadows there again.

Bella's hand came up to my face, and I flinched as she cupped my jaw, her thumb running over my cheek.

Her eyes sparkled with tears and something twisted in my gut at the sight. Before I could ask her what was wrong, she spoke.

"Oh, Edward. What are you doing to yourself?"

I looked away from her eyes, but she wouldn't let me hide.

"Hey. It's ok," she whispered. I flinched again, and my gut lurched.

I shook my head, "I'm not good for you, Bella. I can't-" I started but she interrupted me.

A tear slowly fell down her cheek, "I know you're a good man, Edward Cullen. If you weren't good, you would have left me in that parking lot-"

"But-"

"If you weren't good, you wouldn't have helped me with my tire, and you wouldn't have come out after me at the bar."

I pulled away from her hand on my face, and stepped away from her, needing space. I felt like I was in the ring with her, on my eighth round and losing.

"I think…I think you should go." I looked up to see the flash of pain in her eyes. I inhaled, as if I had just cut myself, "It's not what you think…"

Bella cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. "No, it's OK. I get it, I really do. You call me when you're ready, Edward. I don't wanna push you into anything."

I stood there, unable to move, as she walked back to her truck and got in. I was still standing there in the driveway as her taillights disappeared into the night.

Eventually I went in, and sat up all night, an untouched three fingers of whiskey in front of me, and my guitar tuned but entirely silent.

+AtWH+

BPOV

I sat behind the desk in the back office, tallying the months accounts.

Going over the same column for the third time, I decided I had to stop for my own sanity. Checking my cell phone for the five thousandth time this week, I rolled my eyes and stood up.

Feeling for a dollar in my pocket, I made my way out of the office to the staff vending machines which were near the delivery room. I opened the can of diet coke as I walked back to the office.

A week. Edward hadn't called in over a week, and I was sitting on top of my phone like some kind of lame-assed desperate idiot.

Oh my God, if Alice could see me now.

Sitting back down in the chair, I stared at the accounts in front of me and sipped from the can in fingers. I looked up as Emmett knocked on the door and came in.

"Hey Bells?"

"Yeah, boss?"

His eyes shifted back down the hallway, "Take a break, someone wants you out front."

I stood up, "Oh yeah? Is Daddy here?"

He shook his dark head, "It sure ain't your Daddy."

I smiled at him. "Well, who is it then?"

He looked me dead on, "It's Edward Cullen."

"Are you kidding me?" My voice had suddenly gone up a pitch as I gawked at Emmett.

He cocked a black eyebrow at me, and the dimples in his cheeks shown when he smiled at me, "No ma'am. You better hightail it out there, he looks ready to bolt."

I blinked at him for a moment before trying to find a pace out of the office that didn't look like a desperate teenage girl running after her crush.

Which I am not, I am a mature woman in my late twenties. Jumping at the sound of my own sneakers squeaking against the tile, I looked down at them. Somehow between trying to put one foot in front of the other, I tripped over my own two feet. Lucky for me, it was right at the doorway to the deliveries desk, and my hands and cheek slapped against the cool flooring.

Dazed, I looked up, and saw Edward looking over the counter at me, "You ok?"

I started to try to get up, my face flaming. I nodded, too embarrassed to talk, and he had the counter divider up and was helping me up.

I said the first thing that entered my brain, "You're not supposed to be back here."

"Honey, I ain't gonna stand there and watch you pick yourself up," he said lowly in my ear.

I shivered at his voice and his words. His hands moved over my arms, and examined my hands before moving up to my cheek. He frowned slightly, and his thumb rubbed over a sensitive spot on my cheek. His hands were not in anyway trying to be sexy, and it wasn't like he was touching me in _that way. _So why did it feel like he'd just caressed me?

"Is there somewhere we can go to talk," he asked.

I bit my lip, trying to think, "Um, not really. But I'm on my break…we can go outside, I guess."

"OK," he said and led the way to the front door. I couldn't help but watch the easy way he moved, there was something quietly smooth and masculine about it, fluid strength wrapped in denim and plaid. He caught me looking when he turned to hold the door open, and I felt my face heat again.

Walking outside, I noticed some of the crocuses were growing in front of the store that Rose had planted them last year. Their purple and white buds seemed full of early springtime rebirth.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw through the store windows one of the girls at the register straining to see what sort of conversation Edward and I were having.

I twisted my lips and nodded towards my truck, "Do you want to sit in the truck?"

Edward shifted on his feet and ran a hand over his face. "Yeah…OK."

He stalked forward, and I unlocked the truck with a control on my keys. He paused, and I motioned for him to go ahead. When we were sitting inside, we both stared at the field in front of us out of the windshield.

I turned to look at him as he took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"Bella…I don't want to hurt you. I feel like I'm only half of myself, and it isn't because of…" he swallowed loudly, "…my wife. Well, that's a part of it, but mostly it's me. I don't know how to-how to…" he cut off and rubbed his hand over his face again. I could tell he was getting agitated as he shifted in his seat, the springs groaning beneath him.

"Jesus, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

I brushed a lock of hair behind my ear, "Can I interrupt?" When his green eyes met mine, I continued, "I think you're over-thinking this, Edward. In fact, you're thinking about things way too much. Just roll with it. I'm not asking you to marry me, and I'm not looking for you to commit yourself to anything major, here."

He exhaled again, "That's just the thing, though. I'm an all or nothin' kind of guy. I can't do anything halfway."

I shook my head, "But how can you go all in, if you're not even sure what's going to happen? You've kissed me what, twice? We've not even been on a real date, for goodness' sake."

He blinked and looked at me, studying my face.

I sighed, "Edward. Just relax and go with it. Don't think so far ahead. Don't worry about hurting me, I'm a big girl. We're adults. OK?"

He nodded in agreement and then turned back to look at the tree in the distance, blooming with springtime buds.

I followed his gaze, and an easier silence seemed to settle in the cab of the truck this time. I could almost physically feel him relax.

He cleared his throat, "So…you wanna go out sometime?"

I laughed, really laughed, felt my cheeks and lips spread in a huge grin. His head turned back to me, and for once, he was smiling too. A small one, but it was a smile.

"I dunno, Mr. Cullen. You sure you ain't too busy? For dinner and a movie?" I challenged him.

This time the small grin kicked up at one side, and I felt my heartbeat faster.

"Never too busy for you, honey. Tomorrow night, pick you up at seven?"

"You got yourself a date, Cowboy."

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading! Have a good week!**

**PS: For those of you that enjoyed my vamp story, I've started another one, called Immortal Beloved.**

**PPS: I finally updated my profile with twilighted thread links, banner links, and blog links. Sorry for the delay. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Many thanks to my beta, lambcullen, and my lovely prereader, snshyne. **

**Hope you gals have your date knickers ready!**

* * *

BPOV

I cranked the metal handle of the can opener around the small can of cat food. Shadow weaved in and out of my legs, purring loudly. The small smile curling my lips lingered, even as I shoved the processed meat into Shad's little dish.

Giddy was one way of putting how I felt. It had been awhile since I'd felt giddy about anything. It was good to be doing something outside of my boring routine of work, sleep, baking, and dinner at my parents.

_Oh fiddle sticks. _I hadn't told them I was going out tonight.

I bit my lip as I picked up the phone from its cradle and dialed the number. Squeezing my eyes shut, I chanted over and over.

_Please don't let Daddy pick up. Please don't let Daddy pick up. Please don't let Daddy pick up._

"Hello?"

It was Momma; thank Heaven for small miracles.

"Hi, Momma. I'm not gonna make dinner tonight."

"Oh no, baby! Are you sick?"

"No…no. It's nothing like that. I'm going out."

Suspicion laced her voice, "What do you mean _out_? Are you and Leah Uley going out?"

"Um. No. I've kinda got a date." I ran my hand through my hair nervously.

"Good for you! Is it that Edward Cullen?"

I laughed, "Yes, Momma. It's _that_ Edward Cullen. Dinner and a movie. Nothin' special."

She sighed into the phone, "Are you going to come to dinner tomorrow?"

"No, I've got some things to do tomorrow that I need to get done before work on Monday. Will you tell Daddy I'm just not feeling well?"

"Your secret is safe with me, baby. You be careful, now, OK?"

"Yes, Momma."

She could hear the slight aggravation in my voice, "Alright, then. Love you."

"Love you too, Momma."

I hung up the phone and smiled to myself. In all honesty, I didn't have anything to do tomorrow. I just didn't want the barrage of questions I knew would erupt if I showed up for dinner at my folks. And I knew Momma would not be able to keep it buttoned if I was there.

The time was nearing on five, and I decided I better get my butt in gear or I'd be keeping Edward waiting. While I showered, I could feel my stomach going all topsy-turvy. I tried to hush it, telling myself it was just a date, just dinner and a movie.

So why was I nervously giddy?

Wrapping myself in a towel, I walked barefoot to my bedroom and opened my closet.

And now the moment I had been dreading all day.

What in Sam Hill was I going to wear tonight?

Staring at my clothes on their hangers, I nibbled my lower lip. I highly doubted Edward would be suited and booted, so I started to pull out a pair of jeans, but then stopped myself. It wasn't too cold for a skirt. All he had ever seen me in was jeans.

So I pulled out my denim skirt and held it up to my hips. It would be a little short, but it wasn't that bad. I'd seen worse at that bar. It was a lovely dark denim that had buttons up the front.

I hunted through the hangers for a suitable top, and finally settled on a red chiffon gypsy top. It meant I could wear my red dress boots that I had gotten for my birthday last September.

I laid it all out, and went through the routine of hair, getting dressed, make-up. I was just shoving my lip gloss into a smaller purse when there was a knock on the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin, and my fingers shook as I zipped up the small handbag.

I watched Shadow scamper towards the living room, and saw her little body leap up to a sniper position on the bookshelf. She somehow managed to keep from knocking the knickknacks to the ground and settled with a lethal stare at the door.

I took a deep breath and opened it.

There he stood, in polished boots, a smart pair of wranglers, and a black shirt that buttoned up, except for the few buttons opened at his throat. A dark Stetson sat on his head, making him seem taller and more handsome. A gleaming belt buckle drew my eyes, and I realized I was staring.

Blushing, "Um. Hi. Do you wanna come in for a sec? I just need to find my earrings and we'll go."

He nodded and stepped inside. My head drifted a little on the smell of his cologne, and I caught myself sighing dreamily. God I hope he hadn't heard that.

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

I caught the toe of my boots on the carpet, and nearly went flying, but was able to catch myself in time. In my bedroom, I went over to the small box where I kept my earrings and found a small pair of rhinestones to quickly shove in. Grabbing my purse, I checked my softly waving hair in the mirror one more time. Satisfied, I walked quickly back out to the living room, where Edward stood.

I caught him staring at my legs, and giggled internally.

There was something different about his face, and I realized he had trimmed the beard down a little. He looked less scraggly rancher, and I could see his jaw a little more now. I resisted the urge to touch his face.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded, and he opened the front door for me. Stepping outside, I waited for him with my keys in hand to lock the door. He offered his arm, and we walked down the steps together.

"A girl could get used to these kind of gestures, Mr. Cullen."

We cleared the last step, "Plenty more where that came from, Miss Swan."

There was a gruff note in his voice that sent buzzing shimmers through me. It felt delicious, and I smiled, starting to relax with him.

He helped me into the truck, his hands lingering for a moment on my hips, and I felt warmth spread through me.

He was dangerous, Edward Cullen. Dangerous to my senses and my body.

There was something more between us tonight, it seemed alive, it crackled in the air. I hoped I wasn't the only one who felt it.

The quiet in the cab of his pickup truck was starting to wear, it was slowly moving past the point of comfortable to awkward. I knew I had to go slowly with him, but something told me if I didn't talk soon, things would bottom out prematurely.

"I haven't been this nervous in years. My hands have been shaking for hours."

He glanced at me from the road and then back again, "Why're you nervous?"

"Well. It's been a little while since I've done the whole dating thing. And well-" I felt my face flush and stopped before I said something stupid.

"Well what?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

He smiled at me in the light red light of a stop light, "Must've been something'."

I cleared my throat, "You'."

He laughed, and I smiled in spite of my nervousness.

"Honey, you ain't so bad, yourself."

Those eyes, they were warmly appreciative, and I felt those little jolts run through me again, tingling my nerve endings.

The light changed green, and he turned back to the road. I shifted in my seat a little, and the old leather creaked slightly. Inhaling deeply, I tried to calm myself down; I felt like a teenager on her first date.

We pulled into the restaurant parking lot. It was a grill place with a nice bar, and I smiled: It was one of my favorite. Edward helped me from the truck and I walked with him, his boots keeping time with mine over the tarred asphalt.

We were seated in a private booth, and I nervously perused my menu. Eventually the waitress came, and we ordered. I played with the straw in my coke, and wiggled my toes in my boot.

Finally he spoke and I looked up, "So how do you grow up in this small town and not be around horses?"

"The closest I ever got was the fall rodeo during the county fair. I dunno, I guess, I somehow existed on the fringes of that world."

"Have you ever ridden before?"

"My first ride was with you." I felt my cheeks warm.

His eyes were warm at the memory, and I wondered if he remembered it the way I did. Pressed against him, with those strong arms around me. I shifted in my seat.

"I'm gonna have to get you up and riding at some point."

"I'm a terrible klutz, as you've had ample opportunity to observe. I'm afraid of falling."

"I won't let you fall, honey."

Those words made my stomach tickle from the inside out.

_Oh God. Does he know what he's doing to me?_

Our dinner arrived, and we talked some more about riding. Edward's eyes lit up as he described the progress of the new colt, Deuce. I could tell he truly did love his work, and when I had been around him and his horses, it was clear they adored him.

By the time the meal was finished, we had both relaxed, and Edward had actually smiled a couple of times. The bill arrived, and I reached for my purse.

"Do you want to go Dutch?"

"Put your money away, before you get me in violation of the code."

I giggled, "Is this the Cowboy Codebook, again?"

He nodded, "Yes ma'am, page forty-eight. You ain't worth your salt if your lady pays for any part of dinner."

"Are you sure?"

He passed a card to the waitress who came by to check on us.

"Are you trying to get my belt buckle revoked, ma'am?" His eyes were wide eyed and sparkling.

"No, sir." I said in mock seriousness.

"That's better."

I finished my coke, and the waitress brought his card back. He left a tip on the table, and placed the ketchup bottle over it before sliding out of the booth.

Back in the truck, we tried to decide on a movie.

I turned to him and said solemnly, "I promise not to subject you to romcom."

"Thanks for that. Any suggestions for what you do want to see?"

"There's that new action movie with What's-his-face?"

"Darlin, you're the woman of my dreams if you're suggesting action movies."

I laughed at him, "Well. I don't mind a bit of shoot'em up."

Our tickets were bought, and when I waited in line, he insisted on springing for my Red Hots. For a moment, it really was like being a teenager again, as I rattled my box of candy at him when we sat down in the theater.

"Want one?"

"Yeah, sure." he said.

"Hold out your hand."

I opened the box and stared at his work-roughened palm. I wondered how that palm would feel against my skin. My mind flashed to images of that hand running along the naked skin of my ribs, and down to the curve of my hip.

"You sharing that candy, or what?"

I blinked and cleared my throat, and shook a couple of little red hearts into his hand. I watched as he lifted them to his mouth, and I slipped a couple into my own palm. I hadn't had Red Hots for years, and the burning cinnamon flavor reminded me of high school football games.

The lights went down, and I straightened in my seat to watch the previews.

In the flickering dark, that hum of electricity seemed to nearly glow between us. His knee was only an inch from mine, and it was driving me insane. I wanted to feel the rough denim of his leg against my bare one. His hand rested in his lap, and my stomach did somersaults as I imagined it on my thigh. I licked my lips, and ate another piece of candy, as the lights dimmed further.

But concentrating on the movie was pretty much out, now that my brain was in a different place. All I could think of was him and me, doing things that were well past acceptable for a first date.

I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and every breath I took in I could smell him next to me. So lost in thought, I jumped when I felt him whisper in my ear.

"You're so far away. Are you OK?"

I held back the whimper as I felt his lips close to my ear.

"Uh huh," I squeaked.

Oh God, what if I was the only one who could feel this? Was I so hormonally unsatisfied that I imagined things that weren't there?

His lips moved closer to my ear, and I was aware of goose bumps on my arms. I nearly moaned as those lips pressed against my skin.

Well, maybe it wasn't all me after all.

"I've been wanting to do that all night." He whispered darkly in my ear, and I shivered.

I turned to him, and he kissed me softly, and I felt his tongue touch my lower lip. I opened my mouth, and touched his tongue tentatively. He tasted like Red Hots, and I dreamily closed my eyes, as our mouths moved, lost in the sensation. His beard slightly tickled, and I moved my hand to his cheek. I ran my knuckles over him first, before sliding my palm up his cheek and into the hair at the nape of his neck.

The arm rest poked into my ribs, but I just plain didn't care. This was where I wanted to be, his lips locked with mine, and that wonderful rough hand of his running up the thin fabric of my shirt. I whimpered when it stopped just shy of the underside of my breast.

A little voice decided to interrupt my thoughts.

_Slowly, Bella. You're supposed to be going slowly._

We jumped apart when a huge explosion on screen rocked the theater. I looked down, slightly embarrassed.

I don't really remember much of the movie, and I don't think Edward paid much attention to it either. When the credits rolled, he kissed me softly and then broke away from the kiss. I looked down at the arm rest between us, panting.

His finger came up to my chin, and he tilted my face up.

"You wanna get out of here?"

"Only if you want to," I whispered back.

He took my hand, "C'mon. Let's go."

We stood up, and made our way to the aisle. We walked back to the truck, and when he helped me up, this time, both of us were all too aware. His hands lingered again, and mine were on his shoulders. He stepped forward, and there wasn't any hesitation between us.

This time the kiss was more urgent, any moment we could be caught making out like teenagers in the parking lot. His lips were slightly more urgent, and he held my face gently, his thumbs smoothing over my cheekbones.

My heart hammered in my chest, and I was never more aware of the frustrating way this bra felt against my breasts. He kissed my lips roughly again and then my chin, running along my jaw to the hollow of my throat. The rough texture of his beard tickled and teased my skin.

"Edward…"

"Mmm?" The purr of his deep voice in my ear did things to me.

"I don't think we should…"

He froze instantly, and I felt bad for the way I could feel his muscles tense under my fingers. His forehead touched mine, and I brushed my lips over his.

And before I knew it, he was backing away from me, I was sliding over the seat, and he shut the door. He was in the driver's seat, the ignition roaring to life, and a heavy silence between us, like a wedge.

I had messed this up somehow. It was too much, and the more the silence stretched, the worse I felt. Maybe it was all the sudden rushing feelings that were coursing through me, but at that moment, I could have used a hug. Something reassuring.

It was just so much responsibility, I felt like I had to balance myself and him on a tight wire. He seemed so unsure at times. I was learning too, though.

I had been with a lot of guys after Jake. At first, it had made me feel better, knowing I was wantable. Then it had felt like revenge. They became faceless and I was the predator. Until I realized I was just as faceless to them.

And it had hurt, knowing that they felt that way about me, and that I had allowed myself to sink to that low. I stopped wanting the meaningless sex. I wanted someone who wanted me.

But I continued to strike out. Alice said I had set the record for first dates that were last dates. When I had to move back home, I gave up.

And now I was sitting in the cab of the truck of some guy who I wasn't sure if he was interested in me, if I was scaring him off, if I was too full on.

I needed something. Something to tell me it was ok.

It built inside me, and I tried to swallow past the gathering emotions that were caught in my throat. It rushed like an out of control roller coaster, older insecurities forming dangerous loop de loops.

_Stop it, Bella. Be an emotional wreck _after_ you get in the door, girl. _

I saw him reach over and turn the radio on.

Great.

The slow crawl back to my apartment was excruciating, made only worse by the crooning radio as they played the most depressing Willie Nelson songs. Ever.

Finally, he parked. The radio died and we sat for a moment.

I couldn't take it anymore. I just needed out of there.

"Well. I had a nice time. Thanks for dinner."

I opened the door, and didn't wait for his response as I nearly landed funny on my ankle. My boot saved me from going over on it, and I stumbled towards the stairs. I heard his door slam, and his longer strides caught up with me.

"Dammit, now hold up. What was that for?"

Oh damn. _Now_ the tears start. I blinked to hold them back, and flat out refused to look up at him.

"Nothin'. I honestly had a good time." My voice broke unconvincingly.

His fingers brought my chin up, but I still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Look at me. Bella?" There was something in his voice that pulled like a hook behind my belly button.

I blinked, and a tear made its way down my cheek, beside my nose. His thumb wiped it away.

"Why're you crying? Is it something I did?"

_Oh God, I could really feel myself starting to go. _

A harsh gasping sound ripped from my chest and up my throat, "C-can we not talk about this here, in the parking lot?"

He stood for a moment, and then inclined his head, "Alright. C'mon then."

We took the stairs, him beside me, and I became occupied by comparing our boots every time we shared a step. Red black. Small red, shiny black.

Arriving at my door, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. Shadow was waiting inside, and when she noted Edward beside me, she rolled her eyes and scatted for her hiding spot under the table.

"Do you wanna come inside?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I don't think it would be right, Bella."

Oh.

"You gonna tell me why you're crying, darlin'?"

The way he said darlin', it was like a caress. His voice was husky velvet, and some of my taut nerves relaxed slightly.

"It just…I just…" I stopped and started again, "I thought maybe I was coming on too strong for you, and you didn't say a word after we…stopped. I don't wanna freak you out. I don't wanna go too fast. I don't want you to think I'm some sort of loose-loose-"

And then I couldn't talk anymore, as the emotions I had bottled up in the truck finally broke through all the way. I couldn't see, and could feel my chest heaving. Knowing he was standing there watching me, made it even worse. I felt the door open, and my arm dropped limply at my side. He guided me back, and I heard the door click shut behind him.

Then his arms were around me, and I was crying into that crisp black shirt. He was warm, and his rough hands moved and snagged on the soft chiffon of my blouse.

His gruff voice was at my ear, sending waves over me again, "Sweetheart, you ain't movin' too fast at all. It's me, I guess. I ain't used to talkin' to folk, haven't properly done it in a long time. Guess I'm a little rusty."

"So it's not me? I don't suck and I'm not freaking you out?" My voice was all watery with tears and muffled against his chest.

He laughed softly and squeezed me, "No. You're not freaking me out."

This. This is what I needed.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**

**Thanks to my wonderful beta, lambcullen and my awesome prereader snshyne, they make my words sparkle.**

**Sorry this is so late, but the next update should be on time for Friday.**

* * *

BPOV

I pushed the spear of broccoli around my plate as I listened to my father and mother debate attending some function my mother had volunteered them for.

"The game's on-"

"Charles Swan! I certainly hope you are not implying that a basketball game is more important than God."

She had him, he knew it, I knew it, and the sound of his fork hitting the plate confirmed he would be attending the Church Social night. But I knew he would find a quiet corner with the rest of the beleaguered husbands and watch basketball on Reverend Weber's TV in his office. Meanwhile, the women would play bridge and gossip.

I had been dragged to one of these gatherings once, when Daddy was ill. Once was enough to know that I did not wish to repeat sitting with those horrible women while they ripped apart whoever was being served up that week for gossip.

No, thank you.

It was a full week since Edward and I had gone on our date. A full week, and he had phoned to ask if I wanted to go out again in the middle of next week. The phone call had made me smile, I knew he was trying. We had talked for a little bit, he'd asked me if I was ok, and I can't remember my answer, because his voice had gone all concerned and husky and velvety. When he did that, my stomach did back flips, and my brain dissolved.

I sighed, and looked up as my mother stared at me with a knowing look in her eyes.

Daddy, on the other hand, looked concerned. I took a drink from the water glass in front of me to cover my blush.

"You alright? You have a funny look on your face, Bells."

I choked on my water, and he got up to pat my back.

When I recovered and he was seated again, I answered, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired from work this week."

A knot formed in my stomach, which had nothing to do with Edward Cullen.

I had been going over the accounts again, at Emmett's request. There was a weird note in his voice, that made me weary.

Over the last six months, the store had been losing money. It had been a slow trickle, but after the last quarter, it was starting to look rather scary. I had told Emmett he was gonna need to think about where he could make cuts, but we both wondered if whatever he did was too little too late.

Which meant, he may have to start letting people go.

Dinner eventually finished, Daddy retired to his spot in front of the TV, and Momma and I went through our routine of washing and drying the dishes.

I knew she was dying to ask me questions, knew she wanted details.

Finally, she gave in as I put the cutlery back in the drawer.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Lord, child. It's like pulling teeth sometimes. You gonna tell me how your D-A-T-E went?"

I smiled slightly, "It went really well."

Her eyes searched mine for more, "That's it? _It went well_?"

I shut the drawer with my hip, "Yes, Momma, it went well. And maybe I'm gonna see him again on Wednesday night. That's all you're gettin'."

Her hands went to her hips, and I decided to head her off at the pass before she worked into a full interrogation.

"I'm holding my cards close to my chest, Momma."

She pursed her lips, "You are so like your father sometimes, it's scary. If that's the way you want it, baby, fair enough. You know I'm here if you need to talk."

I came over, and gave her a hug. The familiar scent of her perfume and her fabric softener was comforting.

"Thank you, Momma."

"You're always welcome, baby."

+AtWH+

"OK, now you're gonna step here, and throw your leg over like you did the last time. You can put your hand on my shoulder to steady yourself. Ready?"

Nodding, I tentatively placed my hand over his shoulder. Under my palm I could feel the roped muscle there, and I felt my mouth go dry, thinking about tracing all that muscle with my fingers. My tummy did that funny tightening thing again, and I bit my lip.

He helped me up and over, and I think I heard him say something about putting my foot through something. It didn't matter though, he had the most amazing green eyes.

"Bella?"

"Huh?" I sighed.

"You gonna put your foot in that stirrup?"

I swallowed, and looked down at where his hands were. I moved my boot to comply with him. We were out in the paddock, and I watched as he mounted Chance. Edward held the lead rope for Blizzard, and he quickly went back over the instructions for the reins again.

I tried to concentrate, and followed Edward's lead as he led me around the small paddock. I really was trying to concentrate on what he was saying, but Edward on a horse was breathtaking. They just seemed to move as one, the powerful lines of Chance's body seemed to flow with the whipcord muscle of Edward's thighs, his prominent knuckles on the reigns, and the strong lines of his face, even hidden under the beard.

Edward taught me how to speak to Blizzard, we worked on moving and controlling him around the paddock. He rewarded me with a half smile that set my heart going when he saw me getting the hang of it.

"Do you want to try riding out of the paddock?"

I licked my lips as he and Chance came up beside me at the far end.

"Um, I guess?"

"You don't sound so sure."

I shrugged, "Just a little nervous, I guess."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yeah."

"I won't let anything happen to you, promise."

"OK," I tried to smile at him, trying to trust him on his word, and he returned my glance.

Edward took the lead, looking behind at me as Blizzard and I followed. Remembering what he told me, I slowly guided the gray out of the gate. Edward waited behind me, and I paused while he shut the gate.

He nodded towards the west, the sun catching his eyes for a moment, "We're heading that way."

The ride between us was quiet, and the silence this time wasn't as uncomfortable as it was last Saturday. The horses' were an oddly comforting presence, and Blizzard seemed to know what pace to follow with Edward and Chance.

I looked out over the landscape in front of us, it was full of springtime newness. Flowers blossomed and polka dotted the grass green tapestry of the ground around us. The sound of the horses hooves was harmonized with the buzzing of small honey bees about their work. A light breeze picked up, reminding me it was still early on in Spring.

I sighed. It was so relaxing here, with Edward, and the horses, and not having to worry about prying eyes or what others think. I felt like I could be myself, and the weight that always seemed so heavy in my chest was slowly evaporating.

"You look like you were born on that horse."

I smiled, "I don't think I'm that good, yet."

He pursed those amazing lips of his, and my mind chose that moment to remember them kissing my neck in the movie theater. My thighs tightened unintentionally, and Blizzard started to respond. I relaxed, and he carried on.

"You're lookin' good to me, darlin'" I felt my cheeks go flush and I looked away from his gaze and focused on Blizzard's ears. One was facing forward, and he had somehow managed to turn the other almost all the way around, as if he were listening in.

Edward moved Chance so he was right up beside me and Blizzard.

"You can't take a compliment, can you sweetheart?"

"I've heard a lot of empty lines, Cowboy."

He let that ride for a bit, while the horses continued forward.

"I don't know much about you, Bella Swan, but I'll hazard a guess you've not been around many men."

I felt my eyes widen. Are we really gonna have this conversation now? My numbers were just numbers, but for some reason, I wasn't ready to just start throwing figures out. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. Daddy always said, _Honesty is the best policy. _

"I-I have to be honest with you Edward, there have been a few…men-"

But he interrupted me, "No darlin', I didn't mean it in that respect. I meant whoever has been feedin' you empty lines couldn't have been much of a man."

Oh.

How did he do that? How did he make what could potentially be awkward and horrible and just make it easy?

A small lake came into view,

"Oh! Is that the lake?"

"Sure is. Thought you might wanna take a ride around it. Then we'll head on back. Don't want you to be too sore."

That brought my attention back to his face. "What do you mean, sore?"

"If you've never been riding before, you're probably using muscles you've never used before. Your backside will be sore, maybe your thighs."

My heart picked up slightly as he stared ahead. Why were we discussing my backside and thighs?

The ride around the lake was quiet again. He asked me about Shadow.

"She was a kitten from the Humane Society. I actually went with my best friend Alice who was looking for a dog. Shadow had so much personality for such a small piece of fluff."

I smiled at the memory. Alice had wanted a dog twice her size, and I wondered how she would ever be able to take the dog she had been eyeing up for a walk. I had visions of her being dragged down the street, her doc martens scuffing along on the pavement.

I had turned away while she spoke with one of the attendants, and wandered down to where they had kept the cats. They sat in their little cages, forlorn expressions on their faces.

And there was Shadow. A spiteful haughtiness even on her little kitten face. It made me giggle when I saw her. When I stuck my finger in the cage, she purred and came towards me. And for a moment, a vulnerable look flashed across her eyes.

_Take me home. _

By the time the week was out, I had signed the papers, and had bought cat toys and a little dish for her.

Edward and I returned back to the barn eventually. He gave me instructions on how to dismount, and I tried, but I just couldn't get my legs to obey my brain the way I wanted.

One minute, I was trying to swing my leg over, and the next I was falling. I grabbed for whatever was there, but my fingers couldn't get a hold on anything.

I was falling and then I wasn't. Edward's strong arms were there, and I was cradled against his chest, and my fingers were grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

"Easy, now. I got you."

"Sorry." I muttered.

"You don't have to be sorry. I've never seen anyone with your knack for sideways balance, darlin'."

I licked my lips, and whatever response I had in my head disappeared as he held me a little bit longer. I could feel the strength in his arms, and I felt warm and safe with him. I blinked, and it seemed almost in slow motion.

He inclined his head towards me, and I tilted mine upwards. It wasn't a full on kiss like our last date. This one was softer, like a gentle whisper across my lips.

But for some reason, it felt so much more intimate.

I closed my eyes, even though he was setting me on my feet. I was touching the ground, but I wasn't. I felt floaty, and light, and almost…giddy.

I opened my eyes, and found his intense green eyes looking into mine. There was something unreadable in his gaze, something that tugged at me.

Blizzard nickered beside us, and Edward's eyes moved from mine, to the horse behind me.

"C'mon, I'll show you how to untack your horse."

"Ok."

Edward proceeded to show me how to take the saddle off the horse, and I stood back and watched. I could watch him work all day long. The way his hands gripped things, his muscles bunching and flexing under his shirt, the determined look on his face as he went about his work.

I licked my lower lip, and was reminded of the soft kiss he had just given me.

_If I'm not careful, I'm gonna fall mighty hard for you, Edward Cullen._

+AtWH+

EPOV

After I finished with Blizzard and Chance, Bella and I went for dinner.

It was surreal to me just how much I plain enjoyed being with her. I just couldn't get enough of her because when I was with Bella, all those parts of me that have been heavy for so long, felt light.

She made me feel protective of her. There were times when she was talking, and even in the way she moved, I could tell someone had treated her badly. Whoever she'd been with, had ridden roughshod all over her.

Sometimes, there was a world of hurt in those eyes, and I wanted to take it all away. When I touched her, things just exploded between us. I couldn't resist it, every time I did, there was this buzz that went through me and I was fast becoming addicted to her.

But I didn't want to be some buck. That just wasn't in my nature. I didn't want to move too quickly, for her sake and mine.

Even now, while we laughed over dinner, I was shrugging off the things that had held me down for so long. I was aware of them now: guilt, loneliness, anger, and a sense that I just didn't belong with anyone, ever.

With Bella, those things were fading.

We had swapped stories of sneaking out when we were younger, and I smiled as she told hers.

"…So I had to wait for Daddy to go on his midnight shift, thinking if he wasn't in the house, I would stand a better chance of not getting caught. I snuck out, barefoot, and thought I had nearly made it, when he turned into the driveway. There I stood, in a skirt too short, like a deer caught in his headlights. Momma had to talk him out of putting one of those tracker ankle things on me."

I smiled, "Your daddy sure is protective of you."

She looked down at her dinner, and pushed it around her plate, "Yeah, he's funny that way, I guess. Sometimes, he's real protective, and sometimes, he does things that don't make any sense."

"Like what?"

"Well," she paused, as if debating to tell me something, and I patiently waited. This was one of those moments again, where I saw something there in her eyes that told me she'd been hurt badly.

"Sorry," she blushed, "I guess you could say he does what _he _thinks is best, rather than what I would have preferred. But that's parents all over for you."

I tried to figure out what that actually meant, but assuming usually led most folk down the wrong trail.

After dinner, I drove her home, and walked her to her door. I kissed her goodnight, and stroked her cheek.

"Thanks for today, Edward. I had a lot of fun."

"My pleasure, sweetheart. Good night."

She smiled, "Good night."

I stepped back from her, and watched her close the door. Making sure I heard her lock it, I moseyed back to the car. I straightened my hat, and found myself whistling a tune my mother used to sing in the house when I was little.

+AtWH+

BPOV

It started out like any other day.

I fed Shadow before work, guzzled coffee, got ready, and drove down the main drag through town to get to work.

A delivery came in, first thing in the morning. I checked the inventory, and signed off the stock. Leah and I put the items away together. Emmett came in around lunch time, but he didn't say hello.

Leah theorized it was the twins, "Must be hard, with two little babies at once. Poor Rose."

Emmett made a beeline towards the back office, and holed himself up in there for the better part of the day.

Just after lunchtime, I was leaning over the parts counter, staring at the sky. I wondered if it was gonna rain today.

The phone rang, and I noticed it was an internal line as I picked it up.

Emmett's unusually clipped voice was low in my ear. "Bella, can you come back here for a minute?"

"Yeah sure. I'll get Leah to watch the counter if you want?"

"That's fine."

I wondered if maybe he and Rose were having issues. I found Leah by the front registers and she agreed to keep an eye on the parts counter.

"I'll be back in a bit, LeeLee."

I made my way to the back office, and knocked softly on the door.

"Come in."

I opened the door, and as I stepped in side, Emmett sat on the desk, his head in his hands, his fingers tugging at his short ebony hair.

"What's up, bossman?"

He sighed heavily and sat back in his chair. There were heavy bags under his eyes that made him look about ten years older.

"Take a seat, Bells."

"OK."

Dread filled my stomach, as Emmett looked anywhere but my face. When I was seated, he waited for a bit, and I could feel myself needing to fidget, but I remained still.

"Bella. I'm not gonna beat around the bush. I'm gonna have to let you go-"

Sucker punch. That familiar feeling, like you want to breathe, but your body is running on cold water, and your diaphragm is in too much of a strangle hold on your spine that inhaling is not an option. I didn't hear much of what he said after, only snippets.

"….you know the store has been losing money…"

"I feel terrible…"

"…you're a smart cookie, I'm sure you'll figure something out."

The ears rang, and I nodded absently. I stood, I remember standing, and my purse and keys were in my hand. My jacket was over my arm.

I was in the truck, and somehow I made it home without having an accident.

I opened the door, and locked it behind me. Shadow knew something was up as soon as I came in. Her usual disdain was instantly replaced with concern, and she followed behind me quietly into the bedroom.

I crawled into the bed, fully clothed, and lay there, staring up at the ceiling.

* * *

**A/N**

**Special thank you to jaimearkin for making me the awesome banner for AtWH! I've linked to it on my profile. **

**I've noticed a lot of love for this story on twitter, and I just want to thank you for reading this story, and enjoying it enough to share with a friend. It means a lot to me, and it's not for stats or reviews, but that you would like my rambles enough to tell someone else about it; that's high praise. **

**Thanks for reading and have a great week!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

**Thanks to my ficwife lambcullen, my beta twilightmomoftwo, and to my lovely prereader snshyne. **

**Wow, it's right on time this week!**

* * *

EPOV

I waited for half an hour, and even tried to call her. But her phone kept going straight to voice mail.

"Hey Bella, it's Edward. Give me a call when you get this."

I hadn't heard from her in a few days, and figured maybe she just needed a little space. I could understand that. I'd been really busy at the ranch lately, I'd sold several horses, took in a few for training, and Deuce and Buttercup had been visited by the vet.

But usually Bella sent a text or something. Not hearing from her was a little unsettling.

"Somethin' botherin' you, youngin'?"

I shook my head. "It's nothin'."

He was waiting on Carmen for their evening walk and was watching me work.

"Son, you been coiling that same piece of rope for five minutes."

I looked down at the rope and realized he was right.

"Guess I have. I was supposed to meet Bella tonight, but she's late. She hasn't been late before. And I haven't heard from her."

Eli stuck his hands in his pockets. "Women are funny. They get all ornery and insulted over things you don't even realize you done."

I went back over the last time I'd seen her, but couldn't think of anything out of order.

"I don't think it's-"

He laughed. "It probably is. There's Carmen."

I looked over to see Carmen's face peek around the door. "You ready to go, handsome?"

Eli smiled and walked over to her. "Sure am. Good luck with your troubles, youngin'"

Carmen's face darkened with concern, "Is something wrong?"

Eli's rusty chuckle filled the air, "Nothin' he can't handle. Now my belly button is touchin' my backbone, let's go before dinner gets cold."

They exited the barn, Carmen's arm in Eli's, and I was left alone with the horses.

Something wasn't right, and my gut told me it was more than hurt feelings. I set the rope down and pulled my work gloves off.

Nope, it had to be more.

Not even bothering to clean myself up, I dug the keys to my truck out of my pocket and strode quickly to where it was parked.

I was down the drive and out on the road, all sorts of thoughts rumbling through my head. Maybe she was sick or hurt. That still didn't answer why she wasn't answering her phone.

I still hadn't settled on a reason by the time I pulled into the parking lot in front of her building. Cutting the engine, I slammed out of the truck and up her stairs. I rang the doorbell and waited, but got no answer. Then I knocked, the sharp rap of my knuckles against her door seemed loud in the hallway.

"Bella? It's Edward."

I thought I heard footsteps inside, but I wasn't sure. I knocked again, and this time, I heard a floor board creak.

"I know you're in there, Bella."

Finally I heard the locks click, and the door opened a crack. The door opened slightly, and her pale and drawn face appeared.

I took a step back from the door. Her lifeless eyes wouldn't look at me.

"You should go, I don't feel well."

"How come you're not answering my calls?"

"I turned it off; I don't wanna talk to anyone." Her voice was a monotone.

"What's wrong with you?"

She took a moment to answer that. "I'm just not well."

Again, my gut told me this wasn't a cold or the flu.

"Will you let me in?"

This time, her brown eyes, which were so dull, looked up at me, "I don't-"

"Bella. Let me help you."

She sighed, and it reminded me of the way Buttercup sighed when she was heavily pregnant. Her whole body had looked heavy, and she was plain tuckered out towards the end of the day.

"OK."

A short thrill filled me, as she stepped away from the door, and it opened wider. I sidled, shoulder first, through the narrow opening. Inside, there were no lights on in the apartment, just the dying glow of the evening sun through the windows. Bella rushed over to turn on a lamp in the living room, and shut the rest of the curtains.

She was dressed in soft and loose gray pants, and a small black t-shirt. Her usually shiny hair was thrown up in a messy knot on top of her head, and she had little black socks on her feet.

"Have a seat." She gestured towards the living room, and I took a corner of the couch near the lamp.

"Can I get you anything? Pop? Coffee?"

"No, thanks."

Bella opted for the other end of the couch, pulling her legs up in front of her, while she faced me. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she rested her forehead on her knees. The cat was keeping a close eye on Bella, and settled on the arm of the couch, eyeing me over Bella's shoulder.

"You gonna tell me why you stood me up?"

That brought her head up and a look of horror washed over her face.

"Oh no! What day is it?"

"Friday."

"Oh my gosh! Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. I've lost track of time." Her face flushed and I thought I saw her eyes water.

I scooted closer to her and took one of her hands. "Hey. What's going on with you?"

Her lips tightened for a moment, and then she sucked that bottom lip of hers in. She worried it for a moment, before letting it go.

"I lost my job. Emmett had to let me go."

Anger flared through me. "What? Why? Do you want me to talk to him-"

She shook her head. "No. Nothing would come of it. The store has been losing money for months, and Emmett had to make some decisions that he didn't want to have to make."

Her eyes filled with tears this time, and one slipped over her eyelid, and trailed down her cheek.

I moved closer again, and tried to put my arm around her, "It'll be all right. You'll find something else."

She hiccupped against my shoulder, "I won't though. I was lucky to find that job here. Now I'm gonna have to move back in with my parents, and hope for something to come along. How many more jobs can I be let go from? I thought going to college meant you just didn't have to worry about this kind of crap."

Bella leaned her head against my shoulder and I rubbed my hand over her back, moving over her spine.

Before I could say anything she continued. "I'm a qualified accountant, for goodness' sake."

Seeing her this upset affected me more than I was sure I could admit. I racked my brain, trying to think of something I could do to help. I didn't know anything about accounting, I could barely keep track of my own books…

"Come work for me."

She pulled back to look at my face. "What?"

I cleared my throat and reached over to wipe a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "Come work for me. I know horse breeding and how to run a ranch from the outside. But I'm terrible at keeping the books organized."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Her face was cautious, and Shadow sat up and stretched on the arm of the couch.

"Why? You got another gig on? I've got hands on the farm that I keep contracted. I pay benefits."

Her face clouded over while she thought about it. "Won't it make things weird. Like between us?"

I shook my head, "It's not like you're livin' with me. All the books are in an office in the main house."

"I don't know if I-wait! Did you say books. As in paper bound into books?"

I nodded.

She pulled farther away from me, with a look of horror on her face. "You. Don't. Use. A. Computer?"

I shook my head.

Bella's mouth dropped open. "Do you own a computer?"

"Yeah. But we've just stuck to the old system."

"Oh, my God." Her face was totally stunned and she looked at a spot behind my shoulder as her eyes drifted.

"Well then, do you wanna work for me? I'll pay you whatever McCarty was payin' you."

Her brown eyes swiveled back to mine. "Oh, Edward!"

She launched herself at me, and I caught her in my arms, as she muttered_ thank yous _against my chest.

"Easy now. Maybe I'm a horrible boss," I murmured into her hair as I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

"Maybe I'm a bad employee," she said softly.

"Well, considering you near about broke Chance's heart this afternoon because you never came by."

"I'm so sorry about that, Edward. I've been wallowing. I swear I'm not normally like this."

I laughed, and ran my hand over her hair. "Sweetheart, it's totally understandable. I'm just glad I could help in some way."

"Me too." She sniffled. "I was not lookin' forward to movin' back in with Momma and Daddy."

We sat for a while until Bella's stomach growled between us.

"When was the last time you ate, darlin'?"

"Um. I think it was yesterday."

"Why don't you get ready, and we'll go put something in that belly."

"You don't have to do that-"

"Bella, you ain't gonna make me eat dinner alone after you stood me up, are you?"

She pulled away from my chest to look me in the eye. "Oh, you're good."

I looked at her innocently. "What?"

"You know what, Edward Cullen."

"Go on and get ready before you waste away in front of me."

Reluctantly she got up, and started towards the hallway. "I'll be twenty minutes. If you wanna watch TV, there's a remote on the table."

I reached for it while she headed towards the bedroom. Turning the TV on, I flipped through the channels, trying to be interested but knew the moment she went into the bathroom. The sound of the shower turned on, and I tried not to think of her, naked and wet, underneath that shower.

Try being the key word.

But before my mind could go too far, the cat made an appearance from behind the couch. She settled herself in front of the TV, but faced me rather than screen. Her large yellow eyes stared me down, as if trying to communicate something of importance.

Being a reader of horse and animal behavior for years kept me savvy.

"I suppose you think I'm some schmuck who is after your momma."

Shadow flicked an ear, and inclined her head.

"I ain't your run of the mill kinda guy. You'll mosey over here when you're ready. I can tell you're dying to come over here and check me over."

I went back to the TV, ignoring the black cat in front of me. She battled it out with me, cleaning a paw in front of the TV nonchalantly. When that didn't get a reaction, and she felt suitably ignored, she stood and stretched. Casually, she made her way over to me, and I held absolutely still.

Her little black nose went for my jeans, tracing along the bottom near my boot. I watched as she made her way up my jeans to my knee. I flicked the TV at that moment, and she pulled back from me. I could just see her eyes peeking up, the rest of her body obscured by my leg.

I went back to the TV again, and this time, she jumped up on the couch. Sitting back, she watched for a moment, testing me and the distance between us. She moved closer every couple of minutes, until finally she lay on all fours, and pushed her small dark head against my thigh.

I reached a hand out to stroke her, and she purred loudly.

"You and I are gonna get along just fine, Shadow. Just fine indeed."

Bella eventually came back down the hallway, dressed in a brown skirt that gently flared from her hips and swished just over her knees, and a white t-shirt that clung to her. A brown belt hung at a slant around her waist, and it drew my eyes as her hips moved when she walked.

Her legs were bare, but she wore brown boots.

She was cuter than a newborn filly.

"I see you and Shadow are well acquainted. She doesn't let just anyone touch her, y'know. You've made a friend for life there."

I looked down to where my fingers were stroking just behind her ears, as she vibrated a throaty purr against my leg. Giving her one last stroke, I stood up. Shadow lifted her head, and gave me a look that told me I better sit my backside back down and continue petting her.

"Sorry sweetheart, your momma needs feedin'."

She shook her head and Bella grabbed her purse and a denim jacket.

When we were in the truck, she leaned back and exhaled. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For everything. For coming by. For the job. For dinner. For not being _that_ kind of guy."

I looked from the road to her face and back. "What do you mean _that kind of guy_?"

She took a deep breath, and ran her fingers through her hair. "That guy who pressures me for things I'm not sure I'm ready to give. You're the kind of guy that just doesn't grow on trees. You hold doors, and have manners, and treat me like a lady."

I didn't follow her. "How am I supposed to treat you?"

"Exactly the way you have been. It's just nice."

My words from the other day went through my head again; she really could not have been around that many men. I remembered college years and being an idiot. I suppose that having Maria, and being engaged to her, meant I didn't do half the things my room mates had done. When Dad had died, I had tried to make him proud of me, had tried to keep the ranch from going under.

The way my father had treated my mother, his employees and the horses had just served as an example for me for the rest of my life.

"I reckon it's the way I was brought up."

We arrived at the restaurant, and gave our orders to our waitress.

"So when do I start?" she asked.

"As soon as you want, I guess. If you want it all official, you'll need to fill in the paperwork."

"Do you want any references?"

I just looked at her. Part of her was kidding, but the other was serious.

"I take it you have good references?"

"I do, actually. I was with one of the biggest accounting firms in the city before they went belly up."

I watched as she took a sip of her drink. "I'll take your word. I'm a good judge of character."

She swallowed, "Oh yeah? And what sort of character do I have?"

"You sure you want the answer to that?"

"Give it to me straight, Cowboy."

I smiled, "OK."

I narrowed my eyes at her for a moment, wondering if this was a good idea. Some people didn't like to hear the truth, especially when it was about themselves.

"Working with horses, you get a knack for reading signals. My daddy said I was a natural from a young age, and I ran on instinct most of the time. You get to know body language, and what the eyes say. Believe it or not, horses do talk, they just don't use words to tell you.

I think someone has done you a real bad turn, and you've been trying to cope with that ever since. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you hold yourself."

I could see her eyes widening, and I knew I was getting too close to the bone.

"You ever see wild horses before, sweetheart?"

She shook her head.

"They are something to behold. No one telling them where to go, what to be. Just wild and free. They're beautiful. I'll take you sometime. There's a pack that sometimes crosses onto the ranch."

"How big is your ranch?"

"There is a specific number of acres, but I couldn't tell you right off the top of my head. It's a very large spread. It was a cattle ranch at one time or another, before my grandfather bought it, so it's larger than your normal horse ranch. We used to lead trails and camping sometimes before…"

And my gut tightened.

_Before Maria died. _

Bella looked at me expectantly, and I swallowed and cleared my throat, "Before my wife passed."

My eyes flicked to hers and then to the edge of my glass. I bit down on my back teeth, my jaw ticking. It was like a bubble had been burst, and I suddenly felt a lot heavier.

Her hand reached out to touch mine, where it sat near my glass. Her fingers slid in between my thumb and palm, and her skin felt soft and smooth against mine.

"Hey. It's OK-"

I shook my head, "It's not. I'm sorry." I looked at her face and her eyes weren't full of the pitying looks that I was used to seeing from people, women especially.

It was understanding.

"Edward, I think both of us have a lot going on, inside. I've got my issues with…Jake…"

So, he had a name.

"And you can barely say her name. We can do this, we just have to trust each other. OK?"

I nodded as the waitress came by to check on us.

"How're y'all doing? Do you need a refill on your tea, hun?"

Bella looked up at her. "No, thanks."

It was silent for the rest of dinner, and I couldn't think of anything to fill it with. Neither could Bella, it seemed.

Finally, the bill came, and after I had to tell her to put her money away again, Bella smiled at me.

"So, Bossman, when do I start?"

"Monday, nine o'clock. And I dock for lateness." I slowly returned her smile, relaxing slightly.

Her mouth opened slightly in shock. "Surely you won't dock me? I'm too pretty for that!" She batted her eyelashes at me, and this time I chuckled.

"You sure are, darlin'. You surely are."

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading. Happy Friday!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**

**Sorry for the fail.**

**Spesh thanks to my lovely fic-wife lambcullen, my fab pre-reader snshyne, and my epic beta twilightmomoftwo.**

* * *

BPOV

Saturday morning at the grocery store was quiet. It was obvious the shelves had all been freshly stocked, and I relished the time to myself. Pushing my cart through the store, I looked down at my list. I smiled to myself, and then I realized I was doing it for no particular reason why.

I just was.

And I tried to think back to when I had last been this stupidly giddy at eight o'clock in the morning. I couldn't really recall a time.

"Bella?"

I looked towards the sound of my name being called. Leah came over, a sleepy Quil in the front of her cart.

I parked near the baloney and she stopped beside me.

"Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry!"

Her arms wrapped around me in a hug. I was shocked at first, I couldn't figure out why she was hugging me, and then it registered: because she thought I would be devastated about my job, still.

She pulled back, and her dark eyebrows were knitted together with concern. "Is there anything we can do?"

I bit my lip, not quite sure how much I should spill.

"It's OK, really."

Quil was awake now, and started to slap his hands against the front of the cart. Leah turned to put a hand over his small fingers.

"Emmett wouldn't come out of his office after you left. I swear I think I heard that big bear of a man crying in there."

Instantly, I felt bad for Emmett. As much as I wanted to hate him for letting me go, he had always been genuinely nice to me, and had given me a chance when I had first come home.

"Poor Emmett. Is he alright?"

Her dark eyes widened. "I'm more worried about you!"

I looked behind me and then over her shoulder, to make sure no one else was around.

"I kinda already found another job."

She blinked, and her brows knitted together. "You what?"

"I have another offer."

"No kidding? Doing what?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want it to seem like a big deal. "Same thing. Accounting. It's for one of the ranchers."

"Which one?"

"Um." I hesitated, and then just decided to tell her. "Edward Cullen."

Leah's jaw dropped. "Edward Cullen? Widowed, shaggy, quiet, Edward Cullen?"

I nodded, but amended in my head that he wasn't so shaggy and certainly not so quiet now that I knew him. Still a man of few words, but I appreciated the ones he gave me.

"How did that happen?"

I took a deep breath. "We've been kinda seeing each other. And that's not general knowledge, if you know what I mean."

"How…When…?"

I smiled, and a small laugh bubbled up. "It just kinda happened. I don't even know how, but for some reason, we just click."

"Wow. I'm totally tongue-tied. I'm happy for you, though, if you're happy."

We started to push our carts forward, walking in unison. "I am happy. Like stupid happy."

"Good for you, girl!"

Quil slapped the bar in front of him, and I smiled at him. "What are you saying today, handsome?"

"Aunt Bella! I gots a new Spiderman!" He smiled, showing almost all of his little baby teeth.

"Oh Wow! Can I play with him next time I come over?"

His face was very serious when he answered. "You has to be a boy to play with Spiderman."

I stuck out my lip. "Please, Quil?" He smiled slightly, and I batted my eyelashes. "Pretty pretty please, Quil?"

Quil giggled and shook his head. "Nope. Spiderman's not for girls, Aunt Bella."

I got closer, and kissed his perfect cheek. Then I tickled his neck with my nose, until he shrieked with laughter. In a silly voice I repeated _Lemme play with Spiderman! _until he finally gave in.

Pulling away from him, "Thanks, Quil. High five?" I stuck my hand up and he smacked it with his little palm.

I moved back to my cart, and walked with Leah down the main aisle. We chatted about the boys for a little while, but she eventually had to split off from me.

"I need to get going. The boys have soccer practice this morning. I'll call you later, OK?"

I waved at her and Quil. "OK. Bye Quil!" He raised his little hand and scrunched his fingers.

"Bye, Aunt Bella!"

"Thanks…for worrying."

She smiled, and I could see where Quil had gotten his smile and dimples from. "No problem, honey. Anytime."

Leah pushed Quil towards the front, and I turned down the pet food aisle, and picked up a new catnip toy for Shadow. I sighed, wearing my goofy smile again, and turned towards the checkouts.

The only girl open was Angela. I knew she was going to have something full of over-share for me, and groaned inwardly when she waved from behind her counter.

She noisily chewed her gum while she rang my items through, while I stood at the other end and bagged my items.

"So how have you been, Bella?"

She snapped her gum, and I shoved a jar of spaghetti sauce she had scanned into the bag I was holding.

"I've been OK. How're you?"

And then she started, and her voice mingled with the constant boop of the scanner.

"Well. We tried a new position a couple of weeks back. I kinda have to be almost upside down, and he puts my ankles up here." I watched as she motioned with her arms, and cringed at the mental picture.

"…But it must have worked, because I'm pregnant!"

I paused with a tube of toothpaste in my hand.

"Isn't that great?"

And for some reason, I cracked a smile at Angela, and was happy for her.

"Yeah. That's pretty amazing. Y'all have been trying for so long."

"I know. I thought we just weren't meant to be parents. We were ready to give up, 'cause we've tried everything. But sometimes, things just happen for you when you least expect it."

I finished bagging my things. "I know the feeling."

When I arrived home, I put the food and other items away. Shadow came in to investigate the bags, and I saw her paw at the bag that had her toy in it.

"Alright, your majesty. Patience is the virtue you were never bestowed with, eh princess?"

She sat back on her haunches, and threw me an impatient look. Bending down towards the bag, I retrieved the little green stuffed mouse and ripped open the cellophane packaging. I watched for a moment, while she batted it back and forth before stretching out on the floor and rubbing her face all over it.

"Jeez, Shad. Get a room!"

When everything was finally put away, I turned to the ingredients I'd left out for Cherry Turn-Overs. They were one of Daddy's favorites, and I was gonna need every point tonight.

Sooner or later, my Daddy was gonna find out about Edward and me. He was just so protective of me, and I got the feeling since Edward was a little bit older, it made Charlie slightly jumpy.

Just as I shoved the first batch in the oven, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, darlin'"

A warm rush spread over me at his voice, and my chest seemed to melt.

"Hi, Cowboy. What's on your mind?" I could feel myself grinning like an idiot again.

"You." The way he said that, it made tingles run from the roots of my hair and down to my toes. "Are you still going to your parents' for dinner?"

I felt the smile slightly disappear from my face. "Yeah, why?"

"I was wondering if there was room for one more?"

I nearly dropped the dishtowel I was holding. "Of course there is." My voice went up a pitch and I hoped he didn't hear it.

"Don't be scared, darlin'. I think it's time I met with your parents. Call me old-fashioned, but it's your Daddy's right to make me squirm, no matter how old we are. I need to talk to him, man to man."

I blinked, totally at a loss of words. "Oh."

His soft chuckle caressed my ear. "It'll be fine, sweetheart. Don't you worry. What time can I pick you up?"

"Um. Dinner's usually around six. Pick me up around five?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you tonight."

There was that husky note in his voice again, and I shivered internally.

"OK. See you then."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up first, and sat there stunned, while Shadow purred over her new toy.

I had only ever brought one boy home, and that had been Jake. I remember I had been obsessed over setting the table just so, and Momma had let me use the fancy napkin rings. Daddy had taken Jake into the living room, and even at sixteen, he nearly matched my father in height.

Daddy had given him _the talk_, at least I think he had started out that way. But Jake was a bright star on the high school football team, even as a junior. And pretty soon, the conversation melted into talk of yards, passes, and points difference. I don't even think my name was mentioned once.

Men.

But for some reason, the thought of Edward and my father in the same room had my stomach tied in more knots than an old piece of tangled rope. It was the whole pressure of my family knowing Edward, forming those emotional attachments to him. The same way they had with Jake. And then after what happened, it was just awkward, for all of us.

Awkward because my daddy had loved Jake like the son he'd never had. I had been so angry with my parents for awhile, that sense of betrayal settling in after numbness wore off. They had known before me, even if it had been for a week, they knew.

But I realized that Jake had not only cheated on me, he had cheated on my parents as well. They had been in shock, and it wasn't as if it was the kind of conversation anyone _wanted_ to have. Jake had been part of the family, and I think my parents had assumed that he always would be.

Hadn't we all?

I sighed, realizing I was dwelling on things that couldn't be helped, and rather than sink into a nervous depression, I busied my hands with finishing the Turnovers. As I was putting the finished pastries in a container, I realized I would have to phone my mother and let her know she would need another place setting at dinner tonight.

My stomach dropped into my shoes as I reached for the phone.

Dialing her number, I nervously nibbled on my bottom lip.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Momma."

"Hi, Baby! I was just going to phone you. Why didn't you tell me you lost your job?"

I exhaled for a moment. "It only just happened this week. I was in total shock for a few days. Sorry."

"Well you know me and your father are here if you need help. Don't be too proud to ask, baby."

My other hand came up to rub my earlobe while I tried to think of a way to tell her about Edward. And me. And my job. And him coming to dinner.

"Um. I kinda found a new job."

"What? You did? That's great! With who? Doing what?"

"It's-it's another accounting job-"

"That's wonderful, baby. Who with?"

"Edward Cullen offered me a job doing the books for his ranch."

There was a pause while she processed this, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

"Are you still seeing him?"

"Yes, Momma. Look. We're adults. He offered me a job, and I took it. If it gets weird, I'll quit. OK?"

"OK, baby. As long as you know what you're doing."

I could tell she was dying to give me all sorts of advice, but she knew I would probably buck against any advice she offered.

"So. Is it OK if I bring someone along tonight?"

"Of course it is, baby. Who are you bringing?"

"Edward."

There was another impregnated pause, and this time, I swear I heard a creak come from the other line while my mother's mind turned that tidbit over.

I decided to head her off at the pass. "Momma. For the first time in a long time, I'm really happy with a guy. I need your support. Yours and Daddy's."

"Of course you have our support, baby. I'm just surprised, is all. I love you."

"Do you love me enough to hide Daddy's guns when I bring Edward over?"

"I love you enough to make sure they're not loaded."

I laughed, and she joined in. "Don't you be nervous. It's good that you're happy, that's all me and your father want. You bring that young man, and I'll make your Daddy's favorite."

"Country fried steak?"

"And all the fixins."

"Thanks, Momma."

"No problem, treasure."

"I love you, Momma."

"Love you, too. What time are you gonna be here at?"

"Edward'll pick me up around five."

"Well alright. We'll see you both later then. Bye, baby."

"Bye, Momma."

The rest of the day seemed to fly by too fast. By the time I was dressed, and nervously checking my hair in the mirror, the clock hit five, and seconds later a knock sounded on my door.

My heart was in my throat, and I nearly skipped to the door. Opening it, there he stood, boots, dark jeans, shiny belt buckle and a clean white shirt tucked in. His belly seemed so flat, my mind drifted and wondered if he was all toned and washboard underneath.

"You gonna let me in?"

I jumped, and realized I was staring at him while my mind had wandered off.

"Oh! Sorry! C'mon in. I'm just gonna grab dessert, and we'll go."

He came in, and shut the door quietly behind him, taking off his hat as he entered. I felt far too excited when he was near. Part of me wanted to jump on him, and tear his clothes off like Christmas wrapping paper. The other part, the sensible part, the last remnants of the small town girl, knew he would have to make the first move.

I picked up the Tupperware container with the turnovers, and moved towards the door. My hands were shaking with nerves, and the box started to slip from my hands. Edward moved forward to catch it.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry."

His brows knit together. "You're shakin' like a leaf. Are you alright?"

I nodded, maybe a little too quickly. "Yeah. I'm fine."

He set the container down on the hall table near the door, his hat was placed on top of it, and moved closer to me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I caught myself wringing my hands.

"My momma didn't raise any fools, Bella." I looked up as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm just worried about how this is gonna go. I've only ever brought one other guy home before, and I don't wanna put you under pressure or them under pressure. And I'm totally freaking out, and I feel jumpier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

His hands settled over mine, and pulled apart my fingers. He soothed over the places that had been roughly treated, and I trembled at the gentle feel of his rough skin over mine.

He smelled like clean linen, leather, and woodsy cologne. Those perfect lips of his drew my eyes.

"Don't be nervous, darlin'. Everything is gonna be fine, alright?"

"OK."

Those lips, they were so close, and his hands moved up my arms, raising goose bumps as they brushed lightly up my skin to cup my shoulders. I could feel every zing of my nerve endings as they came to life. Slowly, he lowered his head, and it was that soft caressing kiss from a week ago. But I didn't want soft and caressing, I wanted more.

I licked my lips, and inadvertently touched his. He came closer again, and my hand found its way to his chest. His lips pressed against mine, firmer, and the hands that were on my shoulders moved to my hair. His fingers threaded through, holding my head possessively as he deepened the kiss. Our mouths moved, and his tongue caressed mine. I heard myself whimper softly, and my hands wound around his neck pulling myself closer.

I was lost in the kiss with him, we could have been kissing like that for minutes or days. All I knew was, I was glad to give over control to him.

He pulled away first, and his thumb moved over my cheekbone. His forehead rested against mine, and we both caught our breath.

I started to speak as he did, and we tripped over each other.

"I think-"

"Maybe we should-"

We both broke off, and he smiled at me. He straightened and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I was really beginning to love it when he did that.

"Ladies first."

"I think if we don't go soon, my Daddy'll be over here with his shotgun, along with a shoot first, ask questions later attitude."

He sighed, and nodded. I licked my lips as he stepped back from me, and picked up my Tupperware and his hat. The thing that seemed to constantly glow between us was almost painful. He turned to me, and I resisted the urge to be closer to him, pull his shirt from his jeans, and move my fingers underneath.

Edward caught me staring, and he must have known what was in my gaze as he gave me a knowing look. I flushed deeply, and nervously turned to the table behind me for my purse and keys.

Silently he opened the door, and I went before him. He waited as I locked the door and offered his arm before we made our way down the steps.

Taking Edward's old Ford, I smiled inwardly wile watching him drive the battered pick up truck. For some reason, even that was sexy. And it reminded me of that night when he had found me in that snowy parking lot. It seemed like so long ago, but it was only a few months.

I gave him directions to my mother's and father's house, and it seemed the drive was over with far too quickly. Nerves twisted in my stomach, and Edward came around from the driver's side to help me down from the truck.

_Girl, you're stronger than this. Get yourself together. _

I squared my shoulders, and as Edward opened the door, I held myself a little straighter. He offered his hand, and helped me down. Feet planted on the ground, I shut the door behind me and faced the house.

_Time to stop making mountains out of molehills._

* * *

Thanks for reading.

Update should be on schedule this week!

I have started a small canon fic for the various charities, rather than write a one shot. The first chapter is included in the **Fandom Against Domestic Violence** comp. There is more information on my profile, and a teaser for **The Sheltering Sky** on my blog.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**

**As promised.**

**Special thanks as per usual to my beautiful ficwife lambcullen, my hilarious prereader snshyne, and my lovely beta, TwilightMomofTwo.**

* * *

BPOV

Momma opened the door, and greeted me and Edward. "Hi baby! C'mon in."

Her eyes lighted on Edward, and even though she knew exactly who he was, I made introductions.

"Momma, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my momma, Renee Swan."

Edward tipped his hat to my mom, and I heard him murmur, _Mrs. Swan_. My eyes caught movement in the hallway, and I saw my father lingering behind my mother. I half expected him to be in his Sheriff's uniform, or at least wearing his star, but he was casual in jeans and a starched shirt.

He raised a brow at me, and I smiled slightly. It was that look that he'd been giving me since I was old enough to understand exactly what it meant.

It was a challenge, a question, and a communication that only daddy's girls understood.

Edward removed his hat as he stepped inside, and my father stepped forward. I could feel Edward's presence behind me, and it warmed my back, it seeped into me, and having him here just felt right.

"Daddy, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my father, Charles Swan."

Edward held out his hand, and Daddy met him halfway. I watched as they measured each other during the handshake.

Edward was the first to speak. "Chief Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Good to meet you, too, son."

I watched the exchange, trying not be nervous. My mother swooped in, her hands on my shoulders.

"Bella why don't you help me with the rest of dinner in the kitchen."

I gave Edward a look, and he nodded at me reassuringly. Momma shooed me towards the kitchen, and I reluctantly allowed her to do so. Just as we entered, I heard my father take Edward into the living room, and I could see them settle down. Daddy took the easy chair, and Edward took the couch along the wall. I swallowed nervously as I watched them talk.

EPOV

I looked at Chief Swan, and he stared back at me, his eyes trying to read me. For a moment, I felt all of sixteen again. The eyes that were the same color as Bella's narrowed at me, and his mouth twitched under his mustache.

"You hurt her, and I'll shoot you."

I nodded at him, wondering if he had shot the last one.

"Yes, sir. I ain't fixin' to do that." He reminded me of one of the older studs we used to have on the ranch. It was all about control and dominance, until he could accept you in the paddock with him.

"I hear you're gonna give her a job?"

I sat back slightly on the couch. "I want to help her."

"Helpin' is fine. There's a difference between helpin' someone, and havin' them beholden to you." His eyes were very serious.

BPOV

"Baby, you are like a mother hen watchin' that boy. Your daddy is not gonna bite 'im. Now c'mon and help me with these potatoes." Her hand was at my elbow, and she had to physically turn me around towards the kitchen.

I noticed as we moved towards the stove that Momma was wearing her good apron. Seeing it distracted me a little from what was going on in the living room. Usually this apron was for special occasions: birthdays, holidays, and other family and social gatherings.

It was a gingham pattern of soft pastel pink, and the edges were slightly ruffled with white fabric. It tied in the back with long strings that got wider towards the end so the bow was large. It always made me giggle, it was so unpractical, but I knew it made my mother happy when she wore it.

"He is mighty handsome close up, Bella."

I looked up at my mother who was drying off a plate from Grandma's china collection.

"Wow, Ma. The good apron and Grandma's china? Is there royalty comin' that I don't know about?"

My mother grinned slyly at me. "No, but I thought it would be nice to put on our best."

"I wondered about Daddy's shirt."

"He sure kicked up a fuss when I handed it to him."

I laughed softly as I finished mashing the potatoes. "I'm so nervous about this, Momma. Did you tell Daddy about my job?"

"I did. He was ready for going over and stomping a mud hole into poor Emmett McCarty."

I looked up at her, and her eyes were serious.

"Really?"

We started to put the food into serving dishes.

"Oh yeah. But I calmed him right down-"

"I meant did you tell him about Edward and my job?"

She paused, tossing the greens in front of her. "I did. He wasn't quite sure, but I told him you were an adult, and that we couldn't make decisions for you."

"Thanks, Momma."

EPOV

"Sir, I want you to know that my intentions towards Bella are above board."

"They better be."

"I need you to understand a little about me, Chief. I told Bella I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. Since my…" I swallowed the lump fighting its way into my throat. "…wife passed, I've been living a little on the quiet side. But these past couple of months have been different. I feel like I'm alive, and I reckon that's because of your daughter. I can tell she's been hurt, and I never wanna be the cause of any unhappiness."

Chief Swan sat back, and contemplated what I said. After a moment he nodded his head. The TV caught his eye, and his attention moved from me to the ballgame.

"Sonuvagun! Did you see that?"

"Sure did, Chief."

"Call me Charlie. That boy couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a banjo."

Watching the replay on the screen, I shook my head. "Don't know why they don't bench him."

"It's all money these days. Nobody plays like they used to."

I looked up as Bella's voice called to us from the kitchen.

"Dinner's on the table!"

Charlie stood up first, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"Charles, at least turn it down during dinner."

Dinner passed without incident, and several times, Bella's eyes met mine. She had been so nervous, and I still couldn't exactly reason why. Charlie asked me about the ranch, and I talked horses for a little bit. When dessert was served, Charlie looked at Bella suspiciously.

"Cherry turnovers? You trying to butter me up, kid?"

She smiled warmly at him, and filled a coffee mug in front of him. "Why? Is it working?"

His mustache worked as he chewed and swallowed. "Maybe it is, maybe it ain't."

Placing the coffee pot down, she kissed his cheek and he smiled at her. Bella was clearly her father's daughter, and I couldn't help but grin slightly at the way they loved each other.

"Thank you for a lovely dinner, Mrs. Swan. I haven't been this full in years."

Bella's mother blushed prettily, just like her daughter does after a compliment. "Please call me Renee."

I offered to help with the dishes, but she turned me down. So I followed Charlie to watch the last of the ballgame, while the gals did the dishes. I caught Bella glancing back at me over her shoulder, and I winked at her. She smiled, and turned back to drying dishes.

Later on, Bella and I were saying our goodbyes, and the handshake between me and Charlie wasn't so much a test of male dominance, but an understanding and agreement that we both wanted what was best for Bella.

I watched as Bella said goodbye to her folks, hugging her mother, who whispered something into her ear. I heard Charlie whisper _I love you, pumpkin _into her ear, and she whispered the sentiment back.

Once we were in the truck, and I had pulled away from the drive, I heard Bella exhale.

"Were you really that scared?"

She took a moment to answer. "I was. You're the first one I've brought back since Jake."

My hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

When I parked outside of her apartment, she waited for me to open the door for her.

"Do you wanna come up for coffee?"

I smiled at her. "Sure."

She turned on the light as we entered her apartment. I followed her into the small kitchen and watched her hands flutter over the grounds and the coffee machine.

Bella turned to me, and I could tell she was all jittery again. "It'll just take a minute." She reached for a mug, but her fingers got the better of her, and it started to tumble out of the cupboard towards her head.

I caught it before it fell, but ended up pressed against her. Heat burned between us, and I shifted back slightly. Setting the mug down on the counter, I watched as Bella slowly turned around, her eyes dark, her lips parted. I knew she had felt the same thing that I could feel, and for a moment, the volume had been cranked up when my body had been pressed against hers.

My heart beat inside my chest, and the coffee machine gurgled on the counter behind her.

"Do I make you jumpy, sweetheart?"

She licked her lips. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you," she whispered.

My fingers came up to hold her jaw, as she tried to look away from me.

"Why?" I asked again.

"Because every time you're near, all I can think about is you…nearer." It was in her eyes, she was trying to fight it, but I knew she wanted me nearer.

I stepped closer, and my knee pressed between hers.

"Like this?"

"Closer."

I leaned in, and my lips hovered just above hers. "This?"

"Closer." She whispered, and when her lips moved, they touched mine.

I kissed her, she whimpered, and her fingers moved to my shirt. This kiss was open mouthed, and our teeth briefly clashed before she angled her head, and her tongue tangled with mine.

I didn't want to think, I just wanted her, and to lose myself in her. I felt her fingers at the buttons of my shirt, and I grabbed for her backside, and lifted her up onto the counter. My hands moved back up to her face. Holding her chin, I kissed her, tasting her, as she continued to fiddle with buttons. I felt air against my skin, and my shirt was tugged from the waistband of my jeans.

Bella's nails raked down my chest, and I growled appreciatively into her mouth. I moved from her mouth to her chin, my lips running over her skin to her neck. She gasped when I found a sensitive spot under her ear with my mouth, and I had to kiss her again, just to hear that noise she made in the back of her throat.

Her hands explored my chest, running over my skin. I inhaled sharply when one of her nails scraped over my nipple, and her thumb soothed over the pebbled skin. My hands found her hips, and I pulled her to the edge of the counter. Her legs wrapped around my hips, and I ran my hand up her side, my thumb grazing the underside of her breast through her top.

Her thighs squeezed, and I pressed forward, just as my phone rang.

"Aw hell." I said into her neck.

"Ignore it." Her voice was a breathy sigh as I kissed her skin again.

It rang itself out, but started up again. I pulled it from my pocket out of pure frustration, but when I glanced down and saw it was someone from the ranch, I knew I had to stop. I had asked Eli to keep an eye on Deuce for me. He'd been acting funny all day.

"This better be an emergency."

"It is, youngin', or else I would have left it." Eli's worried voice came over the phone. "Deuce is real poorly. Been keeping an eye on him like you asked. He won't take his grain, and he's all huddled up in the corner. Last I checked on him, he was breathin' a little funny."

I stepped back from Bella, and ran a hand over my chin. Her legs had fallen, and she dangled them over the edge of the counter. I turned around, and adjusted myself in my jeans.

"Right, I'll be there in fifteen. You phone the doc?"

"Yeah, he's on his way out." Eli's voice was worried, which meant it was serious. The old man didn't get worried for nothin'.

"Alright, Eli. Thanks."

"See you soon, son."

I buttoned my shirt, and tucked it in as I turned back around to face Bella.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes were wide, her lips swollen from our kiss.

My fingers went over the buttons as I answered. "Deuce is real sick. I'm so sorry, darlin', but I have to go."

Bella shook her head. "Don't be sorry. If you can, call me and let me know how he is."

I nodded. "I will. Can I take a rain check on that coffee?"

She blushed as she eyed the coffee machine, which was more than done.

"You can."

I stepped forward, and ran a finger down her cheek.

"You looked really pretty tonight."

"Thanks." Her blush deepened, and I quickly kissed her lips.

"I'll call you later on, OK?"

"OK." She sighed.

"Bye, Bella."

"Bye…"

+AtWH+

Sunday had been and gone, and Monday started bright and early, with the sun shining cheerfully in the sky. Spring was no longer just a whisper in the air, but a fully fledged burst of color. Flowers bloomed from front gardens, and the buzz of insects and birds filled the air.

I rolled down the window, and took in a bit of the fresh air. While on my way to Edwards, I turned up the radio, singing along to songs I knew. I reached the sign to his ranch, and drove under the wrought iron arch and down the long driveway. I checked my make up in the mirror, and then my hair as I drove slowly towards the house.

I was nervous but giddy at the same time. I felt like I had turned a page, as if this were something new to look forward to. When I had moved back initially, I had never had that feeling. Even getting the job at McCarty's, I had still felt I had come back with my tail between my legs.

I parked behind Edward's truck, and smiled as I grabbed my purse and laptop bag from the passenger seat. This was something to look forward to, something to build and engross myself in.

I was all business today in my crisply pressed white shirt and gray pencil skirt. I wanted to make a good impression with Edward, not just because we were dating. I wanted him to see all of me.

He stepped out from the stable, and I waved.

"You ready for your first day, Miss Swan?"

My grin spread wider. "Sure am, Mr. Cullen."

He strode forward in dirty wranglers, boots and a chambray work shirt. The sleeves were rolled up over his forearms, and I was mesmerized by the strength I could see, pulsing up through to his broad shoulders. His jeans were dusty, and he pulled off a pair of work gloves and stuck them in his back pocket.

"C'mon, I'll lead you through to the office. It's in the house."

I followed beside him, and he held the door open as we came in. The heels of my gray pumps echoed loudly on the wooden flooring as he led me towards the back of the house. It was all neutrals, and the living room had more of a bachelor feel to it. I noticed something slightly off but couldn't put my finger on it; it was as if the house seemed bare somehow.

"How's Deuce?"

Edward's lips tightened. "He took a bad turn during the night, but seems to be coming around the bend now."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry."

"Nothin' for you to be sorry for, sweetheart. He'll be alright soon. Ain't you ever heard the expression healthy as a horse?"

Edward opened the door to a room that had a window that looked out onto the back of the ranch. The room was painted white, but buttery sunlight melted through the dusty window. A book shelf sat along one wall filled with what looked like previous years' financial summaries.

Then there was the desk.

Well. I assumed there was a desk underneath the mountains of papers and receipts. Some of them looked wrinkled, as if they had been balled up and then unwrapped again. I think my jaw dropped as I stepped past Edward and came around the front of the desk.

"Edward Cullen! I've seen some things in my time, but this right here is a disgrace!"

He had the grace to look embarrassed. Holding up his hands, he smiled sheepishly at me. "It's all yours."

I tried to stay mad at him, but I couldn't when he was looking at me like that. "Right, you go on and do your thing outside, and I'm gonna start on this Kilimanjaro."

"Yes ma'am. Coffee's in the kitchen if you're looking for some."

I looked up from the pile to him. "Do I get coffee breaks, bossman?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I suppose I'm obligated to give you one."

I made a sound, half laugh and half outrage. "You suppose?"

"Reckon so, Miss Swan. You need any help, c'mon out and holler."

"Yes, sir."

He smiled a lopsided grin, and tipped his hat before leaving the room. The sound of his boots tapping against the floor faded, and I heard the front door close.

Sighing, I looked down at the mess of papers in front of me. Part of me wanted to sweep it off the desk and onto the floor, but I knew that would only mean I would spend more time picking it up. I pulled the chair back from the desk and laughed at the papers that were piled there as well.

This was going to be an interesting first day.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend!**

**Special thanks to MinaRivera for the lovely banner she made for this story! Link on my profile.**

**Don't forget to donate to Fandom Against Domestic Violence. You'll receive a large compilation from over 100 authors, including Chapter 1 of my new story, The Sheltering Sky.**


	15. Chapter 15

A/N

A day late and a buck short. Story of my life.

Thanks as always to my fabulous ficwife Lambie, my lovely beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my gorgeous pre-reader snshyne.

* * *

BPOV

At lunchtime I went out to my truck where I had left my PB and J sandwich. I hadn't been sure what my first day would be like, and I thought it would be easier to stay on the ranch rather than go somewhere.

Standing by the bed of my truck, I watched the activity in the large fenced enclosure. Edward was on a black horse, his face full of concentration as he spoke quietly to the animal. It whipped its tail and twitched its ears as he calmed the obviously skittish horse. The sun shone on the glossy body of the horse that rippled with powerful lines of muscle and sinew.

Edward was totally fascinating to watch, and he made my knees weak. His dark colored boots were in the stirrups, and he wore fawn colored chaps over his jeans. He still had the blue chambray shirt on from this morning, and his hat, of course. I watched strength move through his back, as the horse turned. Edward moved with the horse, his chest flexing under his shirt, as he and the horse came about face. I bit my lip, and nearly dropped my sandwich as I watched those thighs of his guide the horse, his legs commanding with the slightest of movements. His body moved with the stride of the horse, a constant tug of war over who was dominant.

I sighed. It was hard, taking things slow. Maybe this was a good thing, though. In my old life, in those big city lights, maybe I played a little more fast and loose than was acceptable back here.

But Edward…he had a quiet strength about him that I couldn't get enough of. He was sturdy and solid, and someone I knew I could lean on, if I needed to. I happened to glance down at my phone, and noticed a whole hour had gone by, and I knew I should get back in there if I was going to finish organizing that mountain of paperwork before five.

EPOV

It had been a long day. I had bought a couple of new horses last week, and began their training today. It was harder to train horses that I hadn't raised myself; they had other people's habits, good and bad. The only good thing was that animals usually took to me. Eli said it was uncanny just how much the new horses trusted me over the other men. I put it down to respect and understanding.

I had been working with Ransom, an all black who preferred leading the chase rather than being led. Yorkie had been with me all morning, and Ransom had tossed him off a couple of times. I was showing Yorkie how to work with him without totally breaking the horse. Ransom had yet to throw me, although he had bucked a couple of times. I led him around the paddock once more, and then mounted up. For the first time all day, he didn't bolt or attempt to take the bit between his teeth. He had the makings of a great racer.

When I saw Carmen making her way from the house, I nodded to Yorkie and the rest of guys.

"Reckon that's time, boys. See you tomorrow, bright and early."

They raced off towards the bunkhouse, where their meal would be waiting for them. Walking Ransom back to the stable, I took off my gloves and shoved them in my back pocket. I had Ransom watered and fed, and waved Carmen and Eli good night. It was only me and the horses now; I moved to the stall where Buttercup and Deuce were. He was coming on a lot stronger since the vet had set him up with an IV overnight. Eli would be back after dinner to stay up with Deuce tonight.

"Hello?"

I jumped at the sound of her voice. I'd been so caught up in the newer horses, I plumb forgot Bella had started today.

"In here!" I hollered. I looked down at my shirt, and tried to brush away the dust and grime. I took off my hat and beat it against my thigh before re-settling it on top of my head. The crunch of her heals could be heard outside and she appeared around the door, her eyes squinting into the darkness.

"Edward?" She shielded a hand above her forehead as she walked in. Her eyes adjusted, and she paused just inside the doorway. Her pretty lips were parted, and her eyes traveled from my boots, up my legs, over my belt buckle, lingering over my chest, and finally to my face. I found myself smiling at her perusal.

"Look your fill, darlin'?"

She blushed. "Sorry."

I grinned at her while she squirmed. "No apology required."

She shifted her weight, and I tried not to stare at her legs, resisting the urge to do some ogling myself. I had seen Bella in skirts and boots, but never all gussied up like this. She was every man's secretary fantasy, especially with her hair all twisted up like that. I wanted to watch it fall back down around her shoulders, her sweet smell filling my nostrils right before I buried my nose in it…

I realized she was talking to me and I tried to clue back in on what she was saying.

"…By the time I got through half of what was on the desk, I realized you had over three years worth of receipts sitting there. How do you file your taxes?"

I cleared my throat. "I try my best. You can imagine the financial stuff ain't my favorite part."

She made a face and shook her head. "What did you do before? It looks like most of the records…" and then her eyes changed, and she seemed to reach a conclusion as her words slowly faded, "…stopped…about four years ago…"

She looked away from me, and I was quiet, not quite sure how to answer. It looked like she knew already, without me having to confirm for her.

I had been on top of a lot of things before…before my whole life sank six feet into the ground.

Bella cleared her throat. "I'm sorry Edward."

My tongue licked over my back teeth as awkward silence gaped wide between us. "You sure do a lot of apologizin' for things you ain't got any control over, sweetheart."

She licked her lips and for a moment she looked like she wanted to say more, but changed her mind.

"Do you want to come in and see what I've done?"

I nodded my head. "Sure thing. Let me take some of this gear off and I'll meet you inside."

A small smile moved across her face before she turned to go. "OK. See you in a few."

The sound of her shoes clicked over the drive and crunched over the dirt as she crossed to the house. There was a weird scuffling sound, and then a soft cry of pain. I rushed out of the barn to see what happened. Bella was trying to pick herself up from where she lay in a tangled heap on the ground. Wordlessly, I helped her up. Righting herself, her palms shakily slapped dirt from her skirt. "What happened?"She blinked and glanced down towards her feet. "My shoes aren't exactly all terrain."I looked down at her shoes, which made her legs seem endless. "Fairly sure they aren't cut out for this type of scenery. Those're city slicker shoes, made for sidewalks and marble floors in fancy offices."Her cheeks flushed again. "I was trying to make a good impression my first day."I hooked a finger under her chin and rubbed a smudge of dirt from her soft cheek. Staring into those brown eyes of hers, I felt something pull at me."Darlin', trust me, you've already made an impression on me."

A soft sigh of air escaped her parted lips, and I pressed my lips to hers before pulling away.

"Go on, I'll be in, in a minute."

I watched as she walked away, hoping she wouldn't catch me watching the gentle sway of her hips and ass in that skirt. When she reached the door, I turned back towards the stable to finish cleaning up.

It was true, I hadn't been anywhere near those books, or that room, in a long time. There were a couple of rooms like that in the house.

I put my riding gloves on the hook above the tack table. Taking off my chaps, I hung them on another hook, and turned to check on Deuce again before going inside. Unlatching the gate, Buttercup made a soft greeting sound, and watched with her ears pricked forward as I moved towards her son. I had spent the better part of last night with the colt, and I was considering telling Eli I would do the same again tonight.

Deuce did seem a lot brighter, and I stroked his nose before heading back up to the house.

Fading afternoon sunlight filled the hallway, and the door to the back office was wide open. It seemed odd to me, seeing it open, with more sunlight filtering from the large window into the hallway. When I arrived at the door, I stopped and gaped. I tried to cover the shock by rubbing my hand over my mouth, my calloused fingers scratching over my beard.

Bella smiled. "I was surprised to find a desk under all that paper. But sure enough, there was."

She sat at the desk, that I hadn't seen in years. The receipts and papers that had been piled were now in neat manila files piled in the book cases behind her. Bella had her laptop open, and the desk had a small pencil cup, and a desk calendar.

I came around to the other side, and she immediately opened a program up to show me. I could hear her explaining what she had started, but all I could think about was her hair. It smelled so sweet, I wished she had worn it down today.

My eyes shifted to the long column of her neck, and I wondered what she would do if I just gave into what I wanted. If she would gasp softly, as I placed my lips on her throat. Would she arch slightly, her chin turning to the side, as my fingers slowly let her hair down.

"So what do you think?"

She was looking at me expectantly. I blinked, and tried to think of something to say without giving away that I wasn't paying attention.

"I think you're gonna be much better at this stuff than I ever was."

She smiled slightly, and I returned the gesture. I straightened, and surveyed the room. It seemed lighter somehow, and there was the smell of something in the air, lemons.

"Did you dust in here?"

Bella shut the laptop down and moved to unplug the charger. "I kinda had to. I was sneezing so bad, I ended up in search of polish and a dust rag just before lunchtime. I hope you don't mind, I borrowed some from under the kitchen cabinet."

Placing a hand on my hips, I looked around the room, and back at her, noticing a smudge on her white shirt.

"You're probably the first person to spend any real time in here in a long time. I'm sorry it was so dusty."

She wrapped up her wires, and put the laptop away in the bag I'd seen her with earlier. I knew she was here working, but I didn't want her to just go.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

She arched a delicate brow at me. "I don't know. Is that dinner with my boss, or dinner with you?"

I shifted on my feet slightly as she stood up. "I suppose it's after five, and seein' as that's quittin' time, I think you're having dinner with me."

She smiled wider. "Sounds good to me, Cowboy."

"OK. I need to get cleaned up."

"No problem. I've got a couple of things I want to do in here before I was gonna go, anyways. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"Carmen usually makes my dinner and then some. I'll put it in the oven, and meet you back here in about fifteen minutes, OK?"

"OK."

Turning to walk down the hall, I turned on the oven and picked up the small ceramic pot sitting on a pot holder on the counter. Carmen had made a western chili, and I heard my stomach growl at the thought. Placing the round blue pot in the oven, I shut the door and ran upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later I was showered and back downstairs. Checking the kitchen, I expected to find Bella there first. When I didn't find her there, I went looking for her, and found her in the living room staring at my guitar. It sat on a stand in a corner of the room. The sun had started to set, and Bella had turned a lamp on, the soft glow warming the room.

She looked up as I entered the room. "Do you play?"

I nodded. "Sure do. My momma taught me when I was a youngin'."

Her eyes fixed on the instrument, and she touched the strings, her fingertips running over the taut wire.

"I've always wanted to learn to play an instrument." She dropped her hand back to her side, and turned to face me.

"I could teach you sometime, if you want."

I watched as her teeth nibbled slightly on her lower lip, before releasing it. "I would like that."

"I'm just gonna dish up, if you want to come in. Do you like chili?"

She smiled softly, and nodded. Something was off, there was something sad in the way she looked around the room before following me towards the kitchen.

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have any pictures…like anywhere."

"No, I suppose I don't," I answered cautiously.

She was right. A few months after…the funeral, I had taken a baseball bat to every photo frame in the house. Eli had found me in a pile of broken glass in the middle of the hallway. That had been a bad day. I had been so angry for awhile. At myself, mostly.

Carmen had helped me clean it up, and made no mention of it again. I had been so angry, had listed my faults constantly to myself. If only I hadn't worked so late, if only I had gone with her…

I wouldn't have been left behind. I could have…done something.

I blinked, bringing myself back into the present. I was standing over the chili now, somehow robotically bringing it out of the oven and stirring it. I took bowls out of a cupboard and filled them. Carmen had obviously made a lot, there was enough for three in the pot.

Bella busied herself with finding her way around my kitchen. She set out silverware, and asked me what I wanted to drink with dinner. It was odd, having someone else in the house during this time. Usually it was so quiet…and lonely. A man could get used to this kind of company.

Bringing the filled bowls over to the table, I set one down in front of Bella. We started eating in silence, and I regarded her between spoonfuls, as she chewed quietly. I knew so little about her, and she seemed like an enigma; her clothes contradicting the pick up truck outside in my driveway. I wondered why she was back here, in this town.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"What brought you back home from the city?"

Maybe I shouldn't have asked, and I regretted the sadness that rolled across her face. There was an old code, from my grandpa's time. It was accepted that it wasn't fittin' to ask a man his last name, or anything else about him unless he volunteered the information first.

Her mouth tensed, and then she sighed.

"You don't have to answer that."

"No, it's OK." She took a deep breath, and continued. "I lost my job after the accountancy firm I was a junior with folded. I couldn't afford my apartment, and it was so hard to find another job, that I ended up coming home."

I swallowed chili, and then looked up at her. "Do you miss it?"

She sighed again. "Sometimes. Being back here…it just…There are some things I really never wanted to see again."

"What do you mean?"

I watched as she chewed on the inside of her cheek before answering. "I just hoped to not ever have to look some…things in the eye again."

I let that lie, and Bella shifted the conversation to the plans she had for a new filing system for me. I listened with interest, and added my two cents where appropriate.

Eventually, our bowls were empty, the dishes were cleared, and conversation dwindled after coffee.

Bella moved away from the counter. "Well, I guess I better go. Shadow'll need fed soon."

I nodded, "Reckon you better go, then."

I walked her out to her truck, and opened the door. She started to get in, but stopped, and turned around. Since I was following behind her, she found herself pressed between the seat and my chest. She gasped, and steadied herself by latching onto my arms.

"Easy now." My voice sounded gravelly, even to me. But all I could think about was her curves pressed against me, every soft inch of her.

And I found my lips searching for hers, and her mouth opened as I kissed her. She made that sound in the back of her throat, and my hands found their way to her hair. I could feel pins holding the tightly wound twist in place, and I pulled them out, letting them fall onto the car seat behind her.

Her thick brown hair tumbled down, and I ran my fingers through it, holding her head, as my tongue stroked hers. Her fingers traveled up my arms and one of her hands found its way to my cheek. The soft sweet gesture of her small thumb over my cheekbone was nearly my undoing.

It had been a long time since I had one of those kinds of touches. It was caring, and I pulled away from her, nearly overwhelmed. Her breath mingled with mine, and she swallowed.

"Wow…" she sighed.

I smiled, and stepped back, giving her some space.

"Is it alright if I come back tomorrow, boss?"

"I'm counting on it."

She smiled prettily, and I watched her get up into her truck, and I shut the door behind her. Bella started the engine.

"Bye, Edward."

I touched the edge of my hat to her. "G'night, ma'am."

* * *

A/N

Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend.

**Sooper Spesh Announcement:**

**Thanks in advance to the lovely lemonmartinis and jdbeaner, who are co-hosting a readalong of this story next Saturday (March 5th) from 7PM EST. Just look for the hashtag readalong to follow the gals. I'm gonna try and stick it out as best I can, as I'm five hours ahead of y'all on the east coast of the US.**


	16. Chapter 16

A/N

Thanks as always to my ficwife, lambie, who picture spammed me a few months ago, and begged for a specific scene to be written. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Thank yous also to TwilightMomofTwo, who calls me on my BS…and points out the places that sound like a freshman in high school wrote.

And thanks to my prereader, snshyne, her careful eye keeps me in line, and her feedback is something I could never put a price on.

* * *

_Four weeks later._

EPOV

Seeing Bella everyday got me thinking.

Everyday, we became closer and closer. There was something between us that seemed to be growing, and each day it pulled us closer together. But at times, something else pushed us apart. I was beginning to suspect I knew what it was - my own past haunting me. I knew it wasn't just me, though. I watched Bella, she still had that look in her eyes at times, wary and unsure. Granted, it was less and less often, but I knew at some point, she was going to buck.

Past hurts couldn't just be covered over. They had to be dealt with, straightforward and to the point. And I was done with trying to hide behind mine.

Eli had called it right the first time he saw her, and I more than agreed with him. I just had to figure out a way of getting her to trust me. It niggled at my brain, and she had caught me studying her a few times. Finally she called me on it.

"That's a pretty intense stare, you've got goin' on there," she said as I watched her walk up to the house.

I sipped my coffee, breaking eye contact as I lifted my mug to my lips. "Got a lot on my mind."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She was wearing a dress today; the color a dark twilight blue. It wrapped around her body, and a light breeze teased the edges that ended near her knees. I swallowed hot coffee down my throat at a flash of her legs.

My eyes watered and I coughed. She rushed forward, thinking I was choking, and I held a hand up to tell her I was OK.

"Sorry about that, went down the wrong pipe."

"Are you OK?"

I nodded, and she adjusted the strap of her lap top case over her shoulder.

"Coffee's on if you want some."

She smiled up at me. "Thanks."

There was this awkward silence, and I reached out with my free hand to stroke down her cheek. Every time I touched her, I felt it: that connection between us, and a reconnection of myself to everything.

Bella made her way up the steps, and I held the door opened for her before heading off towards the stables.

I still couldn't stop thinking about her, circling around how to try and help her. My mind went back over the last few weeks. We'd been on several dates, both in town and out of it. I'd even been invited back to Chief Swan's for a barbecue. I knew Bella wanted more from me; I could see the need in her eyes, especially when I called it quits at the end of the night.

I wasn't about to rope her in when her mind was still dwelling on previous hurts. And it looked like she wasn't quite managin' to lick her own wounds clean.

So perhaps it was time to move things forward a little bit. As was our habit, Bella would stop by the stable before leaving for the evening. Sometimes she stayed for dinner, but most nights she went home.

I was waiting for her, and when she entered the stable, I straightened up from where I was leaning against the tack table.

"Hey. Come and take a walk with me."

A guarded look entered her eyes, and it tugged at me that she would go on the defensive so easily. We moved out of the stable and across the drive, heading along the paddock fence to one of the pastures. I offered her my arm, trying to reassure her.

"C'mon. It ain't as bad as all that. Can't a man walk with his lady?"

Her eyes met mine as her arm linked with mine. "Is that what I am, your lady?"

"Would you rather I called you my girlfriend?"

She wrinkled her nose. "That sounds a little high school, doesn't it?"

"Reckon so."

"OK." She tossed her hair over her shoulders. "I think I could get used to being your lady."

"So long as I can be your man."

I watched something change in her eyes, that guarded look again, and a slight hesitation at committing me as her man.

Time to take the bull by the horns.

"He really did a number on you, didn't he?"

I felt her body tense up, and I could tell she wanted to step away from me. She looked at me, then glanced back out over the horizon of flat ranch land in front of us.

"You could say that, yeah." Her voice was quiet. "It broke a little piece inside of me, Edward."

"I can understand that." Probably more than she knew.

She shrugged her shoulders. "You know what it's like around here. Everybody knows everything about you. Nothing is yours, nothing is private. And worst of all, because of that, everyone thinks they're allowed an opinion about it."

I thought about that, and of how much I had avoided coming into town, and then any sort of situation where I would have to directly deal with people.

"I think there's something wrong with me. I think whatever is wrong, is just never going to go back together right. Like what broke wasn't set right, and I healed crooked."

I swallowed, and looked at the young woman next to me. She held her head proudly as she softly confessed this to me.

"Darlin', you're not crooked."

"But how do you know?" I watched as she chewed the inside of her cheek, and then licked her lips. "What if I mess you up, too?" Her voice ended slightly high pitched.

"You won't mess me up, sweetheart-" I started to reach for her, but she pulled away.

Bella swiped at her eyes. "I'm fine." She swallowed and continued forward with me, her back stiff and delicate with pride. I tried to reach for her again, she shrugged me off, her hands trembling.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine," she repeated.

"Ain't nothin' fine about the way your hand is shaking." I stopped walking, and grabbed her shoulders. Her eyes refused to meet mine, and I grasped her chin gently between my fingers.

She spoke before I could. "I feel like all I've done since I met you was cry in front of you. I'm not doing it again today."

"I'm sorry for upsetting you." My other hand smoothed down her arm, and her arm wedging between us, her hand anchoring itself by grabbing a fistful of my shirt. My lips brushed her temple, and she sniffled.

"You didn't. It's just me."

I looked down at her, and smoothed a stray dark hair from her forehead. Something warmed in my chest, seeing her blotchy heart shaped face. A surge of something fiercely protective raced through me at the sight of her upset and so vulnerable.

Eventually we started walking again, Bella holding onto my hand as a breeze whipped by us, moving her dark hair from her face. I wanted to know more about her life before we met. I still felt like there were blanks that needed to be filled, and I knew she was still slightly cautious.

Her words kept echoing in my mind, _I've not been set right, and I healed crooked._

I knew she wasn't crooked, but did Bella? Something told me that was a no. Did she see herself as damaged goods? If so, that simply wasn't fittin'.

It reminded me of a horse I'd had once, a retired jumper that had fallen on his knees. The previous owner had whipped him good before he was rescued and given to me. His confidence was all shot to hell, but Eli and I had worked hard to turn him around. It had been a proud day when he had held his head a bit higher, and was able to be led around the paddock, no fear in his eyes. Eventually, he was moved onto a smaller place that helped disabled children. Last I heard, he was a personal favorite of several of the kids.

The woman currently in my arms had a lot of things that seemed all shot to hell. Her confidence, her feelings, and her trust in people, to name a few, and none of which was her fault. She was beautiful, in every sense of the word.

The hell if she was gonna get away with calling herself crooked.

My hands went to her waist, she gasped, and then squealed as I lifted her towards the slatted fence behind her. Her hands grabbed for my shoulders.

"Edward? What are you-"

I sat her on the edge of the fence and tilted my hat so I could look up at her.

"Look. I told you before, I don't do things halfway. Maybe you don't realize it, but you…" I took a deep breath. "I'm starting to live my life again. I look forward to getting up in the morning, to seeing you." I looked into those brown eyes of hers, and my thumb went for her cheek, smoothing over the delicate bone. She was silent, her eyes wide.

"You do that to me, for me. I don't care who the son of a bitch was that broke you, but I gotta thank him." Her eyes nearly popped out of her head at that one. I smiled at her. "Thank him for letting pure gold slip out of his hands and into mine. I want you Bella, and not just for your body, or for making sure my finances are in order. You. The woman who makes me laugh, who blushes at my compliments, who leaves her lipstick stains on my coffee mugs."

She shook her head and bit her lip, and I nodded at her. How could I make her see she was so much more than worthwhile? I thought for a moment, and then dug my hand into my pocket. Pulling out the small stretchy black band, I held it up for her to see.

"A few months back, I helped a girl and her apples up off the ground in a grocery parking lot. There was something about her I just couldn't leave alone. A month later, that same girl blew a tire near my ranch and frightened my horse half to death. I rode up to see what the commotion was, and there she stood, in the rain, as sad as I've ever seen, but prettier than a clear summer night. You left this on my counter that day, and I've been carrying it around with me since."

I paused, and she blinked at me. "Why do you…"

"Carry it around with me?" I finished for her, and she nodded. "Because it's a little part of you."

Her eyes moved back and forth from my hand to my face. I could tell the moment she accepted it, that she mattered to me. It was like watching a bubble burst in slow motion. Her features suddenly changed, and I felt something in my chest, something warm. Before I could acknowledge it, I moved forward, and she angled her head as our lips found each other.

I sucked her bottom lip between mine, tasting her lip, nibbling softly before letting go. I took her lips with mine, and she opened her mouth slightly, her tongue tentatively touching mine. Sensation washed over me as I kissed her, more of those possessive feelings. I wanted to hold her to me, and never let go of her. It was exciting and frightening at the same time.

My hands held her hips, squeezing softly as her fingers ran through my hair at the nape of my neck. My mouth moved with hers, and felt her legs lazily wrap around me. My hands urged her forward, and there was no space between us. I swear I could feel her heart beating against my chest, and she made a soft needy sound at the back of her throat as I kissed her, my tongue sweeping her mouth.

_I wanted to make her mine._

That thought brought me up short, and I pulled back from her slightly. She opened her eyes, and looked into mine.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice breathless, and disappointed.

"I wanna do this right. I wanna do right by you, Bella."

"What do you mean?"

I kissed her lips softly, before stepping back, and gently lifting her to the ground. Her hands grabbed for my shoulders again. I held her close, since her legs didn't seem steady just yet.

"I have some unfinished business I need to take care of, before I can go forward with you."

She blinked at me, trying to process what I meant. The understanding lit her face. "Is it Maria?" She took a step back from me, putting a small amount of distance between us. I felt it instantly, and regretted saying anything.

I nodded, and rubbed a hand over my face, my beard scratching against my palm. "I just need to-I haven't been out there since-" I tried to explain to her, but words were failing me.

Her hand touched my arm, trying to reassure me. "It's OK. Do you want me to come with you?"

Shaking my head, I smoothed a stray lock of her hair back behind her ear, my hand lingering on her cheek. "No, darlin'. This one I gotta do on my own."

"If you need help, you just have to ask."

"I know, sweetheart."

I walked her back to the house, and helped her into her truck. Waving her off, I stared at the space where her tail lights had disappeared. My mind raced with the gravity of what I needed to do.

+AtWH+

EPOV

Sunday morning. It was beautiful, the sun pouring out of the sky, and it smelled of spring outside. The air was fresh, and I inhaled deeply. Exhaling slowly, I stared down at my hands as I sat on the edge of the bed. I was fully dressed, but it wasn't jeans or my usual working clothes.

This was a suit I hadn't worn in a few years.

I stood, and grabbed my hat from the dresser table. It wasn't my every day hat. This one was black, and usually reserved for fancy occasions. I didn't check myself in the mirror, I knew what I looked like. The boots I wore were stiff from sitting in a box too long; I had polished them to a high shine. Moving downstairs, I locked up, and headed towards the stable. Eli was standing outside, and raised an eyebrow when he saw me.

"You goin' somewhere special, youngin'?"

"I am."

Walking past him, I entered the stable and pulled out Chance's saddle, and set it out on the tack table. Eli was just inside the door, watching me go about the familiar task of saddling up.

"You goin' where I think you're goin'?"

"Depends on where you think I'm goin'."

Eli let the that lie as I checked the cinch, and led Chance out by the bridle. Mounting up, a light breeze moved across the yard, disturbing the leaves on a hydrangea bush in the front yard. Eli came out of the stable, and stuck his hands in his pocket.

"You fixin' to visit some folk you ain't seen in a while?"

I looked at Eli, trying to keep my expression unreadable. "I am."

"You want some company, son?"

I shook my head. "This is something I gotta do on my own. Thanks anyways."

"Good luck, son. Proud of you."

I nodded in acknowledgment, and urged Chance forward.

On the ride over, I tried not to dwell too much on what I was about to do. I'd been trying not to think about that night, of how I'd lost everything. How the two things that mattered most to me in the world were ripped away from me.

I took a deep breath, knowing I was gonna have to think about those things today. Knowing I'd set aside this time to do this, to make this effort, didn't make it any easier. But this visit had to be done, and I recognized that now, if I was to ever move on with my life.

Chance's surefooted stride led me closer to the corner of the ranch where the family plot stood. I could see the crooked edges of the tombstones, knowing my Granddaddy and Grandma were there, along with my mother and father, and in the front, the two newest headstones.

My throat constricted, and I must have tensed, as Chance came to a stop, his ears flickering back in my direction, sensing a change in me.

Urging him forward again, I leaned down and patted his neck. "It's alright, boy."

As we got to the gate, I dismounted, and looped the reins over the horn of the saddle. Leaving Chance to wait, I opened the small iron fence, and made my way into the small enclosure.

I saw _her _headstone first. Her name was written across it in flowing script followed by a bible quote that had been chosen by her mother. I wondered how the Mendozas were…they had left the area after Maria…died. Last I heard, they were out in Arizona, enjoying the warm dry heat.

I knelt beside Maria's grave, and quietly smoothed my fingers over the words etched into the stone.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry I haven't been out here to see you." A lump lodged in my throat, and I tried to swallow past it. It was nigh impossible.

I felt something sting my eyes, and I blinked and tried clearing my throat again.

"It was just too damn hard. When you died, I thought I had, too. I wanted to be in the ground with you. I hate the fact that I'm here, and you're not. I'm supposed to protect you. And I-" I tried to swallow again as I could feel myself almost choking on the lump."

"And I wasn't there. And for that, I am so sorry."

A strange sound sawed up my throat, and I tried to hold it back, but it fought its way out of me, a raw sound that shook me.

Finally, I looked at the headstone of my son, and remembered the first time I had held him. Maria had struggled to bring him into the world, but that moment when the doctor had placed him in my arms and then I had shared him with Maria…

That memory would never die. The pride I felt, along with the possessive and protectiveness I had for my only son. He was beautiful, beyond words.

And he was ours.

"Oh, Ben."

My hand shook, and I moved to kiss Ben's headstone, the dates inscribed there causing me to twist internally.

"I won't ever forget you, son. I'm so sorry I wasn't there that night, for you and your momma. I love you."

I stood up, and stood there silently regarding them. I could hear Chance sigh softly. Time passed, I'm not sure how long, but the sun made its way across the sky, until it was directly overhead. Looking at both of their headstones, I realized that Maria and Ben weren't really here, that Maria's smile was nowhere to be found in this graveyard, and neither would I hear Ben's little boy footsteps, softly scuffling in the dirt.

"I have to go now. I need to start living my life. It doesn't mean I love either of you any less. I don't want you to think I've forgotten about you, because I never will."

That same sting entered my eyes, and I stood there for a moment, waiting for a sign.

The breeze picked up just then, and it moved from gently caressing my face to stronger. Before I could stop it, it blew my hat off, and it rolled and tumbled out of the open gate. I turned back to the gravestones, and for the first time in a long time, a real smile turned up one corner of my mouth.

"Alright, baby. You don't need to be so pushy. I'm going. Thank you."

I walked out of the gate, picking up my hat, and closed it behind me. I felt lighter somehow, as if the last great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, and I could finally start moving forward, instead of hanging back.

I mounted Chance, and he started forward. I angled him towards home, with the breeze at my back.

* * *

A/N

Thanks for reading.

A very special thanks to jdbeaner and lemonmartinis as well as all the other ladies who participated in the readalong. It is fascinating for me, as a writer, to watch live feedback. It makes me a better writer as well. So..thanks!

xo


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**

**So many of you were sobbing at your desks at work! Sorry about that.**

**Also, sorry about the wait, I was waiting for ff to sort itself. Assholes.**

**So I'm using the work-around hoping it doesn't implode on itself.**

**Anyhoodle.**

**Thanks to my ficwife lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my prereader snshyne**

**

* * *

**

BPOV

The phone rang Sunday night, and I put my book down, the spine creasing in the lamplight as I reached for my cell. It was Edward.

"Hello?" I tried to keep the nervousness from my voice. Since that conversation out by the fence, I felt wary of him. It was like my heart was pinned and on display, like those butterflies that were captured by scientists and placed under glass.

"Hi, darlin'."

And just like that, I felt disarmed. I'd had a lot of time to stew on what he'd said to me. And I realized that maybe I did kind of like holding the gun, and keep the guys I'd been with since Jake at bay. With Edward, it was somehow different. It was like he walked right up to me, and I was trying to hold my defensive gun steady. Somehow, he took it right out of my hands, and I gave it to him without a fight.

"Hi." I croaked.

"You alright?"

I nodded and then realized that he couldn't see me. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. You sound like something's got you by the throat." His voice was all concern, and it twisted something in my gut.

I swallowed, and cleared my throat. "I guess you could say I've got a lot on my mind."

I heard him sigh, and there was a rough prickly sound over the line. I could almost see him rubbing his hand over his face.

His voice was gravelly as he spoke. "It was too much, the other day out by the fence, wasn't it?"

"No! No, it wasn't. I just…I guess I'm not used to...that." I tried to scrape together my thoughts, so it would make sense to him, and me. "It's-well-This thing with you and me…whatever it is…it's very intense at times. It freaks me out a little." He started to speak but I stopped him. "It's not you, or anything that you've done."

"You're a little leery. I get it, darlin'. Suppose it's actions rather than words." He sighed again. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I said it without hesitation, but was surprised that I was able to give my answer so quickly.

"When you come by tomorrow, bring something you can go riding in. There's something I want you to see."

That took me by surprise. Edward devoted his day to his ranch, to the horses. And I was only just starting to get a handle on entering and accounting for all those receipts. Next was payroll. The thought gave me shivers.

"Are you sure? There's still so much to do. I've been working through my lunches-"

"Bella. Bring your jeans."

"Are you-Did you do what you needed to to do? Are you OK?"

There was a quiet strength about his words that made something warm rush through me. "I did, sweetheart. And I'm OK. More OK than I've been in a long time." There was a brief pause, and then he continued. "Don't forget your jeans."

"OK."

"Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Edward."

He hung up the phone and I laid my cell phone down. My hand strayed towards my book, but I was too busy going back over the conversation in my mind. For some reason, there was something missing from it, something at the end that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Like something had been left unsaid.

+AtWH+

I pulled up in the driveway, feeling odd in jeans and boots for once in my life. Edward wasn't waiting for me, and I didn't want to bother him so I quietly slunk into the house. After a detour into the kitchen for coffee, I sat my cup down and booted up my laptop.

The day was warm, the early summer sun was bright, and the air was heavy. By the afternoon, I opened up a window, hoping for a fresh breeze. I heard the _tap tap _of boots on the hardwood floor in the hallway, and my chest tightened, my pulse raced, as anticipation seized through me.

The door opened, and Edward smoothly moved through the doorway, his loose gait making my heart flutter. I barely glanced at him, as I finished balancing a column.

"Ready?"

I smiled as the figures came out correctly, and saved my work before shutting it down. "Yup."

Looking up at him, my smile melted into shock.

Edward had shaved.

His face…He was so handsome, it took my breath away. Sure, I'd seen him in pictures, but they didn't do him any justice. His jaw was square and the angular planes of his face would put some male models to shame. His eyes seemed greener, brighter somehow, and he looked so much younger.

I realized I was staring at him. "I'm sorry. It's just…Wow. You're so handsome."

"Mighty kind of you to say so, ma'am." He smiled, and I could tell I was embarrassing him. I tried to stop, but I my eyes couldn't look away, and my fingers itched to explore.

"If we're going, we best get while the gettin's good."

I followed him outside, and saw Chance and Blizzard saddled and waiting patiently. Edward gave me a boost up, and I steadied myself as he mounted up beside me on Chance.

"We're gonna ride out to one of the farther edges of the ranch. There's something I want you to see."

"What is it?"

He grinned slightly at me, one side of his mouth lifting. "It's a surprise."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "A surprise?"

"Sure is, darlin'. Now c'mon before the sun gets tired of sittin' in the sky."

He moved Chance around and I followed him, Blizzard catching up beside him. We rode in silence, and I enjoyed the rolling scenery of the ranch. The early summer green grass was lazy and long, and when a breeze blew, it softly waved back. Wildflowers in purples, yellows, and whites dotted the landscape, and bees buzzed around them, going about their daily work. The ranch house and barn faded away behind us, and all that was left was what seemed like God's quiet footsteps, etched into the valleys and hills around us.

Every now and then, I tried to slyly glance over at him. I just couldn't get over his face. It made my stomach twist, my knees weak, and a little knot pulse from my belly button to between my legs.

Edward slowed the pace a little, until we were almost over a small hill. A fence came into view, the wooden posts sturdy but weathered.

I watched as Edward dismounted, and I looked at him in surprise. There was nothing around us but wilderness.

"We're gonna have to go on foot from here." He explained quietly.

"What about the horses?" I started to dismount, but Edward came around and helped me, his hands lingering around my face.

"They'll be fine. I'll tie them to the fence here so they don't wander off. They'll have enough slack to graze."

He turned to the horses, and I watched as he removed some rope from a pack on his saddle. His hands were nimble as they tied the horses to the fence. He removed the saddles, and placed them against the fence before turning back to me.

"C'mon, it's just a little farther." He held out his hand, and I took it, not sure where he was leading me, but I followed him. He shortened his long-legged stride so I could keep up, and squeezed my hand when the toe of my boot caught on a clump of grass. He led me to another part of the fence.

"You're gonna have to climb over."

I looked from him to the fence, unsure. "You have to promise not to laugh at me if I look totally awkward and clumsy while doing this."

He smiled that half grin of his again. "Darlin', you worry too much."

And before I could say lickety split, he climbed and vaulted over to the other side of the fence. He made it look so easy, but I knew graceful moves like that were not my forte.

"Just climb on over. I'll help you."

I pursed my lips before grabbing hold of the top board and placing my boot on the bottom rung. It was a slow progression, but eventually I made it over. Edward's hands at my waist had caused me to nearly fall, his touch unsettling me. But he steadied me, and eventually I planted my feet on solid ground once more.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we started forward again.

"There's something I want to show you."

He didn't elaborate, and I had the feeling he wouldn't tell me even if I asked. To the east, dark clouds were forming, and I wondered if they were headed towards us.

Edward suddenly paused, and I looked around, wondering why we had stopped.

"Look, Bella. Just over there, near those trees." His voice was hushed, and he pointed with his finger.

My eyes tried to figure out what he was pointing at, and then I saw them.

"Edward? Are those-"

"Wild horses."

Edward stood behind me, his arms wrapping around my middle. I was aware that every time I inhaled, my breasts pressed against his arms.

But I forgot soon as I watched the sight in front of me with open-mouthed wonder. Unaware that we were there, they interacted with each other, babies at their momma's sides, adult horses running and chasing each other. They were all different colors: rusty browns, creamy whites, grays, and glossy black. Swishing their long tails, some of the horses grazed, while others just seemed happy to be at peace.

To think they roamed free like this, it took my breath away. They had never worn a bridle or a saddle, had never been tethered or tied to any place.

"Beautiful, aren't they?"

I realized I was holding my breath, and I exhaled slowly, the underside of my breasts brushing his arm.

"Oh, Edward. They're amazing." I couldn't take my eyes from them. There was a huge black horse that seemed to be the leader; the other horses moved around him, allowing him a wide berth. He held himself proudly, every step noble, every line of his body regal.

They were so wild and carefree, and I stood there with Edward for the rest of the afternoon. Clouds continued to roll in and out, like an incoming tide. All the while, Edward spoke to me, his voice low and velvety in my ear. He told me about the horses, how some of them could be traced back to Spanish conquistadors.

I was totally engrossed and fascinated by them.

A breeze brushed against my cheek, and I felt Edward's lips kiss my neck. I gasped, and bit my lip, feeling tingles run from the roots of my hair, circling and hardening my nipples and settling low, between my legs. I tilted my head back, trying to give him more access. I closed my eyes, as his lips kissed my throat, and that same rush of shivering nerves raced through me again.

His lips moved to my ear and he gently bit my earlobe. His voice was rough as he spoke lowly in my ear.

"I've been wantin' to do that for the longest time."

I licked my lips, and turned my face toward his. He squeezed me closer to his body as his lips met mine. I could feel every inch of him pressing against me, from his solid chest, his belt buckle, and further below.

Oh God. This was torture.

Weeks of this, no, _months_ with no real release had me wanting to turn around and tear his clothes off. But the way he was touching me now was totally different. He didn't seem as careful, his lips weren't as restrained.

Was he going to-were we going to…out here?

His lips continued to move with mine and I turned slowly in his arms. Just as I started to inch my arms between us, a big fat raindrop smacked right into the crown of my head.

He looked up, and swore under his breath. I followed his gaze, and saw that those dark clouds were now fully overhead.

"C'mon Bella, we're gonna have to run for it!"

He took my hand, as another drop hit my arm. He started running, and I tried to keep up with him, without tripping. He vaulted over the fence when we reached it, and practically lifted me over when I was within reach. I stood as he quickly saddled the horses, and watched as he checked the cinch as the temperature started to drop.

Edward looked from me to Blizzard, and then pushed his hat back to check the sky. The wind was blowing harder now, a roar in my ears and my hair whipping around my face. He helped me to mount, and Blizzard cocked an ear back at me, waiting for a cue as to how to take the situation. I held onto the reins, squeezing them as Edward mounted up on Chance.

The rain started in earnest then, and Edward and I went as fast as we could. It scared the tar out of me, the rain making it hard to see, but Blizzard seemed to know the way. I held on for dear life as he followed Edward and Chance back to the ranch house. Edward slowed the pace slightly as the main buildings came into sight, and we walked the rest of way in as the rain shifted from pelting to gentle patter.

My clothes were soaked through, and I slid off of Blizzard in a wet heap outside of the stables. Edward dismounted, and helped me up, before leading the horses into the stable. I followed him in and watched as he removed the saddles and other riding paraphernalia. He'd taken off his hat, which had somehow not flown off during the ride. His hair stuck out all over the place, and his shirt was matted to his chest.

I swallowed and tried not to stare.

"Do you want any help?"

He looked up as he looped leather from the reins. "No, darlin'. I'll finish up here. You're soaked through. Go on inside the house before you catch a fever."

Rain hit the roof of the barn, and it was an oddly comforting sound. The sky was totally slate gray from the rain clouds. Lightning flashed outside, and I didn't want to go by myself, or sit alone.

"Do you mind if I stay in here with you?"

He looked up, his eyes assessing my crossed arms. I realized I was shivering and tried to stop.

Edward nodded. "I'll be as quick as I can, darlin'."

"OK."

I watched as he watered the horses, and combed them with a plastic brush he called a curry comb. Edward showed me how and where to touch, and I took a spare brush and started on Chance's coat. The stable seemed warmer, but the rain didn't abate. We worked together in comfortable silence. When I finished, I stood in front of Chance, petting his nose. He nudged my shoulder and snuffled over my hair.

Edward's voice came from Blizzard's stall.

"I can hear you in there, boy, trying to charm my lady."

Chance snuffled over my hair again, and I swear he winked at me.

"Uh huh. Don't think I don't know what you're doing in there."

Chance nudged my shoulder, and I giggled.

Edward came back into view, and shut the door to Blizzard's stall. I latched Chance's stall as Edward came over to pat Chance on the nose.

"You better behave around her, or there's no apples in your future."

Chance made a small sound, loosely translated as _yeah, right. _

"You ready?"

I nodded and we walked towards the doorway where the rain was getting heavier. His body was warm next to mine, and I shivered again, half chill, half wanting more of what he had started earlier.

Lightning flashed, and I jumped, moving closer to his side as thunder clapped loudly.

"You afraid of storms, sweetheart?" His eyes met mine, full of concern.

"I'm fine as long as I'm inside."

"Well, let's get you inside then."

We ran into the house, but not without getting soaked all over again. Some of the spell that had started earlier seemed to be broken, and I felt frustrated. Edward turned to me.

"What?" He asked, as he flipped a hall light on.

I couldn't quite keep some of the ire out of my voice when I answered. "Nothin'. I'm fine."

He glanced out the window behind me, as the storm battered against the house. I could hear what sounded like little pieces of ice hitting the windows. It was getting worse before it got better.

"More than likely the road is flooded out near the creek. Think you're stuck here with me."

I looked over my shoulder at the window. He was right, and now there were little pieces of hail falling and bouncing slightly as they hit the ground.

"I'm gonna have to call my father. Shadow will need to be fed."

He nodded, and I could feel some sort of distance growing between us. Maybe I had been hasty being catty earlier. I started to feel bad, biting my lip.

"I'll um-go call him." I started towards the kitchen and he let me go.

My mother answered, and I quickly explained I was stuck at Edward's and asked her to get Daddy to check in on Shadow for me. She promised she would, and told me to take care.

I hung up the phone, and a draft of cool air hit me. Shivering, I made my way back into the foyer, but Edward must have gone upstairs.

"Edward?"

His voice carried from somewhere upstairs. "Up here, darlin'!"

For all the time I had spent in the house, it was mostly the kitchen or the back office. I had never ventured upstairs, and I hesitated, not sure if I should go up.

"C'mon up," he called, and I hesitantly put my hand on the banister.

Slowly, I climbed the stairs, and ascended to the next level of the house.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**


	18. Chapter 18

**NSFW on this one, dolls. Js.**

**Special thanks to my ficwife lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my prereader snshyne**

**

* * *

**

BPOV

Thunder clapped again outside as I reached the top of the stairs. The hall light flickered off, and I tensed in the sudden darkness.

"Bella?"

His voice came from behind me, and I turned, my fingers searching for something to anchor myself to. Edward's hand grabbed my arm as I my fingers touched nothing but air.

"Careful, Darlin'. The stairs are right behind you."

My hands latched onto his arm, and I pulled myself along the corded strength of it to be nearer to him. His other arm came around me, and I felt better.

"You really are night blind, ain't you?"

I nodded, and his hand moved down my back.

"Your clothes are still wet. My stuff might be a little big for you, but it's better than standing there in wet clothes. You're welcome to them."

"Please. My jeans are driving me crazy."

He guided me forward, and I clung onto him as lightning flashed in the window at the end of the hallway. He led me through a doorway, and we moved forward until my knees bumped against what felt like a bed.

"You have a seat, I'll get you something to change into."

I sat, and heard him moving around. I hated being so night blind. He placed what felt like cotton on my lap, followed by another article of clothing.

"It's just a t-shirt and some Pjs. I'm gonna go downstairs and get some candles. Will you be OK up here?"

"Yeah, I should be." I fingered the clothing on my lap, it was soft. A t-shirt and what felt like flannel pants. "Thanks, Edward." I couldn't see him, but I knew he was still standing there.

He came really close to me, the warmth of his breath tickling against my skin. His lips brushed against my cheekbone. My lips parted, and he kissed me softly. I closed my eyes, needing more.

"No problem at all. I'll be right back."

His footsteps faded from the room, and I heard him descend the stairs. I fingered the clothing in my lap, and determined which one was the t-shirt. I decided I wanted my jeans off first. I stood up, and carefully placed the clothing on the corner of the bed.

I stripped everything off, and stood in just my bra and panties. They were damp as well, but I didn't know if I was ready to go braless with Edward. But I didn't want my bra to soak through the dry t-shirt, so I reached around and took it off. I decided I didn't need my panties either, as long as I was wearing the PJ bottoms. Grabbing for the pants, I awkwardly tried to put them on without being too far from the bed.

I got them up, and they were too long and too big in the waist. There was a drawstring, and I pulled it tighter and tied it. I reached for the shirt, but my hand only met the top of the comforter covering the bed.

Oh no.

I bent down, hoping it had fallen to the floor, but my hand only felt carpet. Panicking, I started to pat the bed again.

Edward's footsteps started to come back up the stairs, and I could feel my heartbeat speed up as I searched in the darkness for the t-shirt. I looked over my shoulder, and my eyes focused on a small flickering glow coming from the doorway. Crap, he'd lit the candles already.

I was not quite ready to just present my breasts to Edward, but if I didn't find that t-shirt _right now_, it was lookin' like the girls were going to be on show.

He reached the top of the landing, and I was nearly in tears now, looking for the freaking t-shirt. I gave up when he came in.

"Darlin' I-"

He stopped speaking and I crossed my arms over my chest. I could feel my face flush furiously, but I refused to turn around. This was not how I wanted him to see me naked the first time.

"I um-I lost the t-shirt in the darkness and couldn't find it."

Two _thunks_ indicated he set the candles down on the dresser. There was a large rectangular mirror over the wooden dresser, and I caught my reflection in the mirror. Edward moved closer to me, and I watched in the mirror as he bent down near the other side of the bed to retrieve the t-shirt.

As he straightened, I bit my lip at the sight of him. How did he manage to look so good? Edward wore a white t-shirt and loose jeans. I could see the outline of his muscles, and his nipples were erect from the cold. I tried not to look at him as he moved, too embarrassed to really say anything.

He tried to hand me the shirt, but my hands were crossed over my chest. Thunder rolled again outside, the rain smacking against a window in the bedroom.

Edward dropped the t-shirt on the bed, and the silence in the room was loaded as he stood directly behind me. His hand came up to trace my shoulder, and down my arm. I shivered like a tree caught in the wind, and thunder growled restlessly around us as his finger stroked close to where my arms crossed over my chest.

His other hand lifted a lock of my hair back over my shoulder.

"You're beautiful, sweetheart. Don't be ashamed."

I blushed deeper. "It's the good lighting."

His brows knitted together. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"I'm telling you you're beautiful because you are. It's not pretty words to make you think I want you."

"You want me?"

"I sure as hell do."

I felt his lips touch the place where my shoulder met my neck, and I licked my lips.

"You have the softest skin."

He kissed my neck, and I shamelessly moved my chin, hoping he would keep touching me.

"You taste as fresh as a summer peach. You have no idea how much I love kissing you here. Your taste…your smell drives me crazy."

His hand ran down my spine, before settling on my hip. My body buzzed from every single touch of his hand.

"You're so delicate. I could spend a lifetime exploring every curve, every indentation, every place."

I closed my eyes as he breathed those words against my skin. I swallowed, and was only half aware that I was leaning back towards him.

His other hand settled on my other hip, and he pulled me back against him.

"So when I tell you you're beautiful, darlin, and that I want you, I hope you know I mean it. But if you don't know, I guess I'm gonna have to show you."

Thunder clapped loudly outside, and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. A pulsing throb gathered from my heart, spreading outwards to my throat, my nipples, and settling between my legs.

His lips kissed mine, and I pressed my backside against him. I could feel him aroused behind me, and as his tongue caressed mine, he pushed forward. I made a small sound at the back of my throat as Edward's hand started to move up my side. Goose bumps formed over my skin, and he broke the kiss to press his lips against my chin, and my throat again.

I still had my arms crossed over my chest and I watched in the soft candlelight as his hands settled on my wrists. Gently he tugged, and after a moment I let him uncurl my arms from around me. My breasts were uncovered now, and I felt vulnerable. I couldn't close my eyes as he let go of my wrists, and I inhaled as his hands cupped my breasts.

My head fell back against him, and I whimpered as he squeezed, and his rough thumbs moved over my nipples.

The wind picked up again, smacking more rain into the windows. Lightening flashed, and for a moment the room was illuminated. I flinched as the thunder growled, it seemed like it was inside the room with us.

Edward bit me lightly, his teeth running across my skin as he pinched my nipples, and the place between my legs throbbed almost painfully now. My heart hammered in my chest, and I panted as he teased me.

His hands dropped, and my breasts felt heavy.

"Turn around."

Slowly, I turned, until I was facing him. His eyes smoldered, the green almost swallowed by the dark look in his eyes. Edward suddenly bent and picked me up, my legs wrapping around his hips. His lips crashed down on mine as he carried me toward the bed. This kiss was hungrier, rougher, and I liked the way my lips felt slightly bruised from him. My hands found their way to his neck, to his hair, and I threaded my fingers through, tugging slightly.

His knees stopped at the bed, and he deposited me before kneeling and joining me.

"I'm on the pill, just so you know." I said softly and he nodded, understanding.

His lips continued where they left off. My hands stroked down, palms flat over his t-shirt. I wanted to see what was underneath, wanted to see the strength and definition I knew was under my fingertips.

I succeeded in raising the hem of his t-shirt, but I wanted more.

"Edward?"

He pulled back. "Yeah?"

I tugged at his t-shirt, unable to voice my request. Understanding lit his eyes, and I watched in the soft flickering light as he raised the t-shirt up and over his head. I stared hungrily at him. A soft matting of hair sprinkled across his chest. He was beautiful with slightly tanned skin, his muscles taut like a bow, and my finger twitched to touch the line of hair that disappeared below the large buckle of his jeans.

Edward started to move back down towards me, bracing himself on his arms. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a dark mark on his arm.

"Is that a tattoo?"

Edward's voice was gravelly as he answered. "Yeah."

He held his arm up for me to see, and flexed his bicep. I melted. It was the outline image of a horse, the swirling ink making the muscles seem alive as any of the horses I had seen earlier today. I traced a finger over it, caught up in the design, the horse, and the man in front of me.

"It's beautiful."

"Thanks."

His hand caressed down my side slowly, drawing goose bumps and hardening my nipple. He settled between my parted legs, and I lifted my hips up to meet him. As he lowered himself, that belt buckle pressed against me intimately and I whimpered at the contact.

He kissed me as his fingers touched my skin, over my hip bone, and anticipation built as he untied the bow I had made from the drawstring. He pulled at the waistline, and it slackened. His lips lifted from mine, and he knelt over me as he pulled the flannel down over my hips. I lifted slightly and then was totally naked. His eyes were intense as his hand moved between my legs.

I realized I was holding my breath, and exhaled as he cupped me. But forgot to release my next breath as his fingers separated me, and caressed me, running over a place that made me buck against his hand.

He made a small swirling motion with his fingers, and I moaned softly.

"Do you like that, sweetheart?" His rough voice reached my ears, and I nodded, trying to form words.

"Please, Edward." I didn't even know what I was begging for, but I just wanted whatever he was willing to give me.

His hands left mine, and I opened my eyes to watch him unbuckle his belt. His jeans were wide open now, and his hands slowly shoved them down. The sight of him naked and aroused had me rubbing my legs together. But I noticed another dark mark on the line of muscled V near his hip.

It was bird, all in black ink, and it had a long tale that swirled beneath it. The tattoo was about the size of my hand, but I didn't have a chance to study it further as Edward covered me with his body, slipping between my hips.

I felt him, against my thigh and then nudging at my opening.

_Yes._

I wasn't sure if I had said it aloud, but I saw a small grin on his face as he pushed into me. I gasped, and felt him withdraw before pushing inside again.

"Edward…"

I wrapped my legs around his hips as he pumped faster, and I met him, thrust for thrust. My belly tensed, slowly funneling down towards my abdomen, a sensation that ran down the inside of my thighs, to my toes and back up again.

I let go, and the most intense feeling came over me. My legs tensed and my insides were spasming as Edward continued to move inside me.

It was blinding, and the feeling overtook me as I closed my eyes. I floated as Edward thrust once more, groaning lowly into my ear. He collapsed on top of me, and I welcomed the weight. But it wasn't for long, as he rolled us both over.

I couldn't stop touching him, even though we were both slick with sweat. My fingers traveled over his back, his shoulders, his arms. His face was buried between my neck and my shoulder.

Eventually, Edward got up and blew out the candles, sending the room into rolling darkness again. I blindly pulled the covers back, and we huddled under them, as the storm abated slightly outside. Small raindrops continued to fall, but the thunder was quiet, the lightening still.

+AtWH+

Sometime during the night, Edward had made us makeshift sandwiches.

He lit the candles again, and I pulled on his t-shirt. Edward pulled on a pair of boxers, and retrieved another pair from his top drawer. I picked up my clothes and laid them over a chair as he slipped downstairs. He returned shortly with roast beef sandwiches, two glasses, and a bottle of red wine. After eating, we laid back down, and talked for hours. I fell asleep in his arms while we related about what we were like in high school.

I woke again just before dawn, the slightest hint of the day touching the darkness. The large window in the room sat with the curtains open, and there was a small bench underneath it.

Sliding out of bed, I moved towards the source of tiny light and sat down on the padded seat. Pulling the t-shirt under me and over my knees, I rested my chin on top. Gazing out the window, I watched the sky as it slowly changed from the blinding dark of night to wispy grays. The night struggled hard before finally relinquishing its control of the sky to the dawn.

The changes, though subtle, were there. The grays melted into small pieces of light blue, before little bursts of pinks and oranges slowly overtook them.

I thought about the man sleeping in the bed, of how he was changing little pieces of me.

I'd been with a lot of guys since Jake. Those…exchanges had been selfishly mutual. The guys I slept with were looking to get off without strings attached, and I proved to myself over and over again that I was desirable.

But none of them had ever made me feel beautiful. They hadn't cared to.

Sure, they had told me whatever lines they thought would make it easier to get anywhere with me. It was like an aggressive dance, and my blood had ran wildly for it. It was like what had happened with Jake had injected a darkness inside of me, and I fed it continually. I just hadn't felt good enough.

What I had with Edward was different. Edward was different.

And it scared the tar out of me.

The sun peeked over the horizon and I inhaled, tasting the freshness in the air, the renewal the storm from last night had brought. There was movement from the bed, and I glanced over at Edward. His arm moved, searching for me. He lifted his head when his search came up empty.

"Bella?" His voice was gruff with sleep, and it tugged at something inside of me.

"Over here."

"What're you doing over there? C'mon back to bed."

It was an order and an offer I couldn't refuse. Moving from my perch, I slid back in between the warm sheets, and Edward pulled me up against his body. I didn't realize I was chilly until I felt how warm his skin was.

Something bubbled up inside me, something that wanted to be said, and I almost gave in and whispered it out loud before I realized what it was.

_I love you._

I opened my eyes wide, shocked that I had even thought those words, let alone almost uttered them out loud.

Edward was nuzzling my neck, his stubble tickling my skin deliciously. He must have felt the change come over me. "What's wrong?"

I tried to exhale slowly, knowing he was so aware of every reaction my body had. "It's nothing."

He lifted his head and leaned up over me, propping the side of his face on his hand. His green eyes looked worried. "Are you regretting last night? Was I-"

I placed a finger over his lips. "You were so good to me it's scary."

He looked unsure. "Scary?"

I blinked, and wondered if he could see it in my eyes.

_I've fallen for you, Cowboy. Please be gentle with me._

"I just didn't know it could be so…intense."

He smiled a smile that was purely male, kicking up at one corner, his lips looked kissable and perfect.

"Intense is one word for it, darlin'."

I smiled back at him. "You look mighty pleased with yourself, Cowboy."

"What's not to be pleased with?" His free hand was under the sheets, and he moved it so it rested over my navel before slowly sliding it up. Need shivered down my body, and I couldn't help the soft sound from my throat as he cupped my breast.

He bent towards my breast, my nipple pebbling underneath the t-shirt from his touch. I watched as he lowered his mouth and kissed my nipple through the soft worn cotton. His mouth was hot, and wet as he sucked through the thin material, and my fingers found their way into his hair. My nerves ran wild, and need gathered between my legs.

His other hand kneaded my breast over the t-shirt, and he slipped between my thighs. I could feel him, aroused and hard against my thigh and I moved myself to align us. I lifted my hips against him, and he responded, grinding back towards me. I gasped when he hit a sensitive spot, and lifted my hips again, looking for more.

Off, I wanted my clothes off and the real thing.

Edward looked up at me, his lower lip wet, and he moved up my body to kiss me. His hands moved to the hem of the t-shirt I wore, and both of us worked to get it over my head. Edward dragged the boxers down, his lips kissing the skin revealed, his teeth nibbling at my hip bones.

I was panting, gasping, desperate for more and I smiled as he moved between my thighs. He kissed the inside of my thigh, and my mouth fell open as I felt his fingers move over my sex, and then his mouth.

His tongue flicked over my already aroused flesh, and when my fingers curled in his hair, I knew I was pulling, but he didn't seem to mind. That familiar tug and pull low in my abdomen started, and just when I thought I was about to explode, his mouth suddenly left me, and he covered my body with his. He buried his face in my neck, just as his hips aligned themselves with mine.

He thrust inside me, and I closed my eyes, my body buzzing. He moved powerfully inside me, and his masculine groans in my ear made me tingle. My hands were squeezing his biceps, moving to his shoulders as he moved faster, harder. I may have scratched him as he swiveled his hips.

My body tightened, like a knotted rope, and then I released, unraveling in his arms. Edward thrust quickly and his body tensed over me, my hands still on his back could feel his muscles bunch as he reached his own pinnacle. His sharp growl sent tingles over my skin, and I smiled as he pulled me into his arms and rolled with me, so I was sprawled on top of him.

The dawn fully claimed the sky outside, and it looked like it was gonna be a beautiful day.

* * *

**Thanks for reading**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**

**Special thanks as always to my ficwife lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my prereader snshyne.**

**Snshyne has given this chapter a knickers/panty warning. Jysk.**

* * *

EPOV

Wrapping a towel around my hips, I walked over to the sink to brush my teeth. Standing over the bathroom counter with my toothbrush in mid-air, I caught my face in the mirror. In the reflection was a man I almost didn't recognize.

I watched as he lifted a hand to his face and touched his cheek. The sensation of my own hand on my cheek, moving over my jaw seemed alien, somehow. I knew it was me; I just seemed different now. There was just something about my face that I didn't recognize.

A man should know his own face, and I reckoned I shouldn't be so calm about this. Maybe it was because I felt better than I'd felt in a long time. And maybe it was good to look into my own eyes and not see the constant reminders of a lot of the grief I had fortified like walls around myself.

I smiled, and the man in the mirror cocked a grin at me. Realizing I was standing there smiling at myself in the mirror, I knew I was going nuttier than a squirrel.

I thought about Bella, and of all the things that had occurred between us yesterday and this morning. I concluded that if I was gonna go crazy, she was worth it. It had been nearly six months since I had first helped her off the ground in that icy parking lot. With every day that passed, the stronger the pull I felt towards her. Last night had changed things irrevocably for us, and I was glad for it. I wanted to make her mine in so many more ways.

I stepped into the bedroom, and I could smell her in the air, even though she wasn't in the room. I could hear her rattling in the kitchen, and the faint smell of coffee was slowly filling the house. Getting dressed, I ran a hand through my hair and made my way downstairs.

My eyes fell upon her figure as I entered the room. She was staring out the kitchen window, her back to me. Her half silhouette in the morning light made me pause, and I wondered if she were real. Shaking my head, I walked forward until I was right behind her.

My hands touched her hips lightly, and Bella startled, gasping as she dropped the coffee mug she had been holding. She jumped backwards, trying to avoid the hot liquid but bumped into me. I tried to pull her out of the way but her breath hissed as the dark liquid landed on her shirt. The mug shattered in the sink.

"I'm sorry. I-you startled me." Bella was attempting to lift her soaked shirt away from her skin, her face scrunched in pain. I reached for a towel, but it was too little too late.

I went to the fridge, and pulled a bag of peas out of the freezer. "That shirt is gonna have to come off, sweetheart."

Her cheeks flagged with red as she avoided my eyes.

"No, I think it's ok. It's not that hot."

Standing in front of her, I hooked a finger under her chin, and raised her face up. Her eyes finally slid to mine.

"Take off your shirt, Bella."

Her blush deepened and she licked her lips.

"O-OK."

Her fingers fluttered over the hem, before slowly raising it over her head. Her pretty skin was red, and the mark disappeared behind her bra. I laid the peas against her chest. Her breath hitched as the cold touched her.

"I don't think it'll blister. But that's a mighty close call, darlin'."

She grasped the peas to her chest, and I watched as she bit her lip. I sighed, wondering what she was so froggy about.

"You gonna tell me why you're so jumpy?"

She let go of that bottom lip, and it was slightly swollen from her worrying on it. It was hard to take my eyes away from it to look into her eyes.

"It's just…you've seen what I look like naked."

"So?"

"So, I just don't want to ruin this and make it awkward."

I pulled her into my arms, peas and all. Resting my chin on top of her head, I stroked over the skin on her back.

"It ain't gonna be awkward."

Her voice was muffled against my shirt. "Edward, I'm an idiot."

I squeezed her. "No you're not. What do you mean?"

I felt her cheek rub against my chest. "I'm an idiot and the whole relationship thing scares the daylights out of me."

"Where is the girl who told me we had to give this a chance? Why does it scare you?"

"Because I haven't done the all in thing for so long that I don't even know if I can."

I sighed, and nearly parted her hair. "Darlin', your first time on a horse, was it perfect?"

She shook her head. "No, I nearly fell on my bottom."

"But I caught you, didn't I?" I pressed my lips to her temple.

"Yeah."

I nuzzled her neck, and kissed her earlobe. "Well, if at any point you think you're gonna fall on your bottom, I'll be there to catch you. OK?"

"OK." Her voice was quiet, but I felt her relax a little in my arms.

"Now, that road should be dried up by mid-morning if you wanna take the rest of the day off. I know you're worried about Shadow."

Bella leaned back so she could see my face. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I'm sure. I won't tell the boss man you left early, if you won't."

She smiled at me, and her eyes twinkled. "I hear he's a real hard man. I wonder if he's into disciplining his staff."

"You thinkin' about bein' insubordinate?"

She giggled, and I couldn't help myself from swooping in and nibbling near her collarbone. She giggled louder, her fingers going into my hair. I planted kisses along her chest and up her neck until she made that sexy little sound at the back of her throat.

I smiled as I kissed her lips softly before stepping away to grab a mug from the cabinet. Pouring coffee for myself, I smiled as I felt her eyes watching my every move. My eyes glanced at the sink, and it looked like the mug she'd dropped was in big enough pieces to pick out. She protested as I lifted them out and flung them in the trash.

"Edward! At least let me clean up!"

"It's no problem. I'm done already."

She walked forward, her arms still crossed over the bag of peas on her chest. "I'm sorry about your mug."

"I didn't have any particular attachments to it. Can you fling those peas back in the freezer when you're ready?"

Bella nodded, and I couldn't resist, stealing another kiss. It was a hard, quick kiss that had her leaning forward as I pulled back.

"See you later, darlin'."

I heard her sigh as I walked out the door, mug in hand.

+AtWH+

BPOV

I started my truck, and pulled my sunglasses from the visor. Sliding them on, I felt my lips grinning wide as I listened to the engine purr. Edward's scent on my skin surrounded me in the enclosed space of the cab. His taste, mixed with coffee, lingered on my lips, and I licked them, savoring his kiss.

I made my way down his driveway, and pulled out onto the country road. I rolled down the windows, and blared the radio as a plucky country song came over the dial. Driving down the old lane, I noted it had dried up from the rain, and loose leaves and branches lingered on the road, blown free by the storm last night.

I sang at the top of my lungs, even at stop lights, not caring who heard or saw me. I was happy, and I didn't give a flying fudge who knew.

I wanted to march right up to all the people who had looked at me with pity and show them the hickey my cowboy gave me last night. Most of all, I wanted Jake to see the look in my eyes, to see that I was happy.

When I opened the door to my apartment, Shadow was in her normal spot, and she meowed disapprovingly at me before flouncing off in a huff, tail twitching in the air.

"Oh Shad. I haven't done the all night thing to you in years. Momma is happy!"

I flung my purse on the couch, and skipped to the bathroom. Running a hand through my hair, I realized it was tangled and I wanted a shower. I hummed while taking my clothes off, and continued singing in the shower. The water hit my skin, and I looked down at where the coffee had landed. It wasn't red anymore, and when the water sprayed over me, it didn't feel tender.

Once out of the shower and dressed in a bra and panties, I wandered into the bedroom to the bureau for a pair of comfy pink lounge pants and a t-shirt to slip into. I was just finished drying my hair when my cell phone rang.

My mother's voice chirped in my ear when I answered. "Hi, sunshine! How're you?"

"I'm great, Momma. How are you?"

"I'm just swell. Baby, I need a favor. Your father had something come up at the station, and he has to work. Can you come with me tonight? There's a small social thing, and you know I don't like going by myself."

I bit my lip, trying to think of some way to get out of it. The 'small social thing' was usually with those bitter old women my mother played cards with. They were so nasty about people in town, and I hated being around them. But it had been a while, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"Alright. But you owe me."

+AtWH+

When I picked Momma up, she studied my face as she got into the truck.

"You look different. Have you had your hair done?"

I smiled. "Nope. Different in what way?" I hoped to God I wasn't blushing.

"I don't know, Baby. You just look happier. That boy being good to you?"

I briefly turned my face to hers, and a slight smile touched her lips as well. "Yes, Momma. He certainly is."

She settled herself in her seat, and faced the front. Her hands smoothed over her dress. "Well, it's about time somebody was. I'm happy for you."

I smiled, and pushed my sunglasses up my nose. "Me too, Momma."

We arrived, and I walked beside my mother into the Church hall. The familiar smells of potluck, cigarette smoke, and perfume that only mature women wear assailed my nostrils.

"Bella, there's the Bunco table. I think I see Mrs. Stanley. C'mon, let's grab a seat."

_Bunco. _

I sighed and plastered a smile on my face. But as we neared the table, conversation suddenly died down, and every woman at the table froze, as if caught doing something they shouldn't be doing.

A horrible feeling crept through me, and I wondered if they were talking about me.

Revered Webster's wife stood up and addressed my mother. "Why Renee! How good of you to join us. And you brought Bella with you. How lovely."

She was attempting to be genuine, but I could see something in her eyes that did not match the toothy false grin she was flashing us as we sat down at the table. Embarrassment tightened my gut and I wondered if it was me, or if I was just being paranoid.

"It's been a long time since we've seen you, Bella." One of the other woman at the table addressed me, and I smiled at her.

"Hi, Mrs. Cope."

The rest of the women were silent. The game started, and I took my turn as it came around the table. Conversation eventually resumed again, although it was light. I tried to relax, but could not ignore the niggling at the back of my brain that they were talking about me beforehand.

Some of the women were drinking wine, but because I had picked Momma up, I declined and stuck to lemonade.

We moved on to Gin Rummy, and I watched as the cards flew across the table. I was studying the hand I'd been dealt, when Mrs. Green piped up from across the table.

"So, Bella. I hear you're not working at McCarty's store anymore."

"No, ma'am. They had to let me go."

"Where are you working now?"

There was an odd amount of movement around the room from the other tables. Some of the women stiffened, some leaned closer, and some seemed to find an odd interest in a piece of lint on the tablecloth.

"I'm working for Edward Cullen on his ranch." As the words left my mouth, the horrible feeling returned in my gut. I suspected that she wasn't really asking me out of interest for my welfare.

Mrs. Green looked at her hand, and placed a card face down on the table. Her eyes met mine again, and a saccharine grin spread across her face.

"How wonderful! Isn't it nice to get paid for something you love to do?"

I felt my cheeks flush, and I gritted my teeth. My mind raced with whether she was implying what I thought she was. There was more uncomfortable shuffling at the table, and I heard my mother mutter something under her breath.

"Norma, how is your daughter these days? Has she set a wedding date yet with Max?"

Mrs. Green's face fell slightly, and she pursed her lips as she picked up the card she was dealt, "Why yes, they have. She's set a date in November."

My mother smiled as she rearranged the cards in her hand. "Isn't that lovely? I swear, that is the longest engagement ever. Will she have the baby in time before the wedding? I hear maternity wedding dresses are difficult to shop for."

Mrs. Green laid down more cards. "The baby is due mid-September."

I studied my cards, trying not to snicker as my mother did battle. I took a sip of the lemonade in front of me, and drew out a run of diamonds before setting them on the table.

"How special! You'll be a grandma for the second time, and just in time for the wedding, too." Momma laid down her cards and smiled broadly at the table. "Gin, ladies."

Conversation turned to other events, and my mother patted my arm at one point and smiled at me. I smiled back at her, and was glad that she had turned the conversation away from me when she had.

But throughout the rest of the evening, all I wanted to do was turn tail and run. I knew my small town, knew the characters well, and the way the women's minds worked at this table. They enjoyed their gossip, and were famous for making mountains out of molehills. There were no secrets in a small town, and it's true, everybody was always in everybody else's business.

I hated giving the harpies in this town any fodder, and I supposed my working for Edward would cause a stir anyways. Unconventional or not, it wasn't gonna stop me.

The cards eventually wrapped up, and Momma could tell I was waning. She stood gracefully, and said her good-byes. I followed suit, and drove her home.

As soon as I stepped in the door, my cell rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, sweetheart."

Tingles ran through my body at the sound of his voice, and I craved to feel his arms around me. The need was almost painful, it twisted inside me.

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"Missin' you."

I smiled. "It's been awhile since anyone missed me, Cowboy."

"What're you doing right now?"

"Just walked in the door from spending an evening with the embittered and judgmental."

"You what?"

I shook my head. "Nevermind. What're you up to?"

"I have a hankering for beautiful brown eyes and your sweet lips. Thought I would come down to your neck of the woods."

Butterflies started to dance inside me as his voice went that gruff sexy way.

"I think I might have what you're looking for. You sure it's not too late for you?"

"Never too late for you, darlin'."

Thirty minutes later, Edward was standing in my doorway, a brown paper bag under his arm.

"I come bearing ice cream."

Moving my hand to my forehead in a dramatic gesture, I sighed. "My hero!" I batted my eyelashes at him as he smiled and took his hat off. I closed the door behind him, and locked it, before leading him towards the kitchen.

As I reached for bowls from the cabinets, I heard the _thunk_ of the ice cream container hitting the counter. Every nerve on my body was on alert. He was behind me, I could feel him, and I waited for the moment when his hands would be on me.

He lifted my hair away from my neck, and kissed the spot below my ear. I shivered, and could feel my nipples harden inside my bra. I wanted his hands on me, everywhere.

I sighed his name, as I felt his hand move under my blouse.

"I've been thinking' about you all day. Been thinking about this. Right here." His hand moved up and squeezed my breast over my bra. I whimpered and bit my lip.

"And that little noise you just made there, it's been echoing in my mind all day, too."

I didn't want to be teased, not tonight. Last night had been soft and slow. Tonight, I wanted him in different ways.

"Edward, you better not start something you can't finish."

I pushed my backside against him, teasing him.

"Is that a challenge, ma'am?"

"You bet your fancy belt buckle it is, Cowboy."

His other hand moved under my shirt, and he squeezed my breasts as he pressed himself against me. Sandwiched between Edward and the counter, I could feel every inch of him. I looked over my shoulder at him, his eyes were dark, hungry. His jaw was slightly scruffy.

"I want you." I whispered. I pushed myself back against him again, and he met me more than halfway.

"I need you." My voice was half moan, half hoarse whisper.

His face moved closer, and just before his lips met mine, he spoke. "Darlin', I'm gonna show you wantin' and needin'."

One of his hands slipped from my breast, ran down my ribcage and over my hip. It was slow, achingly slow, and I tried to be patient. We continued to press back and forth against each other, that belt buckle of his digging into my back, and I loved the sensation, but I needed more friction. His hand lifted my skirt, and I felt his calloused palm on the soft skin of my thigh.

His lips were still just touching mine, and as his fingers moved my panties aside, he kissed me, hard. We rocked back and forth, and his fingers rubbed against my slick flesh. He rubbed harder, and I whimpered as his fingers found the swollen sensitive nub.

His other hand squeezed my breast as his fingers worked over me. Edward continued to press forward, driving me crazy; he knew I wanted more but he held himself back. His tongue was thrusting with the rhythm of our bodies. I could feel my orgasm building, tightening in my abdomen, tension rising, and then finally my fingers curled on the counter top, and my legs were shaky as my body started to release.

His mouth released mine, and I panted as his fingers stroked over me, before moving away from my panties. My legs trembled, and I tried to keep myself upright.

Edward kissed my neck, and his lips lingered near my ear. "That was want. Now I'm gonna show you need."

My nerves were on fire at the promise in his voice. My blood ran thick in my veins, and my heart thudded in my ears as the place between my thighs kept time and rhythm with each pulse.

I turned around and we grabbed for each other. Hands tore at clothing, lifting, stretching, in a frantic rush to feel skin on skin.

We were moving towards the hallway, I bumped into the wall, as he kissed me hard, his fingers trying to reach around my back, and I felt him unhook my bra. I didn't realize my blouse had been removed, I was so caught up. His t-shirt was gone as well, and I moaned as his chest hair tickled my nipples.

I led him down towards my bedroom, as my fingers fiddled with his belt buckle. I opened the bedroom door, and he stepped inside with me. I watched as his long fingers flickered over the belt buckle, undoing and unzipping. His jeans hung open, and my eyes ran down the line of hair that divided his stomach, and disappeared inside his jeans.

I slowly unzipped my skirt, and felt the material pool around my ankles as he bent over to take off his boots, and flung them to the side. Straightening he walked towards me, and I retreated back. Just before I fell onto the bed behind me, Edward stopped me. His hands circled my waist, squeezing my hips and then grasped my panties. He yanked them down so quickly, I barely had time to breathe. I lost my balance as I stepped out of them and landed on the bed.

Air left my lungs as I landed, and I inhaled as he shucked his jeans, and finally his boxers. Excitement buzzed in the air, and I didn't want to be teased anymore.

He stared at me for a moment, and I tried not to stare at him as he stalked towards me, all toned proud muscle. My heart thrummed in my chest, my awareness of him, and his arousal was reaching a fever pitch. My skin prickled, I parted my legs, and he placed a hand on either side of me.

I licked my lips. "I need you now. Inside."

His eyes blazed at my words, and his lips claimed mine again as he moved forward. I felt him slowly enter me, just inside and he paused.

"Oh my GOD, Edward. Stop teasing me!"

I was greedy now, I just needed him.

"Please, Edward!"

He thrust forward harshly, filling me completely, and I moaned. His groan filled my ear as he moved back out, almost all of the way before plunging deeply back in. I couldn't help crying out with each thrust as he pumped faster.

My hands moved over his neck, in his hair, pulling. I felt feral, needed him harder, deeper, and I may have said it out loud, but I wasn't sure. My fingernails scraped over his shoulders as he went faster, his pubic bone grinding against me. Over and over he pistoned his hips, and I just couldn't get enough.

I reached a fever pitch, and it spiraled through my body; a high I had never felt before.

"Edward!" I was almost scared.

"Let it go, Bella. I've got you, sweetheart." His velvety rasp in my ear tingled, and I cried out as the spiral twisted, tightening, before exploding in a million different pieces. I felt Edward moving above me, inside me, and I closed my eyes as he came as well, his satisfied groan in my ear.

He collapsed on top of me, and I welcomed the weight. Both of us were panting, our bodies lax, and Edward wrapped his arms around me, rolling us over.

We lay there for several moments, basking in the afterglow.

My mind wandered, and I thought of that nasty Mrs. Cope, and wondered if anyone had ever made her feel the way Edward made me feel.

Edward kissed my lips, and I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me, his eyes hooded.

"Now that, darlin', was needin'. Let me know if you ever need me to show you again."

I blushed, as his earlier words came back to me. Returning his smile, I brushed my hand against his scruffy cheek. "I will probably need you to refresh my memory from time to time, Cowboy."

"It would be my pleasure, sweetheart."

Those words, they bubbled up again, but I held them back. Instead, I said them quietly, softly in my mind, testing them out.

_I love you._

* * *

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading. **

**Also, I'm writing a short canon novella called The Sheltering Sky. Each chapter is for a different charity comp. The first two chapters are now posted, but the third chapter is in the Autism Awareness comp for April. **

**There are links on my profile, please consider donating to this worthy cause.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**

**Thank you for being so patient…I've been so caught up the last couple of weeks.**

**Thanks to lambie, twilightmomoftwo and snshyne for their tireless work. I don't know what I'd do without you ladies to help me.**

* * *

BPOV

I had just come back from church when my phone went off. Leah's voice came over the line, and I could hear the boys shouting in the background. I hadn't seen Leah in weeks, and I kinda missed the boys as well.

"Hi Bella."

"Hi honey. How're you? How's the boys?"

"They're good. Don't suppose you'd want to come over and watch them?"

"Girl, you know you don't even have to ask."

She heaved a sigh of relief into the phone. "You are an angel! Supper time, if that's alright?"

"Perfect. I'll see you all then!"

+AtWH+

"Aunt Bella, Jared's not giving me a turn on the X-Box!" Embry's voice echoed from the living room.

I sighed as I rinsed shampoo from Quil's hair.

"Do your brother's ever stop fighting, Quil?"

Quil removed the plastic block he had been sucking on to speak. "Nope."

I smiled down at him, and then hollered over my shoulder.

"Jared, give your brother his turn, or the whole thing goes off!"

I listened for any sort of response, and with no other complaints, I went back to Quil. "Well, little man, I think you're done. Are you ready to come out?"

He nodded, and I reached for the towel behind me. Shaking it out, Quil stood up and held his arms open. I lifted him out of the bath, and dried him off before helping him into his pajamas.

"I think it's time for bed before you grow up and get any bigger on me!"

"I'll never be bigger than you, Aunt Bella. See?" He made a show of moving his hand from his forehead and touching my thigh.

"I don't know, Quil. You have the makings of being as big as your Daddy!" His eyes went wide at this prospect and I nodded. "You may even be bigger than your brothers!"

He smiled devilishly at this concept, and I scooped him up and carried him to his room.

"For now, you're just Aunt Bella's special tiny dude. OK?"

"OK, Aunt Bella." He smiled at me, and I kissed his cheek.

After tucking him in and reading him a story, I shut off the light and went back out to check on the older boys. I pulled my phone to check it for messages, but the screen was blank. Sighing, I put the phone back in my pocket as I headed towards the living room.

"OK, you two. What's cookin' out here? You are far too quiet."

They turned around from the blaring TV, both of them planted far too close to the screen.

"Nothin', Aunt Bella."

"You guys still want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah!"

They picked some action movie with a plot line that was driven by a ridiculous amount of car chases and explosions. I could feel my IQ slipping as the movie rambled on.

In the middle of a loud scene, my phone rang and vibrated against my hip. I grabbed for it, salvation in my hands. Running into the kitchen, I checked the screen; it was a name I wasn't expecting.

"Hi, Alice."

There was the sound of her blowing away from the phone. "Hey Bells! How's things?"

I smiled and leaned against the counter. "They're really good, actually."

"Shut the fuck up. Is Bella Swan happy? Hold up, lemme check to see if the sky is falling."

I rolled my eyes. "How're you, Alice?"

"Not too shabby. I'm trying to plan out some vacation time and was wondering if you still wanted to meet up?"

A thrill ran through me at the thought of seeing Alice again. "Ohmygosh, yes! When were you thinking of?"

"Sometime in the next couple weeks, if that's ok?"

"Yeah, of course! That would be excellent. You can stay with me, and we can catch up."

"Would love to. I'll book some time and drive over to see you. Can you e-mail me directions?"

"No problem. I'm so excited now! I can't wait to see you."

"We are gonna rock that little town of yours!"

I laughed, feeling giddy. We chatted for a little while longer, and I told her about Edward and me.

"You've been holding out on me. He sounds too good to be true." She paused, and I heard her exhale. "You got any more of those handsome, single, cowboy-types kickin' around your town?"

"I just might, Miss Brandon. I never took you for a Cowboy kind of gal."

"I'll try anything once."

Saying our goodbyes, I hung up, and did a dance in the kitchen. I couldn't wait to see Alice, and her reaction to my small town.

And Edward. I wanted her to meet Edward.

+AtWH+

EPOV

_One week later. _

I patted Ransom's neck as he slowed to a trot around the training paddock. We were working on short quick sprints today, and his response to non-verbal commands.

He'd come a long way since the first day I'd had him.

The sun beat down, and I took off my hat for a moment to wipe my forehead. Ransom continued walking, and I cooled him down slowly before leading him over to a water trough.

I dismounted, gave Ransom another pat, and looked up as Eli came over with some water.

"He's lookin' to be a fine racer but he's not letting his full stride out."

I nodded. "I can feel him hesitating."

We were silent as I drank the water he offered. My mind wandered, and I wondered what Bella was doing. I could just see her, sitting at the desk, staring at her laptop screen. I smiled, imagining she had that little wrinkle between her eyebrows, concentrating on something.

She had that same wrinkle when she dreamed. In the middle of the night, I had traced it with the pad of my thumb, as she slept beside me.

"You're head's away in the clouds, youngin'. You thinking' about that pretty gal you got in the house?"

"Maybe I am."

Eli's knowing grin spread across his old leathery face. "She's good for you."

I capped the water bottle and handed it back to him. "Reckon she is."

"She's good for all of us. The whole place seems lighter."

I looked out over the ranch yard; I could hear the sounds of the daily work going on around us. Over in the stable, stalls were being cleaned, and in the main paddock, horses were exercised. I could hear the boys shouting to one another, their boisterous voices filling the air.

Bella had begun helping Carmen with some of the cooking, and had been learning the inner workings of the ranch. She had said something about _maximizing income _and _the ranch reaching its full potential_.

Later that night, I entered the house, and it smelled of food cooking. I followed my nose to the kitchen, and there stood Bella in her office get up with an apron tied at the back. She was just closing the oven door.

"Something smells good."

She turned, a smile on her face. "I thought I would make dinner, for a change."

"That sounds fine to me." I crossed the room to the fridge, and took out the milk. I brushed passed her as I reached for a glass. She watched as I poured the milk, and I caught her eyes studying my arms. Smiling inwardly, I sipped my milk, as Bella turned the stove down. Walking over to me, a small smile played around her lips, and her brown eyes settled on my face.

In those eyes, where there had been the shadows of past hurts, I saw something else there.

Adoration.

It stole the breath from me, as she reached down and took a corner of her apron, and dabbed it at the corner of my mouth.

"You have a little…milk."

"Thanks." My voice came out all rough, and I cleared my throat.

"You OK?" That wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows, and I ran my fingers over her cheek before trying to smooth the crease with my thumb.

"I'm…good. Gonna go upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner."

"Alright. You sure you're…good?" Her face was confused, and I didn't want her to think the wrong thing.

"I'm fine, darlin'. More than fine."

I left her to clean up. Entering the bathroom, I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face.

My mind was racing. She loved me. She hadn't said it yet, but I knew she did.

I had been just going with my gut instinct with Bella. Ten years ago, I would have answered I was a one woman kind of guy. And that was because it had always been Maria.

And when she died, I had assumed that was the end for me.

But with Bella, with things being so much more intense, I couldn't imagine not seeing her, not knowing she was happy. Not hearing her voice or seeing her smile. It hit me like a bucking bronc.

I was Stetson over boot heels in love with that woman.

And once I admitted it to myself, I felt a charge go through me. It was like I was invigorated with something new.

I hurriedly dried myself off and made my way back downstairs. Bella was just reaching for plates from the cupboard, setting them on the counter.

I grabbed her from behind and lifted her up. She squealed, and I kissed the smile on her lips as I set her down.

"Oh my, it's just lasagna!"

"It's more than lasagna."

And she smiled. "Well, if you got something cookin' I don't know about, Cowboy, you best let me know."

I returned her smile, and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

Her eyes studied my face, and narrowed. She shifted her chin, but before she could say anything else, the buzzer went off behind her.

"Oh! That's the bread, I better pull that out! Edward, can you grab the salad and put it on the table, please?"

I did as she asked, and we worked silently together. She placed the lasagna on towel on the table. We sat down together, and Bella watched me as I blew lightly, and then tried my first forkful of her lasagna.

"Woman, that is some fine cookin'." I looked up to see Bella blushing prettily over her plate as she ate quietly.

"Thanks."

Bella asked me about the horse I was working with, and I explained I was training him up for competition before selling him. Conversation dwindled, as we ate in comfortable silence. I couldn't tear my eyes from the way her lips wrapped around her fork.

She looked up and caught me staring, and I winked at her, making her blush again.

"Edward, there's something I want to ask you."

I took a drink and set my glass down. "Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"Well, it's a couple things, actually."

"Alright."

Bella started moving her food around her plate, and her eyes followed the motion her fork was making.

"Some of the people I kinda know from McCarty's are going to Whiskey Tango tomorrow night. Leah and Sam Uley are going to be there, and they asked me to go."

"Mm'kay. None of those things you just said was a question."

She shifted in her seat. "Would you…do you want to come with me?"

I sat back, my plate empty, and my belly full.

"I don't know, darlin'. You gonna keep makin' that lasagna?"

Bella looked at my plate and then back at me face. "I have other culinary talents, Mr. Cullen."

I shifted in my chair, and patted my stomach. "You keep makin' me dinners like that, and I'll follow where you lead!"

She laughed. "So is that a yes, then?"

"Definitely, sweetheart."

Her whole face lit up and she got up from the table to hug me. "Thank you!"

I laughed and stood up as she picked up my plate. We carried the dirty dishes over to the sink, and I gently bumped her out of the way before she could start loading the dishwasher.

"What was the other thing?" I asked as I rinsed and placed dishes on the racks.

"Well, the other thing is not really a question. More an FYI. My friend Alice Brandon is coming for the Fourth. She's my old college room mate. So there may be a few days that I'm not gonna be here."

"Reckon I should let you up for air sometime." I cocked an eyebrow at her and she smiled.

Placing her hands on her hips, she took a step forward as I shut the dishwasher door. "Mr. Cullen, considering the size of that mess back there, I deserve an all expense paid break!"

"I'll have to put that through my accountant but she can be a real hard woman."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. "I am not-"

I stopped her by pulling her close and kissing the side of her neck. "Why don't you show me what's for dessert."

"I-I didn't make any."

"I guess I'll just have to settle for you."

"I'm not very tasty," she murmured as her hands slid up into my hair.

I placed a wet kiss on her throat, and she sighed. "Hmmm. I think you're pure sugar, darlin'."

Bella giggled. "Oh my God, you are unreal."

"I'm gonna show you just how real I am, woman."

+AtWH+

EPOV

The last time we'd been here, on the wooden front steps of this bar, it had been snowing. Bella had been so sad, her eyes puffy from tears. We walked past the place where we had been standing on that cold Winter night. I could hear the echoes in my head of that conversation we'd had.

_There's something about you I can't turn away from, Bella._

_Then don't._

This time, she was different. Her eyes sparkled as she looked over her shoulder at me. I held the door open for her, and followed her inside. Her hand reached for mine, and she led me over to the tables where a group of people who were vaguely familiar sat.

I recognized Sam Uley, and he nodded at me in greeting. We had graduated high school together, but had always ran in different circles. As Bella sat down, I offered the next round for the table, and Sam stood up to help me.

"I'll be right back, darlin'."

Music blared from the stage, the local band belting out tunes as people scooted across the dance floor.

Sam and I moseyed up to the bar, and I waved the bargirl over. She smiled at us both, her eyes lingering over my face, as if she recognized me.

"What can I get for you fellas?"

I rattled off the order, and she quickly filled it.

Sam leaned against the bar. "You still raising horses out on that ranch of yours?"

I handed one of the beer bottles to Sam. "Sure am."

Sam took a pull from his bottle as I paid for the drink order and reached for the tray. Sam looked thoughtful as he spoke next. "You know, I've lived in this county all my life and never once been on a horse."

"Ain't no shame in admitting that." He laughed, and I returned with a grin of my own.

Back at the table, Sam and I talked baseball, and I glanced over at Bella, who had risen with Sam's wife and a few of the other women. They were headed for the dance floor, and Bella looked back at me, I could tell she was making sure I was OK. I nodded, and she followed the other women.

Some of the men got up to play pool, and I followed over, accepting the pool cue that was handed to me. I was silent during the pool game, my eyes straying to Bella.

It was strange, to be in this environment again, although it was a little easier this time. I recognized Emmett McCarty, and we had a long talk. He said he was glad to see me out, and that me, and my horses, were sorely missed from the local ranching scene.

I happened to look over, and Bella was sitting by herself at the table, the women up dancing again to a fast number. I politely excused myself from Emmett, and made my way over to Bella.

Leaning down, I spoke softly in her ear. "Care to polish my belt buckle for awhile?"

She turned her face and I stole a quick kiss.

"What did you just ask me?"

"Darlin', when a man asks you if you wanna polish his belt buckle, he's askin' if you wanna dance."

I stood up straight and put my hands on my hips, her eyes traveled to my belt buckle, and then snapped back up to mine.

"I think I can give that a try."

I offered my hand, and she took it while rising from her seat.

"Page fifty-two of the Codebook says I should dance with you during at least one fast-paced dance."

She laughed and rolled her eyes at me as I raised my eyebrows at her. I led her out to the dance floor, and the colored lights cast funny shadows around us. It was a faster number, and Bella stood on her toes to say something in my ear. I leaned down so I could hear her over the music.

"I should warn you, I've never been very good at the couples dancing."

I looked at her eyes before saying close to her ear. "That's 'cause you never had the right partner."

Bella was stiff at first, but knew the steps. She stumbled once, but righted herself. After several repetitions, she had it. Soon, we were gliding, and I was spinning her around the dance floor. Every touch of my hands on her body, every smile she flashed me…it just felt right. More than right, it just felt like something I would never get enough of.

The music changed, and subtly moved into a slower song. The lights dimmed, and the mirror ball cast tiny twinkling stars around the room. I pulled Bella into my arms, and she placed her hand on my shoulder, her other hand in mine as we danced. Looking into her eyes, I felt everything else around us fade away. I swallowed, the feeling was intense, like nothing I had ever felt before.

I pulled her closer, and Bella's hands moved to wrap around my neck. Gently we swayed together, and I sang the words of the slow song in her ear. She shivered in my arms, and I wanted, more than anything, to be home right now, and undressing her slowly.

As the song finished, I didn't want this moment to end.

"I love you, darlin'."

Her body tensed, and I heard her gasp as she shifted back from me to look at my face. Her eyes struggled to read mine.

"I…" I could see her, the emotions warring in her. "I love you, too."

She looked surprised, her eyes widening, as if she had been caught saying something wrong.

I glanced back at the table, and around the bar.

"Let's get out of here."

"OK."

* * *

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N**

**Special thanks as always to my ficwife, Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader, Snshyne.**

**And thank _you_ for being so patient.**

* * *

**BPOV**

In a daze, I remember walking to the table, and mumbling to Leah that Edward and I were leaving. She asked me if anything was wrong, and I shook my head. I picked up my purse, and blindly walked to the door.

I was reeling. My head thudded loudly with my own heartbeat, and when I placed my hand in his, jolts shot up my arm. My stomach was in knots, and all I wanted was to curl up next to Edward and just be close to him.

We rode in silence; one of his hands still held mine tightly. I didn't even realize we were at the ranch until we were pulling up into the driveway. Tires crunched over gravel and for some reason, the driveway seemed longer than before. Suddenly the darkness dissolved as the outside lights flickered on when they sensed the motion of the truck.

Edward shifted the truck into park, and I realized as I tried to open the door, that my hand was shaking. My feet touched the ground, and I was uncertain whether they would hold me. I felt detached from the earth, as if gravity wasn't holding me anymore.

The air around us was heavy with night time sounds of crickets chirping, insects buzzing, and the sound of the stones grinding under our boots. Edward's easy loose-hipped stride was somehow soothing, and I automatically moved closer to him, needing more of his presence.

This pull to be close to him, closer than anything else in the world was overwhelming to me. I didn't want anymore barriers between us, no clothes, not even air. Just the warmth of his skin on mine.

I could see it in his eyes; he felt it, too.

We ran up the stairs, and once we reached his bedroom, tore at each other's clothes. I may have heard buttons pop, but I didn't care. His lips were on mine, and it was wonderfully intense as our mouths melded, our fingers frantic. He tasted like summertime, smelled like fresh air and something slightly woodsy.

I nearly ripped my bra off, but it came undone, and the straps teased down my arms as I slid it off. My hands were on Edward's buckle, but I still had not figured out the knack for getting the darn thing undone. I heard him chuckle softly before he moved my hands away gently.

My hands roamed over his chest, my nails scraping lightly down his stomach, and then tracing the line of hair that ran from his navel into his jeans.

We worked at the rest of our clothes and fell onto the bed together. Need continued to build inside me, nearly overpowering me. I almost screamed as I parted my legs and felt him, hard and aroused, brushing against my thigh.

His tongue caressed mine just as I felt him fill me, and we moaned together at the sensation. Something inside me let go, and I felt myself relax as he pulled back and plunged deeply. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, with anyone, and I gave all of myself over to him. Again and again we collided, and as I felt myself reach a pinnacle, my whole body seized, tensing, and then shattering.

I cried out, and felt another throbbing pressure twisting inside me as he continued to pump his hips faster and faster. His lips were in my ear, chanting something over and over again. I felt him tense and then he groaned before I felt him pulse inside me.

It wasn't until I started to drift that I realized he had been saying I love you over and over again. My eyes flitted open, and I whispered it against his chest, where his heart beat underneath my cheek.

"I love you, too, Edward."

+AtWH+

It must have been the middle of the night when I opened my eyes. Instantly, I knew that Edward wasn't beside me, my hand stretching over the empty expanse of the bed.

"Edward?"

I listened intently, the darkness blinding me again. In the quiet, I could hear the soft strumming of a guitar. I imagined his long fingers, moving over the neck of the guitar, as he moved his other hand over the strings.

It was pretty, and the melody was vaguely familiar. But nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

There, in the quiet of the bedroom, Edward's voice reached me, a masculine sound as rough and warm as straight bourbon. The words wrapped around me, filling empty places inside me. I was drawn to the sound of his quietly baritone voice. There wasn't much light, but I knew the layout well enough to get out of bed.

I felt my way until I touched the cool smooth wooden surface of the dresser. His shirt was laying on top, it must have landed there from earlier. I put my arms through the sleeves, as Edward continued to sing. When I made it out to the hallway, I blinked, trying to focus, knowing the stairs were ahead of me.

A small soft light came from the living room, lighting the stairs. I slowly made my way down, in my bare feet. The light was a little brighter now, he'd turned on one of the lamps, and its light seemed warm in the living room.

Edward sat on the couch, shirtless, the guitar perched on his denim clad thigh. His fingers moved over the guitar firmly, and I bit my lip, remembering how they felt on my skin.

I smiled, really hearing the words now, and I exhaled softly as he sang the last few lines.

_Take a woman like you to get through to the man in me._

I startled as he turned to me. "You just gonna linger in that doorway or you gonna come keep me company?"

I nervously giggled before moving into the room. "That was really nice. You have a great voice."

He cocked a half-smile. "I don't know about all that."

"No, really," I said as I sat down next to him on the couch. My eyes couldn't stay away from the toned wall of his chest before flitting back up to his eyes. "You're really good. At least, I think so."

"Well then, that's all that matters." He was quiet for a moment, and then he said something that made me tense.

"Did I scare you tonight?" Those green eyes bored into mine, and I couldn't look away from them.

"Yes. But it's not you so much as I just wasn't ready. At least I thought I wasn't ready."

His eyes darkened with so many emotions. "I should have waited-"

I cut him off. "No. No, Edward. It was good. If I could explain to you…I wish you could read my mind, sometimes." I sighed, and tried to think of a way to tell him how I felt. I licked my lips as a memory flitted through my mind.

"It kinda reminds me of when I was learning to swim. I remember seeing the other kids using the diving board and jumping in at the twelve feet. But I was too scared.

"Daddy ended up canceling my lessons and tried to teach me himself but I panicked every time I got near the water. I just didn't trust myself to do it, to swim. Daddy wasn't taking no for an answer. So he told me we were gonna jump in together, at the twelve feet. He literally threw me in at the deep end.

"I remember coming up for air, and treading the water like I had seen the other kids do. Daddy helped me to trust myself, and that the water wasn't going to hurt me."

I turned to him, and kissed the angle of his stubbled chin. "I trust you, Edward. It's me I don't trust."

"Why don't you trust yourself?"

"It's all just new territory. And…"

"And?"

"And well, you're dangerous to my peace of mind, Cowboy."

He smiled, and his eyes sparkled as some of the tension broke. "Dangerous?"

"You are one nasty desperado, Edward Cullen. You stole my heart when you left that message on my phone after you picked me up in the grocery store parking lot."

He looked slightly embarrassed. "I was just checking to make sure you were OK."

I scooted closer to him, and placed a hand on his bicep, and squeezed the muscle there. "I know, and that's one of the things I love about you."

I knelt, and threw a leg over his hips so I sat astride him on the couch. "You got me, Edward. And I want you to have all of me, too.

I kissed him, and his arms crept around me. The shirt I was wearing fell open, and I closed my eyes as his lips traced a line from my chin to my neck, to my collarbone. I felt him kiss my heart.

And then he murmured, "This is mine now, and you ain't gettin' it back."

+AtWH+

_Several Days Later_

I smiled, hearing the sound of an engine that could only be Alice's old Pontiac Firebird.

Pocketing my keys, I stepped out of the apartment door to greet her. She parked close to the front, and I grinned wider as she got out of the car. She wore big black sunglasses, her small mouth in plum lipstick, and her black hair was a lot longer than I remembered. But she was still all in black, and still tiny.

She took off her sunglasses, and squinted up at me in the afternoon sunlight.

"Well, paint my ass red and take me to the circus. This place is just like the movies. Do you guys even have Starbucks here?"

I shook my head. "They had one near the strip mall, but it went out of business. The locals were too afraid of the expensive high falootin' coffee."

She laughed and stepped up onto the sidewalk. "I have been looking forward to this, you have no idea."

I grinned. "It's so good to see you, Alice. You haven't changed a bit. I swear you've gotten shorter."

She wrinkled her nose. "Shut up, Swan before I bite you in the ankles!"

We giggled together, and she led me around to the trunk. Inside were two black suitcases, both in a black and hot pink zebra pattern. Carrying them upstairs, we entered into my apartment, and Shadow sat in the hallway at her usual post. She regally regarded Alice for a moment, before gracefully stepping forward to inspect the luggage like a security officer at an airport.

"Do you think she'll remember me?"

I turned to Alice who was watching Shadow. "I'm sure Shad doesn't forget a face or smell."

Alice bent down and smoothed her hand over Shadow's glossy black head, and Shadow abandoned the luggage as she leaned into Alice's hand, purring lowly.

I rolled my eyes at Shadow, who had her eyes closed in ecstasy as Alice scratched a place under her chin.

"C'mon, I'll show you where you can put your things." I led her to the back bedroom, Shadow following close behind.

Alice sat on the bed after we stored her luggage. "I'm not even tired. The drive was super easy, just a little long."

"I can't believe you're still driving that Firebird."

We made our way out of the bedroom, and down towards the kitchen, where the coffee was just finished brewing.

"It still runs really good. You know I can't let go of my mean machine. She got me through college and stood by me during finals."

I saw Alice sniff the air and I gestured to the coffee machine. "Coffee? I have cinnamon rolls…"

Alice rolled her eyes back as I grabbed for mugs. "Oh my God, Bella…I haven't had your cinnamon rolls in so long. I'm wasting away. Do you see what you've done to me since you left the city? I'm skin and bones."

I poured the coffee into the mugs I had sitting out. Alice always took hers with a hint of cream, and while I poured mine, I nuked the cinnamon rolls and told Alice to have a seat on the sofa.

Bringing the coffee and cinnamon rolls in, I sat opposite Alice, and Shadow took a relaxed position in front of the TV.

Alice took a bite of one of the rolls. "Oh Sweet Cinnamony Jesus. You really should go into business with these. Or maybe not, the government would probably have to make them illegal for how addictive they are."

I let out an unladylike snort. "I was fiddling with that idea, but I just don't have the money to get that kind of thing off the ground." I sipped my coffee and then set my mug on the small coffee table. "So, how have you been? Tell me what you've been up to."

Alice took a sip of her coffee. "Not much. Business is going surprisingly well, just finished a big account for a local. I'm still in the same apartment. You know me, I'm a creature of habit. It shows you just much I love you for me to come out here."

"I'm kinda surprised, actually. I never thought in a million years you would come all this way."

"No way! This whole thing," she waved her hands in an encompassing gesture. "It's something that fascinated me whenever you talked about it. I wanna see stuff. Show me your small town, teach me your ways, take me to your leader."

I laughed. "It will probably bore you to tears."

She set her coffee down. "Nope, I wanna meet a handsome cowboy and ride him into the sunset."

I laughed so hard it disturbed Shadow, and she sulked into the other room. "Oh Alice, I'm so glad you haven't changed."

"Speaking of which, tell me about your cowboy."

My cowboy. And he was mine now. It made me smile.

"He's just…he's so perfect it's almost too good to be true."

Alice swallowed the bite of roll she had taken. "Look at you with stars in your eyes. You weren't even like this over ol' Justin."

"Jake."

"Whatever. You are so happy, it's gross. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Is it serious?"

I nodded. "I think so. He said he's an all or nothing kind of guy."

Alice's eyes widened. "Wow. Are they all like that?"

"They?"

"The cowboys." Alice popped the last of her cinnamon roll in her mouth.

"I have no idea. I've only dated one of them. The rest of the boys I've been with…we both know I couldn't rattle their names off if you paid me."

She laughed, wrinkling her nose at me. "You were such a danger slut, I was so proud of you!"

I gasped. "Danger slut? You're calling the pot black there, Little Miss Skanky Kettle!"

Alice smiled devilishly at me and then shrugged her small shoulders. "You learned from the best." She sighed, then continued. "So when are you gonna show me around. Do you really have a Wal-Mart?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Yes. We really do have a Wal-Mart. It's at the other end of town. Do you want to go?"

Alice nodded. "Show me everything."

+AtWH+

"And off to your left you will note the beautiful and sizable Super Wal-Mart, meeting the community's needs for cheap lawn furniture and extra flammable lingerie for almost ten years. Alice, I swear to goodness if you take a picture of that Wal-Mart, I'm gonna toss that camera out the window."

"It's so big and shiny."

"Shut up. You are from the city. That is big and shiny."

Alice turned to me. "Just because you get to glut yourself on the possible bargains within doesn't mean I can't ogle from the outside."

"Well, if you meet your cowboy and get married, you can settle down here and visit Wal-Mart every day."

"Do you really think I could? Every day?" Her voice dripped with saccharine sweet.

"Stop being so facetious." I could see Whiskey Tango up ahead.

"We're going there tomorrow night."

"Oooo! What's that?"

"A Country Western bar."

"Shut up. Really?"

I snorted. "Really."

"Why can't we go tonight?"

"'Cause you're meeting Momma and Daddy tonight. Daddy even went to the fancy butchers and got steak."

"I get to meet The Chief? It just gets better and better."

For all the time Alice and I had spent together at college, and as much as Alice and my parents had heard about each other, they had never actually met. The meeting made me nervous, but it was like having two sides of a family meet for the first time.

That night, we pulled into the driveway of my parent's house, and Alice looked almost nervous, which was totally uncharacteristic of her.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and hugged her. "It's gonna be ok, hun. They'll love you like a daughter because you're my best friend."

"I just…fuck. I've not spoken to my parents in years…I don't want your parents to think I'm a total freak."

"Alice, I think you're a total freak, and I still love you."

She nervously laughed. "Yeah, but you're different. You've had time to get used to me."

"Stop being so analytical of my best friend. You'll be fine. Now c'mon. I can see the blinds twitching, which means my father is waiting to meet you."

When I opened the door, I shouted for my parents, who quickly came into the hallway. I made introductions, and my mother and father greeted Alice warmly. She seemed taken aback by how easily she was accepted in, and I had to push her forward towards the kitchen.

My mother chatted, and I could tell she was wearing one of her fancy aprons that was reserved for guests. Daddy went out to check the grill where the steaks were cooking, after checking with Alice how she liked her steak cooked.

Momma chatted to Alice as she chopped vegetables for a salad. "Alice, it's so good to finally meet you. Bella has told us so much about you, and I know you're like a sister to her."

"It's good to meet you as well, Mrs. Swan."

"Call me Renee', or Momma when you're ready. Mrs. Swan is my mother-in-law."

I smiled, listening to Momma put Alice at ease. My father shouted in from the deck. "Dear, if you can bring me a plate, I think these steaks are almost ready."

Momma picked up a large serving dish, and shouted behind her. "If you girls will grab the dishes that are covered in the fridge and bring them outside, please?"

I opened the fridge, and handed Alice a salad bowl before grabbing a similar bowl which looked like it had the Swan family recipe for potato salad.

Dinner was so good. It turns out that my father and Alice have the same exact sense of humor, and the two of them traded funny stories about me. I didn't mind, and even laughed along as well. The sun set, and Momma lit candles on the table as we enjoyed the summer evening.

My father sat back, a beer bottle in front of him, and the candlelight danced across his features. Summer evening sounds filled the air, and I closed my eyes. Being here, it felt like everything in my life was finally right. I hadn't been this happy since childhood.

"What are you girls doing for the Fourth?"

I opened my eyes and regarded my father across the table. "I'm not sure yet. I think Edward is having something at the ranch. A barbecue and fireworks. You're welcome to come along."

Daddy glanced at Momma and then back at me. "We'll give it some thought. What time does it start?"

"Probably show up around dinner time. Five-ish?"

"Sounds good to me. You sure it's OK with Edward?"

"He would probably love to have you at the ranch. The rest of the team is gonna be there, too. Alice is coming as well."

"Am I?"

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "What? You already had plans?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah. I totally expected to see fireworks in the Wal-Mart parking lot."

"I'm phoning Wal-Mart Anonymous tomorrow. I'm cutting you off."

We laughed at Alice's pout. As the evening wore on, small twinkling stars came out to play across the night sky. I watched every now and then, in between lulls in conversation, and then I saw it.

A shooting star…

And for once, I didn't have anything to wish for.

* * *

**A/N**

**I take no responsibility for any cavities you now have. **

**Thank you for reading.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N**

**Special thanks to my ficwife, lambie, my beta twilightmomoftwo, and snshyne.**

**Also huge thanks to jessypt for pinch-hitting with the pre-reading.**

* * *

EPOV

I was awakened by the shrill ring of my cell phone and I grabbed for it from the night stand.

"Hello?"

"Edwurrrr. Edwurrrrd. I love you."

"Bella? Are you drunk?"

"Yesssssss. Yes, I am a lil' bit drunk."

The sleep cleared as I chuckled and sat up in bed. My eyes glanced at the clock, and they widened as the numbers confirmed it as just after two in the morning.

"Where are you?" I could hear music in the background.

"Whiskey Tango. Alice is with me." I could hear a shrill little voice in the background shout, _hi Edward!_

"You girls drunk the bar dry yet?" I rubbed a hand over my face.

"Almost. Edward, you make me so happy."

"Glad to hear it, darlin'. You make me happy too. How are you and Alice getting home?"

"Taxi, pro'lly."

"Probably? Do you want me to come and get you?"

"I'm reeeally drunk, Edward. I don't want you to see me like this."

"You sound kinda cute when you're drunk, sweetheart."

"See? This is why I love you. You jus' know what t'say."

I got out of bed, and pulled a pair of jeans on. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"No, no. It's OK. I think our taxi just got here. I need to go!"

"Call me when you get home, OK?"

"Alrighty, Cowboy. Love yooooou!"

I smiled as she hung up the phone. I ended up calling her half an hour later and she sleepily told me she was fine and yes, she had locked the front door. I could hear Alice murmuring in the background; it sounded like the Star Trek theme.

I tried to keep from laughing as Bella said good night and hung up the phone.

Placing the phone down, I turned over to go back to sleep, but as I lay there, I felt like something was missing. I thought of Bella, and of her in that tiny little apartment. I wanted her here, beside me. It was just too quiet, the house too empty.

I wanted to share everything I had with her, I wanted to provide for her, take care of her. I knew some women didn't like that kind of thinking nowadays, but I couldn't help feeling old fashioned; it was just the way I was raised, I guessed. I wanted to be there when she was happy, or sad, sick, drunk, whatever. I just wanted her near.

The Fourth was a couple days away, and I knew what I had to do.

+AtWH+

BPOV

There was something magical about the Fourth of July. The whole town came to life: red, white, and blue bunting decorated shop windows, barbecue paraphernalia and backyard furniture went on sale, the grocery usually ran a special on mustard and hotdogs. Sparklers were sold in special displays and there was always one kid begging and pleading with his mom to buy a pack of them.

The fire and police department were busier, and my father's favorite phrase, _damn kids_, nearly wears itself out under his breath.

There was a small parade and a fireworks display at the local fair grounds, but this year, I would be celebrating the Fourth at Cullen Creek Ranch. And the handsome owner was mine all mine.

Smiling this much had to be good for the soul. Even Alice said I was a changed woman, and I had to agree with her.

I dragged her along with me to the ranch about mid-afternoon to help Carmen start prepping the food for the barbecue. There were going to be about two dozen people, some of them families of the ranch hands, and also the Whitlocks, whose ranch bordered Edward's.

Yesterday, Alice had watched me bake a couple of pies, and she had helped with some of the rolling before we had a huge flour fight. Poor Shadow had hidden under the dining table and refused to come out.

She helped me carry the finished pies into the house when we arrived. We were trying to find a safe place for them when Edward walked into the kitchen.

I could feel him, that charge of electricity as he walked into the room. And Alice was too quiet.

Turning around to face him, I quickly introduced Edward to Alice. She was staring up at him wide-eyed and mouth agape like a goldfish. He took her small hand in his, and shook it; I thought I saw Alice blush. I smiled, knowing the feeling all too well.

She recovered quickly, and even though Edward was almost two feet taller than Alice, she eye-balled him, sizing him up.

"You might be fine as fu-anything, but if you hurt her, I will cut you."

He raised an eyebrow at her and did that lopsided grin that made me melt. "I promise to sharpen the knife for you, Miss Brandon."

She nodded curtly. "Call me Alice. I like you, though. Not like that Jeff."

Edward's brows furrowed together and I could tell he was about to ask who. I interrupted before the conversation could go down that old bumpy road called My Horrible Ex That's Really Named Jake.

"Alice and I are going to see if Carmen needs any help." I grabbed Alice's arm and over my shoulder, I mouthed to Edward, _I'll tell you later_.

He nodded as I dragged Alice off to find Carmen.

Edward and the ranch hands had constructed the grills, and by the time Alice and I made it into the backyard, flames were shooting out of them, and the smell of charcoal and lighter fluid hung in the humid July heat. The men set up picnic tables. Carmen and I filled large tubs with ice that Eli had brought from town, and the men carried them to the back porch so Carmen, Alice, and I could shove the beer and pop in them.

The hot July sun beat down on us, and I caught Alice laving on the sunscreen and adjusting her sunglasses a couple of times. She found a shady spot and I joined her.

"Is this too much for you? You're not gonna faint on me, are you?"

Her lips cracked into a smile and she lifted her glasses up so I could see her face.

"Faint from heat? No. Faint from all these men doing man work, probably. City boys just don't do this kind of stuff."

I looked out over the yard, my eyes finding Edward's tall frame. "Nope, they sure don't."

As if he could feel my eyes on him, Edward looked over to where Alice and I were sitting. I waved at him, and he smiled at me and waved back.

Alice sighed. "Oh fuck, Bella. Does he practice that look in the mirror?"

"Haven't caught him yet." I sipped from the iced tea I had brought to the table as Edward turned back to the grills. I heard a car pull up in the driveway and thought I heard my mother's voice on the breeze.

"C'mon, Alice. I think I hear Momma."

Alice reluctantly left her shady spot and came with me to the fence to greet Momma and Daddy. There was a large gate that had been left opened for guests to make their way in, and I waved my parents over.

"Hi, sweet pea!"

Edward came over to greet my parents, and my mother smiled broadly at him as she handed me a large Tupperware container.

"Edward, you have a lovely home."

"Thank you, ma'am. I like to think so."

Edward and my father greeted each other the way that men do: responding to some sort of non-verbal cue that was familiar but awkward at the same time. Once that was over, they started over to join the crowd near the barbeque. I watched them for a moment, although Daddy was out of uniform, he just walked like a Sheriff. His authoritative step so different from Edward's relaxed stride. Edward got him a bottle of beer, and my father was drafted into the circle of men who had gathered near the barbecue.

I led my mother into the kitchen where Carmen was organizing the refrigerated food. Momma knew Carmen from church, and they caught up over the latest social events in town as Alice and I retreated back to her shady spot.

It was maybe a quarter of an hour later when Alice suddenly straightened.

"Bella. Who the fuck is that?" she hissed under her breath, and the sunglasses came off again as I turned around to see who had walked through the gate.

"Oh, him? That's Jasper Whitlock from the next spread over. He's really nice." Jasper walked in with his mother. He was tall, and a breeze blew some of the longer locks of his sandy blonde hair into his face. He reached up and tucked them back behind his ear as he and Edward shook hands. I turned back around to see Alice smoothing the front of her black shirt and patting her hair.

"Why, Mary Alice Brandon, are you primping?"

She shot me a look. "Oh my God. Seriously, please tell me he's single."

"Last I heard, he is. Most eligible bachelor in the county generally has the mommas throwin' their daughters at him, hogtied and ready. You want me to call him over?"

"No!" Her eyes widened and she slowly got up. "Don't stop me. I'm gonna go hit on your boyfriend's neighbor. I wonder if he likes Wal-Mart?"

I giggled as she slowly walked over. Jasper was still talking to Edward as Alice joined them. I watched as Edward introduced her.

I didn't see much of Alice after that; she and Jasper seemed to be hanging on every word the other said.

By the time the barbeque was in full swing, I helped Carmen replenish food and drinks for the guests, and I watched Edward. He was so happy; the man I had first met seemed gone, replaced with a stronger, more sure of himself man.

Everyone feasted on what seemed like a never-ending amount of food from the grills: hamburgers, hotdogs, ribs. It was good to get to know some of Edward's peers, and see him in this environment. His ranch hands always treated him like the boss, but I loved listening to them razz each other back and forth. Edward even joined in a couple of times. I spotted Alice and Jasper, still quietly talking to each other, a wide soft smile on Alice's face.

Tiki torches were lit when the sun started to go down. While people enjoyed the pies Alice and I had made, one of the boys pulled out a fiddle and the crowd quieted as he played a familiar sweet country tune. Eli pulled out his harmonica, and kept perfect harmony with the notes from the violin. When they finished, everyone clapped, and some of the neighbors called for Edward and his guitar. I could see he was embarrassed, but he eventually gave in.

He returned shortly from the house, and sat next to me. I could feel my heart in my throat as he picked the first few notes before Eric joined in with his fiddle, followed by Eli.

It was an old Willie Nelson song, and as Edward sang the first few notes, chills ran through me and goose bumps raised on my arms.

_If you had not have fallen, I would not have found you._

The songs went on for a little while until it was time for the fireworks. Edward had arranged for someone to come and set them off from one of the pastures for us, and as people made themselves comfortable, I brought a blanket from the house to spread on the grass beneath one of the trees. Edward sat down with his back to the tree, and I sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around me just as the first sparkling explosion lit the night sky.

His arms squeezed me gently as his lips grazed my ear. "Bella, sweetheart? There's something I wanna ask you." His voice was low in my ear and I shivered at the sound of it so close to my skin.

The next firework exploded with a huge bang before sizzling into tiny sparkles.

"Do you want to move in with me?"

I tensed as he continued talking. "Give up that tiny apartment. Bring Shadow to the ranch. It's far too quiet and too lonely without you here."

I turned slightly in his arms, as another firework whistled through the air and crashed into the night sky.

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life."

I smiled as tears welled up in my eyes. "Yes, Edward. I'll move in with you."

He smiled broadly, and under the cover of his hat, he kissed me softly, deeply. I moaned as a firework boomed loudly, and I felt like I could feel it echoing in my chest.

Or maybe that was my heart, alive and beating.

+AtWH+

I made pancakes for Alice and I on the morning that she was due to go back to the city.

As we sat at my small dining table, she poured maple syrup on her pancakes and I sipped my orange juice.

I looked up at her as I placed my glass on the table. "Edward asked me to move in with him."

Her eyes met mine. "Really?"

"Yeah. Do you think it's too soon?" I brought my fork up to my mouth as she set the syrup bottle down.

"I don't think so. What's holding you back from doing it? You guys are both adults."

"I don't know. I want to; I just don't want to give the gossips anything."

Alice licked her finger, and picked up her fork. "Fuck them. People like that only care when you're unhappy. They feed off of other people because their lives are fucking sad. Give them plenty to gossip about, make sure you're the happiest girl in town. Edward's hot as fuck, he's a sweet guy, and he totally adores you."

"So you like him, do you?"

She nodded. "There's something about him…he just seems like a really good guy."

I smiled. "He is. And what happened with you and Jasper Whitlock, last night?"

Her cheeks flamed slightly. "I think that is the first time I've spent that amount of time with a guy and not seen him naked."

I laughed and then put a hand to my heart in mock sincerity. "Oh, Alice, you're growing up."

She wrinkled her tiny nose at me. "Shut up."

I shook my head and bit my lip. "Oh, my little girl."

"I will cut you if you don't stop." She waved her butter knife menacingly.

"Seriously though. Did I see a little spark there?"

"He's just…he's wonderful." Her voice took on a softer quality I'd never heard her use before.

"Do you think you'll see him again?"

"I might just have to come all this way again. They don't make them like that in the city."

After breakfast and once the dishes were cleaned up, I helped Alice lug her suitcase down to her car. Saying goodbye to her was tough. It had been so great to see her, and she promised to be back for a longer stay at Christmas time.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "I'm gonna miss you. I wish you were a little bit closer."

Alice put her sunglasses on, but not before I could see her eyes welling up. "I'm gonna miss you too, Bells."

Silence fell between us, and just before it got awkward, Alice flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around me.

"Take care of yourself, Swan. I like seeing you happy."

"You take care, as well. Don't be a stranger, Allie."

Eventually, she stepped away, and I watched as she sat down in the Firebird. The old engine growled to life, the sound of it reminding me of being back in college. She backed out of the parking space, and I waved as she drove from the parking lot.

I sighed, and headed back inside. As I sat down on the couch, Shadow hopped up onto the other cushion, and sat down on her haunches. Fixing me with a pointed stare, she waited for me to figure out what she wanted.

"What is it? Do you miss Alice?"

She stood, and took a tentative step forward. Her eyes were questioning, and I could hear the purr pick up in her throat as she took another step and then settled herself in my lap.

"I miss her already, too."

I stroked along her back, and brought my hand under her chin. She closed her eyes and purred louder.

"I wonder how you'll like ranch life. You've always been an apartment cat. What will you do with all that space?"

Shadow opened her eyes to briefly look at me, and I smiled down at her little face. She and I had been through thick and thin; even when I'd lost my job, she had been there for me. She'd settled into her new surroundings quite easily; I couldn't imagine life without her.

+AtWH+

_Four weeks later_

Edward showed up with boxes and crates bright and early Saturday morning. I had handed in my notice to my landlady, and she was sad to see me go.

"You always pay your rent on time, you never have wild parties, and I'm willing to bet next month's income that this place will be cleaner than when I originally rented it to you. If you ever need to rent again, please keep me in mind."

Edward and I worked quickly in the kitchen, packing up dishes with towels and old newspaper. Shadow wandered in between the boxes, sniffing and rubbing her body against them.

I moved into the bedroom, and put clothes from the dresser into boxes. I had already packed up the closet, and all of my small keepsakes were already wrapped up and placed in boxes I'd had when I moved in.

By the end of the day, my whole life was boxed, sealed, and labeled. Edward refused to let me carry anything downstairs, and so I organized boxes into the bed of his truck, and then the back of mine.

The only thing left in the apartment was my furniture, and that was going into storage until I decided what I was going to do with it. It felt like I was leaving myself behind, at least an older part of myself. Edward appeared behind me as I was looking at the shell that my apartment was.

"You ready to go, darlin'?"

"More than ready."

His hand settled on my back, and his lips touched my cheek. "I'm so glad you said yes."

I turned to him, and kissed his lips. "Me too."

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading.**

**A special thanks to Jay-to-Kay for the lovely banner she made for AtWH. Link on my profile.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N**

**So. It's been awhile. Personal circumstances and all that…you don't wanna hear/read my personal BS. You're here for all that down below.**

**Thanks to my ficwife lambie, my gentle beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader snshyne.**

* * *

BPOV

The radio played one of my favorite songs as I pulled out onto the main road. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel while I sang along.

It had taken me a couple of weeks, but I was finally unpacked and all of the boxes were out of the living room. Edward seemed genuinely happy having me around all the time. I had worried that it would be too much for him but he seemed to truly enjoy my living with him.

For the first time in a long time, I was throwing caution to the wind. I wasn't banking on any major commitments, I was just going with what felt right. And being with Edward all the time just felt right to me.

As I clicked on my turn signal, I briefly glanced at the tall road sign for Emmett's store. It's cheerful white sign with red writing had always seemed to greet me as I drove towards it.

It was a strange feeling, pulling into this parking lot. Edward had asked if I was sure about running this errand, and I assured him I didn't mind.

I didn't really. If anything, it felt like things were going full circle for me.

I got out of my truck and looked at the store front for McCarty's Ranch Supply. There was a bird's nest in one of the letters. I wondered if it had been abandoned, or if there were birds inside.

A painted design on the front windows advertised a summer blowout deal on tires. I smiled at the play on words, wondering if that was Rosalie's idea. She was really artsy, and liked to paint seasonal themes on the windows.

I pushed the door open, and the familiar tinkle of the bell sounded as I walked in. The smell of floor cleaner and new rubber greeted me and reminded me of long days behind the parts counter. I walked towards the back counter, and saw Rosalie's blonde head look up at the sound of my boots on the tile flooring.

"Hi, Bella!"

I smiled as Rosalie stood up. She was pretty as a prom queen with her shiny blonde hair, red lips and matching acrylic nails.

"You come in for a visit or is there something I can do for ya?"

"Well, actually. I came to pick up a part for Edward Cullen."

Something flickered in her eyes, but she blinked and it was gone. "Oh right. Yes, I phoned him this morning when it came in. Wait right here, I'll go back and get it."

I nibbled on my lower lip as she disappeared into the back. Rose had always been nice to me, but nice in a way a boss is nice to his or her employees. There had always seemed to be a remote distance between us but I could respect that. Emmett was easier to get along with; he just seemed more genuine.

She returned out of the backroom, and smiled at me again, but it wasn't as warm this time. She punched a few keys into the computer and cleared her throat.

"That'll be sixty-five dollars and forty-nine cents."

I brought out a check book and wrote her a check for the part. I handed it over with my driving license, and Rosalie quickly wrote my number on the check. As she handed it back to me, there was that odd look in her eyes again.

"I guess you haven't changed your address with everything yet, huh?"

A light went on in my head as I started to put two and two together.

"Um. I guess not. Is that a problem?"

"No, hon'. I was just thinkin' out loud." She smiled that fake smile at me and batted her lashes. "Must be fun living on the ranch with Mr. Cullen. All those horses…Some people have to pay to ride horses. But why pay when you can live on a ranch and ride for free?"

I felt a flush creep up my face. Was she insinuating what I think she was?

It was my turn to clear my throat. "Well, thanks, Rosalie. It was good to see you. Tell Emmett I said hello."

"Will do. Thanks for stoppin' by."

As I quickly made my way out of the store, I didn't notice that someone was trying to come in as I was going out. I ran face first into a wall of chest and muscle.

"Hey. You alright?"

I tensed, recognizing the voice as calloused hands gripped my upper arms. I looked at the dark navy of a mechanic suit in front of my nose before glancing upwards into familiar dark eyes.

"Hi Jake."

"Bella." His eyes were serious, and for a small moment, I was that teenage girl again. I shook my head and stepped back from Jake.

His eyes raked over me. "You look good. Happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You deserve it, Bella." His voice dipped; it was a pitch I recognized from the old days.

Before Emily. Before I went to college. Before everything changed.

The old familiar intimacy squeezed at me and I murmured a thanks before pushing past him out of the door. I started towards my truck, but heard Jake shout my name. I turned just as he chased after me. I stood my ground, refusing to turn tail and run, even though almost every part of me wanted to.

He jogged over, and I hugged the engine part to my chest. The pieces of metal hurt as it pressed against my skin, but I didn't care.

"Hey, look." A muscle in his jaw ticked as he struggled to find words. "I want you to know, I mean that. I want you to be happy-"

I stopped him. "I'm glad _you _want that for me, Jake." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"I know things didn't end well between us. And that was my fault. And I'm sorry for the way I treated you…and for just…everything."

I should be nasty to him. I should be horrible and pour out all of the anger and bitterness I've been harboring for the past few years.

But I couldn't, because I was older now, and I wasn't that little girl anymore. He was right, I was happy, and I really needed to let go of this last piece.

"Thanks, Jake." Two words, so simple, and they rolled so easily off of my tongue.

He smiled, and I noticed that his eyes were older, wiser.

I smiled back, genuinely. "I guess I'll see you around, Jake."

"See you, Bells."

I watched as he turned and walked away, and as the door shut to the store behind him, I pivoted on my foot and moved to my truck. I realized I was grinning slightly, and my cheeks were starting to hurt. I placed the ordered part on the passenger seat and keyed the ignition.

The radio came on full blast, and I turned it down so I could hear my thoughts. It felt great to finally cut that baggage loose. I felt so much better for letting go and making my peace with Jake.

But my smile faded as I remembered the way Rosalie had been with me. I wondered if this was just her being…_her_. Either way, it didn't sit well in my gut. I tried to push it away but it continued to eat at me.

Why couldn't people just mind their own business if someone was happy?

By the time I arrived back at the ranch, I noticed it was close to dinner time. As I parked my truck behind Edward's, I watched as he came out of one of the other buildings, covered in a day's worth of dust from fixing some of the ranching vehicles. His big hands were grimy with what looked like dark car oil. His hair was slightly damp with sweat. I watched as he tried to wipe his hands on his dirty work-worn jeans before swiping at his hair.

He hadn't seen me yet, and my eyes followed him as he made his way into the house. I heard him call for me, and something ached low in my chest at the sound of his voice calling my name.

I went into the house, but didn't see him. I could hear movement from upstairs, and I wondered if he was changing. I bit my lip and let it go, a dark pang of need slicing through me. I wanted to be the one to peel those clothes from him, I wanted his rough hands on my soft skin.

I wanted him hot.

I wanted him dirty.

I wanted him sweaty.

Letting go of my lip, I ran up the stairs, and nearly tripped twice. I was totally determined; I knew I only had seconds when I heard his boots thud onto the floor.

"Edward! Wait!"

He looked up in surprise as I ran into the room, his hands paused at the fist button on his work shirt.

"What's wrong? Is everything OK?"

"It's about to be." I pulled my t-shirt over my head, and his eyes near bulged out of his head.

"What're you doing?"

"Getting naked." I started unbuttoning my jeans, and slid them down my legs.

His eyes changed as he caught on. I pressed against him, and he pulled back slightly. I could smell him; a masculine smell that made me want to feel him on me, everywhere. I bit my lip as I imagined him moving in and out me, my nails raking down his back.

His lips spoke against him. "I'm a mess, sweetheart. I've not even had a chance to wash my hands and I've been handling car parts all day."

"I know."

His eyebrow rose slightly as he looked at me. "Bella?"

"I want you to put those dirty hands all over me, Edward Cullen." I started unbuttoning his shirt. He watched me, his head dipping as he followed the progression of my fingers down his chest and then belly. I pulled the shirt apart and pulled it from where it was tucked into his jeans.

My mouth watered at the sight of his chest in front of me, and I scraped my nails lightly down the whipcord network of muscle, his breath hissing when I caught his pebbled nipple.

"Bella…I-"

"Don't make me ask you again, Cowboy."

Edward grabbed a hold of me, and our mouths melded hotly together. He kneaded my backside as I went for his belt. He had taught me one evening, and I was now an expert. The satisfying sound of the clasp and buckle undoing was followed by the rasp of his zipper. His jeans slackened and I pushed them down his waist. He took the hint and helped me with the rest of his clothing.

I pushed him towards the bed, and he sat down. Straddling his hips, I kissed him, my hands tangling in his hair. Our mouths clashed, my teeth found his lower lip as I sucked it into my mouth. He growled lowly in his chest as I bit down. His calloused hands roamed over my back, his fingers unhooking my bra. The moment it slackened, I tore it from my body. I gasped as he cupped my breasts in his rough palms, his thumb grazing over my already hardened nipples.

I could feel the throbbing need between my thighs. Reaching down to wrap my hand around his hard length, I pumped my hand over him once, as I sucked his lip hard before letting it go slowly. His breath caught and I swear I could feel his pulse pick up in my hand. I looked into his green eyes, they were dark and hungry, and his bottom lip was swollen and shiny. I pushed against his shoulder, and he moved onto his back.

Our eyes met, and I grabbed his hands and put them on my breasts as I slowly sank down on his aroused flesh. We both moaned at the contact, and his hands contracted over me.

A cocky grin spread over his face as he bucked his hips up. I bit my lip at the motion. His hands moved to my hips as I rose up, and then back down again. With every rise and fall, my breath hitched as every sensation seemed to echo through the rest of my body. My nipples tingled, and everything pulsed, building into more than need or desire. It was primal, and the sounds coming from both of us were probably too loud, but Edward's neighbors were miles away, and the windows were shut.

My body suddenly wasn't my own anymore, and I gave over to the sensations as the spiraling need shuddered from my breasts, to my navel, and to the apex of my thighs. I think I screamed, and it was followed shortly after by Edward's. His hands squeezed my hips almost too hard, but the pain was good.

I collapsed against his chest, panting. I closed my eyes and waited for my body to calm. His hand smoothed the hair away from my face. We lay there and the only sounds were our breathing, and Edward's steady heartbeat in my ear. His fingers drew spirals over my back.

"Bella…"

"Hm?" His hands caressed down my spine, cupping my back side.

"Come shower with me."

I groaned. "I don't wanna move."

"C'mon, loco woman. I'll even suds you up myself."

Eventually, he coaxed me from the bed. I followed him on shaky legs into the bathroom, and we stepped into the shower enclosure together. The water was the perfect temperature, and the spray washed over us both. I couldn't stop touching him, my eyes unable to look away. He handed me the soap, and when my hands were sufficiently slippery with the masculine smelling soap, I moved them over his chest.

Edward squeezed some of my shower soap into his large hands, and we washed each other. It seemed far more intimate than what had just happened on the bed. The way his hands moved over me, I felt cherished and loved.

My fingertips explored every muscled groove on his skin. I brushed over his small nipples, which were darker than his golden sun kissed skin.

Tracing down the line of hair that led down his abdomen, I looked up as Edward whispered my name. His hands settled on my waist, and he pulled me towards him. My lips were bruised from earlier, but when Edward's lips touched mine, they were soft, gentle, and sent rolling waves of warmth through me. His tongue touched mine, sending goose bumps over my skin. His hands moved up to my face, one holding my jaw, his thumb rubbing over my chin, the other hand into my wet hair cupping the back of my head, anchoring me.

My hands settled on his biceps, my breasts pressed to his wet, soapy chest. Where before it had been wild and rough, this was tender, reassuring. I sighed into his mouth. His lips lifted from my mouth and he kissed my forehead, my eyelids, the tip of my nose.

"I love you so much, sweetheart. I'm so glad you're mine."

A lump gathered in my throat at his words, and I felt tears prickle my eyes as I kissed his lips.

"I love you too, Edward."

He kissed me again, before his lips moved down my chin to my neck. He kissed my throat, and I arched my neck, as he placed a soft kiss over my pulse. Water continued to spray over us both, washing away soap and the rest of the day down the drain, until it was only the two of us in the steady stream of water.

Edward held me, his lips traveling over my collarbone, and then lower to my breasts. I felt his teeth graze my nipple, and I trembled in his arms. My hands moved over his skin, touching whatever was in reach. He bent lower, kissing a path down my stomach until he was kneeling in front of me. I looked down at him, my hands threading through his hair.

His hand moved over my leg. "Lift your leg, Bella."

I hesitated for an instant, but knew I could trust him. I lifted my leg slightly, and he hooked me under my knee, and raised my leg over his muscled shoulder. This position opened me up to him, and I blushed at how close he was to me.

"You're so pretty, darlin'...everywhere." He gave me that hot look, the one that melted me inside. I bit my lip as he placed a wet kiss over my sex. Closing my eyes, I gave over to the sensations ricocheting through my body as his fingers touched me intimately. I squeaked as I felt his tongue swirling over the sensitive nub of flesh that was begging for attention.

Again and again, he moved his tongue over me, his mouth expertly sucking and nibbling gently. I grabbed his hair, trying not to pull too hard, but the things he was doing to my body had me almost out of control.

"I'm almost there. Oh Edward…almost there. Inside me…please, Edward. I want you inside me."

Edward set my leg down, and stood up. I turned around, and pressed my backside against him. Water continued to poor over us, and I bent slightly, bracing my hands against the cool tiles.

He plunged inside me, and I whimpered as his hips pumped in and out. My legs shook, and just as I thought I couldn't take much more, his fingers reached to the front of me, and rubbed over my clit. I met him, thrust for thrust, and his fingers worked over me. The sound of the water mingled with the slap of his skin with mine. My soft moans mingled with his deeper groans. I felt the familiar tantalizing sensation spiraled downward until my whole body tensed, every muscle on the brink of release. I let out a soft cry and gave myself over to it.

Edward's hands moved to my hips and his low growl bounced off the walls around us as I felt him pour himself hotly inside me.

My body was limp, and Edward seemed just as sluggishly sated. We washed each other, and when our skin was too wrinkly from water, Edward turned off the nozzle, and we stepped out.

Toweling each other dry, no other words were spoken between us. Staggering to the bed, we laid there naked and dozing, pressed against the other.

+AtWH+

Edward and I woke a little while later, and I threw on one of his t-shirts on and a pair of shorts. We were both hungry but didn't feel like cooking. Deciding that Chinese was best, we ordered delivery and when it arrived ate it right out of the cartons in the kitchen.

"Oh! I got that part you had asked me to get."

He dug into his carton with his fork. Edward wasn't able to master chopsticks and he had grudgingly given up on them and opted for cutlery.

"Thanks, darlin'. I'll be able to put that in tomorrow."

Silence fell between us as the conversation with Rosalie replayed in my head. It bothered me that she would think that way about me, and I wondered if she had shared her opinion with Emmett, or anyone else. Maybe Leah would know…

"You're pretty far away there, sweetheart. Penny for your thoughts?"

I blinked and looked at him. "Sorry. It's nothing."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Doesn't seem like nothing."

I chewed on the inside of my lip while I debated whether or not to tell him. I went for the next best thing. "I um…bumped into Jake at the store."

He set down his carton, and I saw his jaw tick.

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, either._

"And?"

"He said I looked happy, and that he was sorry for how things happened."

Edward didn't say anything, his eyes still fierce as he waited for me to continue.

"I'm just glad that I'm not that girl anymore. That I have you, and you make me so happy."

The fierceness melted slightly from his face, and he smiled slightly at me.

"Sweetheart, I couldn't tell you the last time I felt this way. You brought me back to life."

That night, while lying in Edward's arms, his soft deep breathing ruffling my hair, I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Rosalie McCarty.

If this was how Rose was, what about the rest of the old biddies through town? I couldn't hide on the ranch all the time.

My thoughts kept me awake long into the small hours of the morning as I wondered just how much my happiness was going to cost me.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading. And for your patience.**

**This story was nominated for a few Shimmer Awards. Thank you very much for nominating. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Special thanks to my ficwife Lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo, and my pre-reader snshyne.**

**They make it all possible.**

**Thanks to jessypt & ememmyem over at the PPSS who included last chapter in the lemon report.**

**Special note at bottom to readers.**

**Onward.**

* * *

EPOV

I could hear them as I was coming around the other side of the stable.

"I bet she's a real smooth ride."

"Are you kiddin'? I'll bet she is wild as all get out in the sack. It's the quiet ones you have to watch. They're the screamers."

"Wouldn't mind makin' that one scream."

A third voice joined them. "You two better hope to high heaven the bossman don't hear you talkin' about his lady."

"Shit! Here he comes."

Anger roiled through me, I was ready to spit nails. Although they were good ranch hands, there were certain things I could not abide. And disrespect was one of them.

"Yorkie. Cheney. You're done." My eyes shifted between them, and I could feel my fingers curl into my fist. I tried to get myself under control.

Yorkie's mouth fell open in horror. "What? For the day?"

"For good. You have thirty minutes to get off my ranch. Your final pay will be in the mail."

"What the hell? Boss, you can't just-"

"I can. I will. I did. You know the rule: treat everything with respect on this ranch from the women to the animals, to every single blade of grass. I don't have room for second chances, and there is a reason why that rule is in place. If you can't figure out why, then you don't belong anywhere on the property."

I put my hands on my hips, and watched as they sauntered off towards the bunkhouse.

"If there's anything else anyone wants to say, it's best said now." I looked at the remaining men, and neither of them said a word. A soft breeze rolled through, cooling some of the heat from the day for a moment.

I nodded once. "Well OK, then. Let's get to work."

There were a few things I needed to do that day, each one as important as the other. I had people coming over this morning to see Ransom and potentially buy him. Then this afternoon, an inspector from the County Board was coming over to look at the ranch. I was applying for my Riding License. The ranch had used to bank a lot from trail riding across the vast expanse of land. I had considered it at Bella's insistence once she discovered the income in some old files.

She had laid it out for me, had even researched and found some of the old trail leaders and instructors that used to be on hand. Bella made it real hard to say no.

Entering the barn, I kicked the stool that sat underneath the tack table. I looked over as Chance made a disapproving sound at the clatter.

"Eli?" The old man shuffled out of Buttercup's stall, his walk more pronounced as he ambled over.

"Watcha got on your mind?"

"You may wanna tell Carmen she's cooking for two less tonight."

His eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. "Someone sick?"

"Yorkie and Cheney just got their marching orders." I settled my hands on my hips and waited for the questions.

Eli pursed his lips, and I could almost hear his mind at work before he shrugged his shoulders.

"You're the boss."

My mouth dropped. "That's it? You're the boss?"

Eli shook his head and held up his hands. "Son, you got a protective side to you that could put momma bears to shame. You wanna talk to me, you're gonna have to stop kickin' my thinkin' seat."

I took a breath and tried to calm down. He was right, as usual. After a moment I looked at Eli and spoke a lot more calmly.

"You heard'em?"

He nodded. "Sure did. I ain't sayin' what they said was right, and I would probably be the same way if I heard 'em talkin' 'bout Carm like that. But you remember what it was like bein' a young buck with all your brains in your pants."

Why does he always have to be so goddamn rational?

Before I could say anything, he continued. "Your Daddy ain't around to give you what for, so while we're on the topic I'm gonna speak my piece."

I threw him an aggravated look as he started.

"You're doin' that sweet little gal a disservice. She deserves more than that. You invited her into your house and ain't even put a ring on her finger."

I felt anger prickle in me again. "You don't know what it's like, Eli."

He held up his hands again. "Now son-"

"Don't you now son me." I lowered my voice, knowing the walls had ears. In a deathly quiet tone, I continued. "That girl. You called it right the first time she walked on to this ranch. She's been hurt real bad and came limpin' home. Hell, if I knew it meant something to her, I would have asked her Daddy's permission months ago. If I ask Bella to marry me, if I even hint at that kind of commitment, she will turn tail and run so fast all I'll see is a dust cloud."

Eli tried again. "Every woman wants-"

"Not this one, Eli. She's been made promises like that before, and had her trust thrown back in her face. I can see it in her eyes. She's rebuilding me from the ground up, and I aim to do the same."

"Edward. You know what this town is like. Those old cats will eat her alive and pick their teeth with her bones."

"They can go to hell." I was gettin' all worked up again.

_But was I mad at Eli, or myself?_

I ground my back teeth, feeling my jaw tick. I decided I better walk away before I busted a molar or someone's nose. I walked past Eli and grabbed my saddle and riding gear. Eli watched in silence as I saddled Chance and led him out of the stable. His bay coat glistened in the early morning sunlight.

"I'll be back in an hour. The people coming for Ransom will be here just before noon."

I didn't wait for him to answer, just mounted up and rode out towards the southern pasture.

Chance's ears cocked back towards me, even though I hadn't said anything; he knew I was antsy. I patted his neck.

"Sorry boy. Ain't nothin' you've done." He made a soft nicker in response and turned one of his ears back to the front.

We were headed in the direction of that field that bordered the road, where I had ridden out after hearing what sounded like gunfire on a rainy March afternoon. When I knew it was her, something had shivered through me, something I couldn't name at that point.

It was instant, and it was the same feeling I'd had when I had found her sprawled on the ground in that icy parking lot.

I'd never had that kind of connection before, didn't even know what it was at first. But I was more than aware now. I told myself it wasn't one-sided; I know Bella felt it too.

She was my salvation from myself.

How could I save her too?

+AtWH+

The day was finally finished, the inspector's car was moving down the driveway. He seemed happy with everything, and had shook my hand warmly before leaving.

I turned to the house, and walked towards the steps. Opening the door, the smell of dinner cooking greeted me. Shadow sat at the top of the stairs, her eyes like twin gold coins as she stared at me inquisitively. I tipped my hat to her in greeting, and she blinked at me in acknowledgment. She stood as I made my way upstairs and followed me into the bedroom.

I changed, and looked down at her as she watched my every move. "I don't just shuck my Wranglers in front of anyone, y'know."

She sat outside the bathroom door patiently as I finished cleaning up and I winked at her as I buttoned my shirt. As I left the bedroom, Shadow followed me but remained at the top of the stairs as I made my way down.

Back downstairs, I snuck up behind Bella and planted a kiss on the side of her neck.

"Hello beautiful."

"Hello handsome. How did it go today?"

"Really good. You know they won't tell you jack until they do their report and put it all in writing. But he left with a smile so I take that as a good sign."

"That's great! I really can't wait to get it off the ground. This ranch is far too pretty to hog all to yourself, Mr. Cullen."

"I don't mind sharing. I share with you." I kissed her neck again as she stirred.

"Yeah, but I don't count."

That small simple statement cut me to the core. It summed up so much about her, how she felt about herself in so many situations. It reminded me of my ride this afternoon, and what I had been thinking about all day.

My arms came around her waist, and I pulled her back away from the stove. She just turned the burner down as she walked backward with me.

"Edward, do you want me to burn dinner?" I turned her in my arms so I could look into her eyes.

"Sweetheart, you count more than you know."

Her brown eyes, they conveyed her disbelief, and I leaned down to kiss her before she could brush it off.

"I love you. Let me share with you." I spoke softly against her lips.

_Let me share my life with you. Let me share everything with you. _

"OK." Her voice was barely a whisper of breath. Not wanting to overwhelm her, I kissed her again and then swatted her backside.

"I'm distractin' you. Sorry."

She blinked, trying to compose herself. Swallowing, a small smile played across her lips. "I don't mind distractin' if that's the kind of distractin' I get."

Releasing her, I moved towards the stove to sneak a taste.

"Edward Anthony, don't you dare! I will tan your sexy backside if you go near that pot before it's ready!"

I shot her a grin. "You think my backside is sexy?"

She blushed and bit her lip before swatting at my hand. "I mean it! Go find something to do. I'll call you when it's ready."

I scooted off to the living room, and picked up the paper. My eyes moved over the page, but I wasn't really reading anything. I was more interested in the soothing sounds of Bella moving around the kitchen, the clatter of plates, the open and shut of the oven door, the sound of the dials on the stove switched off.

"OK, Mr Cullen. If you wanna mosey back in here, your dinner's ready."

I smiled and got up from the couch. Joining her at the table, Bella placed her napkin on her lap and waited for me to sit down. The thoughts from earlier today came creeping back, and my conversation with Eli repeated in my head. I sighed, trying to push it away. It was frustrating, being caught between what was right and what was needed.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at Bella for a moment, debating on whether to just shoot from the hip or holster the thoughts for another time.

Clearing my throat, I made my choice. "We're gonna need to put an ad in the paper as soon as possible."

"What for?"

"I had to let a couple of the guys go today."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh my gosh! Why?"

I gritted my teeth, feeling my jaw tick before continuing. "They were mouthin' off and I sent them packin'."

I looked at Bella's face to gauge her reaction. She bit the inside of her lip, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't. There was a pause before she spoke.

"If you can make a list of what you want included in the ad, I'll type it up and put in a request. How long do you want to run the ad and how many applicants are you willing to look at?"

"Run it for a couple of weeks. I want to try and have it all done and dusted by the end of the month."

I nodded. "OK. If you think of anything else you want to put in it, let me know by Thursday."

"That's probably it. What did you do with yourself today?"

A shadow moved across her face, and her eyes glazed over as she remembered something. This was happening far too often for my liking, but I couldn't force her to tell me what it was.

"I went into town and saw Leah, today. We met up for lunch."

"Did something happen?"

Bella seemed to shake it off, whatever was bothering her. "Yeah, Leah and I just giggled our way through most of it. The boys are starting to be a real handful. I used to babysit for her, but I feel like I haven't seen them for months."

"Do you miss them?"

Her eyes lit up. "Oh yeah. They call me Aunt Bella. The older boys, Jared and Embry, are total rascals. And Quil, he's the baby…he's just cute as a button."

"Why don't you have them over sometime? I'll bet they would love to see the horses and the ranch."

"Oh could I? Really? You wouldn't mind having them around for an evening?"

"You forget, I used to be a father myself."

The conversation seemed to come to an abrupt stop as Bella's eyes widened and I realized what I'd said.

Maria's death wasn't something we generally talked about, but that was simply because it had never come up. I forked a piece of meatloaf as Bella stared at me. I could tell she was unsure on how to respond, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

It was uncharted territory.

Bella licked her lips, and looked at my face, trying to gauge what I was thinking. Finally, she spoke.

"What was he like? Your son?"

I inhaled, and slowly exhaled before swallowing. Creaking open that door in my mind, I pulled out the memories of my son.

"He was beautiful. Mostly cause he looked like Maria. But he had my eyes. He was always so happy, and had a smile that could make the sun rise and set. When he laughed, he always clapped his hands."

"He sounds beautiful, Edward."

I sipped from my water glass before setting it down. My hand remained around the glass, and Bella reached over, placing her hand on mine.

"Edward, do you have any pictures of Ben?"

I cleared my throat. "Reckon they would be upstairs in his old room."

Bella's fingers caressed over the back of my hand. "Could I-could I see them sometime?"

I nodded. "Yeah. But why?"

"Cause I want to see every part of who you are, Edward." Her brown eyes were imploring, and I understood then. I relied so much on my gut instinct to read others, it was different having someone read me so clearly.

"I'll take you up after dinner."

She nodded and we continued dinner in heavy silence. I hadn't opened that door at the end of the hall in a very long time. Even though I knew it had been locked up, I wondered if it would look the same. If somehow it had all vanished; or would that piece of my life always be there, waiting for me to unlock it again.

When our plates were clear, I helped Bella load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. When we finished, I flung my towel on the counter. I watched as she reached for it and put it to rights in a neat fold in the towel rack.

Taking her hand, I led her upstairs. The summer sun clung to the sky, casting golden shapes onto the wall from the windows in the bedroom. But the rest of the hallway was darkened, the door at the end remaining shut. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and Bella squeezed my hand.

"You don't have to do this-"

I turned to her. "No. I want to."

The lock on the door wasn't anything special. It was a basic doorknob, the lock easily turned and opened. It was actually performing the action, and opening the door that was difficult. I watched my hand go through the motions, and felt the cold metal on my palm as I turned my wrist.

The door opened slowly, and I realized I was holding my breath.

I looked at Bella, whose eyes were studying what she could see before darting back to my face.

I cleared my throat. "Are you ready?"

I watched as her lips parted. "Are you?"

"Yeah. Come on inside."

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

_Gentle Readers._

_I was scared last chapter; worrying how it would be received as I'd been away for so long. I was even nervous to read the reviews, and wondered if people would bother because I hadn't updated since the dinosaurs roamed the earth._

_But…You did. And you were so thoughtful and supportive. I was really touched and I forgot just how awesome this fandom is sometimes. Thank you for making it all worthwhile. _

_xo_


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N**

**Thanks to my ficwife lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo and my prereader snshyne.**

**_WARNING_: This chapter has subject matter regarding the death of a child. It should be noted that there is no graphic content, only emotional aftermath. However, for those who may be sensitive to those topics, you may want to skip ahead to the time marker about mid chapter.**

* * *

**EPOV**

The room was exactly the same as the last time I'd seen it.

The walls were still a beautiful sky blue. I remember coming in one afternoon to find Maria sponge-painting the clouds on. She had smiled at me, and she'd had a smudge of white paint on her cheek.

Ben's bed was neatly made, the covers a bright cherry red and there was a navy blue blanket folded at the end of the bed. An old wooden toy chest sat unopened and dusty at the foot of the bed.

The dresser drawers were made of the same wood, a dark mahogany, the dark color on the knobs worn away from use. The furniture used to be mine, from when I was a little guy. Momma had placed them in the attic, and Maria found them one day while she was up there looking for something. She'd had them restored as best they could be. I rubbed my finger over a place where I'd carved my name when I was twelve. I had found an old Swiss army knife in the stable, and had sneaked it up to my room.

My daddy sure did leather my ass good for taking that knife.

I felt Bella's hand in mine, and she squeezed gently as my eyes fell on the photographs in the colorful picture frames on top of the dresser. A tightness squeezed in my chest as I studied a picture of Ben in his high chair, his face covered in Spaghetti-o's. There was another in a wooden frame of Ben and me. He was only a toddler, and was sitting on top of Buttercup. She had patiently stood for the photo, even when Ben had grabbed a handful of her mane and tugged as hard as a toddler could.

Another photo showed Ben in a Halloween costume, his eyes full of mischief. He was dressed as a Western sheriff. He had drawn the fake pistol for the picture, and his little mouth was puckered as if he had just made a _beeyoo_ sound, as he fired his fake bullets.

I remember holding my hands up, playing along with him.

"_Don't shoot! I surrender."_

"_I'm takin' you in."_

"_You throwin' me in the hoosegow, Sheriff?"_

_He nodded. "Uh huh. I'm puttin' you 'way."_

"_What for? I gotta know what I did wrong."_

"_Momma said you didn't eated all your peas."_

"_I'll be having a word with your momma."_

Bella took a step forward, and I looked over at her as she looked at the pictures.

"He's beautiful, Edward." Her voice was just a whisper, but it was loud in the overly quiet room.

"He was." The ache in my chest squeezed tighter, and traveled down to my abdomen.

Bella looked up at my face, her eyes searching mine. "He still is."

My free hand raised to my face, and rubbed over my cheeks and jaw as I tried to regain control of myself. I felt the sharp prickle in the corner of my eyes. Bella's hand dropped from mine, and I felt her arms encircle my waist.

"It's OK, Edward. I'm here."

"I know, darlin'. It's just…I ain't been in here in a long time."

"Do you want to sit down?" She led me toward the bed, and sat. I followed, and heard the bed creak as I lowered myself down.

I sighed, and looked around. There were matching red and navy curtains over the window and they let in a small peep of fading sunlight.

"Tell me about him?"

"What do you want to know?"

"What was he like when he was a baby? Was he peaceful? Fussy?"

"He was…perfect. I remember when we brought him home. Maria and I…we were so scared. She was afraid of misinterpreting what he needed…I was just plain scared. He was so small."

"Was this always his room?"

I nodded. "It was a nursery at first. The clouds and blue were…Maria's idea. There used to be a rocking chair right over there." I indicated a corner near the window.

"What happened to it?"

I swallowed. After the funeral, I had come up here and sat in that rocking chair. I fell asleep in it, and woke up in it. By the third day, Eli had ventured in and tried to talk me into eating but I wasn't interested.

A week went by, and I had only left the room to piss and grab a bottle of scotch from downstairs. I drank myself silly and woke up with a headache like a mule had kicked me between the eyes.

That was when the rage had started. The rocking chair was the first victim. I had broken it apart with my bare hands, and then kicked at it with my boots until it was splinters and kindling.

I just wanted my little boy back. Hold him one more time; smell that sweet smell from the top of his head. I had loved tucking him in at night. He would giggle as I would tickle him, before tucking the blankets up tight. And always, before I left the room and turned out the light, his sleepy little voice would drift from the darkness to me.

"_Night, night, Daddy."_

"_G'night, son."_

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. It was the little things that I missed most. He would never have a first day of kindergarten, or his first visit from the tooth fairy. I wouldn't be teaching him to ride a horse, or how to run the legacy of this ranch.

All those firsts were gone, in the blink of an eye. I could feel that old anger trying to edge itself into me, and I tried to tamp it down.

"Are there anymore pictures of Ben, Edward?"

Clearing my throat, I gestured towards the dresser. "In the top drawer there should be a photo album."

Bella rose from the bed, and went to the dresser. Pulling open the top drawer, she removed a thick blue album. Shutting the drawer quietly, she sat back down next to me.

I looked at the book, not sure if I would be able to go through it with her.

She must have felt my trepidation, her head jerking up and her eyes wide like an animal caught trespassing.

"Is this OK? I don't want to overwhelm you."

Looking into her eyes, and knowing she was my future made it OK. I loved this woman, and I wanted her to know every part of me.

"Yeah. It's fine." My voice sounded like the rattle of the driveway gravel.

Her delicate hands opened the book, and I watched the life of my son flip by in still pictures. His tiny face only minutes after birth, his minute fingers wrapped around mine. I remembered being nearly broken by the trust that was instantly given.

Maria had saved his bracelet and hers from the hospital. They were glued to the page, along with pictures of Ben in his car seat, with a snowy white cap protecting his head. The days and weeks turned over and over, until we arrived at one month. The smiling faces of our little family drifted by, and the prickle in the corner of my eyes started to give way. I got up from the bed, and Bella paused.

"Edward?"

"I'm fine. You can keep going, if you want."

And she did, she took it all in, pausing at some pages a little longer, her eyes studying the faces and events of not just my son's life, but mine too.

All too soon, the amount of pages near the end started to thin, and a final family portrait not quite glued in yet fell to the floor. Maria had insisted on having it taken, had booked a professional photographer to come out to the ranch. It had been a sunny day in July. I remember Ben was really hyper, and Maria had a hard time getting him to sit still for the photo. But eventually he had calmed enough for a couple of snaps.

Bella bent forward to retrieve the photo, and held it in her hands. The corner of her mouth was lifted in a slight smile as she gazed at the photo. I felt slightly embarrassed for her, having to look at my old life. It was almost like Maria and Bella were in the same room. I felt awkwardly caught between the two worlds.

Bella sighed, and replaced the photo at the back of the book. She closed the cover, and stood up. I watched as she tucked it into the drawer. Walking over to me, she took my hand and led me out of the room. The door remained open, and I felt an urge to shut it up again.

As I turned to grab the door knob, Bella stopped me. "Leave it open."

I looked back at her, and then back at the gaping doorway. I fought the urge to pull the door shut, the need for a satisfying slam almost overwhelming. Bella tugged on my hand, and I forced myself to turn away from it.

She led me down the hallway, into the bedroom. Inside, Bella had me sit down on the bed, and she pulled at my boots until my I was staring at my socks. She removed those too, and laid them over my boots. I stood again, and she began to undress me. I let her do it, and watched numbly as cloth moved and glided from my skin. I wanted to help, I should help, but I just felt hollow and empty inside.

When I was down to my boxers, she pulled the covers back and I lay down. The rustle of her clothing followed, but I stared forward as the dying light of the day gave up her ghost to the night time sky.

Bella joined me, her hands pleasantly cool and soothing on my skin. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and I pressed my face against the soft smooth skin under her collarbone. I could smell her perfume, and a smell that was uniquely hers. It was soft and gentle, like a meadow after springtime rains.

My arms came around her, and we held each other like that until we fell asleep. She caressed my face, her fingers tracing over my jaw, touching my cheekbones, and around my ear.

Just before I felt myself sink to the dark oblivion, she whispered to me in the dark.

"Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome." I whispered back.

Her hand moved into my hair, her fingernails soothing over my scalp. "I love you so much."

+AtWH+

Saturday night was spent at Bella's parents. She had baked a peach cobbler, and I carried it behind her as we stepped over the threshold of her father's house.

I had been doin' a lot of thinking about us. It was time I just asked. I knew times had changed, but I was an old-fashioned country boy. I didn't think it was unfair of me to ask for commitment from Bella. Somehow this situation was totally backwards. Wasn't it the man who was supposed to have commitment issues?

When I had asked Eli his opinion, he had spit on the ground and then cackled at me.

"Boy, your momma was some woman. She beat the sense _into _ya."

I straightened my shoulders as I carried the dish into the kitchen. Charlie was outside on the deck. Renee greeted me warmly, as always, and I kissed her cheek. She always blushed prettily when I did that and it made me smile, knowing where her daughter had inherited the habit from.

Bella and Renee began their familiar chatter as they moved around the kitchen, and I took that as my cue to leave. I opened the heavy sliding glass door, and found Charlie smoking as he leaned against the deck railing.

"Jesus, close the damn door!" He growled at me.

"I didn't know you smoked, Chief."

He gave me a direct look. "I don't. And if Mrs. Swan asks you, they're yours."

I held my hands up. "Isn't that aiding and abetting, sir?"

He exhaled and ground the butt out. "You challenging an officer of the law?"

"No, sir."

He nodded. "That's what I thought."

I shoved my hands in my pockets, and then decided that looked like I had something to hide. His perceptive eyes caught me and he narrowed them at me.

"Something on your mind?"

I nodded. "There is, actually. Reckon I'll just come out with it." I glanced over my shoulder, and could see Bella and Renee busy in the kitchen.

BPOV

"And so Leah and I were having a great time until the waitress muttered something about how money couldn't buy class-"

Momma gasped. "She did not!"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. "She did. And I just know she was talking about me."

It was silent between us as I washed vegetables for a salad. Momma continued to busy herself at the stove. It started to grow awkward, and I found myself babbling.

"I love him, Momma. Really, really love him. I thought I loved Jake, but this is something totally different. I knew Jake for years, he tugged on my pigtails and taught me how to swim. But with Edward…it's just…I dunno. It's something totally unreal. And I know Edward is trying to give me space, he knows I'm not good at relationship stuff. Everything is so perfect…I don't want to do anything to upset the applecart. And maybe Edward can do better than me..."

My mother sighed and _humphed_ under her breath. "Baby, I think it's time I stick my nose in. I can't hold back any longer."

EPOV

I turned back to the Chief, and saw Bella's eyes looking right back at me.

"I know you weren't happy with Bella moving in with me without some sort of ring on her finger. To tell you the truth, if I thought she would say yes, I would have been standing here talking to you before I asked her to live with me. The thing is, I want to ask her…to marry me. It's driving me crazy. But I'm afraid she's gonna run screamin' in the other direction if she even sees me go down on one knee to check my boots."

Charlie looked at me for a moment and then sighed.

"She's as stubborn as her mother. One's as bad as the other, and once they get an idea into that female brain of theirs, you're more likely to eat coal and shit diamonds before they will change their minds."

I nodded, and he continued.

"You got yourself one helluva pickle there, son."

"Don't I know it."

BPOV

I looked at her. "Momma-"

"Don't you _Momma _me in that tone, Isabella Marie. If your own mother can't say it to you, then who can?"

I pursed my lips at her but she kept right on going.

"You know as well as I do that your father and I let you live your life how you want. We don't tell you what to do, or who to see. These are modern times, and women aren't tied to specific roles the way they were when I was younger. Granted, this little old town doesn't exactly move with the times, but things have changed."

"Your point?" I sliced a tomato into sections as I waited for her to be right as she always was.

"My point is that nobody in this town can live your life for you. You are the one in the driver's seat. You make the decisions. You decide what's good for you."

"But-"

"Do you love that man?"

"Yes."

"Do you picture having his babies?"

I blushed, feeling the warmth creep over my cheeks to my ears and my hairline. "Yes."

"Well, why do you think he deserves better?"

"Because I'm an idiot, Momma. I don't know how to ask for the things I want in a relationship. I don't know how to find the balance between being vulnerable and being in control. And it freaks me out. I know I can trust him-"

"So what's holding you back? He worships the ground you walk on!"

I shrugged my shoulders as I sliced into the tomato, its insides pouring out onto the cutting board.

"I'm afraid to dive in, I guess."

EPOV

I looked at Charlie as he stroked his mustache, deep in thought.

"You have my blessing. Your word is good, and I remember your father. He was a good man. Your momma was a real sweetheart. And some voice on her. She could really make that Church come alive."

I smiled, remembering my mother singing familiar church hymns every Sunday. I would sit next to my father and watch her as the sun would light the stained glass windows behind her. Sometimes, I imagined she was an angel. She had taught me to play the guitar, and had given me my love for music.

Charlie spoke again, bringing me back to the present. "Bella, she was always headstrong, and she had me wrapped around her little finger from the first moment I held her in my arms. Maybe I let her have her way too much, and she doesn't know any other way. After all that bullshit with the Black kid, she had some of the pride kicked out of her."

Charlie continued talking when suddenly it hit me.

Stubborn and full of pride…shy of men and commitment to them.

Horses were funny creatures. Wild horses even more so. Breaking them until they were too tired to fight was cruel and I'd seen it done before. I had promised myself I would never be the one to break something's spirit just so it obeyed me.

Instead, earning the horse's trust, while it took more time, was far more rewarding. That final pause, where the horse is just as nervous as me before he finally accepts me was one of the reasons why I loved working with horses so much.

Perhaps I needed to be the one to start crossing the gap and take the final steps. Would Bella accept me?

Time to find out.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks to lambie, my ficwife, twilightmomoftwo, my beta, and snshyne my prereading doll.

* * *

BPOV

"Edward?"

I entered the bedroom, but it was empty. Tapping my fingers against the door, the sound on the wood broke the silence in the room. I jumped when I heard a rustling and then a thump from the closet.

"Edward? Are you in there?" I walked over to the door of the small walk-in room and found it shut.

His voice came from the other side of the door. "Uh. Yeah. I'm just getting…something."

"Do you need some help?" He had all this stuff stacked on one side, above the racks of clothes. It was all haphazardly heaped and I had been dying to attack it since I moved in but I didn't want to invade his things and his space.

"Uh…No! No, I'm fine. I'll be out in a sec."

"OK. I'll be waiting downstairs."

Smoothing my hands down my blouse, I tugged at my skirt and glanced at myself as I passed by the mirror. We were supposed to have a movie night in the house, just him and me. It had been my idea, and now I wondered if maybe he would rather do something else.

"You don't have to watch the movie with me if you don't want to."

There was another loud thump, and I heard Edward swear under his breath.

It was a stupid idea. Why would he want to watch some silly movie with me? He had been kinda off lately, as if something was on his mind. I had noticed it mostly at dinner; he would drift away, his mind elsewhere.

The door opened and Edward came out. "Hold your horses, darlin'. I didn't say anything about canceling. I was just looking at some stuff." He closed the door behind him, and came towards me.

His arms wrapped around me from behind, and he kissed my neck. "C'mon. I know you've been lookin' forward to this."

I felt the smile spread across my face, and I looked over my shoulder at him. His eyes lit with pleasure as I grinned at him.

"You know me far too well." I slipped out of his arms and took his hand, heading for the stairs.

"You're an open book, Miss Swan." His voice dipped in pitch, the tone sending shivers through me.

His mouth lifted in that one-sided grin that was unbelievably sexy. "Miss Swan, if you're wantin' to watch that movie tonight, you better stop givin' me those 'come hither' eyes."

"Or what?"

He rushed forward, and before I could stop him, he had me thrown over his shoulder. He smacked my backside which was now facing the ceiling. I shrieked as he started for the stairs and grabbed for his belt for leverage.

"Oh my God, Edward Cullen I am going to get you for this. Please don't drop me."

He chuckled as he descended the stairs slowly. At the bottom, he righted me so I was in his arms, and slowly slid down his body.

"I could never drop you, sweetheart."

I melted inside, and he leaned down to kiss me softly before taking my hand and leading me into the candle lit living room.

The movie started; it was this horror movie that Leah had raved about the last time I spoke to her. I wasn't usually a horror film fan, but I gave in when Edward had mentioned it.

Thus I found myself trying to burrow into Edward's side about forty-five minutes later. His arms were around me, and I think the fists I was making in his shirt were close to shredding the fabric.

I felt his body shift, and he turned towards me. There was a scream from the TV and I jumped.

"Hey…are you OK?"

I didn't look up as I squeaked out my answer into his chest. "Yes. Just fine."

He made a sound and I felt his hand try to dislodge my hands from his shirt. "Bella. Look at me."

I tried to, I really did, but my eyes strayed to the screen and the flashing images were too much. Just before I tucked my face back down, his lips found mine. His hand cupped my chin, his thumb stroking over my cheek. I closed my eyes at the same moment, and tried to shut out the noises from the movie.

Edward reached for the remote with his free hand, and the snap of the TV shutting off abruptly filled the air. I relaxed almost instantly, and Edward's mouth smiled as he broke the kiss to look at me.

"Were you that scared?"

"Yeah. A little."

"You shoulda said somethin'."

"I didn't want to ruin it for you."

His nose caressed mine, and he placed a kiss at the corner of my mouth. "Why would I want to make you watch something that is scaring the bejesus out of you? Besides, you are far more entertaining."

Edward placed the remote down and I felt his hand run up my leg. Our bodies moved, our mouths connected, and every nerve ending I had seemed to come to life wherever we touched. His lips moved to my ear, and then my throat, and I let out a pent-up breath as his stubbled chin scratched gently over my sensitive skin.

I sighed his name as his rough hand continued up my thigh. The scary images of the movie were all but forgotten as his fingers continued raising my skirt. My hands were in his hair, tugging, as his mouth worked down my neck to my chest. My bra felt too tight, and I wanted it off; my shirt seemed too heavy on my skin. It didn't matter to Edward as his nose nuzzled my erect nipple through layers of cotton.

His eyes met mine for a moment, his teeth flashed in an evil grin and I watched in anticipation as his mouth descended on my breast. He bit me over the fabric, and the sensation sent my pulse racing through my body, settling into a dull throb between my thighs. He continued the motions with his mouth as he settled his hips between my legs.

I grabbed for his shirt, and pulled it up, exposing the warm skin of his back. My palms smoothed over the muscles there as his lips moved back up to my mouth. His fingers deftly unbuttoned my shirt. We sat up together, and pulled at each others' clothing, our mouths connecting and disconnecting roughly as we sought each other after each separation.

When we were both topless, Edward's hands reached for my hips, pulling at my panties and I lifted my legs as he slid the material down them. I watched with my lip between my teeth as he reached for his belt buckle.

I knelt up and kissed him, his mouth, his throat, and bit his earlobe. He groaned, and the sound made me tremble. I was more than ready for him, my thighs slick, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel him moving inside me.

When Edward was free of the confines of his clothing, we lay back down beside each other on the couch, the leather, although covered by the fleecy blankets I had brought out earlier, made a delicious groaning friction sound, and I parted my legs again as Edward settled between them. He kissed me again before entering slowly.

"Bella, look at me."

I opened my eyes, and tried to focus on his face, half hidden in the flickering shadows of the candle flames.

"I want you to be mine. Forever."

"I _am_ yours, Edward."

I swallowed, his face strained, and he accepted my words. It seemed like he had more to say, but his hips moved slightly, and we were both lost to the tidal wave of pleasure crashing over us.

My soft cries mingled with his deep groans as our bodies moved in unison. His hand slipped between us, his fingers stroking over me until I clenched my thighs around his hips, trying to squeeze him closer. My body was no longer my own and I gave over control to him as he whispered words into my ear that I couldn't comprehend.

Edward found his own release, and collapsed on top of me. I welcomed the weight of his body, wrapping myself around him. I felt so completely loved, so full I was ready to burst from it.

His arms came around me, and he repositioned us so we were lying on our sides, facing each other. He kissed my nose, my temple, and we lay together in quiet. I stared up at the ceiling, and wondered if it actually got anymore perfect than this.

+AtWH+

My cell rang as I walked out to the mail box. It was a small hike, considering the drive was so long, but the weather was sunny enough that I didn't mind.

I looked at the screen, and saw Alice's number.

"Hi, Alice. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

She laughed. "More like to who."

I smiled as I neared the mail box. "Oh, really? And what does that mean?"

Alice paused, and I could almost see her fidgeting. "I think I need to come see you."

"The plot thickens. Do tell, Miss Brandon. This doesn't have anything to do with a certain neighbor of my boyfriend, does it?"

"It might."

I squealed into the phone. "Oh my God, I knew it!"

She snorted, and I heard the telltale inhale on a cigarette from her end. "Calm the fuck down, Bella. God."

"So how did this happen? You peeled out of here and went back to the city nearly eight weeks ago, unless you've been creepin' around my hometown without my notice."

"Actually, Jas has been creeping around my neck of the woods."

"Shut up."

"Swear to fuck. He has been bringing that sexy ass of his up here every other weekend since we met. But I think he wants me to meet his parents. I don't meet parents, Bella. You know this. Parents don't like me."

"Oh Als, I'm sure you'll be fine. You met my parents and they love you." I reached the mail box and pulled out a small stack of envelopes.

"Yeah, but they're _your_ parents. It's not like I'm trying to date you. Boyfriend parents and friend parents are two totally different categories. You have to help me. Can I come stay with you for the weekend? I think his mom and dad may not be cool with me staying with him."

"But you guys are adults." Rifling through the envelopes, I sorted them in my arms from personal mail to business mail.

"Yeah, I know. But I fear the small town folk with their pitchforks and their torches and their judging. I like him, Bella. Like, _really _like him."

"You're always welcome to stay with me. I'm sure Edward won't mind. And you will be fine with Jasper's parents."

"If you say so. I'll be over by Thursday night, if that's OK."

"I can't wait to see you."

I juggled my phone back into my pocket and continued picking through the mail. As I entered the yard in front of the house, I saw Edward sitting on the fence while he watched one of the new hires work with a white horse named Winter.

Walking up to the fence, Edward looked down at me and smiled.

"Howdy, beautiful. What's got you grinning so wide?"

"Alice is gonna visit next weekend. Is that OK?"

"Sure is. How long is she stayin' for?"

"Just over the weekend. I believe our Alice is smitten with Jasper Whitlock."

Edward whistled between his teeth softly. "Well, ain't that something'. Never thought that would be a match in a million years."

My brows knit together. "Why's that?"

"Sweetheart, don't take this the wrong way…but Alice is even more citified than you. And Jasper…he's more country boy than me. But I guess sometimes you just know what you want when you see it."

His apple green eyes took on a heated but pointed look as they traveled over my form, and I felt myself blushing as he met my eyes again.

"I…um…Better go in and um…check the mail."

He cocked an eyebrow at me as I started to back away, totally flustered. I started to trip over my own two feet, but righted myself before my face fell on the ground. The mail went flying, like birds suddenly released from a cage into the air. They fluttered around me as Edward hopped down from the fence.

I should have been picking the mail up. I should have been grabbing hold of it before a breeze scatters it across the yard. But my eyes could not move away from his easy, loose-hipped stride as he walked over to me in chaps and jeans.

Lord have mercy, this man looked like an angel but was pure lusty sin to look at.

He was grinning at me now, grinning because he knew exactly what was on my mind. That confidence, that quiet way he just knew…it was such a turn on.

He bent down to pick up some of the envelopes I had dropped, and I finally moved into action. I grabbed for the mail near my feet, and as I stood up, Edward tucked the few he had into my arms.

I made a face at him. "You should be illegal, Edward Cullen."

"You think so?" He still had that knowing look in his eyes but his mouth was mockingly serious.

"I know so." I turned my back on him to head back towards the house, but yelped when I felt his fingers pinch my bottom.

When I looked back at him, he cocked that half grin at me. "I'm sure that ass of yours breaks a few laws, darlin'."

I felt myself turn scarlet as I walked forward towards the house, knowing his eyes were on me the entire way.

+AtWH+

My phone went off and I saw a waiting text from Alice. **Be there in 5 min. x A**

"What in tarnation is that noise comin' up the driveway?" I heard Eli shout from the barn as I stepped outside.

Sure enough, the growl of Alice's Firebird was making its presence known as it prowled up the drive. As she pulled up, she waved. Parking behind my truck, Alice cut the engine and got out of the car. I was not prepared for what I saw though.

Alice had always been…Alice. I could count on her to be herself, and she dressed her own sort of punk-goth-just got out of bed kind of way.

The Alice that greeted me now…was almost…normal.

Gone was the dark make-up and plum lipstick. In its stead were softer dark cat eyes and a red color on her lips that brought out the porcelain of her skin. She had her hair pulled back in a conservative ponytail.

But it was her dress that floored me. An actual dress, reminiscent of some 1950s housewife. And it was pink, with a feminine flower design. She was wearing this dainty little sweater with it as well.

"Alice, are you wearing a floral pattern?"

She looked down at her dress and back at me. "Is it too much? I'm trying not to look so…me."

I realized I was staring at her bug-eyed and reined myself in. "No! No, it's not too much at all. It's just very different. You look lovely…but I just…I've never seen you like this before."

"Fuck off, Swan and quit looking at me like I've grown another head." She wrinkled her nose at me and I started laughing.

"_There_ you are. I was wondering where my friend had gone."

She walked forward, her small feet in tiny flip flops. I smiled at her as she got closer, and I couldn't help but hug her. It was so good to see her, and her face reminded me of crazier times when we were younger.

When I released her, I heard the front door open, and the familiar sound of Edward's boots on the porch.

"Do you have anything you need bringin' in, Short Stuff?"

Alice snorted. "It's in the trunk." She started back to the Firebird, but Edward stopped her.

I watched as he came down the steps on the porch. "Uh uh. Toss me the keys and I'll carry it in. You gals catch up."

Alice handed the keys off to Edward, who accepted them as I led Alice to the house. "C'mon, Edward has fired up the barbecue for you."

Her face registered confusion as I led her indoors, a grin on my face. Alice didn't know it, but we had Jasper hiding in the backyard for her. I had told her to look nice when she arrived because Edward and I wanted to take her out. Little did she know she had herself one excited beau in our backyard.

"I hope you're hungry. There's a whole lot of meat out there." I opened the door that led to the back, and Alice answered me.

"Oh you know me, I love being stuffed with a whole lot of meat."

I let out the most unladylike sound as I shut the door behind us. Jasper was leaning against a tree, his hands in his pockets, smoking a cigarette. The moment we entered the backyard he stubbed the cigarette out on his boot and flung the butt away.

Alice squealed a very un-Alice-like squeal and launched herself at Jasper. His hat was knocked to the ground, and his hair fell forward as he wrapped his arms around her.

I watched them, and felt Edward behind me. He settled his arms around me, and pulled me close up against him.

I marveled at Alice, who had never really been one for flights of giddiness or overly affectionate gestures. But here she was, dressed in pink, and looking at Jasper Whitlock with stars in her eyes.

I guess people really could change.

* * *

Thanks for reading.

And for being so patient.

Probably about 4 more chapters to go.


	27. Chapter 27

**Special thanks to lambie, my ficwife, twilightmomoftwo, my beta, and snshyne, my pre-reader of hilar awesome who read this while battling midterms from hell!**

* * *

EPOV

Bella and Alice were in the kitchen going over Alice's meeting with the Whitlocks. I could hear them giggling over their coffee as I went through the mail Bella had left for me.

One envelope in particular stood out, the handwritten address in fancy writing on the expensive feeling paper. I opened the envelope carefully and pulled out the contents. Inside was an invitation to the County Rancher's Association Annual Autumn Ball. It was a dinner dance the senior ladies of the association always put together during the first weekend in October.

I hadn't been in a few years, the thought of going while feeling so empty inside kept me from R.S.V.P.'ing. Even then, I wasn't much for social events, but as I looked at the invitation an idea formulated in my mind. I checked to make sure Bella and Alice were still engrossed in their conversation before casually moving upstairs.

Making my way into the bedroom, I quietly closed the door behind me, and moved into the closet, closing that door as well. I reached for the box on the top shelf, and opened the cardboard slowly. Inside were old pictures from when I was a kid, even all the way up through my college years from when my parents were still alive. I smiled at a picture of my mother caught candidly in the kitchen, a smudge of flour on her cheek as she mixed something in a large bowl.

Rifling through the photos, I found what I was looking for: a small blue velvet box. I slipped it into my shirt pocket, and shoved the cardboard box back on to the top shelf.

I listened again, making sure no one was coming upstairs before fishing the velvet box from my pocket. Popping the lid, the old hinges groaning too loudly in the quiet. There, on a bed of blue velvet sat my mother's engagement and wedding ring set.

I lifted them out and gently sat them on my palm. The platinum rings seemed way too delicate for my big hands. The engagement ring was a simple solitaire with a round cut diamond. The ring seemed small to me, and I wondered if I would need to get it sized.

Bella kept her jewelry in a small box on the dresser, I hoped there was a ring in there I could compare it to. Listening again for any sign of movement from downstairs, I hurried over and nearly jumped out of my boots when I heard Alice laugh, and when Bella joined her, I figured they were still in the kitchen.

Opening the small wooden box, I dug around until I found a small ring I'd seen Bella wearing from time to time. It was her class ring from high school, and I placed it on top of the dresser and opened the small velvet box which held Momma's rings.

I held the diamond ring over Bella's class ring, and saw they were almost perfectly aligned. Momma's ring was only slightly bigger, but all in, it seemed like it might just be a perfect fit.

I put Bella's ring back where I found it and closed the lid quietly. Replacing my mother's rings in their own box, I walked into the closet and put them into the cardboard box at the top of the closet.

Smiling as I left the bedroom, I went downstairs and into the Autumn sunlight. Things were coming together, and I would soon have Bella as mine forever. But something was nudging me that the sooner I asked the better. I felt like she was holding back from me, there was something in her eyes that she wasn't telling me. I had an inkling as to what it was, small town minds had a way of distorting what the truth was…

BPOV

I looked at Alice as she listened to me trying to explain Edward being off with me.

"So…what…is he just ignoring you?"

"No. Not really. It's more he just seems to not mentally be in the room sometimes."

"And are you guys still…ya know…doing the dirty push-push."

A loud laugh barked its way up my throat and I felt a flush steal across my cheeks. "Yes. There's nothing wrong in that department. Attentive as ever."

Alice wrinkled her nose. "I dunno then, Bells. Guys are weird like that sometimes."

Lowering my voice, I looked down at my coffee mug and rotated it on the table. "I just worry that I'm not enough. I'm almost one hundred percent sure I'm the first girl since his wife passed away. What if I'm the rebound?"

"You are not the rebound. Rebounds do not last this long. Rebounds are a few weeks at the most."

"I know but I don't think this is a normal case of the rebounds."

Sighing, Alice looked at me, her eyes serious. "You need to talk to him. This is one of those things where if you misunderstand too much, it could cost you the most amazing guy you've ever known. I've never seen you this happy before. Why would you wanna risk your own insecurities and not ask him what's up? He. Is. Not. Jim."

I corrected her automatically. "Jake."

"I know what his fucking name is, and you know I do that shit on purpose. You also know I do it to prove a point. Move. The fuck. On already. Please. For the love of Wal-Mart." Her eyes twinkled with humor, but behind that was a seriousness that told me she meant business.

When I laughed at her Wal-Mart reference, she cracked a smile, and soon, we were laughing together.

After a moment, I sobered. "I promise, I'll talk to him."

"Sooner rather than later, Bella Swan. Don't make me kick your ass."

"You couldn't if you tried."

"I know Kung Fu." She looked at me mischievously and did a karate chop with her hands.

"Oh yeah, you are as Kung Fu experienced as Momma's wedding china."

"Fuck you, I'm a goddamn Kung Fu master."

I really did laugh that time, and Alice got out of her chair and did the most awful Karate Kid Crane impression. She ended up falling on her backside, and as she got up rubbing her bottom, her face was all disgruntled.

"That really did hurt and your laughing at my pain. I think you should take me to Wal-Mart to make up for being a shitty friend."

I gasped. "I am not a shitty friend. You take that back."

"Only after you promise to buy me something sexy."

+AtWH+

BPOV

Edward and I said goodbye to Alice together, and it was slightly easier this time, knowing she would probably be back sooner rather than later. And it was easier waving goodbye to her with Edward's arm around my waist.

Alice had made me swear to her I would speak to Edward. And I fully intended to do so but my resolve seemed to weaken as we headed back into the house together.

That night, as I got ready for bed, Edward was in the bathroom taking a shower. I'd heard him rustling around in the closet again this afternoon when I had come up to make sure Alice was OK packing her things.

Glancing at the bathroom door, I bit my lip as I listened to the water fall against the shower walls. Taking a chance, I snuck into the closet. The top shelf was almost too tall, but I could see an old cardboard box sitting on top of some of the mess. If I jumped and made a grab for it, I could probably get to it.

My legs were shaky, but curiosity drove me forward. I jumped, and missed the box entirely on the first attempt. Jumping again, I was able to knock it to the floor. Pictures flew out and I muttered to myself that this was incredibly stupid and that I should have just asked rather than pry through Edward's personal things.

I tried to scrape the pictures together, dying to pause and go through them. Urgency made my stomach tighten and my heart thundered in my ears. I heard the shower shut off, and I knew I only had seconds to get the box back on the top shelf.

Luck was on my side as I jumped and threw it up there. It landed, and I quickly ran out of the room. Climbing into bed, I picked up my book and pretended to read. I realized the book was upside down just as Edward walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. The masculine smell of his soap wafted through the air, making me sigh.

I watched him mosey to the dresser, with every movement that towel looked like it might drop. Or maybe that was my own wishful imagination. The towel was low on his hips, showing the top of his phoenix tattoo.

I licked my lips as he bent over, pulling a drawer open. He pulled out a pair of boxers, and I nearly moaned out loud as his hands went for the towel.

_Drop the towel. Drop. The. Towel. _

He dropped the towel.

Then he looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. The cocky man even winked.

"You did it all on purpose!"

"Figure you might enjoy the show," he said as he reached for his boxers and put them on.

"You are incorrigible, Edward Anthony Cullen."

He launched himself at the bed, and I squealed as he pounced on me over the covers. His freshly shaven jaw was smooth as it brushed against mine. Kissing my earlobe, he whispered warmly into my ear.

"Damn straight, Isabella Marie Swan." I could feel my nipples pucker as his lips caressed my ear. I felt his teeth next, and I gasped and tilted my chin, giving him more access.

His next words sent a shiver down my body, and made me throb between my legs.

"You better get ready, it's about to be a bumpy ride."

+AtWH+

It was mid-September, and the kids were all back in school. Leah and I met up on a Saturday for lunch, and she filled me in on all the goings on with the boys.

"I miss them," I sighed as she told me Quil was getting better with numbers and could count to twenty .

"They miss you, too. Quil was wondering where you were the other day."

"Do you think I could have them on a weekend at the ranch?"

Leah laughed. "You can have them tonight if you want!"

My mouth dropped. "Could I? Are you sure?"

"Bella, having a quiet night without stepping on a Lego piece or tripping over an action figure or breaking up a fight between the older two would be a Godsend. The answer is always yes."

"Let me ask Edward, I think it should be OK. I don't think he has anything planned."

Pulling out my cell phone, I dialed Edward's number, and he picked up after the second ring. The sound of his voice made me smile.

"Edward, do you think we could have Leah's boys over tonight."

There was a pause, and then Edward's voice came over the line.

"Um…yeah. I guess. Yeah. Of course." He sounded a bit reluctant, and that weird tone in his voice was back that I had noted before when he was away in another world.

A knot formed in my gut, and I felt bad for asking. "You don't have to stick around. I can look after them on my own if you had plans. Did you have plans?"

"Uh…no, darlin'. Sorry, my mind is just not on this plain. You go on and have the boys over; we'll have a good time and I'll show them the horses."

I gasped. "Really? Oh yay! Thanks! I'll let Leah know."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too. I'm so excited. Thank you!"

He chuckled. "You're welcome."

We said our goodbyes and I flashed a mega grin at Leah. "Looks like we're kidnapping your little ones for the evening. Edward said he'll show them the horses."

"I'm sure they'll love that. What happened there before…did you guys have plans or something?"

I shook my head. "Not that I'm aware of. Edward's been a little…funny lately."

Leah's eyes looked concerned as she sipped her iced tea. "Funny in what way?"

I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. "I dunno, like he's bored or something."

"Bored?"

"No, maybe bored isn't the right word. Like we'll be talking and he kinda drifts away thinking about something. It's really frustrating." I pushed a lettuce leaf around my plate with my fork.

She chewed thoughtfully for a moment and then swallowed. "He's probably thinking about horses, or cars, or sports, or sex, for that matter. Men are simple creatures, Bella. Have you asked him about it?"

I flushed, remembering my promise to Alice. "No."

"Ask him. You might be pleasantly surprised by his answer."

"I know, I know. I've had this talk with my old college roomie as well. Alice said I need to ask, you say I need to ask. I'll ask, I promise." Not so subtly, I tried to change the subject. "When are you bringing the boys over?"

Her eyes rolled at me at the abrupt shift in conversation. "What time is best?"

"Anytime around dinner. I'll have it ready for them when they come in."

"No problem. We better get going so I can pack them some stuff for the night. And Bella? Talk to that man of yours, for goodness' sake."

+AtWH+

The movie finished, and Quil was passed out on the couch between Edward and me. Embry and Jared were in the big overstuffed chairs, and I as I called their names, they blearily opened their eyes.

"C'mon boys, time to go upstairs for bed."

They reluctantly got up, rubbing their eyes and started towards the stairs where the guest rooms were made up for them. My eyes met Edward's and he glanced down at Quil.

I reached for the little boy, but Edward stopped me. "I'll carry him up."

My eyes moved back to his. "You sure?"

He swallowed. "Yeah."

Slowly, so as not to wake him, Edward rose from the couch. Turning, he gently lifted Quil, who turned towards Edward's chest and sighed softly.

My heart clenched at the sight of Edward, who was strong enough to control horses more than twice his size, holding Quil in his arms. He walked evenly towards the stairs in his socks, and quietly ascended the stairs. Flicking on the hall light, I slowly followed him up the stairs. My eyes were unable to look away from his strong back, even when we reached the top of the stairs.

Edward had said Quil could have Ben's room for the night and I watched with my breath held as Edward walked down the hallway to the open door. Following behind them, I stayed in the doorway as Edward tucked Quil in for the night, and made sure his stuffed Spiderman was under the covers too.

I didn't think it was possible to love this man anymore, but seeing him with Quil was making my heart fit to burst with emotion.

But in the back of my mind, I could Alice's voice, now joined by Leah's.

_Talk to him. _

I would. Tomorrow.

+AtWH+

BPOV

I looked up as Edward entered my office in the early afternoon.

"I forgot to ask you to mail this away next time you go to the post office." He handed me an envelope, and I glanced at it briefly. It was addressed to the Rancher's Association, but the envelope itself was too fancy for a regular letter.

Before I could ask, he explained. "It's an R.S.V.P. for the Rancher's Ball. I said we'd both attend, I hope that's alright."

"Um yeah, that's fine. I'll send it tomorrow morning if that's OK?"

He nodded, and then stuck his hands in his pockets. Shadow, who had been sitting on the desk supervising my work, noticed the shift in the room as Edward stood there awkwardly. She hopped down from the table, with a backward glance at both of us before exiting the room regally.

"You got something on your mind, Cowboy?" I tried to keep it light, but that tight knot had resumed its place in my stomach.

He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. "Actually, I was gonna ask you the same thing."

Slightly taken aback, I felt my mouth drop. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you been kinda jumpy lately, like you were when you first set foot on the ranch. Like I've done something to make you uncomfortable."

My face flushed as he hit the nail on the head. But my spine gave out on me and I retreated.

"Uh…no! No, you haven't done anything."

He raised an eyebrow slightly, and looked at me, knowing me too well. "Your mouth is saying that, but the rest of your body is saying somethin' all too different."

I sputtered, not sure whether to voice it and open up a can of worms.

"Nothing's wrong. I swear."

He sighed heavily and leaned against the wall, crossing his legs at the ankles. "Darlin', I wish you would just spit it out. You gotta talk to me."

His voice, something in the way he said it, it almost seemed condescending. And I hated the way he just _knew_ something was wrong.

It was like he was a mind reader or something.

"Well, if I'm telling' you nothing's wrong, then nothing's wrong and I don't have anything I wish to discuss." My tone came out a lot more terse and flippant than it was meant to sound.

"Now don't get your dander up-"

"Too late. How can you sit there and be all, _you gotta talk to me_ when it's so obvious you've been hiding something from me?"

It was his turn to look guilty, and the hurt that he _was_ actually hiding something sliced through me.

"So you are hiding something! I knew it! You've been so weird lately. What? Am I boring you? Is that what it is?"

A small part of me was in shock at the lack of my verbal filter.

_Temper, temper. _

Before I let my temper have its head, I stormed out of the room. I ran upstairs, and into the bedroom. It wasn't until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror that I realized I was crying. Feeling sorry for myself, I laid in the bed and cried silently into the pillow.

Edward left me alone for a little while, and I fell asleep in my clothes and shoes. I woke briefly to darkness as I felt someone taking my shoes off. As Edward got into the bed, I childishly rolled away from him.

But I didn't want to be on this side of the bed all alone.

I knew Edward wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

And I was a big jerk to him this afternoon. I started feeling sorry for myself again, and a sob bubbled up my throat. Before the second one could escape, Edward's arms were around me, pulling me towards him and up against his chest.

He didn't say anything, and it made me feel even worse. When he rocked me gently against him, trying to soothe me, I felt like an even bigger jerk.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Shhh. Don't try to talk just now, sweetheart. We'll talk in the morning."

Talk. I should have just done it in the first place.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N**

**Thanks as always to my gurrrrls lambie, twilightmomoftwo, and snshyne.**

* * *

****BPOV

Clouds covered the sky in an angry slate-colored sheet. Rain pounded the ground furiously, and the air held a slight chill. I stood on the porch, clutching my coffee mug. The lights were on in the barn, and the vet's van was in the driveway.

That morning, Edward and I had tried to talk and resolve the things between us from the day before. I had met him downstairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling the house. He was dressed in a flannel shirt and jeans and stood in front of the kitchen window. His body seemed to absorb all of the gray light that was trying to seep into the room. The dull light from the rainy day made the walls look blue and sapped what color was in the room.

"Edward?" My voice seemed unusually loud in the room, and the sound bounced off every surface and came flying back at me.

He turned from the window, a mug in his hand. A lump formed in the back of my throat, and I was sorry all over again for causing the rift between us.

"I'm sorry." The words came out shaky, and I swallowed, trying to put more conviction in my words. "I wish I could take back yesterday and do it all over again."

He exhaled, and it seemed like his whole body slowly let go of something he had pent up inside him. "Why would you think I was bored with you? You know me better. At least I thought you did."

The ache in my throat moved to my chest, as I realized how deep my words had dug into him. I crossed my arms, as I searched for the words to explain why I felt the way I did.

"I just…You've been distant lately. I feel like when we're talking or when we're together, your mind drifts off and I'm worried that I'm not enough."

"Not enough?" His voice caught, and he put the mug down. Before I knew what he was doing, he strode forward, his boots making a sharp sound on the kitchen floor. Edward's arms were around me, and I was enveloped in them, my face pressed against his chest, his hands splayed on my back. His chin grazed the top of my head, as he squeezed me.

"You listen to me, Isabella Swan. You are everything to me. I can't imagine what the next five minutes would be like without you, let alone the months and years. I want you here, in my house, my life, my arms, forever. I want to be wrinkly and old and still give you a look that makes you blush. I want to see you fat and waddling with my child, and I want to come home to you, and no matter what happens, it's alright because you're here."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Shhh, stop saying you're sorry." One of his hands came between us, and he lifted my face up so he could look me in the eyes. "You gotta talk to me, Bella. Please don't bottle things up, please don't hold back. If I make you mad as hell, tell me then. Don't sit on it. Let loose, darlin'. OK?"

I nodded, and he leaned down to kiss the corner of my eye where a tear was threatening to fall.

"As for me being distant, I got some stuff on my mind just now that I'm trying to do and make sure it all goes to plan. There are some changes I want to make to the ranch, and if we're gonna do it, I need to make decisions before the first snowfall. I'm not bored with you, I've just got a lot of stuff that is riding double on my mind."

"I'm sorr-" I couldn't stop myself from saying it again, I felt about two inches tall now. But Edward stopped me, his lips sealing off the apology. He tasted of mint and coffee…and Edward.

The kiss was soft, and over as soon as it began. His forehead leaned against mine, and I looked into his eyes, barely making out the green in the dull kitchen.

"I love you, sweetheart."

Smiling, I sniffled. "I love you too."

He kissed my cheek before grabbing his coffee and starting out to the stable. I was pouring myself a cup of coffee when I heard shouts coming from outside. Moving out onto the porch, Edward was shouting for Eli to phone the vet.

When I asked what was wrong, Eli shouted above the rain that Buttercup was ill. What ever was wrong with her seemed to have developed rapidly overnight. I stood on the porch, holding my coffee, praying that everything would be OK as I watched the vet pull up ten minutes later.

There was a chill in the air, and I went back inside and grabbed one of the throws from the back of the couch. I looked over as the stable door opened, and the vet emerged. His shoulders were defeated, his mouth in a grim line, and his glasses were quickly covered in rain drops. He struggled with an umbrella, and made his way back to his van.

+AtWH+

"What about this one, baby?" I looked over as Momma held up a forest green colored dress. I shook my head at it.

"I'll know it when I see it."

She sighed. "Do you have a color in mind?"

"Um. Not green?"

She laughed, and continued looking through the store with me.

The invitation for the Rancher's Association Ball had been screaming at me from its place on my desk. I knew I needed to buy a dress, but I'd been putting it off. I just couldn't build up the enthusiasm for shopping. I mentioned it to Momma, when I came over for coffee this morning. I had barely finished asking her if she wanted to help me before she was grabbing her purse and pushing me out the door. We had driven a couple of hours away to one of the bigger cities.

I gave up on the dresses in front of me, and turned around in defeat, almost ready to leave. And then I saw it. The dress was a twilight blue, and the material hugged the figure on the mannequin in tightly wrapped chiffon on the bodice, with an A-Line skirt of the same flowing material. It wasn't covered in sequins or stones, but the simplicity made it beautiful.

"Oh Bella, that is beautiful. Let's see if we can find it so you can try it on."

"Do you ladies need any assistance?" We both glanced at the girl smiling at us, and her eyes traveled to the dress I hadn't been able to completely take my gaze from.

"That is a lovely choice. Shall I find your size and show you to the dressing room?"

I nodded, and gave her my size. I watched as she plucked the dress from a rack, and carried it in her arms towards the dressing rooms. I followed behind her, and could hear my mother's footsteps close behind me.

Putting the dress on in the small room, I could tell already it was perfect for me. The color, the fit; it was as if the dress had been made for me. My mother and the shop girl _Oh'd_ and _Ah'd _over the dress, and I smiled as I went back into the dressing room. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I was reluctant to take it off.

Eventually, I emerged, carrying the dress as if it were my child. When it was bought and paid for, I sighed with pleasure as Momma and I walked out of the store. I felt some of the tension leave my shoulders. The weight of the last week was slightly easing.

"So, are you gonna tell me why you have that little stress wrinkle between your eyebrows, Bella?"

She never missed a thing. There really was no hiding from my mother. "One of the horses on the ranch died last week, and Edward has been really quiet. Which means the silence is just too quiet now. He's a man of few words on a good day but Buttercup was one of his favorites."

"Poor man. How did the horse die?" She held the door open and we walked out into the parking lot.

I shrugged my shoulders. "They think it was a brain aneurism. Edward is inconsolable, and I've tried everything to help him. I thought maybe he just needed some time to himself."

"Men are funny about that stuff. Especially in our little town, where they're expected to be the tough strong men. He'll be fine, and just you be as supportive as you can, baby."

"I will, Ma. I just worry he'll retreat into his shell and not come out."

"That man loves you like nothing else in the world. Believe me, he looks at you the same way your father looks at me. I've seen him stealing glances when he thought no one was lookin'. Just give him some time."

Arriving at my truck, I hung the dress carefully in the cab and unlocked the door on the passenger side. Before we drove back, Momma and I had lunch, but the whole time, my mind was on Edward. I was worried about him, and I had felt bad about leaving this morning. He'd told me to go, that I should go out and enjoy the sunshine for a little while.

After a late lunch I dropped Momma back at her house and drove back to the ranch. The boys were working some of the horses in the large paddock, the crisp autumn sunshine making the glossy coats of the horses glimmer.

Far off in the distance was the familiar profile of a man on a horse. I knew it was Edward on Chance. He'd been doing that a lot, touring some of the farther reaches of the ranch, checking fence line. He came in later and later, but I always had dinner waiting for him. Today looked like it would be the same.

I carried my new dress inside, and hung it upstairs in the closet. Automatically, I glanced at the cardboard box but resisted the urge to go through it again. I'd had a long think to myself after the argument.

Reasoning that I really was just too paranoid, and I really needed to stop worrying about things all the time, I gave the box a pass. Edward had never given me reason to doubt him, or not trust him. He was a man of his word, and the ranch he ran was testament to the strength of his character.

I moved into the bedroom, and stared out the window. I could see him out there, the small moving figure of horse and man as they neared the horizon of the sunset meeting the land. They seemed so solitary and alone, and it made my throat tight with emotion.

Acting on impulse, I charged down the stairs and out of the house. Eli was just coming out of the stable when he spotted me.

"Lordy, girl, who lit a fire under you? That is one determined stride."

I smiled at him. "Eli, will you help me saddle Winter? I'm gonna see if I can catch up with Edward."

"Sure can, honey. See if you can get him to smile. He's blaming himself, y'know."

Gasping, I gawked at Eli. "He's what?"

Eli nodded as he tightened the cinch on the saddle. "Reckons he shoulda just known what was wrong."

Shaking my head in disbelief, I just looked at Eli in shock. "I can't believe he'd-"

Eli's hazel eyes met mine. "He does. Buttercup treated Edward like one of her own, it was the strangest thing. After his parents died, and then when Maria passed, he spent a lot of time out here. Between Buttercup and Chance, those horses were some of the only things that kept him going."

Eli helped me mount Winter, and he handed me the reins. "I don't wanna speak outta school, but he loves you more than anything. You was like a ray of sunshine on this ranch as soon as you set foot on it. Bring him home, Bella. If anyone can, you will."

I nodded as that tight feeling in my throat returned, and I directed Winter out towards the pasture where I had last seen Edward. We cantered over grassy land, as I scanned the landscape for Edward and Chance. Soon, I could see them, just off in the distance. I closed the gap between us, and saw Edward look up as we moved closer.

Slowing Winter down, I drew up beside him, and Chance greeted us with low snuffle.

"Hi," I said, trying to break the silence.

Edward's tired eyes met mine. "Hi. Something on your mind?"

"You."

He didn't say anything to that, but for a moment, the corner of his mouth twitched. I looked around, trying to get my bearings. About thirty yards away I recognized the tree near the spot where Edward had shown me the wild horses months ago.

Things has been so new then, and I looked down at my hands holding the reins. Was it really only six months ago?

I licked my lips, and looked at his face. It was something I don't think I could live without now. But now, seeing his features so sad, it tore at me.

"Edward, I miss you. I want to help you through this. Please don't shut yourself off from me."

His eyes looked away from mine for a moment, and he stared off in the direction of the fence that separated his land from where wild horses ran. He exhaled and looked back at me, and there was more life in them now.

"Come with me, there's something I want you to see."

He took the lead, but I caught up and followed at his side.

We were heading back, but not in a direct line. Soon, I could see the lake but we bypassed it and continued in another direction. I squinted at the landscape, and could make out a small fenced area ahead of us. As the horses hooves ate up the distance, I could see what looked like headstones.

A heavy feeling settled in my stomach, as I knew where he was taking me. It felt like this was the last breach between us. I knew there was a family plot on the ranch, but I had never seen it before.

When we arrived near the gates, Edward dismounted and secured Chance. I started to follow suit, but he was at my side, his hands on my waist. His fingers seemed to burn through my clothes, and when I looked down into his eyes, they had that burning, haunted look that I recognized from a long time ago. As my feet touched the ground, I remembered where I had seen it before. It was the same look in his eyes when our hands had briefly touched over the parts counter almost a year ago.

Unsure. Aware. Lonely.

My lips parted and a small sound escaped from between them. I wanted to hold him to me; the vulnerability in his green eyes pierced me.

His arm stayed around my waist as he opened the gate and led me through to the manicured grass and the gray stones which sat like silent slate colored specters.

On the far left was an older stone, bearing the name of Edward's grandfather and grandmother. Between them, a smaller stone with a name and one date.

"That's my father's brother. He died at birth."

My eyes traveled to Edward's father's stone, which sat proudly next to his mother's. I imagined they were close enough to hold hands.

His arm moved from my waist back to his side, and I felt the loss instantly. His voice, though slightly dulled was comforting in the small graveyard. "I wanted you to see - to meet them. I think being alone," he inhaled, and I saw the tick of his jaw as he tried to put his thoughts into words, "it scares the hell out of me. They died when I was younger. I was only out of college when Dad passed, and Momma soon after him. I just don't think I deal with…losing things so well. I blame myself. If I had been home more, if I had taken on more of the responsibilities, he wouldn't have had a heart attack. If I had been more…aware of how badly my mother took his passing, maybe she wouldn't have died so soon after."

The lump in my throat nearly choked me, and I felt the familiar pin-prick of tears. "Edward…"

I reached for him, but he flinched away from me. My body clenched and my chest hurt from the small rejection.

"And then when Maria and Ben…I blamed myself. And I tried to reason through all of it, find meaning and all that hokey psychology bull. But it didn't really do me any good."

He turned his eyes away from the slated names of his loved ones to me. His gaze was weighted with all the emotion he rarely allowed himself to feel. They were fierce and wild, and it took my breath away at the raw pain there.

"I'm afraid for you, darlin'. I don't want you to end up here as well."

I shook my head. "Edward, loss is a part of life. We all lose loved ones. Nothing is ever forever, and you can't shut yourself off from everything."

"Can't I?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen! You are better than this, you are stronger than this. You grew up on this ranch, you know that life and death go hand in hand. Where is this coming from?"

He scuffed the dirt with his boot, and Chance nickered behind us.

"I don't know. I'm sorry…I just worry sometimes that everything I touch is somehow ruined."

I closed the gap between us, and took his stubbled face in my hand. "Life is hard. Life sucks. Look at the horses behind us. Are they ruined? Is Chance ruined? Look at me. Am I ruined?"

His eyes bored into mine, and the tears that had been threatening in my eyes gave way. I could feel the wetness on my cheek.

I continued before he could answer. "I used to think I was ruined. I used to think the life I was supposed to be living was gone…I just existed from one place to the next. I was ashamed, Edward, until you picked me up off that icy parking lot. You made me believe I was more than unwanted or used goods."

His eyes flickered at that, something akin to anger and it replaced the grief that was there.

"You're not," he started, but I interrupted him.

"I know I'm not. And that's 'cause of you. So you don't ruin things, Edward Cullen. You make them better."

I didn't get another word out as he wrapped his arms around me and his lips captured mine. Our mouths moved together, and behind us the wind picked up. My hair tickled our cheeks and the stubble on his chin scratched my skin but I didn't care. I had missed being consumed by him.

I was warm and content in his arms as autumn leaves danced around us in the graveyard. We had each other, and that was enough.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**I've started the final chapter for this story. Thank you for your patience, I'm sorry it was so long between updates. Second job and life in general are keeping me from being able to pull this story and the others out of my head.**

**Rest assured I have every intention of finishing.**

**And I'm sorry for not answering your DM's. I swear it isn't because I don't care…it's difficult to answer from my phone which is where I usually read them.**

**Feel free to hit me up on twitter.**


	29. Chapter 29

I checked my hair in the mirror and smiled at my reflection. For the first time in a very long while, I felt beautiful. My hair fell perfectly in soft dark curls over my shoulders and down my back. My make up was perfection, the soft blush of my cheeks complimenting the sparkle of my eyes in the light of the hallway.

Edward's boots made a familiar tempo on the floor as he moseyed through the house from the kitchen. He stopped behind me, and our eyes met in the mirror as his arms wrapped around my middle. I watched as his head dipped, and he nuzzled aside my hair to kiss my neck. I shivered as his lips touched my skin, and the smell of his cologne filled my nostrils. It was fresh, and woodsy, and so completely him.

My heart fluttered and I considered asking to ditch the dance and stay home, but I knew this was far too important to Edward. Although he hadn't said anything specifically, the fact that he was going to this event for the first time in several years showed how much it meant.

His lips moved to my ear, and I closed my eyes and leaned back against him.

"Are you ready to go, sweetheart?"

"Yeah." My whisper was breathy and soft, and I heard his soft chuckle before he kissed my skin one last time and then straightened. He released me but I stayed leaning back against him for a moment, reluctant to break the contact between us.

"We better get goin', darlin'." His fingers brushed over my arm, and I shivered.

My eyes met his in the mirror, and I pouted slightly but stepped away from him to grab my clutch from the hall table. Edward was fixing his black Stetson on his head and smiled at me as we made our way out the door.

Hand in hand, we made our way down the porch steps. Before I could set a foot onto the gravel drive, Edward bent down and scooped me up in his arms. I gasped and then giggled at the grin on his face.

"Pardon this Cowboy for assuming the worst, but darlin', those heels, your balance, and this drive just don't go." His boots made crunching noises over the rocks as he carried me to the passenger side of his truck.

I looked at him in mock surprise. "Are you implying that I'm clumsy, Mister Cullen?"

"I don't think I need to imply. But don't you worry, I told you before I won't let you fall."

His eyes turned serious and my heart paused at the deep, meaningful look in his eyes. My breath caught, and my heart skipped a beat as my tongue involuntarily wet my bottom lip. His eyes left mine to follow the movement of my tongue as I felt butterflies take off in my stomach.

_How did he do that?_

He chuckled under his breath, and I realized I had spoken the thought out loud.

"Do what?"

I cleared my throat in embarrassment as I felt my cheeks flush. "Turn me on with just a look."

He cocked an eyebrow at me, and his lips parted in a smile. "Reckon it's in the codebook somewhere."

I giggled and he set me down, making sure I was steady on my feet before opening the door to the truck and helping me inside.

There was something about him tonight, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He seemed nervous, but happy at the same time. He was humming lowly with the radio, but his hands were really fidgety on the wheel. The set of his shoulders seemed tense; I wondered if he was more nervous about going to this than he was letting on. He caught me studying him as we drove to the dance.

"What?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Are you sure you're alright about tonight?"

"Guess I'm just a little nervous." He shifted in the seat restlessly. I scooted over to him as close as I could and placed a hand on his knee.

"We don't have to do this, y'know. If it's too much at some point, just say the word and I'm your getaway driver."

Edward flashed a smile at me. "I love you, darlin'. I can't think of anyone else I'd want to be my getaway driver."

My face flushed for a second time within the hour. "I love you too."

We arrived at the County Hall, and Edward helped me down from the truck and escorted me inside. I had never been to the Rancher's Ball, but assumed it would be the same amount of fanfare that the Policeman's Ball was for our county.

I smiled as I recalled my mother dressed to the nine's, and my father in his full dress uniform. The local newspaper usually had a big article on the awards given and if any special guests had attended.

Edward had explained that the same would happen tonight: awards given, congratulatory back slapping, and then a dinner and dance. As we walked into the room, it was full with what seemed to be all the important faces from town.

I blinked, not quite sure why the prominent members of the social group from our church had a table, and I could see a few other familiar faces that seemed out of place for a Rancher's Association but figured prominent members of the community must have been invited to the occasion.

I smiled as Emmett McCarty walked towards us, a huge grin on his face and Rose on his arm. She looked at me with cool disdain but made no comment. It wouldn't have mattered, her exuberant husband eclipsed her.

"Bella! How the heck are ya?"

I smiled at him, I couldn't help it, and any ill will I may have ever harbored for him melted at his genuine smile.

"I'm good Emmett. How are the babies? They must be so big."

Emmett launched into a story about the twins, and I saw movement behind them and spotted my mother along the back wall.

_What is my mother doing here? And why didn't she tell me she was going to be here?_

And sure enough there was my father next to her, tolerating those horrible women from church.

Emmett finished his story and was interrupted by Rose who nodded over at the bar. Emmett put his arm around her and smiled back at Edward and me.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm the designated driver tonight and Rose wants a big glass of wine."

Edward showed me to where we were sitting, Eli and Carmen were already sitting at the table, and I waved at them as Edward pulled my chair out. As Edward sat next to me, I noticed the other familiar faces were the Whitlock's from next door. I nodded politely to the Whitlock's, and noticed there was another two empty chairs at our table.

"Do you know who's sitting there?"

"Not too sure, darlin'. Probably one of the neighbors."

He wasn't able to say much more as the ceremony started, and went on for nearly an hour of speeches, and awards, and more speeches. I could feel my backside starting to get stiff and I shifted in my seat. Edward squeezed my shoulder, and there was something unreadable in his face.

Finally, the host was wrapping up the ceremony with the final speaker of the night.

"Ladies and Gentleman. I have one final request before we can open up the bar and enjoy the rest of the evening. May I pass the mic to Edward Cullen from the Cullen Creek ranch?"

I blinked in surprise as Edward smiled at me before standing up, and an obligatory round of applause erupted over the room. I watched as he walked towards the podium at the front of the room but was distracted by the empty chairs in front of us suddenly being filled.

I glanced at the newcomers but ended up doing a double take as Alice winked at me and wrinkled her nose as a huge grin spread across her petite face.

_What in hee haw was going on here?_

I tried to pay attention as Edward spoke about his dream to reopen the ranch as a tour and riding ground, and that with my help he would finally be able to do so. This elicited another round of applause from the people, and I looked down at my hands as the eyes of the room suddenly turned to me.

"She's shy, folks. And she's probably gonna wanna have me hogtied and skinned alive for what I'm about to do."

I felt my jaw lock as he winked at me and chuckled nervously.

"Darlin', if you could join me up here, please?"

This time, I turned absolutely scarlet. Surely he wasn't going to pull me out in front of what seemed to be the whole town crammed into this hall.

But he was. He stepped out from behind the podium, and brought the cordless microphone with him. I felt like a deer caught in headlights.

"Please, sweetheart. I promise this will be quick."

On shaky legs, I stood up, and made my way to the center of the cleared area in front of the podium. My heart was beating against my ribs, and a cold sweat broke out over my skin. I could feel every eye in the room on me, and I brushed my hands against my dress to make sure it wasn't suddenly tucked into my pantyhose.

I stood on trembling legs as Edward's apple green eyes looked into mine. I tried not to be mad at him, and I wondered if he could tell I was about to hyperventilate.

"A man suddenly knows what he's got when he hits rock bottom. I knew I had nothing, and I was letting everything slip from my hands until I saw a pretty little thing fall on her backside in the grocery parking lot last January. It was the first time in a long time I felt anything other than sorry for myself.

You brought so much back into my life that I didn't even realize was missing until you gave it to me. You helped me see that I was being a darn fool and that there was more to life than just barely existing.

You gave me that second chance, Isabella Marie Swan."

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I watched in confusion as he pulled something out of his jacket pocket. My heart stopped as he knelt in front of me, and held out the small box in front of him, opened to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

"Bella, will you marry me?"

I nodded, and managed to croak out a _yes _as the roaring approval of the crowd around us filled my ears. I felt the ring slip onto my finger, and Edward swept me up into his arms, my feet leaving the floor as he swung me around.

I was in shock, but the world melted away as his mouth kissed mine.

When he put me down, I felt like I was walking on air. Alice flew at me, and all I could hear was her swearing at me that I was a fucking lucky bitch.

The sea of faces swirled, and my mother hugged me, her familiar perfume comforting me.

"Baby, I'm so happy for you."

As I hugged her back, I heard Eli's crackling laugh, and his gritty voice.

"Well, son, you finally done good. Your daddy would be proud of you, and your momma too."

Eventually the crowd of people drifted back out, and Edward led me over to our seats, his hand at my back. I all but collapsed in my chair.

Vaguely, the host confirmed the bar was officially open, and that the music would start soon.

Edward put his arm around the back of my chair, and his closeness centered me. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Still processing what just happened."

The lights dimmed, and the music started as couples moved on and off the dance floor. The song that played the night I told Edward I loved him came on, and he dragged me out onto the floor to dance with him.

I got some of my gumption back as he lead me around the floor.

"I should be mad at you, Cowboy."

"Why's that, ma'am?"

"Dragging me up in front of all those people. You're lucky I love you so much."

He stole a quick kiss before he spoke. "There was a reason for all these people."

"You mean, other than, come watch me embarrass my girlfriend by asking her to be my wife?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Yes. Other than asking you to be my wife. You ain't gonna sass me like this when we're married, are you?"

"No, I'll probably sass you worse."

"I sure as heck hope so."

It was quiet for the moment as he continued to move us across the floor. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"So. Why is everyone in town under one roof?"

He pursed his lips, and then looked at me squarely. "You gotta promise not to be mad."

I considered it for a moment and then caved at the look in his eyes. "I promise."

Those green eyes of his, they turned so serious for a moment, and there was something quietly angry in them, like a passing thundercloud.

"I know what those old hags were saying to you. And I know about Rose, and the rest of the women in town."

I felt sick for a moment, that he would know about some of the awful things some of the women had said to me. I was embarrassed, and I looked away from his eyes. His hand reached my chin and lifted it up so I was looking at him again.

"You are worth ten thousand of any of those women, darlin'. Don't you ever forget it. If I have to spend the rest of my life reminding you, then I will. I love you, and I wanted the whole town to know, if not the whole world."

I realized then, that he had known for at least a few weeks, and I wondered back to the night of our fight if he had known then.

I also realized what an amazing gift I had been given in the man who held me like a precious gem in his arms.

If someone had told me a year ago that things would get better, I would never have believed they would be this good.

The night wore on into the early hours of the morning. Edward eventually had to carry me to the truck, and when we were home, he carried me upstairs to our bed.

The next day dawned slowly but brightly, and I lay in bed watching the sun rise, the dark of night fading as the sun split the sky with radiance. Wispy clouds lingered in the cool morning air just as Edward moved behind me, his arms pulling me closer. The dawn light caught the diamond on my ring finger, dazzling the bedroom with small rainbow colored lights.

As for the clouds, I watched them roll away.

* * *

_Thank you for reading. _

_A massive thank you to twilightmomoftwo, snshyne, and lambie for their amazing support. _

_And a huge thank you to you, gentle reader. _

_I have finished all of my works in progress as far as fan fiction is concerned, and I'm going to attempt to branch out with original fiction._

_The support of fandom has meant so much to me and has got me through some of the most difficult times of my life. For every review, tweet, and DM…they are more precious to me than gold. _

_Thank you. _

_You can find me on twitter scarlettpen_


End file.
